September 2007 archive

Fatwa of the day: Married on Film, Married in real life

Al Azhar people are really freakin bored these days apparently: they just issued a fatwa stating that if in a movie or TV show there is a scene where two people are getting married, then their marriage counts , because they are going through all the steps, vows and appearance of getting married. This is justified by an old Hadith that says that there is no jest when it comes to divorce or marriage (or letting go of slaves. But Ignore that last part for now.), which means you can not divorce or marry someone in jest and then claim you were kidding or playing. This of course means that many actors are married to each other, and some female ones have or had multiple husbands, which is a big haram no no. So, yeah, they are calling for a stop for all such scenes involving marriage and divorce, just to make sure the people aren't sinning without knowing.

Al Azhar clerics: always tackeling the important issues that impact your daily Life as a Muslim. 

AP fellates Hugo Chavez

It sure as hell seems like it, reading this article. But I am not gonna say anything. I will just post snapshots and you guys make up your own minds:

"'Gladiator' — What a movie! I saw it three times," the president tells an Associated Press reporter traveling with him in a Toyota 4Runner,
along with his daughter and a state governor. "It's confronting the
empire, and confronting evil. … And you end up relating to that
gladiator."

The parallel is unstated but clear. To Chavez, the United States is
the empire, and he is the protagonist waging an epic struggle to bring
justice to the oppressed of Venezuela and the world.

[...]

Underneath the fiery persona is a man who both firmly believes in his
vision and is shrewd enough to know how to sell it. Chavez sees the
world in black and white and casts himself as crusader, a role that is
at once genuine and expedient. He truly empathizes with the common
people of Venezuela, but it is also vital for him to hear their cheers,
be their hero and feel the power.

[...]

To understand Chavez, it helps to see these plains, spreading lush
and green in the rainy season, all the way from the Venezuelan Andes in
the west to the Orinoco River in the east. This is the land where
Chavez grew up poor in the town of Sabaneta and later spent three
formative years in Apure. It's a personal history he draws on often in
his speeches.

"A man from the plains, from these great open spaces… tends to be
a nomad, tends not to see barriers. You don't see barriers from
childhood on. What you see is the horizon," says Chavez, whose first
question to a foreigner is often, "Where are you from?"

The stereotype in Venezuela
is that people from the plains, or "llaneros," tend to be talkative,
boisterous cowboy types with a rich tradition of folklore. Chavez fits
the bill.

"I have deep roots here," he says. "When I die I want them to bury
me here in this savanna, anywhere, because you feel like a part of it."

He says it was the injustice he saw here — of "impoverished people
living atop a sea of oil" — that drove him in the 1980s to lead a
secret dissident group. As he drives past stands where poor people
still sell pineapples and cantaloupes today, he reflects, "We're in the
process of freeing the slaves. It's still slavery, disguised." He has
expressed the idea so often that it sounds almost rehearsed, yet still
seems heartfelt.

[...]

"Chavez is an intelligent man, a man who dominates that game of the
real elements of power and has the capacity to be constantly learning,"
says Bravo, who respects Chavez but disagrees strongly with his policy
of forming joint ventures with multinational oil companies.

[...]

As Chavez slowly pulls away from a military checkpoint, passers-by
notice him at the wheel and come running through the rain, shouting
"Presidente!" Leaning out of the window, Chavez clasps hands and plants
kisses on cheeks, heads and hands.

"Hola mi amor," he tells an elderly woman.

"Epa compadre, how's your family?" he exclaims to a man he recognizes from years ago.

People crowd around. They snap photos with cell phones.
They ask the president for help to replace shacks with homes or treat
sick relatives. Chavez promises to help them all, barking out orders to
aides who hurriedly jot down notes.

A woman runs to the window in the rain with tears in her eyes, crying out "I love you!"

Pulling away, Chavez honks, grins and shouts: "I'm off! On we go!"

The interruptions come throughout the road trip, and clearly
revitalize Chavez just like the cup upon cup of sweetened black coffee
that his daughter pours him from a Thermos.

Without contact with his supporters, "I'd be dead," he says.
"Nothing would have any meaning." He warms up to the drama. "I ask
myself quite regularly, 'Do you really love those people?' … 'Is it
true? Does their poverty hurt you? Do the children who are barefoot and
homeless hurt you?' Yes, it hurts me. It can even make me cry."

Oh Baby! 

The Israeli strike thing pt.2

People are still talking about this, and now they are saying Israeli commandos were involved. For real:

Another
leak appeared via the Sunday Times, this time with enough granularity
to consider it a genuine leak. According to that report, the operation
was carried out by Israeli commandos supported by Israeli aircraft,
under the direct management of Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak. It
had been planned since June, just after Barak took office, and had been
approved by the United States after some hesitation. The target was in
fact nuclear "material" provided by North Korea, according to that leak.

All of this makes perfect sense, save one thing. Why the secrecy? If
the Syrians have nuclear facilities, the Israelis should be delighted
to make it public. Frankly, so should the United States, since the Bush
administration has always argued that nuclear proliferation to rogue
states, including Syria, is one of the key problems in the world. The
Syrians should be spinning the story like crazy as well, denying the
nuclear program but screaming about unprovoked Israeli-U.S. aggression.
The silence from one or two parties makes sense. The silence from all
parties makes little sense.

Still confusion. Still nobody knows anything. A Bunch of heads running around with their chickens cut off. I still think the whole thing is hyped and inconsequential!

 

Sadat Stories #1

This Story is a first hand account told by the protagonist himself, who at the time was a lowly soldier in the egyptian army. Right after the 1952 Revolution, the Revolutionary Board was the new royalty in the country, and the country acted as such. So when the Eid came around, the army loaded a truck of the finest sheep it could find and tagged each and every one of them for a member of the revolutionary Board, and put them all on a big truck, and gave the guy who told this story the mission of passing by the houses of the revolutionaries one by one and hand them each their designated sheep.

So the first stop was at Gamal Abdel Nasser's house, where the guy knocked on the door and was greeted by a servant, to which he informed that he is an army soldier there on a sheep delivery assignment. Nasser comes out wearing his robe de chambre , greets the soldiers, doesn't even glance at the sheep, takes it, and gives each of the soldiers money (Eid stipend) and wishes them a Happy Eid.  The soldiers leave, and by coincidence, the next stop was that of Anwar Al Sadat.

Unlike Nasser, Sadat lived in an apartment on a top floor, so when the soldier arrived downstairs, he had to deal with security, who wouldn't just let him in with a sheep. Sadat gets informed of the commotion, so he looks out of his window and sees the truck and the sheep. He tells the people to wait for him and that he is coming down immedietly, and puts on his Galabeyah and abayah (he didn't wear pajamas) and came downstairs. He saw his  sheep, and then looked at the truck, climbed it and started feeling the meat on each of the other sheeps, until he chose one he liked, which was designated for another revolutionary officer, Salah Salem and told the soldiers that he wanted that sheep instead of the one sent to him.

The Soldier naturally protested, feeling his own ass on the line there, and told Sadat that it can not be done. Sadat looked at him back and said: "Can not be done? Why not? Let me show you how it can be done!", and removed the Name Tag on the sheep he wanted and replaced it with the name tag on the sheep that was originally designated to him. "There, see? No Problem. There is nothing that can not be done!", Sadat said smiling, as he took his sheep into his building.

The Storyteller emphasizes that this story shows the fundamental difference between Nasser and Sadat! 

Quite possibly an innocent man hangs himself in prison

The news is calling him an Islamic militant, but his apparent suicide puts serious doubts to that theory. Islam is hugely against taking one's own life willingly, unless, u know, one martyrs himself during an act of Jihad (Read: suicide bombings). But to kill oneself in prison? Makes no sense to do so, since it meets no real purpose martyrdom-wise, if, you know, the man was as islamic militant as they are accusing him to be. Which means one of two things: 1) He wasn't an islamic militant and he was wrongfully accused and jailed, so he snapped and killed himself, or 2) The guy really is an islamic militant, but this was no suicide- the prison authorities took his life. Either way it sucks to be him!

Saudi females physically attack Virtue Police

Wohoooooooooooo..

Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and
Prevention of Vice were the victims of an attack by two Saudi females,
Asharq Al-Awsat can reveal.

According to the head of the commission
in Khobar, two girls pepper sprayed members of the commission after
they had tried to offer them advice.

Head of the Commission for
the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in the Eastern province
Dr. Mohamed bin Marshood al-Marshood, told Asharq Al Awsat that two of
the Commission's employees were verbally insulted and attacked by two
inappropriately-dressed females, in the old market in Prince Bandar
street, an area usually crowded with shoppers during the month of
Ramadan.

According to Dr. Al-Marshood, the two commission
members approached the girls in order to "politely" advise and guide
them regarding their inappropriate clothing.

Consequently,
the two girls started verbally abusing the commission members, which
then lead to one of the girls pepper-spraying them in the face as the
other girl filmed the incident on her mobile phone, while continuing to
hurl insults at them.

Those 2 girls are totally my new Heroes! 

 

Interviews

I've been interviewing lots of people for jobs lately, the following is my questions to them and some of their answers. Needless to say, after this, you, like me, will have a new found appreciation for the people who work in HR. Begad sa3baneen 3aliah.

1)The winner of the "completely irrelevant answer" category:

Q: What kind of a situation brings you down (meaning work)?
A:Ehh..when I see an old woman crying.


2)The winner of the "I've been a victim of Egyptian social engineering and I truly believe women to be inferior to men" category:

Q: What does being professional mean to you?
A: Working like a man. You know how men come to work and they just leave all of their problems at home? Women don't do that. They bring their problems and their emotional messes at work. I know that cause I do that. So I hope that one day I will be able to work like a man.


3)The winner of the "I couldn't blow that question more if I tried to" category:

Q:What are your strengths and weaknesses?
A:My strengths.. ehh.. I can surf the internet very well. My weaknesses..I have problems..ehh..working with women. I feel uncomfortable!


4)The winner of the "I need better friends and possibly therapy" category:

Q: How would an old friend describe you?
A: Faithful… Loyal… and smart. Definitely smart. They sure all come to me whenever they have a problem…which really pisses me off, you know? Cause they go out, have fun, and then cause a problem and then come complaining to me, which is fine..it's totally fine..but, I am like, where was I when you were having fun? How come was I not invited to the fun part? How come I am always the one who has to take all the shit afterwards? I don't mind listening to you and helping you out when you are having trouble, but also don't forget me when you are having fun!
Q: So you feel like your friends use you when they come to you with their problems while not calling you to have fun with them?
A: Oh no. Nothing like that. I feel as if they love me when they call me to share their problems. You have to love someone to be able to share your problems with them and expect them to solve them for you. So, no, it makes me happy. It makes me feel loved by them! (happy sardonic smile)
Q:………….Okayyyy then, next question…!


5)The winner of the "Let me try to flirt my way into the job, also known as the ' mateegy a2q3od 3ala 7egrak a7san' " category:

Q: How should supervisors and subordinates, in your opinion, interact?
A: (Seductively) The subordinates should always obey their supervisors..in everything. I'll do anything for my supervisor. Anything he wants from me. Annnnnyythhhhhing at all! (Leans over to show slight cleavage) They just have to ask!
Q: Fantastic answer! (So not getting the job)


6)The winner of the "Ana Ba7eb Mama" category:

Q: So, what is the most important thing in a job for you: High Salary or Job recognition and achievement?
A: Wallahy, the most important thing in a job for me is for it to be close to home. Asl Mama worries a lot!


7)The winner of the "I have self confidence wallahy, but I can't find it at the moment" category:

Q: What do you do when everybody thinks you are wrong, but you know you are right?
A: Well, the first question is, do I know I am right?
Q: What do you mean?
A: I mean, I would naturally ask myself if I am right. I mean, all those people can't be wrong, and I am the one who is right. So maybe I am the one who is wrong!
Q: (Mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no confidence in her opinions!
A: No, no, don't write that. I didn't mean it like that. It's just, who am I to be right while everybody else is wrong? I am young and inexperienced, so of course I will think they know better.
Q: Ahh..ok..let me scratch what I wrote then. (mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no self esteem!
A: No no no. I didn't mean it like that either. Please don't write that. Let me try again!


And last, but not least:

8)The winner of the "And here I thought it was bad customer service, tele3 el industry standard" category:

Q: So, a customer calls you and he is very very angry. What do you do?
A: I know this. I have been trained for this. I worked in a customer service call center, so I know exactly what to do.
Q: Ok..go on!
A: The first thing you do is to put them on hold for 5 minutes!
Q: (look of utter incomprehension)
A: Because it helps calm them down.
Q: Right!


Somebody shoot me!

The Hole Mitt Romney's comapign dug for him

This is such a funny story. Ok, check this out: Mitt Romney's campaign wanted to show that it is hip and internet savvy, so they created a campaign ad contest , where the average internet user can design the next Mitt Romney Campaign ad. Just go on this wesbite, and create an ad using a number of provided videoclips, audioclips and photos, and the most popular and viewed ad will become their next campaign ad. Well, Bruce Reed from Slate ( a raging Democrat), decided to make his own Romney campaign ad, and called it "Way" . And guess what? It's the most viewed one, the top ad off all the other ads, and if the Romney campaign keeps it word, it might have to air it anyway, and if it doesn't, it will be a PR snafu: so much for respecting the choice of the people. Either way the stormin mormon is screwed!

This is so gonna get funny!

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