Who wants a fantasy with Vincent Gallo?

You do, well, he has a price for you:

I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as

Buffalo 66 and

The
Brown Bunny
have decided to make myself available to all women.
All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000
plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally
born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those
who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to
a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can
have me if they can pay the bill.

Even black chicks? Oh Gallo, you are so kind!

However,
female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening
together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend
that will have them second-guessing.

Second guessing what? Their gullibility?

As for those who would want to always have a piece of Gallo with them all the time, well, that will cost you 1 million dollars, and quite possibly a ruined life forever:

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1,000,000.00


Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro
fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro
fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical
costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for
as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and
successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr.
Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the
sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an
additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented
detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to
waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm
itself.

and why would you pay this much, you would say? Well…

Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well
aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into
the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all
creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning
several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and
hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle
racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known
genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of
congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the
potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like
his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance
the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. 

WOW! 

Comments

  1. Sounds like a pseudonym for Kim Jong Il…

  2. Not to sure if the market will support his prices.. (trying to keep a straight face)

  3. “of any naturally born female.” I think it is discriminatory against the ones who had an unnatural birth.
    Perfect plan. He’ll be set for life.

  4. if you go on reading a bit more about Gallo’s sperm, you might be a little putt off by the ever-so-slightly racist remarks.

  5. its a joke! 4 those wondering he’s often played the media-baiting gme. i noticed in n interview for the rriiccee tour where he let the cat out the bg.

  6. hes a pedophile!!!
    and dirty and smelly and old!
    stay far far away!