Watch out for your penis

They might steal it in Kinshasa! How does one steal a Penis, you might ask? Well, witchcraft of course..

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in
West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and
witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to
obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in
Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of
some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio
call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow
passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police,
claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their
genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was
an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Now, if the sorcerers can make their genitals shrink, why not reverse the spell and provide men with the service to have their genitals grow larger? Fuck that extortion shit, they would be billionares in a matter of weeks. Stupid Sorcerers. They never think big! 

Comments

  1. Man, you’re wrong….
    check your SPAM folder….you’ll find a million “sorcerer” trying to sell you their “spells”

  2. Viagra will banish the curse you fools!!! :)

  3. I will make sure to avoid anyone on any public transport system who wears gold rings and who advertises that they are from Zaire.

  4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_panic

    sigh… can’t think of a joke, but there you go.

  5. “GRS: Genital Retraction Syndrome”…it actually has a scientific name to it??!!:d

  6. Sandy, Nice twist. Funny. :D

  7. SLaViN, I thought it was called shrinkage!

    I swear the pool water was at least 30 degrees!! :O

  8. From Crakes Wikipedia page:

    “Penis panics in southeast Asia have become known under the term “Koro” (which means “head of the turtle” in Malay).”

    “Sudanese victims were made to believe by force of suggestion that their penises would melt away after they shook hands, shared a comb, or received a verbal curse. The so-called “penis-melting” has been blamed on Zionists trying to wipe out the Sudanese people by making their men unable to reproduce.”

    “Local media also contributed to the idea’s spread. The Sudanese columnist Ja’far Abbas has warned visitors to avoid shaking hands with “a dark-skinned man”. In reference to the electronic comb which was supposed to have caused one man’s penis to disappear, Abbas writes, “No doubt, this comb was a laser-controlled surgical cyborg that penetrates the skull, [passes] to the lower body and emasculates a man!!”
    The phrase “Penis-melting Zionist cyborg combs” has been coined to describe this humorous story. It was originally incorrectly attributed to Wall Street Journal’s James Taranto writing in his “Best of the Web Today”.[5] However, the article in question has no such phrase, nor anything similar beyond the aforementioned quote.”

    You can’t make this stuff up!!! It’s a mad mad mad mad world we live in!! Well I gotta run, I’m off to Costco to get a Penis-melting Zionist cyborg comb just as soon as the next batch arrives you never know when you’ll need one!!!! Toodles :)

  9. “They never think big!” Oy, it is to laugh!

  10. tedders, it’s “evolution”, you can’t help … we are gone to get penisses, you’ll make the babies, it has already started :lol:

  11. brooklynjon says:

    ” The so-called “penis-melting” has been blamed on Zionists trying to wipe out the Sudanese people by making their men unable to reproduce.”

    It obviously wouldn’t work anyway. Just look at the Irish! (rimshot)

  12. brooklynjon says:

    OT,

    This appeared in an op ed in Denmark…………….

    ‘We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.
    On one side, you have a lawyer who is married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a lawyer.
    On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a blonde with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.
    Is there a contest here?’

  13. “On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a blonde with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.”

    If only all decisions were this easy!! :)

  14. Curt from Houston says:

    “claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their
    genitals shrink or disappear…”

    Sounds like an old girl friend I went out with for a few month in my younger days.

  15. setnahkt says:

    Hmmm. I sense some possibilities here. Could we perhaps spread the rumor that be a jihadist makes your penis disappear? Like if you have extremely rigid beliefs you’ve used up all your rigidity allotment and nothing else can be rigid? Maybe get a few cooperative women to “verify” the rumor? Of course, one of the side effects of success would be that nonjihadist Muslim men – like the Sandmonkey – would be “in demand”.

  16. Joanne says:

    I don’t think they could ask for monies after making men’s dreams come true – I don’t think the men would want to be cured.

  17. CarpetCaptain says:

    With any luck i hope that reason prevails and the chick with the big sweater bunnies and her superhero sidekick prevail.

  18. penis ;)

  19. Oh no! I can’t find my penis! Someone stole it:))))