Egyptian copts call on Mubarak for protection

Yeah..ok..good luck with that!

I love the smell of Propaganda in the morning

The Dems are coming out swinging this election, and their online viral propaganda stuff seems to be done much better than their republican counterparts. Check this one out!

World of Wifecraft

Women with husbands who are addicted to MMORPG games should definitely do this!

Service resumed

I know, it should've been resumed a week ago, but the annoying people at work are actually making me do work till late hours at night, so I basically never had any time to do anything but work and sleep and find some time to eat in the middle. The thing is, besides my regular responsibilities, I found myself also responsible for finishing the new office, including hiring the work force, buying the materials, hounding the interior designer, picking the furniture and doing all the legal work necessary as well. In short, I now possess all the knowledge necessary to now work as a contractor. My MBA professors would be so proud.

So yeah, I naturally took friday off, and by off I meant I slept and watched a marathon of bad movies (2 Jet Lee movies, Resident Evil 3 and RAMBO 4. Yes, fuckin Rambo 4. Beat that!) which left me really happy and giddy. I love bad movies, especially bad horror movies, because they always have this one cool scene in them. House of Wax had the famous kill Paris Hilton scene, which was simply awesome, and Resident Evil 3 has Ashanti killed by being plucked to death by a huge number of crows. If that doesn't give you the warm fuzzies inside….well, ok, so you are not a sick person, but damn man, don't you watch TV? THEY SO HAVE IT COMING. Fine, ok, so it's just me then. Whatever.

Anyway, let's begin! 

Regular service will be resumed shortly

Disclaimer: Dear readers, this is simply my response to S&H post about me. If you think the whole thing is stupid, and who could blame you, then please ignore this and await my Obama post, and why him winning might actually be the best thing to happen for the American right. If you wanna read it anyway, be my guest, but don't you dare complain. You've been warned!

Holy Cow!

I didn't know that my post on you would cause such debate in your comments section, even though the word "debate" might be an exaggeration to what's going on here. Either way, Upon finding this, I figured why not respond to what's being said and all? I mean, even Amy Mowafi responded (more on that in a second) so I guess I should put my two cents in as well.

Now, the first thing I've noticed about your post is the parts you edited from mine. And while I can understand you taking away the references to the other two blogs, there is one line you removed from the final paragraph in that post, and I guess you removing it says volumes about you and your intellectual honesty. Here it is:

"No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them."

Now, why would you remove that specific sentence dear S&H? Any specific reason? Or is it because you know how true it is, and it just hit too close to home? Oh, I wonder.

Now , that aside, I am glad that you are doing this as a business venture, and not because you lead some empty existence where your only entertainment is the lives of others. Although, I am not really sure how this Business model operates exactly. Do people actually pay you to write stuff about them? If that's the case, how "hot" and "happenin" could they be? Does that mean that everything you post about is paid advertisement? Does that include your opinions as well? I am just asking because I have encountered a poor soul whose main beef with you was that you never mentioned her, and maybe if you guys are for sale, she could buy your love or attention, or something. But then again, what kind of socialite gets bought? What kind of Socialite needs money?

As for your questions, emm, let's see. Age: 27. Interests: Many many many things. Why do I hate people like you with social lives: Ehh..whomever said I was hating on you for your social life? Do you really think I care who you meet or hang out with or totally loathe? And do you really think that where you go is soo exclusive? I've been to every place you go to, I know every single one of your friends and we probably even drank together. But the main difference between you and me is this: I have this strange tendency to actually have fun when I go out. Yes, for real. Wanna know something crazier? If it's not going to be fun, I just don't go out. Yeah, really! That concept, for some reason, is lost on most of you, who go to Jazz club on Wednesdays (Or 35 on Fridays, and let's not forget La Bodega the rest of the freakin week, except Thursday of course, because that's when the bee2ah people go out) because it's the thing to do and "what else are we gonna do? Stay home?". And you go out with the same people as the night before, you discuss the same topics you discussed the time before and you spend lots of money on drinks that don't end up even getting you drunk or buzzed and you go home mabdoneen because your life is so very fuckin boring, and you go to bed counting the days until you head to Hacienda to "have some real parties", with, surprise surprise, the same people you meet in cairo, only this time everyone is showing off the results of the latest plastic surgery they've had. So no, this isn't the rant of some social recluse who is envious of you. There is nothing to envy there.

I am not even gonna address the Paulo Coelho issue. You've done a fine job on that one all by yourself.

Now, allow me to quote one of your posts, to show you why exactly you do piss me off. This is a post you wrote a couple of days ago, and I believe the topic was about "social climbers". Hmm, let's dissect that one for a second, shall we?

"You see them at La Bodega…35…AND Sangria, ALL IN ONE NIGHT!! They are called…THE SOCIAL CLIMBERS."

Color me confused, but isn't it true that in order for you to see them, don't you too have to be there at those 3 places that same night?

Now, what are the other signs of social climbers?

"The one's who say hi to anyone and everyone…"

Oh no, you mean they are being nice to people? How dare they?

"then you'll need to understand that we won't consider you "cool" if we know you been to every hot spot..and hung out till unearthly hours"

Ok, so the S&H rules in order for you not to be categorized as a social climber are: Don't go to three places in one night and be seen there, unless you are a part of the Scene & Heard Clique, because they are exempted from that rule. Don't be nice or say hi to people; sneer at them, growl if possible! And don't stay up late in one place. A good socialite leaves the party while it's happening, not when it's over, because the ones who stay till the end are losers, and they end up being stuck with the check (double losers). Did I get that right?

You know, I come from old money. Not touting that as an achievement or anything. It's simply a fact. My grandfather was the Egyptian royalty, my grandmother is such an old and known "socialite" (back when the term had something to do with charitable work and love for this country), whose donation to charity is now estimated to be worth billions and who actually has a square in Heliopolis named after her. She raised me, and she thought me the difference between old money and the nouveau riche. You know what the difference is? Manners. Old money comes with manners. You are polite to all people, and you never have to make a scene, because you know who you are and where you come from. New money, on the other hand, have inferiority complexes: so they mistreat their maids, they insult the wait-staff, and they act snobbish, haughty and rude to people, and they say shit like "entah 3aref entah betkalem meen?", because they believe (from watching bad TV shows and movies) that this is the way you act if you are from the upper-class. Only a true nouveau riche social climber would care about who they are seen talking to in clubs, who shows there, and how they will look in the eyes of others. Old money doesn't give a crap about that, but they will see fit to remind the nouveau riche of their place if they do cross the line. That's all there is to it.

Now, I don't know which are you, nor do I care that much. But you should know that the attitude you are exporting is that of the nouveau riche, and god forbid you guys get labeled as that. As for anyone who is reading this and actually wishes to be considered a socialite, well, my dear friends, it's really much easier and simpler than they portray it here. You wanna be a socialite? Well, it's really really easy. All you really need are two things: 1) Money, and 2) Time to waste. Because trust me, you will waste a lot of time and money getting in, and you will waste even more the moment you are in. Don't worry, they will let you in their circles, because they are bored of each other more than they would like to admit, even to themselves.

As for Amy, well, my beef with her book is very simple: Being a single woman at her late twenties is not an achievement, nor is her stating that she doesn't care how that makes society views her makes her a rebel and someone who breaks down walls. It's simply the case of society placing retarded rules and norms on girls and women, and the key word here is retarded. Not following retarded rules doesn't make you a rebel; it simply means you are not retarded. Congratulations, here is a cookie. The fact that the majority of other girls in Egypt seem to obey and follow those rules still doesn't make you a rebel; it just means that they are…let's say it together…RETARDED. There you go. Now you get it. There are very good reasons to like or even admire Amy: She is a strong and independent woman who managed to make a name for herself in the world of magazines and writing. Bragging about giving her mom ulcers because she "still hasn't found a good man" isn't one of them, because quite frankly, if your mom, after all that you have achieved, still looks at you as an incomplete object because you haven't found a suitable Penis to marry, well, then maybe she does deserve that ulcer. Not wishing your mother harm or anything Amy, Just saying.

And finally, yeah, god forbid I would be considered a socialite, especially if it means abiding by the set of rules and behavior that are being advocated here. The Socialite scene is filled with people who will swear up and down that the movie "Cruel Intentions" was "like, totally, my highschool" and who seem to think that "Mean girls" was an accurate portrayal of the struggles they face in their social life. Yeah. Not me. It wouldn't necessarily be "haram", mainly because I detest people who even remotely use that term to justify anything, but it would suck being lumped in that group, mainly because of their intellectual level. It really would.

So this is the end of that S&H, and you can make of this what you wish. I am glad that I have given you more traffic, and if that's how you make your money, then please send me my cut. This is, after all, a business venture, no? As for your generous offer to write for you, I would have to respectfully decline. Nothing personal. Just don't have the time to keep up with every little thing the people in your circle of friends do. Best of luck with that!

This is why my relationships fail…

Obama and AIPAC

Me and Lisa on Gchat!

Lisa: i'm watching Obama. he gives good speech.

5:46 PM me: yes

he is very well spoken

:P

5:47 PM Lisa: mccain's wife gives me the creeps

she's so blonde and toothy

and tightly wound

me: u hate her cause she is pretty

5:48 PM admit it

:P

Lisa: nah

me: she is rich

pretty

Lisa: i'm not that type

5:49 PM me: and has access to percesetts

Lisa: oh god, he is drooling over aipac. i want to vomit

5:52 PM

me: hehe

lol

5:53 PM Lisa: his first speech as the dem nominee has to be to aipac??

me: yes

Lisa: god, this is going to feed into the walt mearsheimer tinfoil hat wearing crowd

me: nahh

cause no one believes it

they just think he is doing it to get elected

everyone knows the blacks hate the Jews

:P

5:54 PM Lisa: he just reminded them of the jewish involvement in freedom summer

me: then again, who doesn't?

5:56 PM Lisa: the BBC announcer just said "jewish lobby in the united states" instead of "israel lobby"

they do it all the time and no-one calls them on it

most AIPAC people are Christians, for heaven's sake

me: lol

yeah

5:57 PM but the jews pay them to join

Lisa: geez, you are part of the conspiracy, aren't you?

Leading by example

Our fair President pays his taxes like everybody else. See? Now excuse you, I have to go puke now. I am, after all, allergic to bullshit!

(Thanks R) 

Freedom House hires gullible idiots!

Remember when I told you about how the Egyptian Media invents political entities, and then hypes them up as if they are real, and how the latest example of that is the so-called "Facebook Youth Movement" ?  Well, lo and behold as a Freedom House researcher inflates the Lie!

Egyptians invented Bowling

So says the Discovery channel , and the Discovery Channel is GOD when it comes to this stuff! I personally believe it. I mean, after a long day of building pyramids, wouldn't you too wanna go to a bowling bar*?

*They must've had them. We invented Beer too, BITCHES! 

How Government should be like…

For the brits, this is probably Business as usual, but for me, this is just beautiful!

The retired Dictator program

What a truly great Idea!

For the retarded amongst you

I have tolerated the existence of the Scene and Heard blog for a while now, mainly because I think that the crowd they target don't really read or are big Paulo Coelho fans (same thing), so for them to read anything, well, that's just a positive thing. They are the same people I hated hanging out with right after I came back, whose topic of conversations range from who got photographed in what magazine, who married/left/cheated on/sleeps with who and debating the color yellow. Riveting shit, I tell ya. I kept my distance but didn't really hate them, because that's like hating a retard for making stupid decisions.I mean, they are fans of Amy Mowafi for god's sake, so they can't really be blamed for their choices in life. They simply don't know any better.

However, they did join my shit list when they actually lead to the spawning of other egyptian gossip blogs, mainly two that got sent to me today and immediately made my blood boil. The first one targets AUC students, and it's called "Gossip Girl in AUC". Yes,after the CW show targeting 12 year old girls. Seriously. They even do the whole "XOXO" shit at the end. I keep trying to think of ways to insult them, but, why bother? I would be wasting brain cells. There is an actual post about how the writer heard someone say "that's huge? how did you manage that?" and the really funny punchline is, they were talking about a bubble gum. No, for real. Can you believe it? It's Crazzzyyyyyy!!!!!!

And then for those of you who go to the second rate GUC, well, they have one for you as well, and it's called GUC Insider. Now, I am actually quite impressed by that one, because it managed to suck more than the Gossip Girl one (oh gossip girl, I said suck, imagine? That's soo funny. Giggle and blush), which I think is quite the achievement. And the sad thing is, the writer of that one quit, not because he found out that he is a lame writer, but because the GUC people got mad at him. For real. They actually got offended and thought he should discontinue. Thank you GUCians. You are not as lame as everyone says you are.

So yes, S&H, I blame YOU for this. This shit didn't happen until you people came along with your fantastic posts about nothing and people only you know and care about. I get that you attacked those other gossip blogs yourself, but that's not enough. You people have to repent or something for the shit you unleashed on the unsuspecting population. Think of the innocent bystanders. Some people who actually have a brain might stumble upon your website one day without being warned about its nature beforehand -unlike me- and end up getting a brain aneurysm from the your self-congratulating masturbatory so called writing. So please, stop, before anyone gets hurt. Think of the Children who will read this shit and actually think that being a socialite is, like, important. Because it's not. No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them. But then again I am talking about people with no insecurities and who don't give a fuck about whatever spring-fling- fuck-me-I-am-famous shit party your faggy metrosexual friends throw and invite you to next. So you might not relate. Nevermind.  

Loving the Zeitoun Shooting cover-up

I am. I really really am. Here are so far the reasons provided by the police and the media on why this wasn't a secterian attack:

Justification #1: There are about 12 Coptic owned Jewelry stores in the area surrounding the targeted store. The fact that they targeted this one proves that this is personal and that it wasn't about religion.

Why this is bullshit: Well, they were only two shooters. It's not like they were a big group of pirates who were gonna go on a rape and pillage spree in the middle of the day. They went in, killed 4 people and got away. The fact that they opened fire the moment they stepped into the store kind of goes with the execution-style of such terrorist attacks, not a stick-up scenario. But what do I know? Oh, and by the way, his store is the biggest and most known one in the neighborhood, yet nobody stole anything.

Justification #2: The whole thing was a personal vendetta. The guy was from Upper Egypt, you know.

Why this is bullshit: First of all, almost all Copts are originally from Upper Egypt, so that means shit. Second of all, Vendetta's are very specific: they kill the target, and possibly his family, but never anyone from another family.That would just force a third family to enter into the Vendetta game, which would mean that the attacking family would have to worry about two attackers instead of one. Makes no sense.

Justification #3: This wasn't a religious attack, because there is someone who saw two people who fit the description standing on a street corner two hours after the incident, and one of the had a cross tattooed on his wrist.

Why this is Bullshit: The same witness testified that he noticed the tattoo (which is usually about an inch in size) from a distance. Why was he watching those two? Because apparently one of them was helping the other shoot up heroin in the middle of the day on the streets of Zeitoun. Seriously. The guy's testimony states that he saw two people who fit the description standing from a distance, one of them was shooting a needle into the other's arm, and he could see the cross on that guy's wrist. So Zeitoun now has Mid-day  execution style slaying and people shooting heroin in public. Zeitoun is now Detroit. I believe it. Don't you?

Oh, and by the way, the cute girl who left a comment in the comment section of my previous post about the missing 15 k of gold, well, none of the newspapers mentioned any of this. Which would mean that there is a cover-up in order to make the whole thing seem sectarian. But if that was the case, why is the police trying their hardest to come up with a non-sectarian reason or justification for the incident (see above reasons) if the intent was to paint this crime as a sectarian one? Oh, those sneaky bastards. They must've forced the newspapers to not mention the stolen jewelry in order to give it a sectarian vibe, and then spent days mentioning all possible ridiculous reasons why this couldn't be a sectarian incident in order to make people really believe that this was a sectarian incident. Those sneaky sneaky bastards. They probably killed him too. And the Jooz must've been in on it to stow sectarian strife in Egypt. We might as well go there, right? Since we are, after all, going with crazy theories to justify a rather simple case of hate crime to make it something else. Much easier that way than dealing with it, no?  

Whatever…

Amy and Noby are back

The crazy lovebirds who fell in love at first sight in an internet cafe in Hurghada despite their inability to speak each other's language and then got married are back. And Unfortunately the news isn't as scandalous as one had hoped. She is not pregnant, not veiled and she is not 30 kg overweight from eating egyptian food. But it does seem like that she left Noby behind.

After she wed Mohamed El Sayed, 30, in a traditional Egyptian
celebration last December, the 18-year-old proclaimed her new home in
Egypt was all she had ever dreamed of.

But last night, her father James, a 42-year-old electrician, said
that as far as he and his wife were concerned, their daughter was now
back home for good.

At the family home in Beaumont, Cumbria, he said: ‘It is fantastic
but we don’t want to talk about it at this stage. As you can imagine,
we have a lot to talk about and we are getting things sorted out
between us. We just want her to get settled and we will take things
from there. After all, she is an adult.’

But that's not what Noby thinks… 

 ‘She told me she was going back to England for a while to see her
friends and try to repair her relationship with her family,’ he said at
the two-room home they shared with his family outside Cairo. ‘We speak
every day and I am expecting her back in a couple of weeks.’

But Amy's father paints a different picture…

But Mr Robson and his wife Janet, 33, have arranged for Amy to stay
with her grandparents in a remote village in Northumbria, in the hope
that her husband will not be able to reach her.

When her father was told that Amy’s husband thought she was simply home for a holiday, he said: ‘They have their views and as ever they will always be manipulated. That is why she is in
this other place, some neutral ground, so no pressure can be put on
her.

Sounds like they are brainwashing her to keep her away from Noby. Surely, ZA BOWER of LOVE will prevail. Surely she wants to get back to Noby in Banha, where he lives with his mom and the other 97 members of his family in a 3 room apartment. 

But last week, when a Mail on Sunday reporter visited her at her
grandparents’ house and asked her if she intended to return to Egypt,
she said: ‘I don’t know.’ Appearing extremely thin and smiling
nervously, she gave the same answer when asked if she was planning to
stay in Britain permanently.

NOOOOOOOOOO. The brainwashing is working. FREE AMY. Bring Amy back to Noby! The Drama has to go on. Come on now! This is too funny to end in such a sensible way. And we still haven't brought her any McDonalds.

Goddamn it!

Soo not fair!

Everyone can play the crazy game

So, there is apparently a big problem in the University of Minya because of two coptic girls students: 1 drew a cartoon of the Prophet Mohamed, and the other, facing an increasingly hostile islamist roommate- drew an X over Koranic verses. When the news spread, naturally demonstrations demanding the girls' head on a stick broke out all over the University. The Coptic Church, for its part, decided to take a positive stand on the whole issue:

The Coptic church has since attempted to calm tensions, saying that
Ishaq and the student who drew the Muhammad image, Diana Samual, were
psychologically unstable and should not be held responsible for their
actions.

Yes, the church actually claimed the two girls are crazy. They didn't send them to the psychiatrist or anything. Too much of a hassle. They caused problems? They are naturally crazy.

This is all a very positive development, because the Church now is taking the same stance the Egyptian security forces does whenever they are faced with a muslim who attacks and kills Christians: He is, clearly, crazy, and it has nothing at all to do with religion. And don't you forget it!

CRAZY! 

Historical Egyptian Ingenuity moments #1

Setting: The Barlif Wall, Sinai, Israeli Checkpoint # whatever

Date: 6th of October, 1973

Time: Around 2:15 PM

Narrator: An Israeli Officer , on his walkie talkie, to a fellow officer on the front. 

" Levi, Levi, check it out, the Egyptians are trying to attack us. Oh, no, I am not kidding. For real. They have troops on the waterfront and everything. Are those people crazy? Can't they see this entire line of defenses? Must be all the beans they are eating man. They are attacking a well-structured defense wall with soldiers sitting in bunkers aiming guns at them from an elevated position. Getting them  to back off will be like shooting fish in a barrel. Wait, what are they laying on the ground there? Is that a hose? Hehehe. They brought a hose instead of a canon. Whatchu gonna do with that hose lil GYOM? Get us wet? Wait..what are they…. Is this a water-pump? Are they actually going to try to…NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Oh my g-d. They are hosing our defense wall down. The fuckin wall is getting brought down. They are using fuckin water. I AM NOT KIDDING. Get the guns Levi. GET THE GUNS!!!!"

*And Scene* 

The 6 Iranian rules for regional hegemony

5 of which belong to Thomas Friedman, the 6th belongs to Mustapha from Beirut Spring, and are all available here!

Rule #1 when dealing with emotionaly unavailble people:

Just DON'T!