Interviews

I've been interviewing lots of people for jobs lately, the following is my questions to them and some of their answers. Needless to say, after this, you, like me, will have a new found appreciation for the people who work in HR. Begad sa3baneen 3aliah.

1)The winner of the "completely irrelevant answer" category:

Q: What kind of a situation brings you down (meaning work)?
A:Ehh..when I see an old woman crying.


2)The winner of the "I've been a victim of Egyptian social engineering and I truly believe women to be inferior to men" category:

Q: What does being professional mean to you?
A: Working like a man. You know how men come to work and they just leave all of their problems at home? Women don't do that. They bring their problems and their emotional messes at work. I know that cause I do that. So I hope that one day I will be able to work like a man.


3)The winner of the "I couldn't blow that question more if I tried to" category:

Q:What are your strengths and weaknesses?
A:My strengths.. ehh.. I can surf the internet very well. My weaknesses..I have problems..ehh..working with women. I feel uncomfortable!


4)The winner of the "I need better friends and possibly therapy" category:

Q: How would an old friend describe you?
A: Faithful… Loyal… and smart. Definitely smart. They sure all come to me whenever they have a problem…which really pisses me off, you know? Cause they go out, have fun, and then cause a problem and then come complaining to me, which is fine..it's totally fine..but, I am like, where was I when you were having fun? How come was I not invited to the fun part? How come I am always the one who has to take all the shit afterwards? I don't mind listening to you and helping you out when you are having trouble, but also don't forget me when you are having fun!
Q: So you feel like your friends use you when they come to you with their problems while not calling you to have fun with them?
A: Oh no. Nothing like that. I feel as if they love me when they call me to share their problems. You have to love someone to be able to share your problems with them and expect them to solve them for you. So, no, it makes me happy. It makes me feel loved by them! (happy sardonic smile)
Q:………….Okayyyy then, next question…!


5)The winner of the "Let me try to flirt my way into the job, also known as the ' mateegy a2q3od 3ala 7egrak a7san' " category:

Q: How should supervisors and subordinates, in your opinion, interact?
A: (Seductively) The subordinates should always obey their supervisors..in everything. I'll do anything for my supervisor. Anything he wants from me. Annnnnyythhhhhing at all! (Leans over to show slight cleavage) They just have to ask!
Q: Fantastic answer! (So not getting the job)


6)The winner of the "Ana Ba7eb Mama" category:

Q: So, what is the most important thing in a job for you: High Salary or Job recognition and achievement?
A: Wallahy, the most important thing in a job for me is for it to be close to home. Asl Mama worries a lot!


7)The winner of the "I have self confidence wallahy, but I can't find it at the moment" category:

Q: What do you do when everybody thinks you are wrong, but you know you are right?
A: Well, the first question is, do I know I am right?
Q: What do you mean?
A: I mean, I would naturally ask myself if I am right. I mean, all those people can't be wrong, and I am the one who is right. So maybe I am the one who is wrong!
Q: (Mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no confidence in her opinions!
A: No, no, don't write that. I didn't mean it like that. It's just, who am I to be right while everybody else is wrong? I am young and inexperienced, so of course I will think they know better.
Q: Ahh..ok..let me scratch what I wrote then. (mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no self esteem!
A: No no no. I didn't mean it like that either. Please don't write that. Let me try again!


And last, but not least:

8)The winner of the "And here I thought it was bad customer service, tele3 el industry standard" category:

Q: So, a customer calls you and he is very very angry. What do you do?
A: I know this. I have been trained for this. I worked in a customer service call center, so I know exactly what to do.
Q: Ok..go on!
A: The first thing you do is to put them on hold for 5 minutes!
Q: (look of utter incomprehension)
A: Because it helps calm them down.
Q: Right!


Somebody shoot me!

Comments

  1. Very funny… what is wrong with this country!

  2. I can relate to the feeling that the people you’re exposed to at work diminish all hope in humanity’s future… If I see one more kid put two freaking decimal points in a single number, I’m going to go all Arab on his ass and threaten to “break his head”.

  3. Egyptian in Germany says:

    Hi SM,
    Great blog! It give me great hope in young people seeking jobs!! It is an indication at the level of education and the quality of life these kids have at school and at home, Sigh…
    Egyptian in Germany

  4. John Cunningham says:

    The results of a study were recently released here in the US. Can’t provide links and name names, maybe another US reader can do that. But, I do remember what the results of the study were, people getting out of university know less than when they went in.

  5. If I see one more kid put two freaking decimal points in a single number, I’m going to go all Arab on his ass and threaten to “break his head”.

    LMAO, go all Arab on his ass? First time I’ve heard of that one! :D

  6. teezak hamra ya sandmonkey says:

    @ Some one shoot me…give us your contact details and a bullet will reach you via express. You are not a Zamalek dude or at least are pretty unknown there. Your mom isnt in magles shaab, all your details are deceiving typical zionist baby killing lies mr. cool corn on the cob. Go figure….

  7. John Cunningham says:

    Gee, teezak, what brought that all on? I guess you didn’t know that his mother just died. But, since you’re a worthless piece of shit you wouldn’t have cared anyway.

  8. SM

    LOL. Great interviews, really great.
    I particularly liked the interviewee with self confidence.;-)

  9. I will not even go there today…
    Will write a big, fat book about it.

    *I had an interviewer as me if I wanted a cigarette, and lit up-didn’t get that job.
    *I had an interviewer spill their whole current life issues-divorce, alcoholism, custody battles, etc.
    Ummmm..I’m not a counselor.

    Who trains these freaking idiots anyway?
    As job applicants, we go through sooo much “interview training” and then are thrown out into the real world of fake B.S., unprofessionalism, and just plain stupidness..what a waste

  10. JT, it’s an Arab thing to say “I’ll break your head” to kids who piss you off. “kassir rahsik” is my lame attempt at writing it using the English alphabet. Teezak (fitting name for you considering your approach) if you want to get a valid point across, make it in a civilized manner. You may very well have an intelligent argument to make, but instead you chose to write like an angry little teenager. Make some sort of point, leave name calling in the playground. I get enough of “witty” remarks like that at work. Next you’ll be making “your momma” jokes… Oh wait. You did.

  11. it does help calm them down.
    I would just hang up on them, but then one of my fun/nice co-workers would get them back:(
    Yep, hold is the best answer.

  12. Q: What kind of a situation brings you down (meaning work)?
    Work.

    Q: What does being professional mean to you?
    Ability to BS very well.

    Q: What are your strengths and weaknesses?
    My strength(s) – I have no weaknesses.

    Q: How would an old friend describe you?
    How the hell do I know? Ask my friend.

    Q: How should supervisors and subordinates, in your opinion, interact?
    Subordinate should lick supervisor’s ass shut.

    Q: So, what is the most important thing in a job for you: High Salary or Job recognition and achievement?
    All of the above.

    Q: What do you do when everybody thinks you are wrong, but you know you are right?
    I am working with bunch of idiots but I have to put up with it because my salary is high and my achievements are recognized.

    Q: So, a customer calls you and he is very angry. What do you do?
    Invite colleagues to listen together and place bets on how long will it take until its over. Additional bets may be placed on how many times it will have to repeat before customer calmly hangs up.

  13. N. American Princess says:

    Leo….hilarious…even funnier than the original post…the questions are stupid…i worked in HR for a short time..don’t feel sorry for these people..which are predominantly female…they definitely are not the brightest bulbs on the tree…they are the reason why most of us have to answer stupid irrelevant questions in interviews, explaining “How do you feel” and “What were you thinking”…i would hire someone like leo…just cuz he was a smartass who made me laugh

    Personally I think you should have hired the girl who was willing to do anything…shocked, in fact, that you didn’t…r u sure your Egyptian and male? lol

  14. teeyazkom kolokom hamra says:

    HAHAHA What a bunch of metamorphises, zionist baby killers acting rightuous, cordial and learned.

    The sucker said someone shoot me so whats wrong with that

    @n John Cunt ingham, I believe it was his granny not his mother that died Duuuh, and even if it was his mother, that doesnt negate the fact that he lied about her being a big shot politician, actually who gives a fuck who his parents are. We only judge him on his own merits what are none by the way.

    Mascot handmonkey. Oh cuntingham hahaha yourrrrr mama is a piece of shit cuz she didnt put soap in your mouth mouse hahahaha

  15. Thanks SM, for reminding me how much I enjoy NOT working in an office, with the same crowd everyday.

  16. Q: Alright then. Well done. Can I have your documents?

    A (21-year old girl): Oh, no! I forgot my birth …CONTROL at home!

    Me and the other guy doing that interview gone very quiet until I burst out laughing. We hired the girl. She is good, even if her mind wonders sometimes.

  17. looool gamda awe bat3t need to be close to home 3chan mamy :D eh el nas de

  18. Egyptian in Germany,

    I don’t know how it is in Germany but here in the US I happened to review 400 resumes and interview almost 100 people for two job openings and it doesn’t sound any different from what I’m reading here.

  19. hire the one with the lowest GPA
    not a cheater
    honest
    social
    and a hard worker
    no sassing
    i guarantee~~

  20. Employee Reviews

    The following are excerpts from federal employee performance evaluations.

    * “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.”

    * “His men would follow him anywhere but only out of morbid curiosity.”

    * “This associate is really not so much a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t be.”

    * “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”

    * “When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change feet.”

    * “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”

    * “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”

    * “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”

    * “This employee should go far — and the sooner he starts, the better we’ll be.”

    * “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

    * “This employee should not be allowed to breed.”

    * “This man has the whole six pack but is missing the plastic thingy that holds them all together.”

    * “He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.”

    * “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he is a carrier.”

    * “He’s been working with glue too much.”

    * “He would argue with a signpost.”

    * “He has a knack for making strangers immediately.”

    * “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”

    * “Is apparently very careful with equipment, as his tools show very little signs of wear.”

  21. Elengil, nice! We get to read our evaluations, and thus far I’ve not read anything to compare with those! Yet…

  22. Tsk tsk, Monkey. Since the Egyptian authorities got a hold of your ass (literally) you seem a bit more docile now.

    And no link to LGF anymore?

    Wow, they really did a number on you. My guess is 8 (inches).

  23. T_ hamra, sounds like Mona the palestinian slut/ Egyptian wannabe is still as screwed up as ever.

  24. John Cunningham says:

    teeyazkom, let me know where I could meet you so I can knock your fucking teeth down your throat, beyatch. Get out of your mother’s basement, tiny person and go run around the block a few times, it’ll blow the stink off of you. Something my mother often said to us when we’d been laying around too long watching Saturday morning cartoons for too long.

  25. Issandr

    Somethings never change like your refusal to admit that your country is crud which is why you have to live in Egypt to make it as a journalist. We can’t expect Moroccans to be grateful to their hosts when the majority of the population is still uncivilised nomads.

    Seeming that you are always criticising Egypt, why don’t you hop off to the backwaters that is Morocco.

  26. Wow, that is a totally different anna #25.
    Yes, I was only giving my experience as an interviewee…they need a voice, too.

  27. Ohhhhh….Issander is Moroccan…that explains a lot. I had always thought he was Egyptian. That explains his ill-named blog, “The Arabist.”

  28. good to see you egypeter…

    “that explains a lot” by that you mean retarded prejudiced coverage of Egypt and the rest of the middle east

  29. Thanks Anna, you too :)

    And, yup!

  30. Iman Hosni says:

    looooooooooooool
    I like