Yesterday at 2 am I was awakned by a distant buzzing sound over my head. I hazely realise that this isn't the alarm or the phone or any of those things that make annoying noises that we employ in our lives. This was something different. So I look up…
….and I behold a giant flying cocroach that keeps thumping itself to my ceiling, as if trying to get out that way.
So I get up slowly, and I reach for my newest vanity purchase: The Rechargeable Mosquitto Hitting Pat!
This thing is basically an electric mosquitto swatter, in the shape of a tennis racket, and when turned on, you could use it to electrecute any thing that is bugging you, whether Insect or drunk obnoxious guests. And the best part is the way you charge it: you can plug it into an electrical outlet using its electric plug.
It's very economical and has reduced the time I spend Mosquito swatting by 80%. So, for someone as lazy as me, that's fantastic! However, it was never tested on other insects before, and this was one giant roach. So I didn't know what to expect exactly. Regardless, I decided it was time to execute the nefarious bug. So dressed in only my boxers, and armed with my "Rechargeable Mosquitto Hitting Pat" (RMHP for short), I screamed "Spartaaaaaaaa" and went into an epic battle!
It was a pretty funny sight!
Anyway, once the battle started, I realized one thing: The dose it takes to kill a mosquito isn't enough to kill the flying roach. I hit it with it, and it zaps, falls down for a second, then picks itself up again. This thing is resilient. So, eventually I had to await my strategic moment, use the pat to stick the roach to the wall and then zap it repeatedly until it finally did its last buzzing sound andfell to the floor, dead. A moment of silence passed, as I acknowledged what just took place: The Little thing fought bravely, but in the end it was bested by me. I stood up in exhaltation, raised my RMHP high, and declared myself victorious. I RULE!
After deciding that, I realized two important things: 1) I need to find a way to close that stuck bathroom window, because it keeps bringing in mosquittos and now a flying Roach, which is pretty annoying, and 2) It was 2 am and I was wide awake. The Battle has wiped away my sleep. It took me 4 more houres to finally fall to sleep, which was stupid since I had to wake up in 2 more houres anyway. But victorious and tired, I went to sleep immedietly.
Later on that day, My friend M. passed by my house to chill and hang out. While we are talking, something came flying inside the living room. M. freaked out and jumped on the couch, and then off the couch and out of the living room, while I stood there looking at the thing, trying to figure out what it was. And lo and behold, it was another flying Roach, similar to the first one but smaller and bolder. I quickly relaized that it must be the wife of the dead Roach, and like the dear wife she is, she came to take revenge on those who killed her husbend. Just like Jaws 2. This time, it was personal!
Recognizing what I am up against, I ran to my bedroom and grabbed my "RMHP" and faced the flying menace in the dinning room, and this time, I knew what needed to be done. In a movement worthy of a Jedi Master, with one stroke I pushed the Roach into the wall, and then zapped it until it joined its hubby in Roach Heaven. And then, very cool-ly, I held the Roach on the RMHP and opened the apartment door, and with one swing threw the thing out. And I turned around, and saw M. watching me in awe with her big eyes and she said one thing:
" I've got to get me one of these!"