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Tuesday, 17 Oct 2006
"I am starting to lose my faith in Humanity. I think i will start working on the complete extermination and eradication of the human race, and will save only like 15 people that I really like. The good news, and the reason why I am calling you, is to inform you that you are one of them. Congratulations!"
Me to a friend on the Phone yesterday.
"I had the "I don't really believe in God" conversation with my parents yesterday. It went surprisingly well. I was like: That's it? Wow. That was painless."
A friend at a coffee shop.
"This is the one thing that I could never get about her when we were dating. I would be like: Sweetie, you wear the veil and give religious advice and lessons in the morning, and yet every night you come over to my place and we have sex. Please EXPLAIN THAT TO ME."
Another friend at his house.
"You know what is the main thing that I dislike about Islam? The way it allowes Muslims to handle their religion and their relationship with God like accountants, with a pen and paper. It doesn't matter if you are a good person all the time. All you have to do is to do more good deeds than bad deeds, and you are all set. It's ok if you lied or stole from someone, all you have to do is to commit 2 Hasana causing good acts and it will all even itself out. There is no actual commitment to morality and moral actions, because it's all relative. It's the only way to explain what's been going on in egypt in the past 7 years: People have become more and more religious, and yet they are not better people for it. They are not nicer, or more decent, or honest. In fact they are worse."
Me to a friend yesterday over shisha.
"I don't get why he broke up with me. I slept with 2 other women, women, not men. So it's not like I cheated on him with another guy. So why did he break up with me? What kind of Hypocritical shit is that?"
A friend 3 weeks ago over beers at the greek club.
"So she is veiled and engaged to a dude in the States, but has a boyfriend here, who is also engaged to another veiled girl and thinks that she broke off the engagment with her fiance because she lied to him about it, and yet she gives you religious lectures? Nice."
A friend to a friend in regards to a third friend at Costa Cafe.
"The main and most urgent reason why we need honest and free democratic elections is because there is a an American Israeli plot against us, all of us, in this region. It's public, and it's progressing and we need to wake up and fight it. We need to be strong to face this american and israeli plot, and this will only happen if we have democratic elections."
The speaker at the Egyptian Organization for Human rights conference on electoral refrom, hosted in Shephard's Hotel.
"You know what's fucked up? We are the only country where the dictatorship is actually the reason why the country is in peace. If the people had their way, we would be at war with Israel right now."
Me to a friend Yesterday, at a cafe.
"Did you see the special insert that the Nasserite Al Karamah (Dignity) party newspaper, which rails weekly over Mubarak ruling us for 25 years mind you, released about the anniversary of the Libyan revolution? Al Qhaddafi, 37 years of accomplishments? Kissing Qhaddafi's ass. Now that's what I call dignity!"
A marxisit socialist friend to me 6 weeks ago, at a cafe.
"Sweetie, if it wasn't for Hamas, there would be an israeli soldier in every egyptian home right now."
A friend's brother, after she told him that she thinks that Hamas are stupid and ruining everything.
"It's all folly. I swear to God all of this, all that is going on in this country, is nothing but folly."
A friend 10 days ago, at my house.
I agree….
October 17th, 2006 at 2:17 pm
“Sweetie, if it wasn’t for Hamas, there would be an israeli soldier in every egyptian home right now.”
I am completely flabbergasted that anyone can actually believe this.
October 17th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
“there is a an American Israeli plot against us, all of us, in this region”
I checked my official American plot book and your not in there. I called this Jewish girl I meet for drinks sometime and your not in her plot book either. We just want to be tourist, maybe visit the country, see the sights, ride one of those party boats down the nile. I’m not sure this qualifies as a plot.
October 17th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
You tend to speak a lot of English in Cairo
October 17th, 2006 at 3:21 pm
wow! This city is crazy and full of weirdos, aint it
October 17th, 2006 at 3:50 pm
Wait a sec… you agree to all or just that last bit? Because frankly, I don’t see you as the type to agree that if not for Hamas there’d be an Israeli soldier in every Egyptian home. That would be highly disappointing.
October 17th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Wanna hear my sneaky American plot? It is a good one too. I think the American ideal of all men are created equal, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, women’s rights, should be exported to the entire world.
If this is the plot Egyptian government organizations and marxists are fighting, then how can they have democratic elections? And if they have true democratic elections, then they will have taken a step towards our plot. Do they even know what end their heads are attached? The world has gone topsy turvy, black is white, up is down……Alice, I want out of this looking glass!!!
October 17th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
Guys-
Hamas is not keeping Israeli soldiers out of your homes. They are far more anxious to go to their own homes and eat hummous or get out of the army and smoke weed in India.
Islam an accountant’s religion? On a serious note…I have often asked myself and friends “does religion make folk better people?” Intuitively…you would think..yes of course…but Islam has no monopoly on twisting faiths, Jews and Christians included…we pull the same stuff. Sometimes I see holy writings like clouds…stare at it long enough and it takes on all kinds of shapes.
I don’t know Islam very well, but I know that salient idea in Judaism “what is abhorrent to you, do not do to others, the rest is commentary, go learn it”.
Well, that makes sense to me…then you try to do it…ahhhhh that is when things become just a little bit more complicated.
October 17th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
By-the way,
Sounds like Jerry Springer would do just as well in Egypt as he does in the USA…shall we start a show and make some dinars, or shekels or whatever?
October 17th, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Howie - please, it’s charas in India…
And Hamas is preventing Israelis from going on vacation to Sinai and smoke weed. Pure economical loss for Egypt, if you ask me.
The “I don’t believe in God” conversation is encouraging
October 17th, 2006 at 5:37 pm
Raccoon-
Hamas and The Brotherhood are keeping lots of people out of Egypt…smoking weed…buying soverniers, eating out, staying in hotels, gambling, taking boatrides, going to Giza etc…
At this point in history…Egypt has very little to fear from Israeli soldiers popping in to take over their houses (now there are about 1/2 million Israeli soldiers are best and about what 60 million Egyptians…how we gonna pull off all that house taking? And just try running fast on a head full of hashish and a belly full of hummos!!!
Please Egyptians…find something else to lose sleep over tonight, we ain’t a gonna come ah knockin (unless you have good weed and good hummos or some good Lebanese beer).
October 17th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
“You know what’s fucked up? We are the only country where the dictatorship is actually the reason why the country is in peace. If the people had their way, we would be at war with Israel right now.”
I don’t think Egypt is the only country; I’d definitely include Jordan in that category, and perhaps Saudi Arabia too.
October 17th, 2006 at 6:50 pm
Hollowpoint-
But doesn’t that make perfectly good sense? Blast Israel off the map and then all the problems of the Arab/Moslem world are resolved. Sudan becomes nice to Darfur, Yemen reunites, Syria becomes sweet to Lebanon, Algerians don’t kill each other, the Taliban opens topless joints in Kabul, the Russians give Chechnya indepdendence, Sunnis and Shia kiss and make up, Iran is nice to Bahai’s, no more Bosian fears, free elections from Indonesia to Syria, Indians and Paki’s become best of buddies, Osama dates Bush’s daughter…
Couldn’t be any clearer to me. Darn that Israel messing up everything.
October 17th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
I’m waiting for a religion that’s revealed to everyone everywhere at the same time. Until then, they’re all bullshit. The Aztecs are going to Hell because Jeebus Krust didn’t have a visa? Right….
October 17th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
i don’t see why our conversations never get quoted…is it because i call you a vile worm so often
i love how the commentators lick your ass so clean.
October 17th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
“This is the one thing that I could never get about her when we were dating. I would be like: Sweetie, you wear the veil and give religious advice and lessons in the morning, and yet every night you come over to my place and we have sex. Please EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.”
Lucky bastard! I once dated a Muslim girl who had just the opposite views of veil, religious advice and sex.
October 17th, 2006 at 9:49 pm
as usual you are basing your observations on an extremly biased group, the only thing these moments tell us is that you systematicaly choose people who think in a way similar to yours.
the darkest hour of the night is the one right before dawn.
October 17th, 2006 at 9:59 pm
Nice ex-jewish boy
Actually I dont believe christian dogma condemns people who are unexposed to scripture, i dont believe any religion does actually. Also I dont believe any religion condemns those who are too young to be cognisent of scripture like babies. Some go as far to say that those who are mentally handicapped, like crazy and mentally retarded people are condemned.
October 17th, 2006 at 10:16 pm
it’s only blablabla……..
and so wht? everybody thinks sth….who cares!
It’s the age of blogs; the age of individiualism!
October 17th, 2006 at 11:16 pm
there are chicks in Egypt who have sex?…..how intriguing. How come I never meet them?…are they hiding from me or something when I come to Egypt. God damn Zionists, plotting against getting my plans to get laid in Egypt!
October 17th, 2006 at 11:56 pm
“We need to face this American and Israeli plot, and this will only happen if we have democratic elections.”
Well put Mr. Muslim Brotherhood! What a delightful reason to have democratic elections. Egypt will surely advance and provide a better life for it’s citizens if you face this “American and Israeli plot.”
You know, reality can just be such a drag. Imaginary problems are far more interesting.
October 18th, 2006 at 6:48 am
I’m thinking of changing the name of my blog to “Zionist Plotter.” After all, it is what I do while knitting sweaters for my granddaughters. Mmmm, taking over Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, and while we’re at it, Yumyum, Iran, Iraq, Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Morocco, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Kuwait…oh, how about Indonesia? Why stop there when you’re on a roll? France? England? Dare I say, even Germany?
Dream on…blaming is so much easier and more fun than anything else. NOT.
October 18th, 2006 at 7:06 am
Sitting on the the ME merry-go-round:
At first glance I thought, wow, this elections-conspiracy-theory is really a new one: it has a constructive character…
Second glance: if elections took place, Muslim brotherhood would see to a self-destructive outcome…
Third glance: the plot might for once be real. I can’t blame the US for not binding their financial support to free elections in Egypt or Jordan.
October 18th, 2006 at 7:47 am
egyptian_patriot
waiting just for you …..LOL
October 18th, 2006 at 9:24 am
Hi SM,
I like reading your blog as always. However, one can try not give the impression that a wide section of Egyptian society is thinking like that. In any society, there are the rational and the irrational people. But making a whole blog containing some bizarre ideas as representing the talk in Egypt is a little far.
Or perhaps, I have been too far away living in Germany to know the latest in Egypt.
Take care,
Egyptian in Germany
October 18th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Hi,
I liked this part most “People have become more and more religious, and yet they are not better people for it” It is soooo true that people are pretending to be relegious without any impact on their attitude, but were is the problem I belive it is in the relegion which suggests to show up while praying and to give the poor in public, simple rules but it is an indication of just pretending not changing from the inside and if this is the role of a religion then to hell it must go.
Fantomass
October 18th, 2006 at 10:00 am
SM
Don’t lose your faith in humanity- hypocrisy, double standards and exploitation are as old as time. And yet, humanity continues- the human spirit always seems to triumph.
Egypt has always been a bit of a contradiction- old and new, modern and traditional, liberal and conservative, incredibly rich and incredibly poor- I think its a lot more salient these days (at least that was the most potent perception that I got when I was there earlier this year and particularly with regard to salient religious symbols like the hijab)
Some 15 years ago, my friends and I sat around the AUC (I know you’ve been bagging AUC on your blog for a while now but it was different back then- really) and discussed pretty much the same stuff that you seem to be discussing now. We talked about the hypocrisy of religion, the double standards of Egyptian culture, our complete lack of faith in our government and our visions for a better world. Girls were having sex back then but noone talked about it, people were questioning religion back then as they did the government.
I’m guessing you are considerably younger than I am (not that much younger alright) but the things you post here could have been said by me or any one of my friends in the early 90s.
I’ve no doubt my kids will talk about the same stuff again- in fact I hope they do- I hope they don’t become so complacent that the only conversations they have are about Haifa and Nancy and who is better looking- I hope they have a consciousness and a will to analyse their world and hope for a better one.
October 18th, 2006 at 10:00 am
“”I don’t get why he broke up with me. I slept with 2 other women, women, not men. So it’s not like I cheated on him with another guy. So why did he break up with me? What kind of Hypocritical shit is that?”
A friend 3 weeks ago over beers at the greek club.”
Dude is the friend who said this a guy or a girl??
Coz if it’s a girl then she’s Lesbian and if it’s a guy then he’s gay. Which one is it?
October 18th, 2006 at 11:57 am
The Egyptian dictatorship is not simply keeping Egypt out of war with Israel.
It is also fueling the hatred that makes the populace so eager for war with Israel, as it has for decades. The state-controlled media and schools in Egypt regularly runs viciously anti-Israel and anti-Semitic pieces, often including conspiracy theories and other fabrications.
So don’t let the dictatorship off the hook; if it were teaching people that Israel is a nation like other nations, a peaceful neighbor with interesting people etc. and that it is in Egypt’s interest to capitalize on a special relationship with this economically strong neighbor, wouldn’t the people be less likely to support insane and self-destructive calls to go to war with that neighbor?
October 18th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
Zvi - the real question is, why does the Egyptian dictatorship incite hatred against Israel? I mean, sure, they are probably hoping to engage the hunam herd in something other than the government’s failings… but I presume that they are not complete morons and understand that not only are they denying their people an incredible uplift in living standards (and themselves a glorious place on the pages of history) but are actually undermining themselves?
I am sure that they understand that war against Israel will be very bad for them, so they can’t go for it. And yet this is what they seem to be pushing the people towards; ergo, they are increasing dissatisfaction with themselves and digging the hole into which they (and later all of Egypt) will fall.
Why?
October 18th, 2006 at 1:49 pm
this is why im volunteering at an animal shelter. humanity is way too screwy for me to deal with right now
October 18th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
why are all you conversations in really trendy cafes that the average egyptain never enters…..you’re representing the average man?
October 18th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
[...] Ich habe bisher keine einzige Folge von Sex and the City gesehen, aber Sandmonkeys Dialoge aus Kairo sind großes Kino. [...]
October 18th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
Dabei ist Sex and the City auch witzig. Nicht so witzig wie Sandmonkey, aber unterhaltsamer als Sachsenklinik allemal
October 18th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
Drima, you know, she *can* be bisexual
October 19th, 2006 at 1:07 am
you wear the veil and give religious advice and lessons in the morning, and yet every night you come over to my place and we have sex. Please EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.”
“That’s not sex, that’s horizontal tutoring. Ten dollars, please!”
October 19th, 2006 at 1:25 am
It’s ok if you lied or stole from someone, all you have to do is to commit 2 Hasana causing good acts and it will all even itself out. There is no actual commitment to morality and moral actions, because it’s all relative.
Details, please. I am unfamiliar with this.
October 19th, 2006 at 11:44 am
first thing that came to mind after reading people’s comments NOT sandmonkey’s own personal quotes and him snooping on other people’s conversations is when scooby-doo does the “HHurrr?” look.
Note to self: before I start out any controversial conversations, make sure no wierd monkeys are listening in on me.
October 19th, 2006 at 1:30 pm
“I am starting to lose my faith in Humanity. I think i will start working on the complete extermination and eradication of the human race, and will save only like 15 people that I really like. The good news, and the reason why I am calling you, is to inform you that you are one of them. Congratulations!”
Methinks the Sandmonkey has been watching Matrix Revolutions too often.
October 19th, 2006 at 8:14 pm
….”I had the “I don’t really believe in God” conversation with my parents yesterday. It went surprisingly well. I was like: That’s it? Wow. That was painless.”…
Is he now sleeping in a dirt bed pushing up daisies?
October 20th, 2006 at 4:06 am
This is a beautiful post SM, but I think you drew the wrong conclusion… you should actually have more faith in humanity.
“Sweetie, you wear the veil and give religious advice and lessons in the morning, and yet every night you come over to my place and we have sex. Please EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.”
I don’t need her to explain it, I know the explanation — she’s human!
If that’s the life she wants to live, so be it. Nothing prevents her from being an excellent religious teacher in the morning and an excellent sexual partner at night. Maybe this is not the life that you and me would choose, but hey, it her life, not ours.
October 20th, 2006 at 7:39 am
Only Dictatorship that is holding “Peace” with Israel?
Jordan too
Can you hook me up with those religious Egyptian girls… man it’s just like the quiet ‘good’ Catholic girls… you get them behind closed doors… and man they just luvvvvvv the male race…
Did you read about the “teaching assistant” in Britain that sued and won for ‘descrimination’ bcs she refused to uncover her face in the classroom… even though she did the interview with a male administrators uncovered and then tried to avoid talking about it when the BBC shockingly pointed this out.
DO YOU SMELL A CAIR OR MSA setup? nahhhhhhh they would nevvvvvver do that….
October 20th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
Mike N
I heard about this case but my understanding was that she lost the case. Can you point me to your sources please- I really want to check it out.
cheers
October 20th, 2006 at 9:11 pm
SM: I think your first comment, about losing faith, is explained well just by the subsequent quotes.
The “American-Israeli plot” and this:
“If the people had their way, we would be at war with Israel right now.”
…is incredibly depressing. That reflexive fear/hate is like a cancer. Or wait, it’s like AIDS. Cancer is sometimes curable, and that hate never seems to change.
:sigh:
October 27th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
howa izay talaterba3 il-overheard Sandmonkey 2ayilhom? ya3ni 7ata grammatically, you cant overhear yourself!