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Tuesday, 5 Dec 2006
I haven't written about people who piss me off for a while now, and now is as good a day as any to start again. Here is the list of the 5 new groups of people that have been added to the Sandmonkey Hate-book.
The Hijabi femenists: You find those on TV and occasionally at AUC. Those are the veiled girls who will talk to you about equal rights between men and women and how Islam supports that equality ( well, except when it comes to marriage, inhertiance, giving testimony, etc..etc..). They are generally very confused chicks, the same ones that tell you that the veil is empowering, because "Now men don't view me as a lustfull piece of meat. Only I do that now!" Well, good on you chica, now why don't you go fuck off? I don't like girls with body-image issues, especially ones that think that their hair is so special that only their Husbend's should gaze on, or who believe themselves to be so hot that I wouldn't be able to control myself if they weren't coverd up in a drape.
The over-enthusiastic bathroom attendents: Only the men will emphatize with that one. There are those new bathroom attendents, who are so dedicated to their job, they creep you the fuck out. Here is what they do: You go to take a piss, and while you are peeing, they bring you a piece of tissue, and place it on the divider between you and the next urinal, so, you know, you can wipe your hand after you, well, shake it off. Dude, I am gonna wash my hands anyway, so why are you handing me a tissue? Do many people just wipe their hands and not wash them after peeing here? What kind of people come to this place? I ain't touching shit here anymore. Gross!
The West-el-Balad followers: Ahh, there is a special place in hell reserved for those douche-bags. Ok, for those of you who don't know what I am talking about, West-el-Balad is an egyptian band whose popularity means that the music scene in Egypt just plain sucks. They are semi-talented musicians at best, and have like 3 good songs that they came up with like 4 years ago. They never released an album, because they realized that every good song has a rortation-life of maybe 200-300 replays, so if they released the album, it will sell for a while and they will play gigs for a while, but then they will be washed up since people will be bored of them until they come up with something new. Knowing that they can't come up with new good stuff, they refuse to release an album, opting instead to only play live-venues, thus ensuring that you get to hear those 3 songs you like only at their concerts. This way they make more money, and can extend those 200 replays over a number of years. And their fans fell for it. They go to every concert- and there is one every month- just to groove to those 3 songs, which are usually interrupted by a number of other shitty songs that no one likes, and in the process fork over hundreds of pounds to those hacks, who spend it drinking at the After 8 bar, probably while laughing at their fans gulliblity. So, dear West-el-Balad fan, you are getting milked dry by a bunch of washed-up musicians and you are loving it. Congratu-fuckin-lations, kid. You are a fuckin Moron.
The Nile FM DJ's: Hi, I am a no-body DJ from London. I suck so much, I couldn't find any other job other than being a DJ for Nile FM, where it doesn;t matter that I suck, or that I spend my time laughing at my own jokes or at the idiotic girls who call in to sing and think that being told that their voice is better than Britney Spears' is a freakin compliment. I usually boast to my friends back home of how I am working the peak houres in Cairo's #1 english-radio music station, but I forget to mention that we are Cairo's only english-radio music station, because no one else (Thanks to corruption and nepotisim) is allowed to have a license. How sweet is that? The people have to listen to me: They have no choice. Muhahahahahaha…
Asshole!
The rabid non-fans: Last but not least, ladies and gentlemen, i present to you the Sandmonkey non-fans. Those are people that hate me, think I am an idiot, get high-blood pressure from hearing my opinions, and yet read me every day, every single day, and never miss a post. They come to me in parties and inform me of how much they hate me and the blog, and how they have friends that want to beat me up, and how they all read the blog, all get mad about it together and then engage in a group-bitch-fest about me and the latest thing I've written, in a flattering yet sad way. Now, the fact that you care so much about what yours truly writes warms my heart, but it also pisses me off, because I hate delusional people, and if you read me every day, then you know you like me. You know you do. You love the sandmonkey, and you are afraid to admit it to yourself. If you believe that not to be the case, then save yourself the aggrevation and save me the boring shit that you will tell me when we meet. If you don't, than you are either a stupid self-delusional person or a masochist, and I don't have time for neither. Fuck off!
That is all for now!
December 5th, 2006 at 12:38 pm
I concur regarding the Hijabi feminists. They scare me slightly in an Orwellian kind of way… When you’re happy with the status quo and you’re still not treated equally to your counterparts (be they of a different race, gender or religion), you may as well kiss their asses and put “Bubba’s Bitch” on your name tag. I don’t care if they want to cover up, but if their reason is because it empowers them, I pity them.
December 5th, 2006 at 1:04 pm
This post is awesome SM. I laughed so much because I know exactly what you are talking about. Especially the first one “Hijabi feminists”, I have met quite a few of them and they are always THE LOUDEST about women rights and equality and how a man who meets her now will only “notices her intellect, not her body” , Damn man, this is so sad!
We want more SM, we want more
December 5th, 2006 at 1:18 pm
roflmao….i love the way your mind works lolol
yeah we want more SM
have a great day and a better week
December 5th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
I’m a giant fan of yours, SM. You and BP.
The Hijabed feminists drive me insane. Living in America, unhijabed, I feel like a piece of meat ONLY when I visit Egypt (to be fair, I only ever visit Egypt and Turkey as far as mostly Muslim countries go and Turks don’t make me feel like meat). So, by forcing hijab on women, they also teach men how to behave live animals. The Islam in practice today is in no way an equalizing factor between men and women. As a woman, I literally feel oppressed in mostly hijabed Egypt and I didn’t expect to feel that way.
Keep spewing your opinions, SM. It’s like the font of reason.
December 5th, 2006 at 1:28 pm
Well, here you have another fan. Keep the good work pal.
December 5th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
Heheheheh.
December 5th, 2006 at 1:41 pm
Your blog is not the only one with rabid non-fans. I would like to know why someone would carefully follow a blog and read every comment only to bitch about what they read. Is it because the left wing blogs, where I would expect them to spend their time, have nothing to offer?
December 5th, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Related: The expat wannabe hipsters who adopt Wist el-Balad as their local band. Those guys suck too.
The Cairo Nile FM British DJs were not as bad as the ones in Beirut. Hezbollah can have ‘em.
December 5th, 2006 at 1:46 pm
Methinks has a point - the righteous hijabi women are really not doing the rest of us any favours because they set everyone else up as a sex object; it’s a sort of competitive prissiness, they don’t seem particularly concerned about reforming the way men think about women, just the way men think about them in particular.
But the ones who wear hijab colour-coordinated with their tight, trendy clothes and caked-on makeup are my favourite.
December 5th, 2006 at 2:32 pm
Spot on for most of them - although I think you’re a little bit harsh on West al-Balad, even if it’s true they play the same set all the time. Totally true for the piece of shit British DJs of Nile FM, what a bunch of wankers. Hijabi feminists - yanni, true of many but some of them would drill you a new asshole in a face-to-face argument. Bathroom attendants in Egypt are generally creepy, period. But then again a country where handing over tissues in bathrooms is a job is fucked up by definition. As for people who hate you, they should read my forthcoming book “Learning to live with Sandmonkey: a non-fan’s guide to weaning yourself off the twisted rantings neo-con Arab Ann Coulter fan.”
See you this weekend, pal.
December 5th, 2006 at 2:33 pm
that should have been “twisted rantings of a…” the foam in my mouth keeps me from typing correctly.
December 5th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
I absolutely agree that the women who cover up the most create such a pain in the ass for us heathens who don’t want to follow suit. Men go crazy at the sight of a bare ankle and naturally assume we have an hourly rate. I don’t believe men are animals who can’t control themselves, but deprive anyone of candy long enough and you’ll create a rabid, mass-murdering chocolate thief… Or is that just me?
Anyway “modestly” dressed doesn’t have to be “ninja”. That’s when sociological/geographical culture is interfering with religion.
“I do what I want, you don’t know me!”-Cartman dressed like a two-bit whore.
December 5th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Dude, the guy who creeps behing you in the urinals is really weird. I noticed it when I moved back here. Correction for you: the tissue is not for wiping your hand ! It’s for wiping Mr Johnson.
December 5th, 2006 at 3:42 pm
Shows what a bigot and a mysogonist u r mate.
December 5th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
I read you every day for your restrained and refined observations. I love subtlety!
December 5th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
SM,
I hate you, you are an idiot, I get high-blood pressure from hearing your opinions, and yet read read your blog every day, every single day, and never miss a post.
December 5th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
I’m glad there is someone else who thinks the people on Nile FM are shite, I can’t believe how people actually listen to them. At first it was ok and they actually played some decent music but now nearly everything was crap. Simon Ramsden always used to say: “I’m going to play a great song now, this song is on all my music CD’s that i listen to” and the song every single time was absolute crap. I sent Rob Tobey a message, when he first joined them, of what I thought of him and he wasn’t too pleased, so I’ve been banned from sending messages to the station. What a load of bollocks!!
December 5th, 2006 at 5:06 pm
i hate Nile FM, period.
flashback cafe WOULD be good, if it wasn’t interrupted by jibberjabber every other song….
December 5th, 2006 at 5:12 pm
How about the guys who park your cars? Mounadies?
December 5th, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Hey SM..
I am your fan…
in contrast to the “haters” I dont read all your posts… ( just the captions.. and if its nice, I read the post.. and if it still intriguing,- I will read the comments..)
and yet.. I love your blog…
and on my future blog I will state that I am a “pro-sandmonkey…” even that i dont read all the posts…
this belly dancer is for you…
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5976965991509692285
December 5th, 2006 at 5:54 pm
SM,
Would you add these whiny Muslims to your list cuz I have a feeling they’re creating a lot of resentment from americans toward islam and muslims in general.
Thanks for the blog. You’re my favorite blogger, with BP a close second. You’re the most tolerant muslim when it comes to free speech. You don’t censure idiots from posting and I applaud you for that.
December 5th, 2006 at 6:11 pm
Anon,
I read that article and I’m just over it too. The fact is that religious freedom is granted by government and you cannot be persecuted by government but a private facility does not have to make special accomodations for prayers or anything else. That woman was probably praying in a spot right in front of somebody’s locker and the person (who also had a life to lead) asked her to move over so she could get to her stuff. If you want to pray somewhere out of people’s way, nobody will interrupt you. But if you inconvenience everyone around you, then you’re not being much of a good Muslim anyway, so don’t bother with Salat - you won’t get your thawab anyway.
The 6 men weren’t pulled off the flight because they were praying beforehand but because they had one way tickets, no baggage and were dissing America before they got on the flight. The combination is a known recipe. Know who else would be afraid to fly with them? My husband - another Muslim who doesn’t wish to be blown up by freakjobs.
Whining and complaining is a big sport in the Middle East, so I guess they figure they’ll continue once they get here.
December 5th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Shoot, if men went crazy over just a little piece of my skin, I’d walk around naked.
Veils aren’t empowering, they’re degrading.
December 5th, 2006 at 6:54 pm
LOL, aywa keda, welcome back:-)
December 5th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
That’s hilarious, man….
Those toilet-creepers would have scared me to death, man…remind me to stay away from public toilets if I ever go to Egypt!
Oh, and right on spot regarding the feminist-Hijabis….
December 5th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
hee, hee, hee. Good job!
Somebody, take those self-righteous and silly women in the black choir robes and the bandit masks — please! They are showing up at Dulles Int’l Air Port, the Mall in Columbia, Maryland, and down at the local health food store.
These women are not some sexy lissome things. They are built like refrigerators, and their kids don’t look like Arabs, they’re American blacks. Also, they have small girls (as young as 4 or 5 years old) wearing some sort of headgear similar to what the nuns used to wear at my parochial school.
Anybody who claims that these people are doing this out of some heartfelt religious tradition is lying. The last group I saw was obviously tense and uncomfortable, but not because of anything anybody else said or did. It made me wonder which idiot preacher got to them, and how they had been told other people would react.
There have been people in this town wearing traditional clothing such as headscarves, saris, and salwar kameez (long tunics with loose pants) since it was founded. We’re used to seeing people who prefer to dress on a daily basis like they do back home. But the black choir robes with the bandit masks — those are brand new, and they are not being worn by first- or -second generation immigrants. That clothing is not an expression of anybody’s religious or ethnic background.
December 5th, 2006 at 8:05 pm
Methinks @ #20,
Thank you for your voice of reason. You must be one of those mythical moderate muslims we often hear so much about but rarely see. Frankly, I think muslims in western countries are demanding special treatment simply because they’re muslims. The fact that they’re no better than everyone else escapes them for some reason. I have never heard of people of other faiths praying in gyms, and if they do, they don’t point their butts in the air to make a spectacle of themselves. People can pray standing and with their eyes opened. What’s wrong with that? It’s muslims who are being too damn sensitive and if you offend them, they’ll call you bigots, islamophobes, and my all-time favorite “racists.” Still trying but failing to see race in that last one. The stupid american politically correct people are tripping over themselves to appease these muslims because they don’t like being called names.
And I agree with your take on the imam situation. I would not be surprised if that was a staged incident to cry foul and lessen airport security. They’ve lived in America long enough to know that those actions will draw attention but they did it anyway. Then the first muslim congressman and muslim groups can bitch and demand special treatment for muslims and intimidate airport employees from doing their job to protect their passengers. The Investor’s Business Daily is reporting that the imams may have lied about what actually happened, and the report cites links between them and terrorist supporting organizations.
I can feel the resentment growing against muslims altogether, and many are starting to not care about what offends muslims.
December 5th, 2006 at 8:10 pm
In New York we have the socalled Squeegy Guys that administer unwanted attention. Count your blessings. Suppose your “over-enthusiastic bathroom attendents” were replaced by “over-enthusiastic bathroom attendent Squeegy Guys.” Better an unwanted tissue than an unwanted Squeegy job!
December 5th, 2006 at 8:53 pm
I was thinking the same thing as # 13. That tissue is not meant for your hand dude….
December 5th, 2006 at 9:11 pm
#25 Anon,
I wouldn’t call it moderate - more liberal. “Liberal” as in “whatever floats your boat as long as your extended fist doesn’t hit my face”. So, libertarian, I guess.
I’m not saying thay Muslims need to stop prostrating (what you refer to as “sticking their butts in the air”). That’s part of the ritual of the salat. What I’m saying is that A.) you don’t have to do it in the locker room, you can do it in any unused excercise room or even in the manager’s office and b.) if you are doing it in the locker room, then you have to make sure you’re not in people’s way first. Part of being Muslim is being considerate of the needs of the people around you and being a good citizen. My bet is that this woman was smack in front of someone’s locker. This woman is just dying to find something to bitch about.
The whole oversensitivity of minorities in this country is idiotic. Racism is a human problem which has existed since the dawn of time and can’t be denied. But people should consider this: sometimes people aren’t treating you like an asshole because of the colour of your skin (the clothes you wear, etc.) but because you actually ARE being an asshole.
December 5th, 2006 at 9:33 pm
Well if ya hate all this your really going to hate this.
well I think its funny Typical Hijab Girl response to successful “Normal Muslim”
http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/opinion/story/0,22049,20876374-5001031,00.html
The public servant and tireless Muslim community worker went on radio the next morning and confessed to allowing a glass of champers to pass her lips.
And with depressing predictability, the jealous hatemongers in her own community began tearing her down.
Anonymous cowards on the Sydney website Muslim Village were the first to start the poisonous whispering against her.
“Quite frankly I find it rather impertinent for a person with a self-given licence to drink to claim they represent Australian Muslims,” one drongo wrote.
Another started on Iktimal’s habit of not wearing the traditional hijab, which in turn drew comments about her preference for jeans and a T-shirt. Then they moved on to her most heinous cultural crime – the wearing of nail polish and eyeshadow.”
December 5th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
I’ll join #13 and #27…
Those tissues at the men’s room are meant for your ‘best mate’, not your hands!
Think of that one the next time you eat free peanuts at a bar!!! :p
December 5th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
#28 Methinks - You REALLY do think!!!
“But people should consider this: sometimes people aren’t treating you like an asshole because of the colour of your skin (the clothes you wear, etc.) but because you actually ARE being an asshole.”
Right on!! It made me chuckle because of how true it is. Maybe not necessarily in Egypt but definitely in the west. I can’t walk down the street in Chicago without seeing ever shade of color on a person.
You’re a muslim voice of reason! (along with the monkey and the pharaoh)
December 5th, 2006 at 10:07 pm
The hijabi feminists’ contributions to advancing women’s rights? I don’t know of any. Like you said, Sam, they spend all their time defending hijabs rather than defending women.
December 5th, 2006 at 10:10 pm
Egypeter,
Well, I thank you, friend! It’s nice to “see” you again.
I’m glad to be back in New York where I see just about every nationality and race on even the shortest walks. Love the diversity.
I didn’t have a chance to visit any coptic churches while in Egypt - I want to see how similar they are to Russian Orthodox (as you may remember, I was raised Orthodox). I hope I’ll have time next time.
I actually have a question I’ve been waiting to ask you.
Does the Coptic church allow divorce (the orthodox church allows 2)?
December 5th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
*strikes up a lighter and starts waving it in the air*
December 5th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Methinks,
A question, did you used to comment here under a different name? Your stories and opinions seem similiar to someone who disappeared several months ago.
December 5th, 2006 at 10:52 pm
One thing I learned about Egyptian bathrooms in Cairo… Always bring some of your own toilet paper… They don’t put any in the stalls and the lady bathroom attendant will grumpily give you some, then hold her hand out for a tip. I think it’s akin to blackmail. I ended up hoarding some from the hotel and carrying it around all day. Oh, another thing I learned… Write your will before you cross the street or get into a taxi. Ya Allah, I saw my life flash before my eyes more than once.
December 5th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Methinks,
Liberal Muslims, eh? I think they should clone more liberal muslims like you. We’re all tired of the religious kind. Give us a new flavor!
December 6th, 2006 at 1:02 am
Karen,
Yes, I posted a few comments under a name I can’t recall now (”skeptic” maybe?). But I was new to the blogs then and used different names on each one because it’s fun making up new names and I couldn’t decide on just one.. I used the same name consistently within any one blog but not across blogs. Then I realized that all the other blog readers were appearing on all the same blogs I was reading (and commenting on). I didn’t know that happened back then and that made me realize the value of having one name for all the blogs (recognition). So I now consistently use the name I was using on BP’s blog - Methinks - across all blogs. I chose that one because I couldn’t remember any of the others as I had stopped commenting on all but BP’s blog.
I remember you. Nice to see you again.
December 6th, 2006 at 1:56 am
Hi Methinks,
Hmmm. I recall skeptic, but I thought you might have been someone who used a name that was a different version of anonymous (anonon or something like that). If that was you, welcome back. If not, welcome back skeptic
December 6th, 2006 at 2:16 am
Karen,
AH yeah!! So it was! I can’t keep all of them straight. Glad to be down to one.
Thanks!
December 6th, 2006 at 2:54 am
LOL! Sandmonkey, you’re great! I love your post!
December 6th, 2006 at 3:14 am
Fantastic and funny post. I really relate to the hijabi femenists who believe God has given them their right not to be judged by their looks. As an american muslim (convert) I have refused to wear hijab from day one. There was nothing immodest about me before I became Muslim; there would be nothing immodest about me after. The only time you will see me in hijab is when I am at the mosque, but even then only putting in on right before prayer. It makes me shake my head and laugh at these women who will approach me and tell me how beautiful I look in hijab and Allah should put the desire in my heart to wear it all the time. Sure, it makes me look more beautiful. Good reason to keep wearing it I think. Not. However, I am fortunate to attend a mosque that is very modern and open-minded.
The bathroom attendents comment was hilarious. We generally don’t have those here in the US anymore, unless I’m just hanging out in the wrong bathrooms. Or maybe we have contracted them all out to China and India. But my first experience with a bathroom attendent in about 15 years, was when I landed at the airport in Cairo. The woman did absoultely nothing but look at me and smile as I walked into the bathroom. Then she wanted a tip for this. I told her I hadn’t changed any money yet. Suddenly she spoke perfect English and said she would take American money. I told her I did not have any of that either. I thought to myself, boy, am I in the wrong business!
METHINKS: I have been following your recent comments on BP. I will be making my second trip to Egypt in a month. I really like your idea of wearing a turban. It is very annoying isn’t it, to be stared at. And for me it wasn’t just the men. I think I was stared at by more women than anything. I will be a little more prepared with quick comebacks this time though. Last time I was trying to be polite. Although I got real close to showing a bookstore clerk in Cairo, just how unfriendly Americans can be. So I might keep your turban idea in mind. I also thought about getting a really bizarre wig! If they are going to stare, might as well give them something to stare at!
December 6th, 2006 at 4:45 am
OK, we all know what you’ve written that last part… all together now — we love you sandmonkey!
December 6th, 2006 at 11:34 am
And now that two kids have been expelled from a Moslem school for tearing up, burning and then pissing on the Bible ? What next ? Riots in the streets ? Twenty dead and buildings burnt ? No. We don’t do things like that. And by we I mean the stupid, reasonable, moderate, west. We leave that shit to those who enjoy it. Wonder who taught their kids to do that ? Love to see the Moslem leaders in Australia denouncing this one but it won’t happen…all just a ‘cultural misunderstanding’. As I said once before, the hospitality of a country only goes so far and it appears that some people aren’t coming here to start a new life, merely to spread their poisonous shit even further. I never used to be like this but I move further to the right with every unanswered attack on reason and perhaps that in itself is an oxymoron and why we might ultimately become dhimmi.
December 6th, 2006 at 12:59 pm
About those bathroom attendants: I think that wiping your hoohoodilly clean of urine is a bit more hygenic than the standard shake-shake, so the creepiness of their approach aside, they really are doing you a favour. Wonder if that’s their intention though..
December 6th, 2006 at 1:34 pm
To Egypt with love,
FINALLY! Most converts convert more to the culture than the true meaning of the religion and become completely “Arabized”. I’ve always refused the hijab as I think it goes against both the word and the spirit of the religion (but then, I challenge the verasity of the Hadith as well, so I’m a bit of a rebel). I feel the same way as you - I was modest before and I’m modest now. Others may disagree but I don’t owe anyone but God an explanation.
The turban did NOT help. I didn’t mind the women because they weren’t exactly as intimidating as the men. I thought about looking back at the men and saying “heed God!” in Arabic but decided against it only because they would probably take it as an invitation and I didn’t want to have to kick their ass. It did make me wonder what kind of men Egypt is raising. I don’t think this sort of stuff happened as much 50 years ago in Egypt.
Have a great time in Egypt….and, just for the record, I’d go with the wig. LOVE that idea.
December 6th, 2006 at 3:46 pm
We love you Sandmonkey! Keep on blogging, it is so refreshing to hear a unique voice, not one just spewing radical Islamic rhetoric. And yes, the Hijabi feminists are so sadly brainwashed….
December 6th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
METHINKS #48
It’s nice to meet another “rebel” like myself. When I first converted I told myself these American converts were worse than the fundamentalists. I had one woman once tell me that “Allah has forbidden me to travel without my husband”. Another told me I must now get rid of my dog because it is forbidden for me to own a dog. To make the situation even worse I own a Rottwelier (a black dog with brown spots over the eyes is considered to be the devil in some Hadith). Some other women once politely corrected me for standing in a gas station and having a conversation with a man I used to work with. “It is forbidden to speak to men alone.”
You are right about most converts being attracted to the culture. They feel that they missed out on something in their lives and hurry to make up for lost time. They forget that they were once ordinary Americans. I don’t know how anyone else feels about that, but it scares me. People so easily brainwashed and convinced to forget who they are and in what century they live. Most of them also converted for marriage. I did not. I did this because of my belief in God. I became a Muslim. I did not discard my common sense in doing so.
By the way - I think you mentioned you are in New York. I am now living in Indiana but am from New York, too. And I miss it terribly.
December 6th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
To Egypt with Love #50,
I know just what you mean! There’s nothing scarier than a convert. They seem to be mostly brainwashed at the alter (marriage) or were so lost before that they will jump on any ship. It’s like they’re not moving toward something specific but running away from something else. I was raised Russian Orthodox Christian. My dad is Jewish and his sister was married to a Muslim. I took my religion seriously and I went to church almost daily.I still love the Orthodox church and its rituals and the teachings of Jesus Christ - I just don’t believe that Christ is a deity and saints don’t make sense to me either. I didn’t convert, I realized my beliefs were more closely aligned with this religion. However, as I studied the religion in a vacuum, from an academic perspective, I never got the cultural force-feeding others got. I did have problems with contradictions within the Koran and with Hadith (I read the entire Sahih Bukhari). So, I am muslim, but Al Qaradawi may not consider me one. But then, he ain’t God. For me this is a spiritual journey, not an immigration to another tribe.
By complete and utter chance - as I never especially sought out Muslims - I met an Egyptian Muslim man whose thinking was EXACTLY like mine. What are the odds? All the petty and pretentious nonesense you mention in your post is just another reminder of how much people miss the point. For this reason, we don’t attend Mosque (the one near us spews all manner of nonesense and we both refuse to go anymore). My husband noted that in the literature distributed by the Mosque about Ramadan it said that if a woman didn’t submit (sexually) willingly to her husband during daylight hours that she doesn’t have to make up the fast. Huh? My husband said “Make up the fast? If the wife didn’t submit willingly, then she was raped and her husband is a felon. WTF kind of ‘guidance’ is this crap?”. So, we don’t go. Although there is a local chapter of freemuslims.org and they seem like our kind of people, so we’re going to check it out. At least they seem to recall which century they’re living in!!
Yep, we’re in Manhattan. I’ve been to Indiana and it’s nice but I still prefer this area. Are you planning on coming back? You sound like my kind of people, sistah!!!!
December 6th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
I despise Hijabi women and I am yet another pro-SM opinion ..you who else that realy makes u feel sad and shocked … the mindless boys who says ” do you want girls to be naked in the streets” .. I don’t realy understand why that Hijab is a alternative for nakedness ,is there anything median between both ?
December 6th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
sandmonkey, you are awesome. If I had supernatural powers I’d make sure you will always be safe in that lovely country of yours, Egypt.
December 7th, 2006 at 2:21 am
METHINKS:
It is amazing that there are many similarities in our stories. I was born and raised in the Bronx - Irish Catholic. From an early age I had issues also with Jesus as a diety. I looked at Jesus as a great Prophet, but always wondered why God had to take a back seat to him. I also had issues with the Saints, the Pope, all the praying in front of statues, and the hypocrital politics of the Diocese. My first introduction to Islam came in the most unlikely place. In Catholic school. In the 7th grade we studied major world religions and I was drawn to Islam at that time. However, at such a young age, I was not aware that one could become a Muslim without having been born that way. Like every good Catholic (LOL) I stopped going to church when I turned 18.
I never thought about religion again until some 20 years later when I found myself in a Border’s Book Store suddenly filling my arms with books about Islam. I sat down and started reading. It all came back to me. I knew that this group of people shared my beliefs. So like you, I embarked on a self-assigned spiritual journey and quest for information. When Muslim friends found out they tried to indoctrinate me with pamphlets and brouchures, but I refused. Instead I read every book about Islam I could get my hands on. I quickly brought myself up to date with current events in Islam, and more importantly with issues regarding women. I dove head first into books like Azadeh Moaveni’s - Lipstick Jihad, Asra Q. Nomani’s - Standing Alone, and Khaled Abou El Fadl’s - The Great Theft. I taught myself to read Arabic. I was buying so many books on Islam and the Arabic language that I joked to a friend I was probably on some FBI watchlist.
The Islamic community in which I live is relatively small. I feel comfortable at the Mosque here as it is still very liberal, modern and open-minded. I was having the most problems with the other converts. I soon came to realize none of them shared my desire to look at Islam from a more modern vantage point. I started to feel as if I had made a horrible mistake. So I accepted an offer to visit a friend’s sister in Jordan. I stopped first in Egypt and fell in love with the place. I had the good fortune while there to also meet a man who’s thinking was exactly like mine. Things did not work out for us romantically, but everything happens for a reason. I returned to the States with a renewed hope that there were others who shared my thinking. That I had not made a mistake. That I was going to be a Progressive Muslim. That I would fall in line behind those who have long ago started this fight. And that I hod only to justify my actions to God and no one else. I would try to make others see that God has not intended for us to be miserable in this life.
Incidentally, when returning to the states on Air France I was profiled at the airport in Paris. Here I was this blonde haired, blue eyed American woman with no indication whatsoever that I was a Muslim, pulled out of the line and run through the same gauntlet that so many Arabs/Muslims are run through. I was profiled simply because Egypt was stamped in my passport. I laugh about it now.
I miss New York terribly. I may return to live someday. But next time I go for a visit we should do lunch. You and your husband sould like awesome people.
BP and Sandmonkey are my heros! I am so grateful to them for drawing attention to very important topics in politics, history and Islam. And especially for the attention they give to women’s rights. The best part of all is that they do it all with humor. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, then who can we laugh at.
Peace.
December 7th, 2006 at 8:01 am
I so agree about the bathroom attendants! What a happy experience it is to walk into a bathroom in Egypt without anyone else there and not have to go through the whole “la shukran, please bugger off and let me take a slash in peace” thing. Honestly, some of these guys are so in your space you just about want to step back and ask them to hold it for you.
December 7th, 2006 at 9:49 am
[...] I don’t want hate here, but I was amused by SandMonkey’s 5 Groups of People I Hate. [...]
December 7th, 2006 at 2:44 pm
To Egypt with love,
I actually started learning about Islam accidentally because I decided to learn about Saudi Arabia’s history (I had a roommate doing a ME studies major). Pretty much the only major influences in Arabia are oil and Islam and you had to learn both to understand anything about Arabia. My husband and I don’t care about influencing anyone other than our children. Cutting through the dogma of others has proven to be a trying and unrewarding experience. Modern Islam in practice is not what I thought it would be - partially because of Wahhabization. However, basic aspects of the religion are rooted in Judeo-Christian teachings. Take away the outer coating and it’s basically the same religion - which is what Mohamed said it was supposed to be. The roots of the religion - the POINT of it all, if you will - is the important part to me. A purer heart, a stronger soul, acceptance and tolerance, morals without moralizing, a religion that doesn’t have to be interpreted by a sexually frustrated priest (Caltholic - Orthodox priests are required to be married, but still…), a direct communication with God. I’ve always said that, basically, if you’ve got the 10 commandments and Corinthians I:13 (sorry, I don’t know how to cite properly), you really can’t go that wrong. I haven’t changed my mind. All forms of modern religion contradict themselves because, while black and white is easy to deal with, most people can’t negotiate the grey areas - and 95% of life is lived in the grey areas. But then, if people need the absolutes in their lives, I’m cool with that - unless they try to foist their ideas on me.
I didn’t fall in love with Egypt. I like it. I can see the beauty, the history, etc. but I can’t say I love it. I guess it’s because my life there is not that of a tourist. I have to actually deal with all the radicalism, dogma and poverty because our family is there. Both my husband and I are immigrants to the US and we guard our freedom jealouslyl We love this country more than anything on earth. People here have “inalienable rights” - rights that God provided and which no human has the right to take away! Novel idea in the rest of the world.
We get profiled when we go to Egypt too. But we resemble terrorists about as much as Strawberry Shortcake does, so they just do the bare minimum necessary to clear us and they’re very very nice about it. I have to say, based on what I’ve been exposed to in Egypt, I can’t blame them for being cautious. My husband and I actually are glad they are so diligent.
I love BP and Sandmonkey. I’ve never met anyone like them in Egypt. They are definitely a small minority and are heros in our house.
The next time you’re out here we should DEFINITELY do lunch.
December 7th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
go fuck yourself … i will ask you one think asshole tell me when you die what are you going to get in the Islamic Janna,if we say men gonna get 72 whores and Weldan Mokhaladoon (young boys that don’t bleed !!!) what are you going to do in paradise,don’t you ever criticize christianity while you are full of shit…one thing else about Islam,don’t you think that the sun sets in a MUDDY POND ?
December 7th, 2006 at 6:15 pm
Bloodhound #58
“i will ask you one think asshole tell me when you die what are you going to get in the Islamic Janna”
Well. I was hoping for a Venti Breve Latte and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. A never ending supply. That is my idea of paradise! What is it you were hoping for? The whores? You can have mine if you like, I’m sure I won’t use them.
December 7th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
“Well. I was hoping for a Venti Breve Latte and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.”
AAAAAAAH! Now, you’re talkin’ my language.
December 7th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
[...] Once again my favorite Egyptian blogger Sandmonkey wrote a blog that I just had to rip off. [...]
December 7th, 2006 at 11:20 pm
I hope for a Bentley and a 120 feet tall joint that becomes a virgin every dawn…and a little window from which I can see hell ,I don’t need your whores see? it’s not fun to have whores and drink milk andhoney in paradise
December 8th, 2006 at 12:50 am
You can keep your milk and honey. But give me a good White Russian or Long Island Iced Tea and I’ll really be happy. Actually, the only thing that could make paradise more complete would be to find an Olive Garden open 24 hours. Italian food served by really sexy, young Italian waiters. What more could one ask for? But sadly it seems all you have on your mind is drugs and sex (”a 120 feet tall joint that becomes a virgin every dawn”). Could it be you are missing something in your life? Enjoy your little fantasy and I’ll enjoy mine! See you in Paradise.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:10 am
sex ? did I say i want sex? I actually Didn’t ! see again ? we both don’t need whores..ah what the hell are we gonna do with whores ?!! moreover there are no italians in Islamic paradise… and my mind in drugs yea i can say so,i prefere to do drugs rather than wine and beer..will Allah give me what I want!i don’t know realy,maybe i’d choose hell by then lots of hash and fire there I guess…and motherfuckin why would someone need tea in islamic paradise !!!!! hahahahhaha no maturebating too who would need that !!
December 8th, 2006 at 4:16 am
Who remembers those old TV commercials run by Partnership for a Drug Free America? The one where a guy cracks and egg into a frying pan and says: “This is your brain on drugs”. Suddenly I am having flashbacks. You are one confused individual. Bloodhound, I sincerely hope that Allah gives you EVERYTHING you need and want. In this life and the next. Peace.
December 8th, 2006 at 1:37 pm
My 5 pet hates are those who use ACA in their posts. Go on. complain but for those of us who don’t know it it’s bloody annoying…at least for myself.
December 8th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
I don’t ur fuckin Allah to give me anything,he will give u a nice cock in Janna accept it or not
December 9th, 2006 at 6:14 am
#67…I need to borrow your brain. I’m building an idiot and it’s the last pice left to get.
December 21st, 2006 at 8:24 am
SM,i don’t hate or love you,i’m just impressed…! and that’s enough to make me read your posts,wether i agree with them or not…it’s like a whole new world for me!