Ramadan to me is like a social experiment in how Egypt would be like if we all smoked hash all the time and people were running around high. People look tired, droopy eyed, unable to concentrate, and unwilling to work. They are suddenly completely incapable of both driving and parking, and their ability to stay civil with each other is reduced by 70%. All they want to do is do nothing. They are always thinking about food, lots and lots of food, they get up in your face and look at you strangely with a mix of envy and contempt if you are eating something good, and they would be really happy if they could just go to sleep. When they eat, they eat various dishes of food in the most ravenous of ways, and they just sit afterwards watching TV and slouching on the couch.
Now, doesn't that sound like every single pothead you know? Well, imagine an entire country of them, running around all day, causing all kinds of traffic jams and delayed work. Imagine entire families, forced into meeting each other in social engagements and having awkward conversations for an entire month. And there is NO ALCOHOL. Imagine an entire month where everybody is obligated to invite everybody over and spend a fortune on food for no good reason. And then they go out and stay up till dawn hanging out in the street and causing traffic till 4 am.
And people wonder why I stay at home this entire month.
And if that's not enough, there is the retardedness surrounding the ramadan outings. In Egypt you have Big tents, where you pay hundreds of pounds to go sit, eat, drink, smoke shisha and watch an assortment of middle-eastern pop stars and belly dancers entertain your supposedly devout islamic ass. And if you are actually devout, then you will take the month seriously and engage in the Koran reading activities (30 chapters in 30 days) and Tarawee7 Prayers, which are insane special prayers that last like 30 units of prayers and are done in groups. So the Tarawee7 socializing pressure starts: Who is going to pray with us? Don;t you want to pray with us? Why not? It's Ramadan. It's one month a year for you to be good. And you cave in and your evening is all shot to shit.
And in that month you grow so envious of women, cause they have PERIODS, which allows them not to fast and no one would dare ask them why they are not fasting. But noo, not the men. Unless you are sick or christian, you better be fasting. And really, it's not that I want to eat. I just want my morning Coffee, with milk and sugar, and maybe even a glass of water after that so that I can start my working day right. But Nooooooo. You have to fast or at the very least be considerate to your fasting compatriots and not drink, smoke or eat in front of them, which I think is entirely unfair and fascist. Why the fuck should I be considerate to their fasting needs? I mean, they are choosing to do so. I am not. If anything, they should be considerate to my needs. After all, the entire fuckin universe doesn't revolve around you just because you are not gonna drink or eat from dawn till sunset. GROW THE FUCK UP!
Oh God. I AM SO GROUCHY. This SUCKS. I need my Caffeine NOW! I can't even make my own Coffee. THEY CLOSED THE KITCHEN. IT'S LOCKED AND SHIT! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Day one is almost over. Dear God, make it go fast this year. Please.