Watch out for your penis

They might steal it in Kinshasa! How does one steal a Penis, you might ask? Well, witchcraft of course..

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in
West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and
witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to
obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in
Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of
some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio
call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow
passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police,
claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their
genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was
an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Now, if the sorcerers can make their genitals shrink, why not reverse the spell and provide men with the service to have their genitals grow larger? Fuck that extortion shit, they would be billionares in a matter of weeks. Stupid Sorcerers. They never think big! 

0 comment on Watch out for your penis

  1. Charafantah
    April 24, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    Man, you’re wrong….
    check your SPAM folder….you’ll find a million “sorcerer” trying to sell you their “spells”

    Reply
  2. tedders
    April 24, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Viagra will banish the curse you fools!!! :)

    Reply
  3. ito
    April 24, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    I will make sure to avoid anyone on any public transport system who wears gold rings and who advertises that they are from Zaire.

    Reply
  4. SLaViN
    April 25, 2008 at 12:43 am

    “GRS: Genital Retraction Syndrome”…it actually has a scientific name to it??!!:d

    Reply
  5. antares
    April 25, 2008 at 2:06 am

    Sandy, Nice twist. Funny. :D

    Reply
  6. tedders
    April 25, 2008 at 2:12 am

    SLaViN, I thought it was called shrinkage!

    I swear the pool water was at least 30 degrees!! :O

    Reply
  7. tedders
    April 25, 2008 at 2:22 am

    From Crakes Wikipedia page:

    “Penis panics in southeast Asia have become known under the term “Koro” (which means “head of the turtle” in Malay).”

    “Sudanese victims were made to believe by force of suggestion that their penises would melt away after they shook hands, shared a comb, or received a verbal curse. The so-called “penis-melting” has been blamed on Zionists trying to wipe out the Sudanese people by making their men unable to reproduce.”

    “Local media also contributed to the idea’s spread. The Sudanese columnist Ja’far Abbas has warned visitors to avoid shaking hands with “a dark-skinned man”. In reference to the electronic comb which was supposed to have caused one man’s penis to disappear, Abbas writes, “No doubt, this comb was a laser-controlled surgical cyborg that penetrates the skull, [passes] to the lower body and emasculates a man!!”
    The phrase “Penis-melting Zionist cyborg combs” has been coined to describe this humorous story. It was originally incorrectly attributed to Wall Street Journal’s James Taranto writing in his “Best of the Web Today”.[5] However, the article in question has no such phrase, nor anything similar beyond the aforementioned quote.”

    You can’t make this stuff up!!! It’s a mad mad mad mad world we live in!! Well I gotta run, I’m off to Costco to get a Penis-melting Zionist cyborg comb just as soon as the next batch arrives you never know when you’ll need one!!!! Toodles :)

    Reply
  8. Eric
    April 25, 2008 at 11:26 am

    “They never think big!” Oy, it is to laugh!

    Reply
  9. Nomad
    April 25, 2008 at 11:37 am

    tedders, it’s “evolution”, you can’t help … we are gone to get penisses, you’ll make the babies, it has already started :lol:

    Reply
  10. brooklynjon
    April 25, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    ” The so-called “penis-melting” has been blamed on Zionists trying to wipe out the Sudanese people by making their men unable to reproduce.”

    It obviously wouldn’t work anyway. Just look at the Irish! (rimshot)

    Reply
  11. brooklynjon
    April 25, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    OT,

    This appeared in an op ed in Denmark…………….

    ‘We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.
    On one side, you have a lawyer who is married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a lawyer.
    On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a blonde with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.
    Is there a contest here?’

    Reply
  12. tedders
    April 25, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    “On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a blonde with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.”

    If only all decisions were this easy!! :)

    Reply
  13. Curt from Houston
    April 27, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    “claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their
    genitals shrink or disappear…”

    Sounds like an old girl friend I went out with for a few month in my younger days.

    Reply
  14. setnahkt
    April 28, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    Hmmm. I sense some possibilities here. Could we perhaps spread the rumor that be a jihadist makes your penis disappear? Like if you have extremely rigid beliefs you’ve used up all your rigidity allotment and nothing else can be rigid? Maybe get a few cooperative women to “verify” the rumor? Of course, one of the side effects of success would be that nonjihadist Muslim men – like the Sandmonkey – would be “in demand”.

    Reply
  15. Joanne
    May 3, 2008 at 4:45 am

    I don’t think they could ask for monies after making men’s dreams come true – I don’t think the men would want to be cured.

    Reply
  16. CarpetCaptain
    May 17, 2008 at 11:26 pm

    With any luck i hope that reason prevails and the chick with the big sweater bunnies and her superhero sidekick prevail.

    Reply
  17. Dr Harris
    March 23, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    Oh no! I can’t find my penis! Someone stole it:))))

    Reply

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    [...] steal it in Kinshasa! How does one steal a Penis, you might ask? Well, witchcraft of course. …http://www.sandmonkey.org/2008/04/24/watch-out-for-your-penis/NG BBS ?? War: According to Black OpsAt 6/24/07 10:26 AM, Black-Ops wrote: Biological Warfare: When [...]

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