Elsewhere…

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mahmoud Salem, and I will be your “content provider” for the evening. Fair warning though: this isn’t a fun article or a list-icle, and I am not sure you will be entertained by the end of it. Ideally, I will blame it on being rusty when it comes to writing, since I haven’t been for quite a while now. Alternatively, that wouldn’t explain my disappearance from almost all social occasions or scenes, or the fact that I rarely talk to anyone anymore. For all intents and purposes, both of my physical and mental presence have been withdrawn from the equation of life all around me. That is if you can call the collective shitstorm that has recently become everyone’s reality “life”.

Strangely, it was all so predictable, wasn’t it? The destruction of all of our perfectly honed bubbles. The darkness that has become our future here. The fantaboulous combo of hopelessness and helplessness that has paralyzed almost everyone in their places. The state of hyper entropy all around us, succumbing everyone into a form of madness or another. And all you can do is watch and keep your mouth shut. Who needs your fuckin opinion now anyway? You just need to sit there and say Hi and be friendly. That’s what anyone can handle right about now.

Hi, human rights hero who is always composed and not afraid. How is that anti-depressant combo you take daily treating you?

Hallo, miserable couple unable to leave each other because everything around you is destroyed and you can’t bear to lose everything. What did you do this summer?

What’s up, entrepreneur? How is that start-up treating you? What a market, huh?

Hey, foreign journalist. You are still here? What the fuck are you still doing here? How is self-censorship these days? I know. I know.

Hey, farewell party host. Yes, you will only be gone for one year, surely. Don’t worry, You will be missed at the next farewell. We will be sure to like your pictures from elsewhere but here.

……………………..

You go to gatherings where people try to avoid talking about reality. You get invited to weddings that you know won’t last, so you don’t go. You have conversations with people whose hearts are filled with trouble, and heads are filled with dreams of elsewhere. If only someone can make this magically happen for them.

They said a storm was coming, but barricading myself in the house didn’t really protect me. There is no shelter anymore for what’s to come. Not here. Not elsewhere. We live in a new world. An era of constant instability. The age of “one day at a time”, because literally any kind of future planning is a joke at this point. The epoch of great equality: everybody is miserable. Here, in the US, in Europe, everywhere. And if your name is Mahmoud, well.. HA! Have fun. Everyone hates you. Elections are won based on who hates you the most now. Fun times, everyone.

But so, the fuck, what?

Here is something that I realized; your so called epiphany for the day: Fear gets boring. Self-loathing gets boring. And self-doubt, well, that’s the most boring of all. If you are anything like me, then you have seen enough horror, chaos and destruction to last you seven life-times, yet you weren’t scared then. Then why are you scared now? Maybe they broke you. Maybe life broke you. Maybe you always admired the courage of the band that was playing on the titanic while it sank. Maybe you are afraid of the unforeseen consequences of any new action you take that will change your so-called-life. I don’t know. I can’t tell. But let’s find out.

You know those horror movies where a non-suspecting family finds out that their new house is haunted? You know how they perplexingly continue to stay there because they put everything they own into that new house, while you continue to scream at them to get the fuck out? How whenever someone says that they have no where else to go, you scoff and wish to reach into the movie and shake them until they realize that getting out alive is all that matters? How frustrated you get as they die one by one, with the haunted house swallowing their Fear-paralyzed Asses? Well…

This house is haunted.

Save yourselves.

Not each other. Yourselves.

Stay alive.

Shake off the lie that you’ve become.

The world is only as flat as we make it to be.

Find your Elsewhere.

Quick notes on Egypt and the Yemen War..

Given their very nature and usually brutal consequences, it’s hard to find the silver-lining in any war or regional conflict. The new war in Yemen is no different: a humanitarian crisis will ensue, humans will die and be regarded as collateral damage, and there is really no real strategy or endgame that can be achieved there without a long and arduous boots-on-the-ground campaign. So, yeah, the Yemenis are going to continue being screwed by this war (which realistically didn’t start last week at all) no matter the outcome. There is no silver-lining for them. The same can’t be said regarding Egypt in my opinion. For me there are two positive developments that this war is forcing, even though I will be probably the only one seeing it this way.

1) This war ended Egypt’s continued contribution to the middle-east’s regional disintegration: There was an implicit understanding between the gulf and Egypt since june 30th; The gulf will aid Egypt economically and get it on its feet, in exchange for Egypt supporting the gulf militarily when it needs to. It’s a deal that should make sense on every level for the current government for two reasons: 1) It allows the government to delay the local implosion that the economic realities of our country predict its inevitability, and 2) It allows the military regime the chance to finance the upgrading of its weaponry and capabilities with the gulfies footing the bill with their “money like rice” budgets. The gulf has honoured its part of the deal thus far, and Egypt- with the exception of some rhetorical support here and there- really hasn’t. Why? Three main reasons:

i. The Egyptian military’s knows its place: By their very nature, the Egyptian military isn’t really comfortable with attempting to extend their forces outside of Egypt’s border. The History of the Nasser-era has shown that they suck at imperialism (all of their attempts for regional hegemony or over extending their power- Yemen, Palestine, Syria- has ended up in humiliating defeats and embarrassments), so they have grown content with controlling Egypt and only Egypt. Given Egypt’s instability, in their minds a soldier on the ground in Egypt doing nothing is better than a soldier fighting ISIS in either Iraq or Libya, even if they can afford to send him there without endangering their grip on the country. If it weren’t for that mentality, Egypt would’ve had half of its military in Libya “safe-guarding democracy” and resolving their energy crisis by getting paid in free-libyan oil.

ii. Upgrading capabilities forces the need for reforming the way the military operates: And this is a real problem. The Egyptian military boasts the fact that it’s the only real functioning institution in the Egyptian state, but knows that any real assessment will showcase that they also suffer to various degrees from the same ailments that plague the rest of egypt’s institutions: corruption, bloated-ness, inefficiency and outdated-ness. Any capabilities upgrade that isn’t merely about stockpiling new weapons in storage would require reforming the way the military operates to turn it into the modern efficient military that its allies need it to be. This means stirring a hornets nest in a very conservative institution that has always been resistant to change, and will have reverberations into the civilian actual state as well, since the military doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Despite the necessity of such reform, the military and the state are neither ready nor willing to start the process any time soon, which makes them unfit to carry on their part of the deal. This war and the subsequent conflicts will force their hand on this issue.

iii. The Egyptian regime over-estimates its intelligence: The Egyptian regime knows that Egypt is too important for the gulf to allow it to fail, and thinks it can get what it wants from the gulf without paying any real price or making the necessary sacrifices. It also uses the outdated 60’s handbook of international diplomacy- as evident by planning of the Putin visit, which they aimed to use to play off the US and failed because of reality- which is no longer the way the world operates (No one in the gulf is amused by the Putin visit or Sisi’s support of bashar). The Gulf’s response: we won’t let you fall, but we don’t need to get you up on your feet either, which is truly the message that the government received by the results of the economic conference.

All of these factors contributed to a doom scenario of regional disintegration where the local powers can’t resolve their issues to handle the region’s problem: a crisis would happen, and the gulf sans Qatar would be taking a position, and Qatar taking a second position, and Egypt taking a third position, and Morocco a fourth, and no one works together, giving international powers the pretext to step-in eventually, and weaken the regional powers’ influence. This scenario was just pre-empted by having Saudi launch this war. It was the region’s- and Egypt’s- “shit or get off the pot” moment and it empowered the gulf powers to lead the agenda openly according to their timetable. They would’ve probably much rather it was done with Egypt fronting this action, to bolster its image as the “regional leader” and continue the whole “as Egypt goes, so does the region” narrative instead of having it look like a supporting actor who wasn’t even involved in the initial strike, but they needed to act- for the lack of a better work-  in a “decisive” manner and they did. This is not to say that they launched this war to get Egypt to stop “pussy-footing”, but it doesn’t hurt matters on that front either.

2) This War has highlighted just how outdated Egypt’s intelligentsia truly is: Egypt has a seriously misinformed public thanks to its official intelligentsia, which still spouts opinion and analysis that do not reflect the times we live in or Egypt’s geopolitical reality, because they too are relics from the 60’s and refuse to acknowledge that Egypt has a really excellent relationship with Israel, needs the US on its side and being friendly to Putin will realistically get it nowhere. Their simplistic narrative of conspiracies and having a foreign policy that closely resembles the actions of a teenage girl throwing tantrums instead of playing real-politik has been decimated by the complexities of the alliance in this strike.

How can they explain to their audience that Egypt is on the same side as the US, Qatar and Turkey, after the piles of Bullshit -that in no way reflects reality- that they have been spewing for months if not decades? How will they explain that in the real world countries shape policy solely upon interests and that there is no place for acting based upon dignity and emotions in international diplomacy? That, for example, Prince Tamim of Qatar is young and will stay in power for decades, and that for the sake of the region’s interest Egypt will have to reconcile publically with him sooner or later? Or that thumping our noses in the face of the US publically is ill-advised because Egypt can not really afford to lose its “strategic ally” privileges in the condition it is in? That you can disagree vehemently and even clash on issue, but you always have to maintain the guise of international friendship and cooperation because of…let’s say it all together…YOUR INTERNATIONAL AND STRATEGIC INTERESTS? Dear reader, can you believe that this is a new concept for the Egyptian intelligentsia and that no one mentions this or advocates it in our media? And that it’s 2015?

Look, am not happy that my Country is being pressured by external forces to do things it doesn’t want to do, especially going to War; no one who loves his country wants that. However, I do want to see Egypt address its state’s need for reform, to honour its agreements and to conduct its international affairs with maturity instead of empty grand-standing, which is all happening or will happen thanks to the clusterfrak called Yemen. It might be a stretch giving the price and implications that this war will have, but that’s way it’s called a silver-lining: it’s a semi-bright spot in an otherwise pile of really dark shit. That’s all.

The EEDC and Obstructionism

EEDC_Youm7_Cairo_Egypt_Mar-2015

As the events of the Egyptian Economic Development Conference have come to a close, with over 1700 investors’ attending and $50 billion dollars of aid, investments and pledges made to Egypt, it’s time to take stock of what it all means to Egypt, both domestically and internationally. While many of you outside of Egypt might not have heard of the conference or even wonder about the significance of an economic conference to begin with, the view from inside Egypt could not be more different. For the majority of the Egyptian public, this was the most important event of 2015: It was Egypt’s coming out party; the social ball of the season, with the Egyptian government playing the role of the sole debutante.

The reception of the conference by the Egyptian public has been nothing short of positive, with the local media covering every detail and social media timelines positively buzzing with conversations on its organization, execution and the positive sentiments its attendees expressed regarding the future of the country. The amount of goodwill it generated towards the Sisi government could not be overstated, especially in contrast to the litany of news about daily bombings, austerity measures- both enacted and proposed- and horrifying deaths caused by ISIS or ISIS affiliates, the notorious Egyptian ministry of Interior, or incompetency and pure negligence. With the government hyping up the conference for the past few months as Egypt’s main chance of survival amidst a regional sea of chaos, its success in terms of drawing international figures, lack of organizational hick-ups and the absence of “security incidences” has made it nothing short of a triumph in the eyes of the Egyptian middle-class. For the first time in ages, Egypt looked- for a lack of a better word- shiny.

As far as Sisi and his government are concerned, this conference was a much-needed kiss of life. After a year filled with subsidy cuts, rising prices, embarrassing security leaks, and well-documented horrifying cases of human rights abuses both on the hands of the police and the judiciary, the government’s desperately needed an “achievement” to show the people. Sisi, on the other hand, needed to showcase that he had the international legitimacy that all of his previous predecessors’ – including Morsi and Mubarak-enjoyed. This event’s success would mark the end of Egypt’s international isolation since June 30, one that his critics attribute solely to his decision to run for office after deposing previous Islamist President Mohamed Morsi. By drawing in Western diplomats, MNC’s and heads of state, Sisi can finally silence his critics and showcase his ability to bring Egypt back into the international fold and bring in much needed foreign investments. It doesn’t matter that none of this would’ve happened if his regime wasn’t backed by Saudi Arabia and the UAE, who have certainly helped bring in the international business community; in the end, it’s Sisi who ended up getting all the credit. The Irony here is that, if you speak to the people involved in organizing the conference, it all almost fell apart thanks to Sisi’s government, specifically the Ministry of International Cooperation.

The story goes as follows: The EECD is officially the show of the Egyptian ministry of Investments, who worked closely with many in the Egyptian private sector and international consultants, to ensure that it all came out perfect, with the Emiratis footing the bill. However, in compliance to Egyptian bureaucracy, the UAE couldn’t pay them directly, so they have to send the money through the ministry of International cooperation, which is responsible for receiving all international aid and is supposed to act as a funnel for the money, and nothing more. However, anyone who works in civil society in Egypt knows that the MIC resents being simply a conduit between foreign donors and local partners, especially those who they had no influence in choosing or approving. So in order to gain influence, the Ministry of International cooperation end up doing the one thing they are not supposed to do: they obstruct.

The MIC either outright refuses to release the money, or delays it as much as humanely possible. Why? Some claim that they do so to earn as many interest points as they can on the money going through their bank-accounts, but the reality is that they do this because it gives them leverage and importance, a role if you will. This is their M.O. with all the local NGO’s for the past decade, and they didn’t change it when it came to the EECD’s money. They delayed the payment of the international organizers to the point that they- much to the chagrin of the UAE who had sent the money long ago- threatened to pull the plug on the conference mere weeks of its launch if they don’t get paid. It was then and only then that the MIC finally released the money, preventing the EEDC from becoming an international fiasco and ruining the hard work of everybody involved. To be fair though, the MIC isn’t the only government institution that used obstructionism as method for leverage and power when it came to this conference; the entire Egyptian state – with the exception of the ministry of investment- did in fact.

Foreign Investors have two main problems when it comes to investing in Egypt, and both were not addressed in the new Investment law: 1) The State’s land zoning and allocation: knowing which land in Egypt is allocated to which government body to facilitate the process of buying it, and 2) Being able to get their money or profits out when they chose to. The first problem exists because it would require the military to clearly state which land belongs to them and to allocate the rest to the different ministries and municipalities, which means that the military would have to publically state which land belongs to them, and to give up land under their control, neither of which they want to do. This leaves any potential investor without the proper information necessary to 1) plan his/her investment, whether it was industrial, real estate, touristic, agricultural, mining, i.e. any investment that requires land purchase, and 2) know which governmental body to go to in order to purchase that land they wish to acquire. This naturally limits potential foreign investors from investing in Egypt, which limits the FDI dollars sorely needed in the country to solve problem #2, being able to transfer foreign currency out. Both problems would be resolved if the military cooperated and the state created a clear land allocation map for Egypt, but the military obstructed for the aforementioned reasons, and the country ends up with only a fraction of the investments it sorely needs to jumpstart the economy.

The good news is, much like the MIC and the conference money, the military will eventually be forced to stop its obstructionism and work with the rest of the state to create that map, which would not only benefit foreign investors, but local ones as well. They will do so because they have no choice, and because goodwill and PR can only take you so far before economic realities slap you in the face, and they will sooner than later. The old state needs to learn that having their cake and eating it too will not work for long in a country this hungry, and that instead of using obstructionism to gain influence or retain interests, they might have to also work and compromise in order to get Egypt back on its feet. Egyptians have patiently accommodated painful austerity measures and higher taxes as part of the price to pay to get the country moving; its high-time for the government to do the same.

ثورة دينية و كده

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ناس كتيرة “علمانية” جابتهم علي التايملاين لما السيسي إدي خطاب أن الأزهر محتاج “ثورة دينية”، عشان كل واحد فسرها بطريقته.  بس هم كلهم فهموها غلط الصراحة. عاوزين تعرفوا يعني إيه نعمل ثورة دينية بالنسبة للسيسى؟ يبقي أسألو نفسكم با لنسبة للسيسى يعني إيه تعمل ثورة.

عشان تبقي عملت ثورة، يبقي لازم تقبض علي أعداء الثورة، عشان أي ثورة لازم يبقي ليها أعداء، و القبض عليهم ده أثبات و أنجاز في نفس الوقت. زي القبض علي مبارك كده كان أثبات و أنجاز ثورة يناير كده. و القبض علي الأخوان أثبات و أنجاز تلاتين يونيو.

طب مين أعداء الثورة الدينية اللي حيتقبض عليهم؟ يووه..كتير. أي حد مش عاجبهم كلامه و حركاته أو يتعارض مع ثورة الاسلام الوسطي الجميل. يعني ناس في الأزهر مش تبعهم أو ميالين للأخوان ماشي، سلفيين ماشي، شباب في جامعة الأزهر ماشي. تمام كده معاك أخي العلماني؟ طب بس ماتنساش أنها ثورة دينية بتدافع عن نفسها ضد كل أعداء الاسلام الوسطي الجميل، يعني برضه نقبض علي بهائيين ماشي، شيعة ماشي، ملحدين ماشي و علمانين ماشي. إيوا طبعا. أحنا حنهرج؟ أمال حنسيبهم كده كأن ثورة لم تقم؟ أحنا بندافع عن الاسلام الوسطي الجميل ضد كل أعدائه من المتطرفين، و دول طبعا طالما مش بيتبعوه يبقوا أساسي من أعدائه و لازم يتقبض عليهم فورا. أمال يعني أحنا عملنا ثورة ليه؟

Cheating Reality

When people ask me why i’ve stopped writing regularly, my response is usually “what is there to write about?”. Their universal response is usually giving me this sympathetic smile and say something akin to “I can’t blame you. It’s becoming too dangerous”, and then they change the subject as if attempting to evade a topic of embarrassment to me. I allow them to do this, to have them assume that my silence is out of cowardice, because it’s the easiest and fastest way to end the conversation. The truth is I wish I had the wisdom to not write due to self-preservation, but this is not the case. I’ve stopped writing simply because writing about Egypt these days is like writing another round-up of this week’s most unfortunate events: It’s boring. It’s like tweeting from the Titanic. How many times can you possibly say “we are sinking. This is not going well. #saveus #thebandiskillingitthough” before it just becomes spam? Somehow talking that you are still alive but not in optimal condition when so many around you are dying just seems like bad form. Whining is so 2013 anyway..

Many have taken not keeping up with the news as their defence mechanism against depression, but I am the total opposite. Our insane news keeps me sane and happy due to my love of everything absurd. Reading Egyptian news is like watching an entire channel of the “Daily show with John stewart” that just writes itself. Discussing the news with others becomes a sociological study about mass denial, no matter what their ideological inclinations may be. Between Revolutionaries who see the end of Sisi looming on the horizon and Egypt turning into Syria any minute now, and Sisi supporters who see nothing but a road to prosperity and stability for years to come, I find myself contemplating the scope of generational cousin-fucking their families must’ve engaged in to produce a population that is so mentally…ehh..limited. We are after all the people who build on farmland and then complain that we don’t have enough water to farm in the desert, so someone has definitely pissed in our gene pool.

Given that its been almost 2 weeks on this blog’s 10th year anniversary, I find myself uncharacteristically laconic. So allow me to give you some short-takes of what’s to come, because who needs another long rant anyway?

1) Stop whining about our judiciary: No one in Egypt actually wants rule of law. We are the land of do-as-you-please because everything is negotiable and based on sentiment. That’s all.

2) It’s been said that the only way for Morsy to leave power is through spilling blood. Ironically, that’s the only way Sisi will be able to keep his. Jails and cemeteries are about to become growth industries around here. Invest in that.

3) Our next parliamentary elections will have political factions competing on who supports our President more, so you can imagine how high the stakes are this time around.

4) Egyptians are far too lazy a population to engage in a civil war, so don’t worry too much about our stability. Chaos is kind of our thing, anyway.

5) The entire country doesn’t suffer from PTSD as one recent article has suggested, because that would mean we are in the post-trauma phase. We suffer from CTSD: Continuous Traumatic Stress Disorder. We long for PTSD. Would be nice.

6) The region is in a state of war, and Egypt is an integral part of this war, and the world wants Egypt in this war, so its government has a global get-out-of-jail card regarding anything it wants to do internally. Too bad Egypt won’t fight this war. :)

7) The only way for this economy to pick up is if we, as a nation, managed to cheat reality, and we seem to be- for some strange reason- very confident in our ability to do so. I guess Oscar Wilde wasn’t wrong when he said that the basis of optimism is sheer terror.

That is all. Have a belated happy new year! 😀

4 common Misconceptions Egyptians have

It’s the golden age of rumors and misconceptions in Egypt these days, especially with the lack of credible “unbiased” news channels or sources for information. Add that to the nationalistic wave in the country, misconceptions do not only get viewed as fact, it actually leads to bad planning, policy and actions. Very few people will attempt to clear those misconceptions now without risking to antagonizing others, but it is a risk I am willing to take, because I cannot take having the same discussions over and over. Let’s go:

 

  1. The US is not against June 30

There is a strong held belief in Egypt that the US is against the June 30th alliance and government, and is waging war against it for the sake of MB. Egyptians perceive US discussion about cutting military aid as an aggressive gesture and are meeting it with extreme hostility usually reserved to slave owners by their freed slaves (It’s that level of intensity). They are complaining daily that the US is against them and supports the terrorism of the MB, and Egyptian social media has made mocking & insulting President Obama a national past time. Despite me being for any mockery of Obama, the reality is that the US is not against June 30th at all.

Here is what the US cares about: for Egypt to be run by a ruler that can stabilize it, and will form a government that makes their relationship look good. The very contradictory reactions the US regarding Egypt comes from two reasons 1.) The lack of any real foreign policy regarding Egypt and the Arab spring for that matter, and 2.) The legal conundrum they are facing now because of us. US law dictates when a military removes a democratically elected leader that is considered a coup, and any aid going its way must be stopped. In reflection of the facts, yes, the military did technically remove Morsi and is now holding him in a location even we, the people who revolted against him, do not know (you do not have him held captive in your basement, do you?), so the situation is meeting the legal definition.

The US administration, which is required to uphold its laws, has no actual choice but to cut the aid, and in order to avoid doing so, it has done impressive political gymnastics in order not to call it that. Watching the new and impressive ways they use to avoid using the “C” word in its statements and press conferences has become my latest guilty pleasure. My favorite moment was when in a recent press conference, a State department spokesperson’s reply to the question if the US has determined whether or not what happened in Egypt is a coup was, “we have determined we don’t need to make a determination.” Read that sentence again. Admire its beauty. It’s glorious.

Even after the violent disbursement of Rabaa and the clashes that day with Morsi/MB supporters and its death toll, which surpasses the daily death toll in a country like Syria at its worse day, the US still refuses to use the C word or cut the aid. The only thing they have been doing is push for a political solution to the problem, which would have to involve a reconciliation or truce deal with the MB, because it doesn’t want instability and would like us to help make the U.S. relationship with our country continue to make them look good or not embarrass them, which a)we are not doing at all and b) doesn’t seem to be one of our priorities, and the worst thing they came up with as a response was to cancel a joint military exercise. What’s worse is that they are bending over backwards for Egypt, despite facing media and political scrutiny for it, and they are not getting any leverage or credit for it. The friction we are seeing are simply the byproduct of a renegotiation of the terms of the special relationship Egypt has with the US, and the Egyptian government is initiating it. It’s that simple.

 

  1. There is no Giant global conspiracy against us

There really isn’t a global conspiracy against us; Europe is concerned because of the death and the overthrow and jailing of a “democratically elected” President, but they will not move beyond being concerned. Even in the UN Security Council’s special session on Egypt, the statement admitted that both sides of the conflict (i.e. government and MB) are using violence and called for mutual de-escalation. This means the UN is not buying the “peaceful warriors for democracy” narrative that the MB is producing, but also cannot condone the almost 700 dead in one day of conflict either, because it is a horrifying and indefensible number, so they went the route of balance. They are not happy with the high death toll and they will not condone it forever, which is important if you would like their tourists back, and you should: your economy needs it.

That being said, Turkey and Qatar are truly against us, so is any and every branch of the MB the world over, so you are not being completely paranoid here. I also hear that Iran and the Taliban are not pleased with us either. It is ok though, I think we can afford that.

 

  1. The International media isn’t in the MB’s pockets

Egyptian social media is filled with posts, pictures and videos that either a) hate the biased international coverage, or b) is comprised of videos or images with a message that we share this in order to “show the international media” the truth. The reason? The perception that international opinion provides excessive support for the MB, which develops at times to the belief that the international media is in the MB’s pockets. Their proof? The lack of coverage of the MB’s violent acts and that they are portrayed as peaceful protesters getting killed by the state. “Why is no one supporting us?” They protest, in complete denial that this is primarily their own fault. Oh yes. It’s true.

You see, in order for the international media to showcase your side of the story, you actually have to have a side of the story. Your new state needs to have a solid case why it overthrew the old one, which , fyi, is not being made in anywhere. For example local media, instead of doing pieces that document and explain why the population revolted against Morsi and his rule, is instead going with a simplistic narrative of nationalism vs. terrorism, and doing a remarkable job sensationalizing it. If they have zero intentions of being unbiased, which seems to be the case, they should try to explain and set in stone why the MB rule was undemocratic and criminal. It is not hard: An investigative piece on all the people arrested/killed/maimed by the police or MB during the Morsi reign, a 5 minutes video showcasing the attacks on Christians or the disdain for religion cases, a report on every single journalist or media personality that got persecuted by the Morsi presidency or their supporters, a short documentary stating all of the violations and crimes that the Morsi regimes committed, or maybe explaining the perils of theocracy and why we should never ever toy with its idea again. Hell, a simple you tube video explaining how we got here and what are the lessons learned will do at this point, and no one is doing it locally. Imagine what effects it could have on the international level.

To make matters worse, we are naturally engaging in our favorite national pastime of xenophobia, and are therefore becoming increasingly hostile to foreign journalists, who by the way are getting harassed, beaten and killed while doing their job. And naturally they find that the safest place for them to operate is within the marches of the pro Morsi protesters, because they actually want them to tell their side of the story, and are not projecting their own feelings of disappointment or anger towards them, like the June 30 crowd does. Also, foreign media journalists are more likely to cover protests in Cairo than cover what’s going on in the governorates, where Morsi supporters crimes are apparent, so all they see is clashes with protesters, from the side of the MB, and this is what they report.

Here is how you can remedy this: 1) Make your case clear, and it cannot simply be the MB are terrorists or criminals- detailed concise arguments would be nice, 2) Utilize every chance you get to make the case, and don’t waste an opportunity to do so. The Mostafa Hegazy presser today was a perfect example of a wasted opportunity, where he had all the media’s attention, and instead of making the case against the MB using videos, images, details, names and facts, he opted for generalized narrative. The man is an excellent speaker and handedly survived a very hostile press conference, but he should ‘have made the case and provided proof. Someone has to.

Finally, 3) BE NICE TO FOREIGN JOURNALISTS. If you keep attacking or insulting them, they have every incentive to not listen to you. Stop your xenophobia and embrace them as people who are simply trying to do their job in a very dangerous situation, instead of being part of the danger against them. If the people won’t do it, then the state should. Why aren’t foreign journalists being embedded with security forces during dangerous situation? This way they can finally tell if a) the police started the attack or the Morsi supporters and b) if the other side is armed, because it will be shooting in their direction. Simple things, really, but they will make a difference. It ‘is a war of narrative, and the MB are helping the narrative writers in every way they can, and you are either insulting them, demonizing them or attacking them. Not very smart, no?

 

  1. The War on Terror will not end this way

There is a reason why everyone is wary of the “war on terror” narrative, for a very simple reason: Wars on concepts cannot be called wars, because wars end and wars on terror don’t. You see, wars on concepts or ideas definitely do not end with bullets, they end with a counter idea that exposes or defeats the idea. What is your counter idea to Islamism/MB ideology? Whoever does not agree with you is a traitor and should be killed? Yeah, not a very good one, especially against Islamists, who are generally ok with dying for their beliefs.

So you can go ahead and think you can kill your way out of this conflict, and you may succeed to end all major confrontations with a high body count within the month (and become known as butchers for it).However, sooner rather than later you will start facing incidents that pop up everywhere, with a few dying here in an explosion, and a few dying there in a drive-by shooting, and it will not stop and you will never be safe. It will not always be the MB behind the killings, but rather the family members/friends of the non-MB Morsi supporter who got killed in one of the clashes / jailed for wanting to defend his vote and sees you stealing it and persecuting him for it.

The danger of what ‘is happening is not the MB going underground and starting a terror campaign, but that those supporters or their family members get radicalized to such a degree that he/she will resort to random violence. And in case you haven’t noticed, the MOI , besides being indefensibly ruthless in their actions, it ‘is also not in the best to fight this or provide the minimum semblance of security. Exhibit A) the burnt churches. Exhibit B) the burnt museums. Exhibit C) Their own police stations that they can’t defend and Exhibit D) your neighborhood where you no longer feel secure.

So please, start demanding a clear strategy to manage this conflict and the security situation, and don’t feel ashamed to do so, since this is your life and future we are talking about. Also, if people tell you the strategy is to eradicate them, please remind them that if the MB are only 80,000 people., Not only will it take a genocide to kill them all, you will also have to kill their friends and relatives, which is a whole lot of killing, and that is if we discount that there is the internet, where ideas can live forever. So, while its prudent to face those who use violence against you with violence, it is imperative not to help them recruit or win supporters. While many of the police are engaging in life or death battles and heroics to protect you, many of them act in a criminal manner and we should be able to hold them to account. Your best weapon against the MB is to create the state that they could not create, one of diversity, accountability, human rights, civilian rule and against corruption and nepotism. Only such an idea can one day end this war.

عن البلاغ المقدم ضد محمد مرسي بتهمة اهانة رئيس الجمهورية

توجهت اليوم على غير العادة إلى مكتب النائب لعام لتقديم بلاغ ضد الرئيس محمد مرسي لارتكابه الفعل الفاضح العلني وإهانة رئيس الجمهورية، وقد طالبت في هذا البلاغ بفتح التحقيق مع السيد محمد مرسي لارتكابه هذه الجرائم، وضم البلاغات المقدمة من رئاسة الجمهورية ضد أفراد بعينهم بتهمة إهانة الرئيس لهذا البلاغ. وأعلم جيداً أن البعض قد يسخر من هذا البلاغ، والبعض الآخر قد يرى أن هذا البلاغ أتفه من آن يتم التعامل معه بالجدية الكافية نظراً لوجود مخالفات اكثر جسامة من المفترض أن يتم التحقيق مع رئيس الجمهورية بشأنها مثل التعذيب أمام قصر الاتحادية وانتهاك القضاء. ولكنني أتفهم بالرغم من كل شيء هذه الرؤية، ولهذا قررت كتابة هذا المقال لشرح أسباب تقديم البلاغ والتأكيد على أن طلب التحقيق مع محمد مرسي فيما ارتكبه من مخالفات لا يستدعي السخرية ولا يجب النظر إليه كأمر تافه وغير مهم، الحقيقة ان هذا البلاغ هو رد رمزي للمشكلة الاكبر التي سوف نتطرق لها و التي بسببها تقدمنا بهذا البلاغ ( اهانة مرسي للرئيس مرسي) و الذي يعتبر رمز لشعب مصر و بالتالي اهانة الشعب المصري.

ولكن تفهم أسباب البلاغ تحتاج أولاً لتفهم السياق السياسي الحالي وتوقيت تقديم البلاغ. في الفترة الأخيرة قدمت عدة بلاغات ضد مواطنين من إعلاميين، وصحفيين، وكتاب بتهمة اهانة الرئيس من خلال عرض تصريحاته، وانتقاد لغة خطابه، والتعليق على أداؤه الحركي. ونتيجة لانقضاض رئيس الجمهورية على السلطة القضائية، وقيامه بتعيين نائب عام بطريقة تخالف القوانين والأعراف وتهدر من هيبة القضاء، قام النائب العام المعين بموجب إعلان دستوري يفتقد للشرعية بتشكيل نيابة جديدة تسمى نيابة حماية الثورة، ويكون من اختصاصاتها التحقيق في تهم إهانة رئيس الجمهورية. ومن المنتظر أن تبدأ اليوم محاكمة صحفيو اليوم السابع بتهم إهانة رئيس الجمهورية بعد ثورة قامت من أجل وقف مثل هذه المحاكمات. ومن ثم، فمن يرى أن هذا البلاغ هو نوعاً من العبث، فهو بالضرورة لا يقدر حجم العبث الذي تتعامل به سلطات الدولة الثلاث (تنفيذية، وتشريعية، وقضائية) مع الشعب.

شئنا أم أبينا، محمد مرسي هو الرئيس المنتخب لمصر، وهو يمثل الشعب والثورة والدوله بعد تقلده أرفع المناصب بها. وبالتالي فالرئيس محمد مرسي ملزم بما يحتم عليه منصبه من واجبات. وبما أن رئيس الجمهورية منصب عام يمثل ملايين من شعب مصر، فمحمد مرسي مسئولاً على الحفاظ على هيبة هذا الشعب وهيبة المنصب الذي يمثله. فمن المتعارف عليه سياسياً أن الشخصية العامة تكون هناك قيود على تصرفاتها وتصريحاتها، فما يسمح به للشعوب لا يسمح به بالضرورة للرؤساء. ولكن ما فعله محمد مرسي أمام رئيسة وزراء أستراليا لم يراعي فيه الحفاظ على هيبة هذا الشعب وعلى الآداب العامة التي اتفق هذا الشعب على احترامها. وبالرغم من أن ما فعله محمد مرسي من ملامسة لأجزاء حساسة في جسده علناً هو فعل يقوم به البعض في مصر، إلا أن هذا لا يجعله فعلاً مقبولاً من رئيس جمهورية، كما أن استخدام محمد مرسي لمصطلحات قد تحمل إيحاءات جنسية مثل “يعملوا حاجة غلط في حارة مزنوقة” لا يليق بخطاب وهيبة رئيس جمهورية. فكيف يمكن أن تعلم ابنك أن لمس هذه المناطق من جسده علناً مرفوض إذا كان رئيس الجمهورية يفعل ذلك على الهواء بكل أريحية؟ وكيف يمكن لأسرة مصرية عادية تحرص على الآداب العامة أن تشاهد خطاباً لرئيس مصر دون أن تصدم من استخدام الرئيس عبارات خادشة للحياء، اترضاه لأسرتك؟

ويستوقفنا في تهم إهانة الرئيس الموجهة من الرئاسة ضد أشخاص بعينهم، أن هؤلاء الأشخاص لم يقوموا بفعل ما هو أكثر من عرض تصريحات وتسجيلات للرئيس دون المساس بمحتواها. فمن قامت الرئاسة بتقديم بلاغات ضدهم لم يرتكبوا أكثر من عرض ما يفعله مرسي بكامل إرادته، وهو ما يعني أن من يقوم بإهانة محمد مرسي وينال من هيبة رئيس الدولة هو محمد مرسي نفسه. والجدير بالذكر أن ما كان يصدر من الرئيس المخلوع من سقطات إعلامية كان يحدث في لقاءات ودية، وليس في زيارات دولية وخطب رسمية مثلما فعل مرسي ولم يعتذر عنه.

والأخطر من ذلك أن ما يرتكبه مرسي من أخطاء لا يؤثر فقط على هيبة رئيس الجمهورية، بل هو ينال أيضاً من سمعة مصر على المستوى الدولي. ولعل ما ارتكبه مرسي من أفعال كملامسة جسده والتي أدت لموجة من السخرية من رئيس مصر على التليفزيون الأسترالي، أو ما صدر عنه من تصريحات كتشبيه السياسة الدولية بالمكرونة الاسباجتي، أو قوله أن فيلم كوكب القرود من أكثر الأفلام المؤثرة التي شاهدها، ولكن محمد مرسي ذكر مشهداً لم يكن موجوداً بالفيلم في الأساس. وقد ساهمت مثل هذه الأفعال والتصريحات في حصول محمد مرسي على أعلى نسبة رفض في استطلاع مجلة تايم، فقد صوت ٢ مليون شخص ضد اختيار مرسي كشخصية العام، وهي أعلى نسبة رفض في تاريخ هذا الاستفتاء وضعف النسبة التي حصل عليها بشار الأسد الذي يقوم بقتل شعبه يومياً منذ ما يقرب من عامين، أو وجوده ضمن قائمة أسوأ خمس رؤساء في استفتاء مجلة فورين بوليسي. فما ذنب المواطن المصري الذي شعر بالفخر بعد الثورة ورفع رأسه عالياً بين دول العالم لكي يدفع ثمن ما يرتكبه مرسي من اهانات في حقه؟ ما ذنب الثورة؟

وإذا ما نظرنا لكل ما تم ذكره على سبيل المثال وليس الحصر، نستطيع أن نرى المشكلة الحقيقة والتي كانت السبب الرئيسي وراء تقديم هذا البلاغ، وهي ببساطة سوء الأداء. وسوء الأداء هذا لا يقتصر على أداء محمد مرسي كرئيس للجمهورية، ولكنه يمتد لأداء حكومة محمد مرسي، ومستشارين محمد مرسي، والنائب العام الذي جاء به محمد مرسي. فهناك سوء أداء في قرارات محمد مرسي، وبسبب سوء الأداء يقوم القضاء بإلغاء هذه القرارات لعدم قانونيتها، واستكمالاً لسوء الأداء قام مرسي بمحاولة للالتفاف على الضعف القانوني في قراراته من خلال تحصينها بدلاً من تحسينها، ثم يستمر مرسي في الأداء السيئ من خلال تبرير تحصين قراراته لمواجهة مؤامرة يقوم بتدبيرها أربع أشخاص غير معروفين ، فمرسي قرر اللجوء لإعلان دستوري قمعي أدى لانقسام الشعب لمواجهة هذه المؤامرة المزعومة، وكأن مصر قد خلت فجأة من كل الأجهزة الأمنية المناط بها مواجهة هذا النوع من المؤامرات. وهذا السوء في الأداء بدأ الشعب المصري أن يستشعره في إدارة الشئون السياسية والاقتصادية للدولة، ولكن الشعب المصري يواجه الآن حقيقة عدم امكانية الاعتراض أو الاحتجاج أو التظاهر ضد سوء الإدارة دون التعرض لخطر الحبس بموجب قانون حماية الثورة، وبعد كل ذلك يحدثوننا عن هيبة الرئيس!

فالهيبة مثلها مثل الاحترام، تكتسب ولا تعطى أو تؤخذ أو تنتزع بأحكام قضائية أو إعلانات دستورية. نحن أمام رئيس أصر على تمرير دستور يقر دوراً للدولة في الحفاظ على الآداب العامة ثم يقوم بارتكاب أفعال وأقوال تنال من هذه الآداب. نحن أمام رئيس أقسم على احترام القانون ثم ضرب بهذا القانون عرض الحائط. نحن أمام رئيس ندرك جميعاً سوء إدارته للبلاد ولكنه يطالبنا بالرغم من ذلك بعدم الاعتراض حفاظاً على هيبته، فعن أي هيبة تتحدثون؟

من أجل هذه الأسباب قمت بتقديم البلاغ الذي أعلم جيداً أن النائب العام لن يقوم بالتحقيق فيه لأنه لا يحقق في البلاغات المقدمة ضد الرئيس أو أهله وعشيرته، ولكن لكي يكون هناك معنى بناء لما فعلته، سوف اقوم بتقديم بعض النصائح للرئيس محمد مرسي لعله يستمع.

  • –          المجهود المبذول لإفزاع الناس و إقناعهم بعدم إهانة الرئيس بتشكيل نيابة  حماية  الثورة ومحاكمتها للمتظاهرين والمعارضين يُعد إهداراً للمال العام ولن يؤدي إلى استقرار الأوضاع، حيث أن منع أي أو كل وسائل  التعبير عن الرأي في ظل سوء الأداء الحكومي مستحيل عملياً، وسوف يؤدي إلى تطرف وعنف الدولة والشعب في غنى عنهم. الاسهل والأوقع هو تنفيذ الرئيس لواجباته بالشكل الجيد الذي  يحفظ هيبة الرئيس و الرئاسة لأن الاحترام والهيبة تكتسب بالأداء وليس بالبلطجة . من الاخر يعني, امشي عدل يحتار عدوك فيك.
  • اقترح على الرئيس جديا  الالتزام بشهر من التدريب على  الخطابة والبروتوكولات الدبلوماسية وكيفية التعامل مع الإعلام على أيدي ذوي الخبرة في هذا الشأن، ولو لزم الأمر الاستعانة بخبراء ممن ينتمون للنظام البائد فلن تكون هذه مشكلة، فنحن نعرف من تعيينات محمد مرسي أنه لا يمانع أن يعمل معهم.
  • اقترح على الرئيس تغيير طاقم المستشارين القانونيين الذين يعملون معه ويورطونه بسوء أداءهم، واستبدالهم بأهل الخبرة وليس أهل الثقة، فطاقم المستشارين الحالي فشل حتى في إصدار قانون ديكتاتوري (قانون حماية الثورة) يكون خالي من العوار، فارتكبوا أخطاء في الصياغة حين قاموا بذكر أبواب من قانون الإجراءات الجنائية غير موجودة من الأصل في القانون، بل هي منصوص عليها في قانون العقوبات الجنائية غير المذكور في قانون حماية الثورة، ومن لا يعرف الفارق بين قانون الإجراءات الجنائية وقانون العقوبات الجنائية من غير الممكن أن يكون خبيراً قانونياً في المقام الأول.
  • وأخيراً، أطالب الرئيس بالحد من تحدث كل من خيرت الشاطر ومحمد بديع في شئون الدولة، حيث أن ظهورهم المتكرر يؤكد الفكرة المنتشرة أن السيد رئيس جمهورية مصر العربية هو في الحقيقة الرجل الثالث في تنظيم دولي، ويرأسه على الأقل الشخصان المذكوران. فإذا استمر الوضع في المنطقة مضطرباً سياسياً، قد يجد أعضاء القوات المسلحة أنفسهم في حالة حرب تحت قيادة قائد أعلى لا يعرفون إذا كانت قراراته نابعة من المصلحة الوطنية أو من الالتزامات الدولية لجماعة الاخوان المسلمون.

سيادة الرئيس محمد مرسي، أنت رئيس مصر. عليك أن تتفهم معنى ذلك جيداً وتكف عن إهانتنا.

صيغة البلاغ

السيد المستشار / النائب العام

تحية طيبة و بعد,

مقدمه لسيادتكم /

ضد السيد /محمد مرسي و الذي يشغل منصب رئيس الجمهورية
حيث انه فى ظل دستور يعد من مكتسبات الثورة ايدته الاغلبية الجامحة من جموع الشعب المصرى فاصبح وثيقة ثورة الخامس و العشرين من يناير التى وقفت ورائها القوات المسلحة الى أن أنجبت أول رئيس مدنى منتخب و الذى أصدر قانون حماية الثورة ممن يحاول العبث بتلك المكتسبات و الرموز.

نلتمس من سيادتكم
إجراء التحقيق الجنائي في الاتى‏:

اولا: الفعل الفاضح العلنى:‏

انه فى يوم الخميس الموافق 27 سبتمبر 2012 عرض مقطع فيديو –مرفق بالبلاغ- للرئيس محمد مرسي يلمس أجزاء حساسة من جسده خلال لقائه برئيسة الوزراء الاسترالية جوليا جيلارد.

‏ و قد نصت المادة 278 من قانون العقوبات‏ على أنه “كل من فعل علانية فعلا فاضحا مخلا بالحياء يعاقب بالحبس مدة لا تزيد على سنة او بغرامة لا تتجاوز ثلاثمائة جنيه”.

و حيث أنه بقيام السيد الرئيس بذلك السلوك المتضمن عمل مادى أو حركة أو اشارة من شأنها خدش حياء الغير يكون قد توافر الركن المادى للجريمة .

كما ان الفعل الفاضح العلني يتطلب بالإضافة إلى توافر الفعل الفاضح المخل بالحياء توافر عنصرى العلانية والقصد الجنائى, يكفى قانونا لتوافر القصد الجنائى فى جريمة الفعل الفاضح المخل بالحياء أن يكون المتهم عالما بأن فعلته من شأنها أن تخدش الحياء أما عن شرط العلانية فقد أوتي بالفعل اثناء لقاء رسمى تناقلته وكالات الأنباء المحلية و العالمية وصفحات التواصل الاجتماعى.

و حيث أنه لا عبرة بالباعث على الجريمة و أن ما تم عرضه فى ذلك المقطع يتنافى مع ما للمجتمع المصرى من عادات و تقاليد لذلك نلتمس من سيادتكم سرعة اتخاذ اللازم قانونا.

ثانيا اهانة رئيس الجمهورية:

و ذلك من خلال بعض الأفعال و الأقوال و التى من شأنها الإخلال من شأن رئيس الدولة:

حيث صدر عن السيد الرئيس الفعل السابق ذكره و الذى علق عليه مذيع القناة الاسترالية العاشرة

قائلاً: “إنه يبدو وكأنه يحاول أن يثبت نفسه في اللقاء”، على حد قول المذيع.

و حيث استخدم السيد الرئيس عبارات فى خطابات رئاسية تحمل دلالات جنسية مثل قوله: “يروحوا فى حارة مزنوقة علشان يعملوا حاجة غلط” مما يتنافى مع تعاليم ديننا الحنيف و يؤثر سلبا على احترام رئيس الجمهورية.

و حيث انه أدلى لصحف عالمية وللتلفزيون المصرى بتصريحات تمس الرئيس نفسه, تجلى ذلك فيما اعقبها من تعليقات ساخرة بعضها مسىء على صفحات التواصل الاجتماعى و في مقالات و رسوم كاريكاتير مرفق بعضها بالبلاغ .

ذلك و قد اصبحت تصرفات رئيس الجمهورية مثار سخرية الرأى العام و هو ما أقرته ضمنيا مؤسسة الرئاسة فى بلاغاتها المقدمة ضد اشخاص تتهمهم بالمساس برئيس الجمهورية لقيامهم بعرض مقاطع فيديو من خطابات الرئيس نفسه أو استعراض تصريحاته.

 و حيث ان إهانة الرئيس كما عرفها الفقه القانونى هى: كل فعل أو لفظ أو معنى يتضمن المساس بالكرامة أو الشعور أو الإخلال من شأن رئيس الدولة.

‏ و قد نصت المادة 179 من قانون العقوبات‏,‏ علي أنه‏:-

يعاقب بالحبس كل من اهان رئيس الجمهورية بواسطة احدى الطرق المتقدم ذكرها.

لذلك، حيث أن الأفعال السابق ذكرها يعاقب عليها قانون العقوبات وتخالف نص الدستور حيث نصت المادة 11 من الدستور على:-

“ترعى الدولة الأخلاق والاداب والنظام العام والمستوى الرفيع للتربية والقيم الدينية والوطنية والحقائق العلمية والثقافة العربية والتراث التاريخي والحضاري للشعب وذلك وفقا لما يحدده القانون.”

حيث تعد اهانة رئيس الجمهورية من الجرائم التى تختص بها نيابة حماية الثورة حيث تقع ضمن الجرائم المنصوص عليها بالباب الرابع عشر من الكتاب الثاني من قانون العقوبات و قد نصت المادة الرابعة للقانون رقم 96 /2012 أنه “تختص نيابة حماية الثورة أو من يندبه النائب العام أو أعضاء النيابة العامة بالتحقيقات في الجرائم المنصوص عليها في المادة الأولى من القانون وكذلك الجرائم التالية: الباب السابع والثاني عشر والثالث عشر والرابع عشر من الكتاب الثاني…

لذلك نتقدم لسيادتكم بهذا البلاغ ، لطلب:

1- ضم البلاغات المقدمة من مؤسسة الرئاسة ليتم نظرها كوحدة واحدة مع هذا البلاغ.

2- فتح تحقيق عاجل مع السيد: محمد مرسي ، والذي يشغل منصب رئيس الجمهورية لارتكابه الفعل الفاضح العلنى و اهانة رئيس الجمهورية ، لعقابه طبقا للمواد المذكورة ، مع رجاء إفادتنا بما تم في هذا >البلاغ ، باعتبار مقدمى البلاغ أصحاب صفة ومصلحة كمواطنين مصريين يبغون حماية الثورة و يخشون أن تهان رموز الوطن.

وتفضلوا بقبول وافر التقدير و الاحترام.

Happy New Year, Infidels!

“Those who speak of Bankruptcy are the Bankrupt ones”

So Said Morsy to thundering applause in his speech to the newly-appointed-already-Illegal Shura Council, as he laid out his vision on the state of Egyptian economy. I couldn’t suppress my laughter as I watched him say this from a café in Heliopolis, nor could I suppress my falling on the floor holding my belly from laughter as I heard him talk about how great Tourism is doing, and how, for the first time, our debt is only 87% of our GDP. Only.

Morsy is hilarious. It’s an undeniable fact. He is even more hilarious when he gets exposed.

That same day, as if on cue, the Central Bank of Egypt issued a statement stating that the financial situation is, to put it mildly, catastrophic. The Tourism Board heads and Hotel Owners flooded the TV Channels, talking about how low the reservations are, and how they are not expecting any new tourists for another quarter. Highly anticipated news reports of untapped wells filled with Tourists in Sharm ElSheikh, Hurghada, and Luxor did not materialize, unfortunately. Wherever those tourists are, they sure are hiding those sneaky bastards, with the help of the lying god-less media, of course.

Two days prior, the Central Bank of Egypt issued a Bond Sale that got cancelled because no one bought anything, thanks to the new credit rating for the country that has put it in the same economic league as Greece. That same day, Pakistani President Ali Asif announced that his Party will not allow the implementation of the “Egyptian model” in Pakistan. And yesterday, the Egyptian pound plummeted against the dollar, reaching its lowest official level in Egyptian history, with people not being able to find dollars in exchange offices to replace soon to be worthless Egyptian pounds.

But we are the bankrupt ones.

Egypt is about to face an economic nuclear winter, a crisis the levels of which are unprecedented and for which the current government is completely and totally unprepared for. Interestingly enough, this is happening just as the Sharia Constitution has gloriously passed, and Islam has finally strengthened its foothold in the land of the Pharaoh –worshipping infidels. God will surely send manna from heaven at any minute now, given that this depraved atheist country has finally seen the light and the way. After all, our President is a praying President, and one day this country will see the glorious economic stability and advancement of similar non-oil-wealthy Islamic states like Afghanistan, Somalia and Sudan. Praise Allah and hide your dollars.

In other news, in a much ignored segment in Khairat AlShater’s press conference during the constitutional referendum “Fitna”, the country’s real President said and I quote “Production needs to be resumed, investments revived, and those businessmen who have escaped abroad must reconcile with the government and come back. But how can I do that without legislation? This is why we need the constitutions to be passed, so we can elect a parliament and issue that legislation and start working.” In another interview, a government official stated that they are about to start the “final 5 year development plan” that Mubarak’s regime put in place. When asked why they are using Mubarak’s plan instead of the MB fantastic Renaissance Project, he ignored the Renaissance project and said that the Mubarak plan is a great plan and should be implemented. I guess that the Renaissance project and the 200 billion dollars investments that were coming with it were more phantasmal than fantastic after all.

But we are the bankrupt ones. Indeed.

Personally, I see no reason why the MB government should reconcile with evil Islam-hating businessmen, not should they hold a national dialogue with the immoral Allah-hating opposition on the economy. I personally recommend the President instead stick to his Islamic economic vision, and hire the next government fully from the Islamist camp. I recommend the appointment of Hazem Abu Ismael as the Minister of Justice, Mohamed Hassan as Minister of Finance, and Yasser Borhamy as the Minister of Tourism. Those are the best people for the job, since they all pray and have beards. Who needs economic policy, or education, or experience, when you have Quran- memorizing men running the country? We will see immediate results. Allah willing.

I also recommend that all of you non-islamists to keep your decadent evil ways and not repent at all. I believe you should keep your bankrupt ideas and useless education to yourselves, and maybe go to other God-hating countries to join them in their orgy of sin. Also, please don’t buy from MB owned businesses or hire Islamist leaning employees if you voted no to the constitution; you don’t want to pollute their God-approved payroll with your devil-worshipping money. After all, the unprecedented prosperity that the Islamist rule will bring in any minute now will surely bring stability and will not end in a hunger revolution two months maximum from now. I, being from the bankrupt evil immoral wicked minority, am already jealous and envious of the glorious path ahead of us, and of the unprecedented love and hugs that Morsy will get from people all over this country. Jealous and envious I tell you. Just like those damn Christians and their evil Church.

Happy New Year, Infidels!

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