In advance

I know we are not there yet, but Happy New year, people, may the next one not suck as hard as this one did.. Also, this blog is now officially 4 years old (and like 4 days). So yeah, happy blogeversery to the Sandmonkey blog as well. It's been awesome so far. :)

AlAzhar Ulamaa can kiss my ASS!

It came to my attention that the "AlAzhar Scientist front" (3olamaa being the arabic word for scientist, which is funny, because Islam is not really a science, like, you know, biology or physics, but what do I know?) are having a case of serious Penis envy when it comes to the Vatican, espcially when it comes to their whole "We know who goes to Heaven or Hell, because we decide that" thing.  How do I know that? Well, it's the only plausible explanation that I could find for the Fatwa they just issued yesterday, declaring the Egyptian Border officer killed by Hamas as "not a martyr". This of course is shocking people, because let's face it, AlAzhar never met someone who died for any reason and didn't want to call him/her a martyr immedietly (People killed in Ferry boat drownings, People killed by accident on the border before, etc..). So, reading the "Fatwa", it seems that they believe that the officer is not a martyr because he chose to do his job instead of "his islamic duty", which is to come to aid his muslim brothers, by fighting with them or letting them through when they wanted it. Given that he didn't do that, and wanted to protect his country, not only were Hamas's gunmen justified in killing him, he is even considerd a villian in the eyes of AlAzhar, and thus the whole "not-martyr" thing. This is all the more shocking because the islamic historical precedent states- dating all the way from the Gamal battle, mind you- that if political conflict pits muslim against mulsim, whomever dies is instantly a martyr, because they died due to Fitna, and can not be held responsible for it. So, even based on historical religious merit, this Fatwa is utter bullshit, altough even without historical precdent I wouldn't think twice about whiping my ass with it anyway.

So, dear AlAzhar people, newsflash, you are not God, nor does he send you his good boys and bad boys list. So, ehh, shut the fuck up. And those who went AllahuAkbar because of this ruling, this goes double to you. The man's body isn't even cold yet, and you come out saying shit like this, knowing that some people actually take you seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you? Y'all are fucked up.

Oh, wait, they have another Fatwa on the website, stating that whomever insults AlAzhar has also insulted God. Wow, you DO have a Vatican Complex. Well, any god that would feel insulted from anyone insulting your dumb douchebag asses, probably deserves it too. Get bent!

PS: Dear readers, if that last Fatwa is actualy true, don't worry about me. I was definitely going to Hell anyway! :)

30 thousand egyptians turn out for Officer’s funeral

The funeral of the killed assassinated dead egyptian border officer was attended by 30,000 of his countrymen, who according to al masry alyoum, turned the event into an anti-Hamas rally, shouting anti-Hamas slogans, and rightly stating that his blood is on Hamas' hands. Not that Hamas gives a fuck or anything, or any of its apologists either. Even Zeinobia, whom I usualy disagree with on almost everything except her obvious and admireable egyptian patriotism, is unhappy with the turnout, claiming that the government is using his death as anti-Hamas propaganda, while forgetting that -if that's true- it's only possible because Hamas killed the man in cold blood, while he was protecting the country. She raised the point that the egyptian soldiers killed by a mortar accidently shot by the IDF 2 years ago didn't get similar treatment, while forgetting that those ones were killed accidently, while the one who died just a few days ago was shot with the intent to kill, and is only the latest victim of Hamas routinely attacking our border and the people tasked with defending it when they try to do their jobs. Had Israel pulled even half of this shit, I would be the first person calling for some gold old fashioned egyptian-Israeli war, because then they would be clearly our enemies. Whether we like it or not, Hamas is acting like our enemy, and it's time we treat it as one!

“Spoiled, narcissistic layabouts”

The Economist takes on the Net Generation. Moneyshot:

This culture clash has been going on in many organisations and has lately seeped into management books. The Net Geners have grown up with computers; they are brimming with self-confidence; and they have been encouraged to challenge received wisdom, to find their own solutions to problems and to treat work as a route to personal fulfilment rather than merely a way of putting food on the table. Not all of this makes them easy to manage. Bosses complain that after a childhood of being coddled and praised, Net Geners demand far more frequent feedback and an over-precise set of objectives on the path to promotion (rather like the missions that must be completed in a video game).

A set of objectives on the path for promotion. How cool would that be? I want one!

Iranian protesters target Egypt, Saudi and British sites

Well, they broke into the British diplomatic compound, protested against egyptian interests and attacked the Saudi Airlines office with Molotov cocktails. For a Police-state, Iran isn't really doing much policing these days, are they?

Rick Warren and Bashar AlAssad

Christopher Hitchens, there to remind you, that there are good reasons, other than his anti-Gay views, why Obama's choice for Inaguration's pastor is a bad one, such as his relationship with Bisho. The democrats probably won't see a problem with the trip he made or the meeting he had, since they are all about talking to the enemy, but it might eb embaressing that the some of the last foriegn visitors Bisho had, and not many do want to visit him, include George Galloway and David Duke. Good people. 

Egyptian Embassy in Yemen stormed by angry mob

The Egyptian Embassy in Yemen was stormed today by angry Ghaza-supporting portestors, who detsoyed its furntiture, set the egyptian flag on fire and then erected the palestinian flag on top of it. This is the second attack on an egyptian embassy within 3 days, with lebanese protestors throwing rocks at the egyptian embassy in Beirut on Sunday. Despite that both attacks do constitute acts of war, we urge you not to blame the protestors, and to please Blame Egypt instead! 

Egyptian Border officer was shot in his office

Oh yeah, rememebr that Egyptian Officer that got killed by Hamas gunmen on the border the other day? It seems that it didn't take place on some sort of a border skrimish, but rather, according to Wael Abbas, was killed in his office, when he refused to give up his post. I would like to take that chance to remind you not to blame the Hamas gunmen, because they were forced to kill him in coldblood. Blame Egypt instead!

Hoder’s arrest confirmed by Iranian authorities

It's offical now. Hoder is under arrest by the Iranian authorities on charges of spying for Israel. Ok? He is not faking it, it's not a publicity stunt, this is the real deal.

My call for action still stands!

Blame Egypt: all the cool kids are doing it!

The conflict that's been going on for the past 4 days in Ghaza is kind of horrific, with both sides sharing some the blame(Hamas for being its stupid and reckless self, and Israel doing it's own rendition of what the wrath of the old testement god would look like today). The arab world decided that it will take a stand, and place the full blame on one party, and, here is the twist, it wasn't Israel or Hamas. They instead chose to blame Egypt. Sweet, huh?

Heading the charge are the Jordanians, the Lebanes and the Syrians- not to mention some of our own "oh-being-arab-is-so-awesome-we-wish-we-were-arab" self-hating dicks, and some gulfies. The rationale being that somehow, Egypt is not doing enough to support the palestinian cause, and is to blame for the Ghaza blockade. The rationale completely skips that 1) Egypt tends to honor it's international agreements, even if we don;t like it, 2) The coordination for opening the border happens between us and the Palestinian authority, which was overthrown by a nice bloody coup exacted by Hamas, and 3) Hamas is the kind of islamist terrorist organization that we don;t really wish to legitimize or support, let alone give access to a part of our country that witnessed 3 seperate terrorist attacks in the last 4 years, 2 of which targeting Israeli tourists. Also,  in a great twist of irony, all of those people blaming us have a sordid history of fucking over (and sometimes killing, in thousands i might add) the palestinians themselves: Jordanians with Black september, Lebanese with Sabra and Shatila, the syrians by stoking the fires and never actually doing anything to support them except getting beaten at wars, and the gulfies by being total fags and never actually doing anything, ever. But yes, blame Egypt. We are clearly at fault here.

So, as a special service to all of you fuckers who are badmouthing my country, which- by the way- fought 4 fuckin wars for the palestinian cause and lost more people than all of you (and hey, got it's land back fully too, how about that?), I would like you to take the opprutunity in my comment section to Blame Egypt for all of your ills and misgivings, not to mention your fuckin impotence and uselessness. Please, knock yourself out. We can take it, because we are not small-time self-righteous detached-from-reality whiney bitches.

Have a lovely day!

20th century Fox twitter account

Ok, so it's totally fake, but it made me wish it was real.

Favorite Tweet: Wasn't Marley & Me cute? And don't worry, your kids had to learn about dog euthanasia sooner or later!

Death to all Juice!

But only the Zionist kind!

h/t: LGF!

My head hurts

First Hamas refuses to let Egypt receive the wounded through the Rafah crossing, saying that Egypt has to open the entire crossing for the million and a half Ghazan, or else they won't get to treat their wounded.. Think about this one for a minute. Let it simmer. When it makes sense to you, let me know.

Then Israeli pundits say that while the air strike is successful, they might need to do a ground incursion, thus proving that Israel is a nation suffering from an Alzheimer epidemic and doesn't remember anything about the last war with Lebanon.  

And then the Palestinians in Ghaza break through the Rafah crossing, and kill an egyptian officer in the process, and nobody minds, of course.. 

And then Nasrallah gets on TV, calls on the egyptian people to revolt by the millions and open up the  by-now-open Rafah crossing by force, and on the egyptian military to take a stand against the political leadership and  "join the resistance".

And finally, in Iraq, and I wish I was kidding, a suicide bomber blew himself up in the middle of a Pro-Palestinian demonstration.

You figure it out!

Ghaza…again..

Bloodshed in Ghaza…again. Rockets launched from both sides….again. Round 69474932 of the grandsons of Isaac vs. the grandsons of Ishmael…again. And again, no end in sight..again and again and again.

Welcome to Middle-east people, where we make excellent rugs and most fantastic death, all for political gain. Hamas wanted to be relevant again, wanted the arab world to support it, and has learned the lessons of Hezbollah well. Provoke, get your people slaughtered, get recognition and sympathy and power. Who is to question your authority now that you are the one standing in the line of fire? Elections you say coming up? Who will oppose you now? We all have to band together in times of crisis, no? 

And on the Israeli side, the same lesson applies: Hey, wanna be the Prime Minister in the next elections? Attack Ghaza. In recent memory, not a single election for PM has taken place before the candidates party has launched some sort of Attack on Ghaza. It's like tradition, you see, for good luck. Congratulations Livni, you might just beat Netenyaho for the big seat.

But..but..you will say..the Palestinians are shooting rockets at our people…The Israelis are shooting rockets at our people..Blood and death and mayhem and destruction and CRY HAVOC WHY DON'T YOU? The dogs of war have been unleashed, the cheerleaders are all in place ready to cheer, with escalation being the word on everybody's tongue. All the while, the peaceniks are lamenting the lost peace, and how if only Labor wins, there might be a chance, all the while the minister of defense is mr. Labor leader himself. All the while the Fatah supporters are crying, see what Hamas has done to Ghaza, as if they themselves did not partake in this dance with Israel a million times before.

And it is a dance, well-rehearsed and well-executed, and performed so many times before that those of us paying attention could tell what will happen next to a tee. The reprisals, the statements from whomever condemning whatever and standing in solidarity with what side of this conflict and their god given right to protect themselves/resist the aggression/yadayadayada, the eventual kidnapping, the eventual cease fire, the eventual negotiations, the funerals on each side of their own fallen heroes and innocent victims, and naturally, the reprisal for that again. Come on people, we have 24 hour news channels now, what would we fill them with without some good old Israeli Palestinian conflict? Let's inflame shit further, in the name of reporting the news and showing the side that nobody is showing, and how the Palestinian/Israeli victims are being vilified and their side not properly presented to the world. Oh yes, it's a dance we all saw before, way too many times, and , no offense to the victims or their families, it's getting kinda old.

So, to break the news to you: Hey, Palestinian leaders, no matter how many homemade rockets you fire, the Israelis will retaliate with 100 times more weapons who are 1000 times more effective in killing their targets, so yeah, you are not winning here. And hey, Israeli leaders, No matter how many bombs you drop on Ghaza, the people there will continue to lop homemade rockets at you, because – and you should've noticed this the first time one of them stood against one of your tanks with nothing but a rock and a slingshot- they are willing to see 1000 of theirs die for 1 death on your side. You know who gave them that idea? Who set that fabulous exchange rate? You, when you decided that you would trade 1000 of their living for 1 of your dead. And hey, Israeli and Palestinian people, newsflash: Your leaders couldn't give a rats ass about you or your livelihood or your well-being. THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR YOU DIE, OK? Unless, of course, there are political brownie points to be made from exploiting your death or suffering, and god knows there always is, and then they will be quick to take some photos with you or with your grieving family. And they will keep putting you in the line of fire so that they can keep staying in power, because, let's face it, fixing shit was never their strong point anyway, and this is far too easy and familiar not to engage in. We, after all, have been dancing this dance together for thousands of years. What's one more encore?

Hope you enjoy the show. Me? Kind of over it! Let me know when it's over!

Merry Christmas, people!

My your Holidays be filled with fatty foods, alcohol and passing out!

How AIG got into the mortgage crisis

Oh boy. This is beautiful:

The misadventures that AIG's silo architecture can create are sharply illustrated by the company's disasters in mortgage securities. These problems certainly were spawned in AIG Financial Products. But the fact is that FP had a moment of enlightenment in late 2005, when it began to believe that the housing boom was nearing an unfortunate end and decided to stop selling credit default swaps on super-senior tranches of CDOs. It had a few deals in the pipeline, however, so total "multisector" CDS – AIG's name for these spiffy items – climbed a bit further in early 2006, to a total of nearly $80 billion. Later, as 2006- and 2007-vintage mortgages turned toxic, AIG talked proudly to analysts about its wise decision to pull out before trouble hit. The company proved to be excruciatingly wrong in thinking it was safe, of course, since earlier vintages have been creamed too. But the point is that by August 2007 – the start of the credit crisis – CEO Martin Sullivan and FP's boss, Joseph Cassano, were saying to everybody who'd listen that FP had ducked the mortgage bullet by avoiding the 2006 and 2007 securities that were by that time viewed as poisonous.

Various other AIG silos, unfortunately, weren't listening. The regulatory statements filed by AIG's operating subsidiaries show that a raft of these companies, and particularly the life insurers among them, were still loading up on late-vintage residential mortgage-backed securities (RMBS) in December 2007 – months after AIG had begun congratulating itself on ducking the mortgage bullet. Why, Liddy is asked, would one arm of AIG be buying mortgage securities while another is pronouncing them dangerous? As if there might be someone in AIG's empire he didn't care to offend, Liddy states his answer carefully: "You know, the company is a highly decentralized, far-flung enterprise. And different pieces of the company took different risks. Let me just leave it at that."

We won't leave it entirely, though, because the RMBS turned out to be connected by tunnel to the netherworld called securities lending. For many years, the AIG operating companies, like many other large holders of fixed-income securities, have lent these to banks and brokers that have reasons for needing them – maybe clients wanting to sell short. For this service, the lenders had received cash collateral that slightly exceeded the value of the bonds. Over the years, AIG's companies had invested this short-term money in conservative, liquid investments and thus been always ready to repatriate the collateral if their customers wanted it back.

But this strategy didn't make much money. So in the middle of this decade, the AIG companies began both to greatly increase the amount of securities lending they were doing – the total hit about $90 billion in the third quarter of 2007 – and to invest the collateral in longer-term, seemingly safe AAA securities that offered good yields. The main choice for investment was, you guessed it, RMBS. That bit of elegant selection left AIG's operating companies not only using short-term money to invest long, which is known folly, but also putting this money into impenetrable securities poised to both tumble in value and establish new records for illiquidity. When news of AIG's problems spread in 2008, the banks and brokers came tearing back to redeem their cash collateral, and the AIG companies couldn't hand it over, because it was tied up in unsalable RMBS. This was a second vise that tightened around AIG. One company insider calls this whole investment plot "just one of the dumbest things I've ever seen."

And guess who bought those RMBS? The US government. And guess with whose's money?

Lovely, ain't it?

Hey, want a one hour wedding?

Go to Bahrain and enjoy your 8 dollars an hour wedding. And remember, it's not prostitution if the government  and the clergy approve it. It's a "temporary pelasure wedding". Wink wink..nudge nudge.

The world’s most annoying financial crisis

Is happening in Argentine as we speak, and it's kinda funny!

Huffington Post stealing content

As someone who is somehwat familair with the Huffington Post operation, including their fantastic habit of not hiring writers, and calling whatever crap their self-important non-paid writers puke on a page "blogging", I am simply astounded about the fact that they were caught stealing content from other lesser known blogs and still no apologizing for it or stopping it. So that's what being a "progressive blog" means nowadays? Fine, but one question: On what, exactly, do they spend their venture cpaitilist provided funding and their and webad revenues on? Arianna's hair can't cost that much to do, can it?

About that Fan-made Thundercats trailer

Irrespective of your love of 80's fringe cartoons, and impressive fake movie trailers made by obsessed fans, you would watch a movie based on that trailer, wouldn't you? I would. But please, pretty please, kill Snerf. Cook him or eat him or something.