On the litte Bastards

People who know me know that I don't like children. Don't hate them, but highly dislike them, to the point where I contemplate daily if I want to have children at all. I mean the headaches, the expenses, the loss of freedom, the responsibility, the ungratefulness that will most likely ensue, not to mention the increasingly volatile and fucked up world all around us. Anyone who has kids these days must either be crazy, irresponsible, or both!

And then I see this , and all of those thoughts melt away, and I think it can't be that bad. It can't be that bad at all!

What a sell-out I am!

0 comment on On the litte Bastards

  1. kinzi
    March 24, 2008 at 6:54 am

    Ya SM, and when it is the child of your own loins adoring you and laughing over your attention, you will be smitten and want ten of the critters.

  2. Liza R
    March 24, 2008 at 8:43 am

    I agree with Kinzi (though maybe not about wanting ten of them…). Of course, these are the moments that help you to get though times that aren’t quite so entertaining…

  3. leo
    March 24, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    SM, fear non. Your grandchildren will get back at your children for you.

  4. Lynn
    March 24, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    Laughing babies are cute but don’t fall for it. They all turn into teenagers eventually. There are plenty cute kids whose parents would be happy to let you borrow for a few hours while they get a break! And they are FREE!

  5. howard_coward
    March 24, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    Well, its certainly true that sweet-smelling laughing happy babies start smelling bad when they hit the pubes, but c’mon man, giv’em a break. To look at one’s child who has grown, married and produced children is to appreciate a fundamental gift of God.

  6. Valerie
    March 24, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Ha! They are the best entertainment value going, provided you have the resources to raise them without exhausting yourself. They are a lot of work, not to mention expensive.

    They don’t start getting interesting until they turn about 2, when their little minds reach critical mass, and they burst into full weed at about 10. The key to survival is to decide that you are going to enjoy them. It also helps to remember that your responsibility is to arrange for them to grow into good adults, and not to force them to be good children.

    I hope you have at least one daughter. I think you would enjoy spoiling her.

  7. christina/ohio
    March 24, 2008 at 9:05 pm

    I would say before you decide make sure it is really what you want. Once they are here it’s too late to change your mind. We never had any and I have to say that out of all the couples we know we probably fight much less than those who have kids. We also look about 15 years younger than our peers who have kids. Must be all of that going and doing whenever and all of the extra sleep? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. Twosret
    March 24, 2008 at 10:24 pm


    My babies are the best thing that ever happened to me after meeting their dad. They are a lot of work but are absolutely worth it! I know what you will say because you know me in real life and you know that I don’t ski in Europe as I used to and I don’t travel as often but let me tell you, having good quality time with them full of laughter and love is worth it. Yalla comm’on have a baby or two and auntie twosret will love them to death and spoil them for you ๐Ÿ™‚


    you don’t look 15 years younger than me NO WAY LOL!

  9. pedro
    March 25, 2008 at 12:44 am

    Would we be here if our parents decided against having children ?

  10. leo
    March 25, 2008 at 3:26 am

    “Would we be here if our parents decided against having children ?”

    How would we know?

  11. Joanne
    March 25, 2008 at 4:03 am

    The greatest time in one’s life is while raising their children.

  12. brooklynjon
    March 25, 2008 at 5:48 am

    As it was explained to me, having children is a vehicle for having grandchildren.

  13. Think twice
    March 25, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    That is nothing but a hard coded trick. They all come with it, and that is why they are so dangerous. For 99.9 % of the time, they poop, gnaw on books, cables, fingers (yours!) and what else, drool all over you, your keyboard, your gown and your food, disturb your sex life and your sleep, and when they have finally learned to speak, they use it to talk back. They will hang around with horrible people and eat you out of house and home, and until they have left it themselves, it is useless to appeal to reason. But each time you are ready to kill them, you remember the other 0.1 % of the time, the moments when they snuggled and smiled and were beaten. They are mean little monsters who turn intelligent grown ups into devoted idiots, and what is worse is that you know that, all the time.

    Lynn is right. What is best: If they are not your own ones, you can always give them back each time they start to stink.

  14. christina/ohio
    March 26, 2008 at 1:12 am

    Twosret, I said our peers meaning those who are the same age as we are. I’m sure you are much younger than I am so you should look younger. ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. christina/ohio
    March 26, 2008 at 1:58 am

    our and we refer to my husband and I. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Twosret
    March 26, 2008 at 2:34 am

    Christina I was teasing you ๐Ÿ™‚ you never know so far I’m a virtual ghost I might be an old grumpy man and nobody knows ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. tedders
    March 26, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    “As it was explained to me, having children is a vehicle for having grandchildren.”

    My parents have a bumper sticker that reads, “If we had known grandchildren were so much fun, we’d have had them first!”

    I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not!? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Lynne and Think twice sound like arm chair quarterbacks to me, giving advice on something they know nothing about, and think twice has the ratios reversed, it’s 99.9% joy and happiness and .1% sheer horror! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Don’t get me wrong Lynne and Think twice, I thought exactly the same way when I was a kid, that is, until we had our kids. I truly feel sorry for people who never have kids; nurturing, helping, sacrificing for someone other than yourself is why God put us here. Growing old, declining in health without seeing your children and grand children growing in the world and prospering sounds like a level in Dante’s hell to me.

  18. christina/ohio
    March 28, 2008 at 12:38 am

    tedders, don’t feel sorry for me! I’m very happy with what life I’ve chose. I have lots of neices and nephews whenever I need to remember why I didn’t want any kids in the first place. There is a lot to be said for never having to sacrifice. Just don’t ever feel sorry for me, that is an insult to most of us who are childfree.

    Twosret, I doubt if you are a grumpy old man. Judging by how you write I’d guess that you almost have to be early 30ish possible mid 30’s which means compared to me you are a baby. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  19. tedders
    March 28, 2008 at 2:04 am

    Don’t get me wrong christina/ohio, kids aren’t for everyone, no insult was intended in any form or fashion. In fact there are probably too many people out there completely unqualified to be parents who are breeding like rabbits. Your choice is what’s best for you. You’re nieces and nephews are a gift (I’ve got them to), I’m not going to lecture you on the difference between them and your own offspring you’ll just have to trust me on this one, there’s a huge difference.

    Your statement; ” I have lots of neices and nephews whenever I need to remember why I didnโ€™t want any kids in the first place.” tells me all I need to know about your feelings about children. We may be related ๐Ÿ™‚ I think we might have the same nieces and nephews!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    For you, the choice was to remain childless for what ever reason, for me that would be a horrible, lonely and unsatisfying path. Having children was the choice I made, you have my permission to feel sorry for me raising my kid’s if you wish.

  20. tedders
    March 28, 2008 at 2:09 am

    Twosret may be a little grumpy sometimes, aren’t we all. But she is definitely not a man, she is a wonderful mother and wife.

  21. Anthony Wrifford
    March 28, 2008 at 7:19 am

    I,too, was frightened in 1993 when i learned my wife was pregnant. Oh Shit! There go my plans for PhD work, listening to loud rock and roll in my house, having all my crazy friends over and using marijuana.

    No sooner than my son, Ian, was brought into the world on April 14th, 1994 at 6:53 am Eastern Standard Time did my inhibitions desolve. And today, nearing his 14th year, things just get better and better.
    It is a fucked up world, but part of the solution is to have a child and educate him or her on the weaknesses of our little planet. He gets it!
    He knows; he understands. Maybe his wworld will be different. At least when we have children, we shoot our ideological arrow into the distant future, and you never know what these childen may come up with.

    World Peace? who knows. It’s a chnace; the only real chance a person ever gets in their lives. —regards from USA, ALW

  22. Anthony Wrifford
    March 28, 2008 at 7:29 am

    h, and another enchanting item. In having a child, you in some ways, get to re-live your own childhood, and even if you hated it, you can be wise and do things betteer for your child.
    The future of humanity is in children; I really believe that someday, perhaps in the very distant future; they will get it right and turn the whole mess here on earth around.

  23. tedders
    March 28, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    “In having a child, you in some ways, get to re-live your own childhood”

    Just one of the many benefits Anthony! I’ve got two boys and get to do all the things I wanted to do as a kid over and over!! What a blast it is! Like you I was scared of losing what I thought was a complete life only to find out it was a hollow shell of a life, selfish, self absorbed and only inward looking. Thank goodness I was completely wrong, life is so much better when there are more important goals to pursue than simply trying to please ones earthly desires. Having kids are truly a gift from God, I can’t think of any other way to describe the experience.

  24. christina/ohio
    March 30, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    Tedders, you might want to look up what “childfree” means. If you knew then you would see that the condecending attitute of parents and statements like “hollow selfish life” before kids IS the insult. Childfree is a movement of people such as myself who are now the majority in the western world to make taxation and laws fair to us who don’t have kids.

    BTW the research says that it is a hormones that make you feel that way about your kids. If it wasn’t for those hormones most people would probably not have kids long.

  25. Zelda
    March 30, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Babies are a pain in the ass, but they start to get better when they learn how to fetch you things. I’ll consider them completely worth the effort when they learn how to make mama’s margaritas.

  26. Zelda
    March 30, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    Babies are a pain in the ass, but they start to get better when they learn how to fetch you things. I’ll consider them completely worth the effort when they learn how to make mama’s margaritas…

  27. tedders
    March 30, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    You’re paranoid christina/ohio, you didn’t you read the part, ” Your choice is whatโ€™s best for you.” in post #19, I went out of my way to express that kids aren’t for everybody. I’m relating MY experience in my life with MY kids. To denigrate my experience raising my kids as a hormonal thing is as childish and ridiculous as it comes, especially coming from someone who has no children of her own to gauge from and is searching for reasons to feel good about not having offspring. With hindsight of MY life before kids and MY life after kids I know how shallow MY life experience was before I had them. I never said you or your” life was shallow at any point, you’re either waaayy too sensitive, have a general dislike or hatred of children, lack any maternal/paternal instincts or secretly desire kids but couldn’t have them and now are using the subject of kids as psychological defense mechanism.

    This just touches it slightly.

    As unrealistic as my armchair analysis of your aggressive defense of choosing to be childless is, so are supposed feelings of insult and aggressive attitude when I express my personal growth with the experience of having and raising my own children. The childfree movement of people such as yourself who are now the majority (I don’t believe that one for one second) in the western world, is already responsible for the demise of Western culture in Europe (look at the European population demographics) and will certainly be the demise of Western culture as a whole if it continues. The childfree are a diverse group of people, however, they are a dying breed. I personally can’t think of a more more selfish thing to do but hey, that’s my take on it, live your life however you feel. And now for the coup de grรขce, nana nana boo boo! ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. christina/ohio
    March 31, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    You might want to reread what you said because I believe it is you who are being defensive here,not me. I was merely pointing out the statements you and a few others made as insulting(check the childfree bingo cards to check exactly what those were). The hormonal aspect of it is documented in the latest medical research, it wasn’t something I made up. There have been I believe 3(4?) studies in the last 5 years with over 20,000 participants that have so far proven what I said to be a fact. I wasn’t denigrating anyone, just repeating the medical reserch I’ve read lately.

  29. brooklynjon
    April 1, 2008 at 12:12 am

    Okay, without choosing sides in the kids/no kids debate, there is something that I’d like clarified. What exactly is there about a phenomenon that is hormonally based that makes it somehow less real? I mean, all thought is ultimately variations of different neurotransmitters zipping around one’s brain in varying patterns? By electrically stimulating different parts of one’s brain, different sensations an be elicited, different motor responses can be caused, different thoughts can be thought. The joy of having kids is not any more or less a neurochemical event than is the joy of not having kids? So, not to put too fine a point on it, what of it?

  30. Samer
    April 1, 2008 at 2:13 am


    I think you are trying to give yourself enough reasons why you don’t want to have children. You don’t have to, it is fine if you don’t want to or can’t have any but all your ideas and your attempts to justify it is not making any sense.

  31. karen
    April 1, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    That was very cute ๐Ÿ™‚

    Let’s fast forward a year though, when the little one is ripping out the pages of books or magazines that dad hasn’t read yet. I bet dad won’t be laughing then.

  32. CarpetCaptain
    April 2, 2008 at 11:02 am

    Monkey you my friend are a sucker! Everytime I get those ridiculous paternal instincts I wait for Sunday to come around then drag my sorry ass over to the SPCA, play with a few dogs or volunteer a couple of shifts and I’m cured for a good 6 months to a year. If that doesn’t work I jump on a plane and go over to egypt for a week or two, play with my two nieces, buy them a lot of gifts and hand them back to either my sister or their nanny when they start to annoy me. Try either they’re quite therapeutic.

  33. CarpetCaptain
    April 2, 2008 at 11:05 am

    And by the way why the fuck am I paying school taxes in my property taxes when I dont have ny two legged critters nor do i intend on having any in the near future?

    I’m with you Christina on this one.

  34. brooklynjon
    April 3, 2008 at 3:59 am

    You’re paying school taxes because one of these days, one of those two-legged critters is going to fix your clogged coronaries, fly your plane, or run your government, and you will damn well want them to be highly educated when they’re doing that. If you want the next generation to be a bunch of ignoramuses (ignorami, really), then you deserve to suffer them in your old age.

  35. tedders
    April 3, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    Great response bj, can you imagine a place where the entire population of adults are uneducated gang bangers (isn’t that what the Taliban is?), that’s the future without public school funding. All this hostility towards the smallest and most innocent in society, the ones that deserve the most nurturing, don’t these people remember that they were kids not so long ago? Life isn’t that long, everything can’t be about ones self.

  36. anna
    April 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    whips tedders’ soap box from underneath him

    The thing that never stops to amaze me every day of my life is the fact that everyone (nearly) has been given the ability to bring a person into being. Everything else in life you have to prove yourself to get but somehow there are no prerequisites for bringing a person into the world. blows my mind.

  37. tedders
    April 3, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    Is that all you got anna?

    Didn’t feel a thing!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  38. brooklynjon
    April 4, 2008 at 4:25 am

    “thatโ€™s the future without public school funding”

    To be clear, tedders, I’m in favor of public funding of schools, not funding of public schools. Frankly, in most instances, I think public schools are an abomination. But I think we should be publicly funding the “private” education of the next generation.

  39. tedders
    April 5, 2008 at 12:03 am

    bj, I would probably agree with what you say on the public school issue except for the fact that my lovely bride Lori is an AP (Advanced Placement) English teacher at at a local high school in a suburb near Fort Worth. I see on a daily basis the very high level of education that the public school system can deliver to students who wish to utilize the system. I certainly can’t speak for all high schools but the competence of my wife’s students is amazing. Lori’s kid’s are the Crรจme de la Crรจme, these kids are accepted into Pepperdine University, Stanford, The Johns Hopkins University, the US Naval Academy, West Point, Harvard and other top end schools, these kids will be the leaders of tomorrow. The public school system here is set up for kids who are looking to be educated and use the available resources to their advantage, this probably isn’t a the average Texas public school student, it certainly wasn’t the case with me personally!! Hey, the world needs garbage men too! I’m not sure you’re familiar with the AP program but basically, if you take an AP course, whether it be English, Calculus, Physics or Chemistry and pass the state test with a certain grade at the end of the year, you don’t have to take the course in college. With that said, I have a minor in English along with my bachelors in engineering and the 11th grade English course my wife teaches is far beyond any university English course I ever took. The point I’m trying to make is that, at least here, if you want an education all the resources are in place for you, if you don’t want to better yourself and want to sleep your way through school then that is your choice too. There are some public schools in the US that are absolutely substandard, administrators in some of the worst need to spend time in prison, but public schools in the whole are not the evil wasteful thing the media makes them out to be, maybe in the inner city they are, I don’t know about them. But here you can have a great educational experience with public schools if you want, the sky is the limit. In response to CarpetCaptain and christina/ohio who don’t think they should contribute to public schools or public funding of schools, I have to wonder how they would feel about paying for the welfare checks needed for a completely uneducated populas unable to support itself when they are in their twilight years. The funding of schools by the public is not an option, it’s a necessity.

  40. brooklynjon
    April 5, 2008 at 4:26 am

    If nothing else, it keeps the little criminals off the streets until they’re 18.


    I’m sure your wife does excellent work with her students, and the students work hard and appreciate it. But none of that would change if we went to a voucher program.

    What would change is that schools would be incentivized to hire more teachers like your wife, perhaps paying the good ones more, and firing the crappy ones. Schools would be freed from political interference in their hiring and firing. Schools that offer a particular type of education that the local market wants would spring up. And parents would have greater freedom in choosing which school their children attended.

    I’m a graduate of Abraham Lincoln High School (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln_High_School_(New_York)), a public school in Brooklyn. I got a terrific education. Five AP courses. Check out the wikipedia page. Three Nobel Laureates. A serious alumni list. Great teachers (who, principally, were dodging the draft).

    However, my parents were powerless to do anything about the fact that most of my entering class never graduated, and most of my graduating class is probably enjoying free housing courtesy of the New York Department of Corrections. The school was the third most violent in New York State when I went there. We had a shootout in the cafeteria during lunch between rival drug gangs. People were stabbed routinely. Two of my classmates were murdered. I have never physically entered a bathroom or ate in the cafeteria in that school because it was simply too dangerous to do so. “Holding it in” was rendered relatively easy because you couldn’t eat or drink during the school day either.

    And the recourse we had?
    That was the school I was zoned into. We couldn’t afford private school. So I had to go.
    I carried a knife, and cultivated a reputation for being just a little bit crazy.
    I also learned how to run really, really fast.

    Vouchers, man. Your wife deserves it, and so do her students.


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