As someone born and raised in the devil’s anus known as the
middle-east, I have cultivated a very special
outlook when it comes to politicians: they are all fake, lying,
two-faced, soul sucking cash whores (No offense to actual whores intended, of
course). It doesn’t help of course that the supreme majority of our elections
are rigged, the supreme majority of the political promises that are made are
broken and the supreme majority of those
elected have no interest, what s ever, in actually representing the people that
voted for them. So when you talk to an arab about a political election, it’s
actually pretty common to see them saying “what’s the point? Nothing will
change”. Double goes for any US election, for that matter.
You see, traditionally arabs are more inclined to vote and
identify with republicans: They support traditional family values, no abortion
for women, a government that stays out
of their business and against the spreading of the gay Virus by any means
necessary. This is why the overwhelming majority of arab-americans in 2000, and
the majority of arabs in the arab world, supported the candidacy of George W.
Bush when he was still running for president, and also, because they didn’t
want a Jew “a heartbeat way from the Presidency”. They thought that once Gore
was in Power, the Mossad would assassinate him and the new President Lieberman
would send US armies to occupy arab and muslim land. So….ehhh… they voted for Bush. Nice going there, arab world.
So it is kind of understandable, that after 8 years of Bush
rule, arabs are pretty much confused in regards to who they should support.
Their values are still republican in nature, but they also don’t want to vote
for the Party of Bush. Arabs needed hope. Someone who will rise to the occasion.
Someone who will assuage their anxiety, after 8 years of living in fear that
they might wake up and find the statues of their dictators being torn down, and
democracy getting offered to them on a silver platter. Someone who won’t make
them feel that they might be sent to Gitmo every time they have to go through special screening at passport
control. Someone who will show them that
he is not an enemy of the arab, muslim and tanned people. And God answered
their prayers, and gave them a Black guy with an arab name and a muslim family
background, who talked a good game and who told them- well, kind of hinted
actually- that he will be at their side, and then to prove it, went to AIPAC
and gave the elders of Zion who run it the oratory equivalent of
So as you can imagine, it’s hard to be not cynical about the
whole thing if you are an arab. Sure, McCain would like to return Iran to a
more peaceful stone-like age, but Obama wants to send troops to northern
Pakistan- the only muslim country with Nukes and an unstable enough population
to actually use them- and return us all to the stone age. Arabs do have hopes that Obama
is just saying that to get elected though. That in reality, if he could do it
without America watching, he would give us one of those winks Sarah Palin has
become so famous for, as if to tell us “Just kidding arab world. Just kidding!
And as for the Israel supporting stuff, I am just saying that now. Just wait
till January and we shall see about that.”
And that, in a nutshell, is how arabs are perceiving the two
choices. Their only hope , ironically, is in the belief that Obama is lying to
get elected, and that he is secretly on their side, because McCain has made it to
explicitly clear that he isn’t anywhere near it.
And they say the choice couldn’t be easier.