Cairo:

I am at the Airport, eating a Pepperoni Pizza, drinking an ID Edge, and openly wondering when did we become so hip at our airport that we serve aclohol, pork and have speedy free wireless internet. I am not complaining though, it's kinda sweet. But of course things have to go slightly screwy, after all, this is Egypt. First screw-up: the Duty Free shop has Visa issues since its phone line has no dialtone, so me has to pay cash for my 2 bottles of Tequila that I buy. Second Screw up: There was no assigned seating on the airplane. It was fre-seating, as in sit wherever the hell you like. The problem with that? Egyptians are not orderly people. We do not do LINES. So this become a Push and shove contest. What made things worse? This tourist group from Taiwan started to try to take us Egyptians over and get in first, so we had to decalre an un-easy truce amongst ourselves to prevent the Taiwanese from getting in. We even bribed the gate guy with a piece of choclate to tell them to back off. While he was doing so and everyone was looking, I sneaked to the first of the line. I am getting My own seating are, Beee-yotch!

Bahrain: 

Being at the Bahrain
airport is really making me kick myself in the ass for forgetting to bring my
digital camera. Man, Bahrain’s airport is psychotic: Foreigners everywhere,
their Liqueur collection at the duty free shop surpasses that of Egypt’s by
leaps and bounds, and every freakin 10 feet is a brand new luxury car that you
have a great chance to win if you join the lottery effort by paying 150 dollars
or something. And let’s not even talk about their movie section: I won’t go
over the brand new Hollywood releases, but goddamn it, they had all the
religious movies that were banned in Egypt: 
They had the 10 commandments, Richard Harris’s Moses, 2 movies named
Jesus of Nazareth, the Message, and even a couple of movies discussing the DA
Vinci code. The whole religious controversy that plagues Egypt?
Not a big deal to those people. I am guessing religious strife usually takes
the form of Sunnis vs. Shia over there. Still though, WTF? Bahrain
has all those movies and WE- the Hollywood
of the middle east and shit- ban them? Something really went screwy here.

The food at the airport is horrible though: I ate at this
fast food thing called Jamsi’s or something, and their mega mushroom was not
mega and had really horrible mushrooms. Oh, and all of Bahrain’s
airport is covered by wireless Internet by Batelco, but apparently you have to
get some card that you have to pay for in order to access it. You know what?
BATELCO SUCKS MAJOR DONKEY DICK AND I STILL THINK IT SHOULD GO DOWN . It’s war you Batelco fucks. We had free
wireless internet at the Egyptian airport, thank you very much, and we are
poorer than you. Batelco has to go down hard, man.

The plane is empty, which is sweet, because after the first plane ride all I wanted was less people, and we got that. While on the plane I see Mona Makram Ebeid coming in. This is why I love being me, I always randomly meet the most interesting poeple. I've never met her before, so I go and say hi and strike up a conversation. Upon conversing with her I realize that the rumors are true: She is on the snobby side of Life (an her make up skills suck; subtle make-up is not her thing). But then again, so is every woman politician I have met in Egypt (Remember her? The exact same look). Whatever.

Abu Dhabi:

It comes to my attention that Mona Makram Ebeid is here for the same reason that I am here, since awaiting us was an airport employee cutie with my name, her name and this name of this other dude. She had our Visas and was escorting us through the procedures. Abu Dhabi Airport is even more redicilous than the Bahrain Airport, but whatever. We reach the security area, and that's when the trouble start: Mona refuses to go through the eye-scan procedures on the grounds that she is (more like was) an MP and should be given sepcial consideration for it. She causes a scene, she insults the security, she wants the Parliament representitive in Abu Dhabi to talk to her. Oh Boy. Bitch is crazy!

The other dude and me were done, but he was screwed because they were supposed to go to the Hilton in a car together. I tell him I am staying at the Hilton as well, so it shouldn't be a problem. for I will take him with me. But that's when the cutie hands me my biggest surprise for the night: I am not staying at the Hilton, but rather at the emirates Palace, the 4 billion dollars hotel.It cost 4 billion dollars to build it. The things is out of freakin fairytales. So yeah, Mona Makram Ebeid? Stays at the Hilton. Moi? At the Emirates Palace. HA! And people wonder where my ego comes from.

Entering the hotel I thank God that I did not bring my camera with me, cause otherwise I would've totally became Mr. Japanese Tourist and would've taken pictures of everything that awed me at the Hotel and finished my memory card in the first 5 minutes. So not having it makes it easy to play the non-chalant, cool, not easily impressed person that I am. In reality, I was sooo excited I wanted to run around screaming and shit. This place is redicilous. The Floor is Marble lined with Gold, it has it's own huge private Beach, it's the size of 8 football fields. My room, which is the cheapest room here, and costing about 2400 darhems a night, is so beautiful I almost orgasmed from how awesome it was. I thought I knew luxury: I stand corrected. This is some serious Money.

Anyway, time to sleep so one can look pretty for tomorrow's conference. Have a good one.