The worst Fight Scene EVER

This is some intense shit! With emphasis on shit!

Ask Zawahiri anything

It's the Youtube debate for Jihadies. Send the questions you've always wanted to ask to Zawahiri ("So which is it? Boxers or Briefs?") and he will answer them in his next video probably. Achieve fame and fortune, and have your name linked to Zawahiri until he dies. Ideal for people who would hate to fly ever ever again!

14 reasons to love Egypt

Here is diptychal's list. Here is my list. Should I feel ashamed that mine only has 10?

Putin is Time Magazine’s Person of the Year

 

Cause, you know, people who aren't despotic dictators the world over were busy..

Fuck, even Al Gore would've been better than this guy.

Anyway, Article on him here, and interview with him here. The interview is telling. Here is a Money quote:

What do you think are American misconceptions about Russia?
Well, you know, I don't believe these are misconceptions. I think this
is a purposeful attempt by some to create an image of Russia based on
which one could influence our internal and foreign policies. This is
the reason why everybody is made to believe, like, it's O.K. to pinch
the Russians somewhat. They are a little bit savage still, or they just
climbed down from the trees and probably need to have their hair
brushed and their beards trimmed.

Chip on shoulder much? No wonder he is such a dick! 

I love the people running the Huckabee ads

A Christmas ad, with a Bookshelf shaped like a white cross in the background? Subtle and Subliminal. Very Nice.

Clinton 2.0 Indeed

John Edwards has always been positioned as the next Clinton in terms of intelligence, smooth-talking and boyish good looks. Apparently Tabloid stories of infidelities also come with the package.

Britney Spears’s sister is pregs

The young Spears is definitely following the footsteps of older sis, cause one Spears reproducing isn't enough. In other news, the book their mother was about to release on christian parenting? Yeah, totally not gonna get published ! But they are not going broke anytime soon though: Mommy and daughter sold the story to OK magazine for 1 million dollars. Christian Family Values indeed! 

What the 911 Truthers sound like to me

Yes people, The Devil didn't do it. Evil is innocent. It's all Good's doing, and it's all God's fault!

Sinfest, of course! 

Catch-22

Let's say you are a guy, and you have a close female friend whom you are not interested in otherwise. One day You notice that female friend distancing herself, so you ask her what's going on, and she tells you that she believes/thinks/suspects that you have feelings for her beyond that of friendship and she doesn't like it. Pray tell, what would you do?

Let's go over your options at that moment, shall we? There really are only 2 of them: 1) You agree with the friend or 2) You deny what your friend is saying. Now, option #1 is out, because, well, as we previously mentioned you don't have feelings for her beyond those of friendship. So you go for option #2 and deny, which the girl probably won't believe anyway. So, my dear friend, I would like to inform you that either way you are fucked!

It's the ultimate catch-22 and there is no real way out, because even if you deny, how can you really prove it? I mean, it's hard enough to show you are in love with someone, can you imagine how hard it is to prove that you are not in love with them but still like them as friends? It's almost impossible.

The moment they utter those words and you immediately become a suspect, and you are guilty till proven innocent and there is no fair trial. You find yourself immediately on the defensive. You start wondering when did this start in her head. If every time you greeted her with a hug or a kiss on the cheek you were considered a suspect. You start replaying phone calls and conversations in your head, and wonder what you said that could've implied this. You start thinking that this must be how being a woman must feel like, and thank your gods you don't have to do it all the time and you start regretting not currently dating a woman, because had you done that you could've just pointed at her and be like "Oh, but I am with her" and your friend will start looking like the egomanical paranoid person that she is currently being. But you are a single guy, which means you have no alibi and the glove fits. There is no way out for you.

Well, when this happens to you, as it happened to me, there is really not much that you can do. And since no piece of advice is readily available to you, you have to come up with some rules of your own on the spot. Here is what I came up with:

1) Deny. Deny. Deny. Deny. And if you can, try to turn it into a joke. Chances are they won't let you, because they are probably wearing their "Bitch shoes" if they decide to have this conversation with you and once those shoes are on, boy, they ain't coming off with a smile. But try anyway…

2) Tell her that to combat any suspicion from her side that from this moment on, you will not touch any part of her, ever, no matter what the reason. Not in greetings, goodbyes, times of sorrow, times of joy, if she is falling apart or falling down the stairs. You are not going near her at all. She is a leper as far as you are concerned.

3) Take the mental note to never ever call, IM or text message her from now on. God knows a simple "How r u?" could be interpreted as the suffocating greeting of a psycho friend who is bent on continuing to have feelings for her, and who would want that? No Hallos, No Miss yous, and most defiantly NO POKING on facebook. Got that?

4) Decide that this friend, for at least the short run, is gone from your life. If you depended on that person, or was part of your inner circle, start getting used to the idea that they won't be there anymore. Why? Because if you seek their help at your time of need, god only knows how they will interpret it, so why even bother with this crap when you are in a bad place? Just call someone else.

5) Remember that this is her choice, that she created the problem, so it's ok to hate her if the situation requires it. But don't do it immediately. Give it like a month or so. Remember that she could also be a confused soul, and it's good to give her the time to figure stuff out in her head. But if you cared for that person,and they shut you out just like that because of something in their heads, then it might just be ok to hate them. Just take your time with this step. And if you take it and she protests it, please remind her that this is all her fault, and an irrational action warrants an irrational reaction. Newton First Law, Bitches!

6) Inform her that you are going to keep your distance until she figures her shit out. If she wants to get over herself and call you, that's fine. If she doesn't, well, that's her choice as well, and revert to rule #5.

7) Start looking for a girlfriend. Any girlfriend. You don't even have to like her. She doesn't even have to be nice, pretty or literate. Just get rid of your suspicious singledom. You are not gonna fall in this trap again.

That's all I have for now. If you have any suggestions, please add them to the comments section. If you suspect such a thing from a friend of yours, please, get over yourself before doing something stupid or acting funny. This isn't fun!

And if you are a female friend of mine and reading this, please realize that I am not in love with you. I am very forward with my emotions, and if I was, I would've told you. And if I hang out with you a lot, it's because you are fun to hang out with and I am not seeing someone. But the moment I will start seeing someone, I promise to ignore you like everybody else does. Ehh..I mean give you less attention. I will be busy. You know what I mean.

So yeah, that's all. Oh, and again, NOT IN LOVE WITH ANY OF YOU. OK?

Fuckin Hell…

Happy Waqfah and Eid everyone

I was gonna attempt translating the word waqfah, but Happy Erection day just didn't sound right.

Either way, hope everyone enjoys their ritual sacrifice tomorrow.Not a good time to be a sheep, I must say. May God accept your offerings and bless you and all this good stuff. 

I can't believe I will have to have sheep meat for breakfast tomorrow. But that's Eid for you. Sheep all day. I just feel bad for the ones I see on the streets. Do you think they know that come sunrise tomorrow, they will get slaughterd and eaten? They probably feel really happy about all the extra food they have been receiving this past month by their owners, not knowing that it's in order for them to fetch a higher price by kilogram, and then get their head chopped off.

Hmmph… 

We are a mean mean species!

On Amy and Noby

Dear readers of this blog,

It is rare that one passes by a story such as that of Amy and Noby nowadays. It's a story of love, marriage and retardedness. It's a story worth sharing and worth telling, and it will be told right here. I will let the story speak for itself, and will interject my comments in between. This story, like all good stories like it, starts with a wedding:

When Amy Robson was a little girl, she dreamed of one day marrying her
ideal man in a traditional white wedding in a church close to her
Cumbrian home.

Last week, when she married internet cafe manager Mohamed El Sayed in Egypt, the celebrations were somewhat different.

Dressed in a gold sequined gown and gold jewellery, Amy, the
runaway schoolgirl from Cumbria who has just turned 18, beamed
constantly as she marked her nuptials to the 30-year-old man nicknamed
Noby with a party thrown by her new in-laws at their home 30 miles
outside Cairo.

She is 18, he is 30, and he works as an "Internet cafe manager". And that's just the beginning… 

And despite her family's fears over her future, Amy seemed in no doubt that it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Noby's friends, neighbours and dozens of family members gathered in the
flat in the town of Banha to watch the couple exchange silver rings.
They have spent just a few short days together, but Amy says she is in
no doubt that he is the love of her life.

Only a few days.. in no doubt that he is the love of her life…Ok, could happen. Keep going..

And as Noby's family fussed around her, proclaiming she had been 'sent to us by God', tears of pleasure coursed down her face.

"I'm just so happy," she said, wiping her eyes and gripping the hand of
her new husband for dear life. 'It's been an amazing day. It's a bit
overwhelming.

"I can't believe how welcoming and nice they have been to me here."

Okay… all is well so far…so how did it all start?

Their relationship began in April, when Amy first ran away from home.
She fled to the Red Sea resort of Hurghada to be with married boathand
Tamer Hossney, with whom she had become infatuated on a family holiday
the year before.

When she arrived, Hossney stood her up. But as an international search
began for the schoolgirl, within a day she had fallen in love with
Noby, who was running an internet cafe in the resort.

ehh….

An uneducated man with few prospects, he was at an age at which his
parents had begun to question why he had not married – and was
immediately smitten with the adoring young British girl who demanded
nothing.

Despite his speaking only a few words of English and her speaking no
Arabic, he said he knew immediately he wanted her to be his bride.

 And her passport had nothing to do with anything…

Since then, the pair have developed a means of communicating that is
somewhere between Arabic and English, involving a few words of each.

"A lot of the time I don't understand, but it doesn't matter," said
Amy. "He is teaching me a few Arabic words. It's really hard, though."

Instead of talking, they spend most of their time running after
one another in childlike games of tag, which leave both in fits of
giggles.

 Pain in my head..Blood pressure rising..

Amy's new husband does not want her to go out to work, so she will
spend her days indoors with the other women of the neighbourhood,
waiting for their men to come home.

As a young wife, she will not be allowed to go anywhere independently of Noby. And, as a fair-haired
Western woman, anywhere she does go, she will receive a great deal of attention.

When asked about the prospect of children, Amy confided she
would prefer to wait a while. Her new family, however, cooed that
children are a great blessing and said they hoped she and Noby would be
blessed soon.

And although he appears kind, looking after Amy as if she were
a child, Noby has taken her passport from her. So if her dream does
turn into a nightmare, she may find it difficult to escape.

You don't say? 

Yet for Amy – who is, after all, an adult capable of making her
own choices – none of this matters. When I expressed concern that she
would miss out on her own career, she said she had never been
ambitious.

Nooooooooooooo…I don't believe it.. Surely you are joking….

Until they travelled to Banha for the party, they had been sleeping on
the floor at Noby's brother Fauzi's flat. He works as a street hustler,
trying to attract tourists to buy horse-rides to the Pyramids.

He lives in a run-down block of flats in Cairo, with crumbling
walls, cramped living conditions and children playing in the dirt
outside.

Yet despite her less than salubrious surroundings, Amy insists
she has fallen in love with Egypt and is thrilled about her new life.

"I love it here – it's so much more exciting than at home," she
said. "I miss home sometimes, and Mum and Dad, but they don't
understand about Noby so I can't see them.

"I've emailed them but we don't speak on the phone and I didn't tell them I was getting married.

"If I'd stayed at home I might have gone to college, but I don't feel like I'm missing out. The only thing I
hate here is the food – it's really weird. I just eat a lot of pitta bread."

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE

When asked what the future holds, Amy buried her head into Noby's shoulder and mumbled: "I don't know.

Questions about whether she will convert to Islam, her husband's religion, and begin wearing the veil brought the same reaction.

Noby plans to make a living by finding another internet cafe to run to
ensure his wife will never have to work, which he views as "not for
women".

He hopes to encourage Amy to eat Egyptian food because he would like her to become plump.

Fantastic..

Now, just in case you wonder how could she be this retarded, well, the story does offer a hidden clue:

Back home in the Cumbrian village of Beaumont, from which she first
fled to Egypt in April, her parents – James, 42 and Janet, 33 – are
desperately worried about their daughter.

Janet, her mother, is 33. Amy is 18, which means that Janet had her when she was 15, and thus got pregnant with her when she was 14. Yeah, good judgement doesn't really run in the genes of the females of her family, does it? 

Now, the comments on this story keep talking about how that story should be revisited in a few years and how it will show that girl's life turning into a nightmare, but , like, ehh, I doubt it. The Girl is stupid. She is dumb as a log. She escaped home cause she was in love with a boathand she met once (named Tamer Honsey, egyptian readers, notice that?), when she didn't find him she fell in love with noby, who couldn't even speak her language or she his'. She is not very bright, not very ambitious, and just wants someone to latch on to. And he will never let her go. It's perfect.

But noting that not many of you will share my outlook on this, which is "She is stupid, he is an opprutunist, they deserve each other", me and a few female friends from the US are planning to drive down to Banha come January and visit Amy to check up on her. We will bring her McDonalds with us as well, just in case she isn't sick to death of Pita bread by then. The girls think they can convince her of coming with them for a night out in Cairo, but I really doubt Noby will let her step outside the house at all. Chances are he will attack us with a knife or something. Should be interesting. Will keep you updated. And in case you want to join me on the "Bring Mickey D's to Amy" campaign, just e-mail me and we will arrange things. I am dead serious people. I am not gonna miss out on this shit!

The First Islamic Car

It's gonna be produced by Iran. What makes it Islamic? Well, it will be manufactured by three Islamic Nations (Iran, Turkey and Malaysia) and it will include decidedly Islamic features: It will contain a Prayer Rug, a Mecca-pointing compass and a "Koran Holder", just in case you feel like reading the good book while driving. The news is welcomed by the thousands of Muslims who are sick and tired of driving Italian Catholic cars or German and American protestant cars ( we are not even gonna mention the cars made by the asian infidels here), and wanted a car that shared their religious beliefs. The people are complaining though  that the car doesn't segregate between the men and women riding it, and therefore isn't truly Islamic. The company claims that segregating the car would be impractical from an engineering point of view, but promises to install vice sensors in the upcoming models that will blare an alarm saying"GOD IS WATCHING YOU, BITCHES!" in case a man and a woman got within touching distance from each other.

Onwards, Islamic people! 

Another reason why muslims hate alcohol

 According to Bush, he wouldn't be in the Oval Office if he hadn't stopped drinking Whiskey. 

The Alarabiya Egypt roundup

Hmm.. so what do the AlArabiya people have to say about us today?

Let's see, shall we?

 A state of martial law is declared in the City of Asna because 2 Christian males were caught engaging in "illicit activities" with a muslim female. The people suspected that the 2 christian guys were having sex with the female in a store, so they attacked the store, apprehended the 2 guys, sent the girl home to her family, burned down the shop they were in and destroyed the glassfront of the Pharmacy they worked in. The article says that the mob was furious because the 2 guys promsied the girl 100 EGP for "sexually pleasing them", which means the girl is a prostitute. Moral of the story? Don;t have sex with prostitutes from a different religion, that's just asking for trouble. Unless they are christian prostitutes. Those are fair game!

The Egyptian authorities have just arrested a group of people that allegedly belong to a new Islamic sect called the Ahabash. They are 22, 8 were arrested and 14 were getting interrogated as we speak, including 3 lebanese and get this, one Khazakhestani. The sect supposidly encourages getting blessings from Cemeteries and tombs of dead people and praying without washing up first. The charges they are being investigated with include: 1) being memebrs of an unauthorized organization, 2) disdain for religion and- my personal favorite- 3) carrying printed materials that contains their ideological beliefs, that could be read by other people later on. Reading. Very bad for you!

Egyptian Islamic Intellectual "Dr." Zaghloul Al Naggar- lovingly dubbed Zaghloul "el Fashar", because he just makes shit up all the time- is accusing the Christian church of actively trying to convert Muslims to christianity, which is very rude according to him. Actually, his exact words were "Provocation" and "attack on Islam". He claims that bitching about religious conversion from Islam to christianity is legitimate and not hypocritical at all since Muslims don't actively try to convert people while christians seem to have an organized effort doing so, and that most people convert to Islam because they are drawn to it themselves, while those who convert to christianity are doing it out of 1) opportunisms, 2) abduction and 3) Lies. But remember, he is not provoking or attacking christians. He is just telling it how it is.

And finally, a fantastic story of love, idiocy and murder, where a man killed his bride on her wedding night, actually stabbed her to death, because he couldn't break her hymen, and thus thought it wasn't there. Enraged that he married a "used woman", Mr. 2 inch Penis proceeded to stab her and slit her throat, and then ran away. He was later apprehended, and taken to jail, where he was informed that the autopsy report showed that the girl indeed was a virgin and with an intact hymen and that he is a colossal fucking asshole. He is now serving a Life sentence in egyptian prisons, where- if there is a kind and just god- he will get analy raped for the remainder of his years for what he did.

Now, you don't think that the AlArabiya people are slightly biased against Egypt, do you? Nahh..that would be crazy conspiracy talk, right? Not intentional at all, No? 

Right! 

Holy Smackdown

Obama owns Hillary at the Iowa debate. Owns her. What a sweet sweet moment! (Notice the muffled "Oh, you wanna hear that?")

No wonder he is soo grumpy! Seriously, Bill, give it up already. Hillary won't win!

Our dumb world

Ignore Google Earth, the Onion is where it's at! Egypt and Canada are favorites!

Poop Gold

It's an option now!

Ohh..Facebook removed the “IS”

Breaking news fellow Teezbookers: Facebook removed the "is" in the status section.

About fuckin time.

 Ok, back to work!

Back in 12

Been busy with work for the past 2 days, but there are new posts, ones that involve actual writing, stuffed in my ehad and waiting for thei chance to be released. Once I am done with work, I will blog again. Promise!

See you in 12 hours! 

Sexy vs. Smart

A leading Femenist sees a worrying trend in today's girls:

'The overwhelming lesson teenagers are now learning from the world
around them is that being "sexy" is the ultimate accolade, trumping
intelligence, character and all other accomplishments at every stage of
a woman's life,' said Liebau, a political analyst and the review's
first female managing editor. 'The new female imperative is that it is
only through promiscuity and sexual aggression that girls can achieve
admiration and recognition.' She cites films such as Cruel Intentions
and Mean Girls, the music and videos of Britney Spears, Christina
Aguilera and Lil' Kim, and advertisements such as the dominatrix-themed
campaign for the teenage fashion house bebe, featuring Mischa Barton.
'In a culture that celebrates Paris Hilton, thong underwear and songs
like "My Humps" – where the female singer expounds the sexual magnetism
of her breasts and buttocks – there's scant recognition or respect for
female modesty or achievement that isn't coupled with sex appeal,' she
adds.

What do they expect? It's the Sex and the City Generation. Hell, the smartest one on that show ended up with the shittiest life, while the sluttiest and sexiest one ended up with a really good looking younger lover/male model. What does that tell you if you are a young girl watching? In Today's culture, Intelligence is underrated, especially amongst women. I can't count the number of girls I know, really smart ones too, who seem to think that it's not necessary to read, or to sound intelligent, compared to like loosing those last  few pounds. And god knows the men aren't off the hook either. It's not like we encourage them to achieve their potential or anything. The Majority just want someone that's hot, stupid and eager to please in bed. So we end up with underachieving smart women, oversexed stupid men and a population that will get dumber by the minute. Maybe we are not that far off to the world of Idiocracy . We all seem to be heading that way anyway!