Egypt is going Nuclear

You know, we, as a country, have a problem paving a decent sidewalk, and now we are supposed to be building AND running Nuclear Power Plants? Worried? Me? Noooooooooooo!!!!!!

Worst comes to worse, a nuclear meltdown happens and we lose a couple million people. Downside: Millions dead, and we start growing 7 foot long carrots. Upside: Population Control. Now that is something we need! Less Cars on the 6th October Bridge. YEAH! 

What she said

Me: roba

Me: i have a new problem

Me: i no longer have a jewish fetish

Me: i have developed a Palestinian fetish

Me: I need to get out of the middle-east before I develop a Libyan one

Roba: hehehe

Roba: thats funny

Roba: a palestinian fetish doesnt sound too bad

Roba: but please do stay away from libyans..

Irony??

Olmert reportedly has cancer in the Asshole . Just saying!

Retarded Haartez article

I can't figure out what the writer wants to say in this article: is he defending Egypt? Against who? Israeli intelligence people who wanna wage war against it? What? Since when? And over who? Hamas? As if Egypt likes Hamas? The egyptian president never met with Heniyah even when Gaza was still under Fatah "control". What are they talking about?

Maybe it was just badly written. Hmm.. 

The solution to Lebanese politics

Well, that was a post I was supposed to write, but I told it to Mustapha when I met him in DC, and now he wrote it (although he did give me credit), which goes to show you that you should not procrastinate on your blogging. Bad Monkey, Bad. But think about this solution for a second. I mean, honestly, an Ouwet vs Hezbollah Game. How could that suck?

Rambo vs. Burma

The new Rambo Movie. The Rambo. The Stallone. The Bad acting and probably gruesome violence. The Trailer.

About that DC conference

will write about it eventually, but for now, what he said!

And I am up in the air, so Baby Hell yeah *..

*Jason Mraz rocks, and for those who disagree, y'all can bite me! 

Will be in DC this weekend. If you wanna meet up, e-mail me @ sandmonkey@gmail.com.

Musings

Sometimes I wonder: How do Iraqis feel about american action movies? Cause I think they probably hate them. Chances are they watch romantic comedies and family movies for escapism there these days. Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock movies are probably very popular over there. And Disney. I bet they watch every Disney movie there is, even Aladdin, you know?
 
Plus, how do you think they feel about the eventual upcoming avalanche of masturbatory american military flicks- probably starring Tommy Lee Jones or Denzel Washington- that will eventually get nominated for academy awards about either Iraq veterans who are suffering emotional, physical and psychological trauma from some god forsaken mysterious mission- so mysterious you won;t get to know what really happened out there until the end of the film- in Iraq with lots of "It was hell and I was there, man", or about some  slightly fictionalized crazy ass real-life mission, like Black Hawk Down, that will have an incredible amount of serious violence and will be part of the zeitgeist for generations to come? Must be how the Vietnamese felt like after the Americans left, right? Did anyone ask them? You think they show those movies there? How are they perceived? Especially the horrible B movies of Chuck Norris and Michael Dudikoff? Delta Force, motherfuckers. Or Rambo, especially Rambo 3, with their "all praise to the brave Mujahedeen" line in it. They must really love that one there.
 
Fuckin A, man. Arab, Indian and hispanic actors are going to be working for years to come as extras in american movies as Terrorist A, B and C or as Iraqi army Officer "Hussein something" because, well, they are mostly Shia over there and god knows some anal associate producer with an obsession for "realism" would have to give the characters some seriously shia names for "authenticity". There will be lots of Aly's as well. No people with "kh" sounds in their names unless they are villians. Die Akkkkkkhhhmed, Die!
 
But at least the minority actors are going to be working, right? At least some good can come out of it, unlike an invasion of Syria for example. Cause Syrians are whites, blondes and with colored eyes. They look so Caucasian, that white actors can play them. Fuck that. Don't invade Syria America: Keep the brown actors employed!  

Iraqi cemetery workers suffering due to lack of business

..because the death toll in Iraq has been decreasing significantly. More than a 30% drop in deaths actually in the past 6 months. How about that?

A drop in violence around Iraq has cut burials in the huge Wadi al
Salam cemetery here by at least one-third in the past six months, and
that's cut the pay of thousands of workers who make their living
digging graves, washing corpses or selling burial shrouds.

[...]

Dhurgham Majed al Malik, 48, whose family has arranged burial services
for generations, said that this spring, private cars and taxis with
caskets lashed to their roofs arrived at a rate of 6,500 a month. Now
it's 4,000 or less, he said.

The Poor guys. They should form a Union and demand more attacks from the government or something. Oh and Iraq is not improving. No sir. It's a failure. And it won't get better. That's what the media you watch tells you, right?

Yeah. Make sure you listen to it. It doesn't lie at all!

Hate for Free

Want to hate on your facebook friends but can't? No worries: Hatebook – the anti-social utility that connects you to people you hate- was designed for you! Go froth and spread lies and hate boys and girls. It sure as hell beats getting poked!

Azhar Sheikh: 80 lashes for freedom of press

So has decreed the Grand Sheikh of Al Azhar Mohamed Sayyed "Ok" Tantawi, as islamic punishment for those bad journalists who spread rumors about the president and the country.

"God will not respond to the invocation of the arrogant and
pretenders who accuse others with the ugliest vice and unsubstantiated
charges," said Tantawi during a religious celebration Monday attended
by Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and broadcast live on television.

"The Islamic Sharia (law) subjected all the people to be equally
punished for the crime of libel which is a flagrant aggression on the
virtuous men and women," he added. Tantawi's comments were published in
Al-Akhbar newspaper Wednesday and in Sawt Al-Azhar, the mouthpiece of
Al-Azhar, the following day.

[...]

During his speech, Tantawi seemed to argue for serious punishment as
well, quoting a verse from the Quran saying that those who accused
women of adultery without necessary proof were to receive "80
floggings."

He said his example involved women but added that "libel is also
applicable to men … this punishment is set by God to protect the
honor of men and women from bad talk that hurts dignity and honor."

Nice ehh?

You know why we call him "Sayyed OK" in Egypt? Because before he became Grand Sheikh of Al Azhar (appointed by President Mubarak) he used to be Egypt's mufti, and he was famous for his ability to issue any Fatwa you would like as long as you pay him. The man is such a joke, that during the presidential elections he issued a Fatwa- when the opposition was trying to get the people to boycott the elections in order to say it was illegitimate- that egyptians have to go and particpate in the elections as their islamic duty and that it's haram not to do so, because that's suppressing testimony and god forbids that and hates those who suppress their testimony. No one, of course, listened. This is the man, who under his reign, Al Azhar became a place for breast-feeding fatwas and debates over if an actor gets married on TV, is he counted as married in real life, amongst other fun fantastic very relevant debates. And now he wants to lash journalists who libel the good honorable men of this government 80 lashes. 80.

and you thought journalists had it rough in your country.

Tantawi, do us all a favor: RESIGN! 

7 year old boy engaged to 3 year old girl

In Afghanistan . The boy is the first cousin of the girl, whose father agreed to the engagement since his sister never had any girls and wanted one, so he decided to give her his 3 year old as a present. This is apprently very common, even to the point that some children are decreed to marry each other even before they are born. You would think that the society, men and women, would be against this entire tradition, since it sucks to be spoken for before you are four, but it's still very popular. The men who end up marrying those women who are selected for them since they are children  can always marry a second and third wife if they are not happy, so they have really very little to complain of. It's the women who get stuck, many of which opting to commit suicide to end what must be a very miserable existence.

Oh, and the UN estimates that 43% of all Afghani marriages were like this one. Warms your heart up, doesn't it?

Follow the money

The difference between the Obama people and the Clinton people is clear, no?

The Life I lead

It's raining heavily outside since yesterday, so much that I opted against wearing my business suit attire and went to work in casual cloths. So, here I am, walking into my very egyptian, very islamist company, wearing cargo pants, my T-shirt that says "I am not an alcoholic, I am a drunk. alcoholics go to meetings", and my Full Tilt Poker hat.

I would be so getting my ass kicked if they knew how to read english! 

The Viacom / Youtube lawsuit

Just in case you were confused by it, the Daily show explains it to ya!

Egyptian Boxers flee team once in US

Two Egyptian Heaveyweight Boxers have escaped the egyptian national team once they set foot in the US for the world Heavy-weight boxing championships and are now somewhere in the US, pretending to be mexicans and hopeing to get a job washing dishes instead of being world contenders. Smart.

The New Face of Egypt

Is former Mrs. India and Bollywood actress Celina Jaitley. Oh yes. A Half Indian, Half Afghani will now be the official new face of Egypt. Imagine that!


“Acting is my passion,
my first love, whatever else I am doing are perks that I enjoy,” said the
actress who is just back from Egypt. Celina has been signed on as the Face of
Egypt and will act as a brand ambassadress for the Land of Pharoahs.

[...]


The actress is
keen that Bollywood starts making films in Egypt and has got necessary
permission from the Egyptian government for this.


“Egypt is fascinating
and has a rich and great historical and cultural heritage, much like India.
Bollywood should come and shoot here,” said the actress of Afghani-Indian
blood who looks like she’s from the Middle East and who zapped the
Egyptian tourism ministry with her knowledge of their culture, literature and
traditions to get the honour.

Ok, all of this is nice and well and all, but an Indian as the new face of Egypt? What? We don't have any beautiful women left in Egypt, that even the face of Egypt has to be outsourced from India? INDIA???? How the fuck did the Ministry of Tourism approve this? She is not even half Egyptian. And since when do we have Brand Ambassadors? Egypt is a Brand now? Then who the hell is the Brand Manager? We need to talk to this guy, he is fucking up big time!

I mean, fine, she is hot. But who says we don't have hot women in this country who may be willing to take on the role? Did the Ministry issue an open call for a "New face of Egypt" and I didn't hear about it? Wouldn't being an Egyptian be, like, a perquisite to being the face of Egypt? Am I missing something?

This is Bullshit! 

On October 15

Fourteen Egyptian military conscripts and a civilian driver were killed
on Monday
when a minibus and a water tanker collided on a road in the
Sinai peninsula, security sources said.

Authorities have recovered seven bodies from the Nile River after a
deadly accident on a small overcrowded ferry in southern Egypt, police
said Monday.

Not  good day! 

McDonalds wishes you a happy Eid