June 2008 archive

For the retarded amongst you

I have tolerated the existence of the Scene and Heard blog for a while now, mainly because I think that the crowd they target don't really read or are big Paulo Coelho fans (same thing), so for them to read anything, well, that's just a positive thing. They are the same people I hated hanging out with right after I came back, whose topic of conversations range from who got photographed in what magazine, who married/left/cheated on/sleeps with who and debating the color yellow. Riveting shit, I tell ya. I kept my distance but didn't really hate them, because that's like hating a retard for making stupid decisions.I mean, they are fans of Amy Mowafi for god's sake, so they can't really be blamed for their choices in life. They simply don't know any better.

However, they did join my shit list when they actually lead to the spawning of other egyptian gossip blogs, mainly two that got sent to me today and immediately made my blood boil. The first one targets AUC students, and it's called "Gossip Girl in AUC". Yes,after the CW show targeting 12 year old girls. Seriously. They even do the whole "XOXO" shit at the end. I keep trying to think of ways to insult them, but, why bother? I would be wasting brain cells. There is an actual post about how the writer heard someone say "that's huge? how did you manage that?" and the really funny punchline is, they were talking about a bubble gum. No, for real. Can you believe it? It's Crazzzyyyyyy!!!!!!

And then for those of you who go to the second rate GUC, well, they have one for you as well, and it's called GUC Insider. Now, I am actually quite impressed by that one, because it managed to suck more than the Gossip Girl one (oh gossip girl, I said suck, imagine? That's soo funny. Giggle and blush), which I think is quite the achievement. And the sad thing is, the writer of that one quit, not because he found out that he is a lame writer, but because the GUC people got mad at him. For real. They actually got offended and thought he should discontinue. Thank you GUCians. You are not as lame as everyone says you are.

So yes, S&H, I blame YOU for this. This shit didn't happen until you people came along with your fantastic posts about nothing and people only you know and care about. I get that you attacked those other gossip blogs yourself, but that's not enough. You people have to repent or something for the shit you unleashed on the unsuspecting population. Think of the innocent bystanders. Some people who actually have a brain might stumble upon your website one day without being warned about its nature beforehand -unlike me- and end up getting a brain aneurysm from the your self-congratulating masturbatory so called writing. So please, stop, before anyone gets hurt. Think of the Children who will read this shit and actually think that being a socialite is, like, important. Because it's not. No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them. But then again I am talking about people with no insecurities and who don't give a fuck about whatever spring-fling- fuck-me-I-am-famous shit party your faggy metrosexual friends throw and invite you to next. So you might not relate. Nevermind.  

Loving the Zeitoun Shooting cover-up

I am. I really really am. Here are so far the reasons provided by the police and the media on why this wasn't a secterian attack:

Justification #1: There are about 12 Coptic owned Jewelry stores in the area surrounding the targeted store. The fact that they targeted this one proves that this is personal and that it wasn't about religion.

Why this is bullshit: Well, they were only two shooters. It's not like they were a big group of pirates who were gonna go on a rape and pillage spree in the middle of the day. They went in, killed 4 people and got away. The fact that they opened fire the moment they stepped into the store kind of goes with the execution-style of such terrorist attacks, not a stick-up scenario. But what do I know? Oh, and by the way, his store is the biggest and most known one in the neighborhood, yet nobody stole anything.

Justification #2: The whole thing was a personal vendetta. The guy was from Upper Egypt, you know.

Why this is bullshit: First of all, almost all Copts are originally from Upper Egypt, so that means shit. Second of all, Vendetta's are very specific: they kill the target, and possibly his family, but never anyone from another family.That would just force a third family to enter into the Vendetta game, which would mean that the attacking family would have to worry about two attackers instead of one. Makes no sense.

Justification #3: This wasn't a religious attack, because there is someone who saw two people who fit the description standing on a street corner two hours after the incident, and one of the had a cross tattooed on his wrist.

Why this is Bullshit: The same witness testified that he noticed the tattoo (which is usually about an inch in size) from a distance. Why was he watching those two? Because apparently one of them was helping the other shoot up heroin in the middle of the day on the streets of Zeitoun. Seriously. The guy's testimony states that he saw two people who fit the description standing from a distance, one of them was shooting a needle into the other's arm, and he could see the cross on that guy's wrist. So Zeitoun now has Mid-day  execution style slaying and people shooting heroin in public. Zeitoun is now Detroit. I believe it. Don't you?

Oh, and by the way, the cute girl who left a comment in the comment section of my previous post about the missing 15 k of gold, well, none of the newspapers mentioned any of this. Which would mean that there is a cover-up in order to make the whole thing seem sectarian. But if that was the case, why is the police trying their hardest to come up with a non-sectarian reason or justification for the incident (see above reasons) if the intent was to paint this crime as a sectarian one? Oh, those sneaky bastards. They must've forced the newspapers to not mention the stolen jewelry in order to give it a sectarian vibe, and then spent days mentioning all possible ridiculous reasons why this couldn't be a sectarian incident in order to make people really believe that this was a sectarian incident. Those sneaky sneaky bastards. They probably killed him too. And the Jooz must've been in on it to stow sectarian strife in Egypt. We might as well go there, right? Since we are, after all, going with crazy theories to justify a rather simple case of hate crime to make it something else. Much easier that way than dealing with it, no?  


Amy and Noby are back

The crazy lovebirds who fell in love at first sight in an internet cafe in Hurghada despite their inability to speak each other's language and then got married are back. And Unfortunately the news isn't as scandalous as one had hoped. She is not pregnant, not veiled and she is not 30 kg overweight from eating egyptian food. But it does seem like that she left Noby behind.

After she wed Mohamed El Sayed, 30, in a traditional Egyptian
celebration last December, the 18-year-old proclaimed her new home in
Egypt was all she had ever dreamed of.

But last night, her father James, a 42-year-old electrician, said
that as far as he and his wife were concerned, their daughter was now
back home for good.

At the family home in Beaumont, Cumbria, he said: ‘It is fantastic
but we don’t want to talk about it at this stage. As you can imagine,
we have a lot to talk about and we are getting things sorted out
between us. We just want her to get settled and we will take things
from there. After all, she is an adult.’

But that's not what Noby thinks… 

 ‘She told me she was going back to England for a while to see her
friends and try to repair her relationship with her family,’ he said at
the two-room home they shared with his family outside Cairo. ‘We speak
every day and I am expecting her back in a couple of weeks.’

But Amy's father paints a different picture…

But Mr Robson and his wife Janet, 33, have arranged for Amy to stay
with her grandparents in a remote village in Northumbria, in the hope
that her husband will not be able to reach her.

When her father was told that Amy’s husband thought she was simply home for a holiday, he said: ‘They have their views and as ever they will always be manipulated. That is why she is in
this other place, some neutral ground, so no pressure can be put on

Sounds like they are brainwashing her to keep her away from Noby. Surely, ZA BOWER of LOVE will prevail. Surely she wants to get back to Noby in Banha, where he lives with his mom and the other 97 members of his family in a 3 room apartment. 

But last week, when a Mail on Sunday reporter visited her at her
grandparents’ house and asked her if she intended to return to Egypt,
she said: ‘I don’t know.’ Appearing extremely thin and smiling
nervously, she gave the same answer when asked if she was planning to
stay in Britain permanently.

NOOOOOOOOOO. The brainwashing is working. FREE AMY. Bring Amy back to Noby! The Drama has to go on. Come on now! This is too funny to end in such a sensible way. And we still haven't brought her any McDonalds.

Goddamn it!

Soo not fair!

Everyone can play the crazy game

So, there is apparently a big problem in the University of Minya because of two coptic girls students: 1 drew a cartoon of the Prophet Mohamed, and the other, facing an increasingly hostile islamist roommate- drew an X over Koranic verses. When the news spread, naturally demonstrations demanding the girls' head on a stick broke out all over the University. The Coptic Church, for its part, decided to take a positive stand on the whole issue:

The Coptic church has since attempted to calm tensions, saying that
Ishaq and the student who drew the Muhammad image, Diana Samual, were
psychologically unstable and should not be held responsible for their

Yes, the church actually claimed the two girls are crazy. They didn't send them to the psychiatrist or anything. Too much of a hassle. They caused problems? They are naturally crazy.

This is all a very positive development, because the Church now is taking the same stance the Egyptian security forces does whenever they are faced with a muslim who attacks and kills Christians: He is, clearly, crazy, and it has nothing at all to do with religion. And don't you forget it!


Historical Egyptian Ingenuity moments #1

Setting: The Barlif Wall, Sinai, Israeli Checkpoint # whatever

Date: 6th of October, 1973

Time: Around 2:15 PM

Narrator: An Israeli Officer , on his walkie talkie, to a fellow officer on the front. 

" Levi, Levi, check it out, the Egyptians are trying to attack us. Oh, no, I am not kidding. For real. They have troops on the waterfront and everything. Are those people crazy? Can't they see this entire line of defenses? Must be all the beans they are eating man. They are attacking a well-structured defense wall with soldiers sitting in bunkers aiming guns at them from an elevated position. Getting them  to back off will be like shooting fish in a barrel. Wait, what are they laying on the ground there? Is that a hose? Hehehe. They brought a hose instead of a canon. Whatchu gonna do with that hose lil GYOM? Get us wet? Wait..what are they…. Is this a water-pump? Are they actually going to try to…NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Oh my g-d. They are hosing our defense wall down. The fuckin wall is getting brought down. They are using fuckin water. I AM NOT KIDDING. Get the guns Levi. GET THE GUNS!!!!"

*And Scene* 

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