The setting: Sequoia.
The Players: Me, R. (Financial associate, MBA Student, one of the most intelligent females I know), M. (a female acting coach who also sings a mean Amy Winehouse), A. (Structural engineer who is even a worse case of "know-it-all" than me), K. ( Brilliant Architect and Designer, also one of my closest friends) and J. ( American Lawyer who works in Irbil, and whom I think is now drafting what will be known in the near future as the Iraqi commerce law, really nice guy).
The event: R. Farewell Party after returning to the motherland for a 2 week vacation from her MBA program at Wharton.
The Set-up: R., who was staying in a hotel infested with Saudi tourists, but otherwise respectable, found a Viagra pill lying next to her bed (Make your own conclusions), and she is about to share the story, which I already knew, with the rest of the group.
R.: So, you guys, you will love this. So Yesterday, as I was packing my bags, I look under the bed to see if I am maybe leaving a sock or a shoe behind, and I find something really indicative of the nature of the Egyptian tourism industry. Can you guess what it was?
K.: can you be more specific?
R.: Well, what do Saudi tourists come here to do? Think along that lines.
J.: A condom?
R.: you are in the right direction, but take a step back.
A.: Sperm stain?
M.: Cum stain?
K.: A used condom with cum in it?
R.: No, no and no. You guys, a step back. Take a step back.
J.: Well I got to go to the bathroom, so you guys tell me when I am back. (He then leans towards me and whispers in my ear as he is leaving) you know, my next guess was a blood-filled Condom.
M. (speechless, mouth agape in horror, looking at the walking away silhouette of J. as if he is a toilet filled with condoms): OH MY GOD. THAT'S JUST FUCKING WRONG!
M.: What did he say?
Me: You don't want to know, trust me!
A.: But we do!
K.: Dude, if it disturbed YOU that much, I want to know it.
R.: Yes Sam, tell us.
Me: Fine. You asked. He said "a blood-filled condom".
(They all share the same look of horror that I had on my face as they all visualized it, and then an avalanche of "Ewws" and "Yucks" followed for like a minute, and then J. came back!)
R.: J., you sick bastard, it was just a Viagra Pill. That's it. What's wrong with you?
J. (looks at me all surprised): You told them?
M.: Of course I did. You want me to suffer from that mental image all by myself? I had to share it
R.: Yeah, thanks for that Sam. Thanks a lot.
M.: I just have to know, how the hell did you come up with that?
J.: It's just something I once saw!
M.: Where? In Iraq?
J.( solemnly while looking down): Nope. My fraternity!
Me (I stop for a minute, process what he just said and what it means, and then I pat him in the back and say with a sympathetic tone): Oh J. , You poor poor bastard!
J.: I KNOW! I know!