It came to my attention that the "AlAzhar Scientist front" (3olamaa being the arabic word for scientist, which is funny, because Islam is not really a science, like, you know, biology or physics, but what do I know?) are having a case of serious Penis envy when it comes to the Vatican, espcially when it comes to their whole "We know who goes to Heaven or Hell, because we decide that" thing. How do I know that? Well, it's the only plausible explanation that I could find for the Fatwa they just issued yesterday, declaring the Egyptian Border officer killed by Hamas as "not a martyr". This of course is shocking people, because let's face it, AlAzhar never met someone who died for any reason and didn't want to call him/her a martyr immedietly (People killed in Ferry boat drownings, People killed by accident on the border before, etc..). So, reading the "Fatwa", it seems that they believe that the officer is not a martyr because he chose to do his job instead of "his islamic duty", which is to come to aid his muslim brothers, by fighting with them or letting them through when they wanted it. Given that he didn't do that, and wanted to protect his country, not only were Hamas's gunmen justified in killing him, he is even considerd a villian in the eyes of AlAzhar, and thus the whole "not-martyr" thing. This is all the more shocking because the islamic historical precedent states- dating all the way from the Gamal battle, mind you- that if political conflict pits muslim against mulsim, whomever dies is instantly a martyr, because they died due to Fitna, and can not be held responsible for it. So, even based on historical religious merit, this Fatwa is utter bullshit, altough even without historical precdent I wouldn't think twice about whiping my ass with it anyway.
So, dear AlAzhar people, newsflash, you are not God, nor does he send you his good boys and bad boys list. So, ehh, shut the fuck up. And those who went AllahuAkbar because of this ruling, this goes double to you. The man's body isn't even cold yet, and you come out saying shit like this, knowing that some people actually take you seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you? Y'all are fucked up.
Oh, wait, they have another Fatwa on the website, stating that whomever insults AlAzhar has also insulted God. Wow, you DO have a Vatican Complex. Well, any god that would feel insulted from anyone insulting your dumb douchebag asses, probably deserves it too. Get bent!
PS: Dear readers, if that last Fatwa is actualy true, don't worry about me. I was definitely going to Hell anyway!