Egypt, the new Superpower!

Ahh, at last, the day of my dreams has finally arrived. The day that set my egyptian patriotic heart aflutter with joy. The day when Egypt- under the wise direction and leadership of our dear leader Hosny Mubarak- has finally ascended to its rightful place and joined the ranks of the World's Super Power club is here, and I am happier than Andrew Sullivan with a bag full of dicks. How do I know that we have reached that monumentous plateau amongst the world's elite? Well, ladies and gentlemen, the signs are all around us. We are getting blamed for all the world's ills, just the like the americans, russians and chinese, we are having our business interests portested against, just like the americans and the brits, we are having our Embassies attacked and our Flags burned, just like the americans and the Israelis, and now, today, I am happy to announce that we have cemented our membership in the super powers club by reaching the final landmark: The posters of our President depicted dead, with open calls for his assissantion, in Iran. 

Ohh yes. The Persian plague has decided that they can not tolerate Egypt's place as the leading regional power any longer, claiming that we are always outshining them and making them look fat, and have set their eyes on taking out the man responsible for our exemplery progress and power: El Presidente Mubarak. Today, in Iran, Forooz Rejaii, the secretary general of the organization titled "Rewarding The Martyrs of the World of Islam" has announced a bounty of one million dollars to whomever assassinates Hosny Mubarak for being just too cool and awesome for them to bear, and also for the whole closing the Rafah crossing thing. And if that is not proof enough for you, checking the picture below out of another protest that took place in Indonesia yesterday should be:

Our very own Mubarak mask. Right next to Olmert and Barak Obama's. HELL YEAH! That's how prominent we have become. We have masks of our leaders made and worn by smelly inhabitants of third world countries. Die from envy, jealous Bitches of the world. Egypt has arrived.

However, we need to be careful, because anyone can become a hated worldly Super Power once, and get its busniesses protested against, embassies stormed and flags burned. Just ask Denmark. They used to matter back in 2006, and now, nobody even rememebrs to hate them anymore. No, we can't be a One-Hate wonder. We can't allow that to happen to us, espeically after we waited so long for it. So, I propose that we start threathening the world to never open the Rafah crossing ever again, and start blackmailing them to do so, and see what we can get out of them for it. That crossing now is a startegic advantage, just the like hormuz crossing is to the jealous fat hairy Iranians, and we should totally capitalize on it to maintain our strategic importance. Let the Haters eat their hearts out.

Comments

  1. Phil Ossiferz Stone says:

    Welcome to my world.

    You’ll get your secret decoder ring in the mail next week.

  2. It’s true – you need to keep it up if you want the third world to openly show their contempt for you just a few years from now! Noone remembers the many that died to fight the evil danish idea of free speech just 2 short years ago. Well, they may remember, but they don’t show it anymore, and that’s the key to being important! :D

    Seriously though – what the fuck is up with the Obama mask? The man’s not even in office yet, and they’re already hating on him? WTF?!?!

  3. What? They hate Obama?! But I thought he was going to rehabilitate America’s image in the world! They said everybody would just look at his dark skinned face and know America had changed! Senator Kerry promised!

    Ah well…meet the new Great Satan, same as the old Great Satan.

    Welcome to the club, Egypt.

  4. An ironic way to fulfill Nasser’s dream of Egyptian hegemony over the Mideast!

  5. President Bush says:

    Listen up you assholes! Every thing that is wrong with the world, and I mean EVERYTHING, is my fault.

    I am responsible for all of it! And I did it all by myself. And I’m glad, do you hear? Glad.

    Murabak is a piker and only getting this good press because of the goddam media and the fact that he is a lying ******. Murabak is taking credit for my work. ******s!

    (Profanity omitted ’cause I don’t want SM to rot in prison forever.)

  6. I hate ALJAZEERA says:

    LOL great piece,

    I remember when crazy afro sporting lefty Cornell West professed the (N WORD)IZATION of america right after 9/11. guess we’re setting up franchises.

  7. ” We have masks of our leaders made and worn by smelly inhabitants of third world countries. Die from envy, jealous Bitches of the world. Egypt has arrived.”

    Too funny!!! Yet sad because it’s sooooo predictable!

  8. This is a hilarious post mate. I laughed so hard I cried.

  9. Where is Bush?!!!

  10. Like someone said before, no you know you made it.

  11. Abu Sa'ar says:

    It’s not fair to make Raccoon LOL this much at work, man :)

  12. Congrats Egypt! We all knew you were the little Middle Eastern pariah state that could!

  13. That would be “now you know”.

  14. Roman Kalik says:

    Heheheh, welcome to the club, mate!

  15. I note the Iranians are offering the bounty on Mubarak in dollars. It’s nice to know our currency is still good for something.

  16. nadine: “What? They hate Obama?”

    I too worried about this. But if you look more closely, you’ll see the mask is of Obama smoking a cigarette.

    It’s the cigarettes they hate, not the Messiah. Because they’re progressives.

  17. habalah habalah hezbollah

  18. LMAO

    But wait, there’s

    Western Leftists will automatically blame you for everything that goes wrong.

    You can now secretly control the US government with your Evil Egyptian Lobby Powers.

    Your Evil Egyptian Intelligence Services become responsible for price increases in Isfahan.

    And your books will henceforth be boycotted by people who never actually read them anyway.

    Also, you get a set of Ginsu knives.

  19. Egyptians is kind of hard to spell…Death to Egyptians…hmm..how is that really going to come out? It is like the Kill the Juice problem

    Fukc the Fairo’s

    Pom the Beeramids (remember, most Arabs can’t say “P”)

    Mubarak is a ho (essni)

  20. It’s Misr in Arabic anyway.

  21. adrian from Denmark says:

    Did some egyptian newspaper made a cartoon that some people don’t like?

    Don’t worry mate, all they’ll do is to bomb some places in Pakistan and butcher eachother in Afghanistan to punish Egypt.

  22. Awesome

  23. Believe me SM, what you just listed for a country to join the “super-power club” make more sense than what is currently embedded in our brains through, stupid politician talks, and the stupid media. Basically, they believe any country achieve the capacity to build nuclear weapon is considered as “super power”. It doesn’t matter what you are going to do with it , for example “Iran”; how can they threaten Israel with a nuclear bomb and not Palestinians who live there , Jordan, Syria/ Lebanon and Egypt who border Israel ?? . How can they send their soldiers to an area following use of nuclear bomb????. Same question for Pakistan and India , and north Korea where their standard of living (reflected in GDP) is less or close to Egypt’s , but they still consider themselves “superpower” or close to be (N. Korea). BTW the same question applies to Israel (with what they have) or the old Iraq (US believed that Sadam was building). You don’t get these questions raised in the media or by politicians in order to keep the existing myths. Following the above ranting, I think your stated criteria for ranking Egypt as “superpower” make more sense.

  24. zvi and in Hebrew but with Eim at the end no?

  25. Abu Sa'ar says:

    Lynne – Mitzrim for the people, Mitzraim for the land.

  26. brooklynjon says:

    Mazel tov, SM. Today you are a man. Let’s all hoist Egypt up on a chair and parade it around the ballroom. Later we’ll snack on prime rib and a table full of non-dairy desserts.

  27. Begin messed up when he did not squeeze Egypt to take Gaza as part of the return of the Sinai. So SM, next time you rant on old Hosni, remember he pulled a fast one on the Israelis.

  28. You are still far behind us, the evil zionist juice!

    Muhahaha

  29. @ Ohio:

    “for example “Iran”; how can they threaten Israel with a nuclear bomb and not Palestinians who live there”

    You better believe Iran is willing to sacrifice as many Palestinians, Egyptians, Lebanese, and Jordanians as necessary to ensure the destruction of Israel.

  30. YES!

  31. Yes, Mitzraim has been the Hebrew word for Egypt going all the way back to Biblical times.

    @29 Yes. It has never been about the rights of Palestinians, or statehood for Palestinians, or dignity for Palestinians. It has always been about attacking us damned Juice.

    For example, not too long ago, well-meaning members of the ICRC drafted a compromise that would bring both the Magen David Adom (Israeli version of the Red Cross / Red Crescent) and the Palestinian Red Crescent into the organization together. Israel and the PA both agreed to this compromise, both because the increased cooperation available within the ICRC has the potential to save lives during emergencies. This is particularly true of the Palestinian Red Crescent, which could always use extra resources and assistance, and presumably can today as well. Also, the PA liked this compromise because they could frame it as an implicit recognition of Palestinian statehood; the PA certainly gained one of the trappings of statehood, a step forward for the Palestinians in the community of nations. Also the MDA and the PRC agreed to cooperate and (if I remember correctly) the MDA provided some additional equipment, including ambulances to the PRC as part of the arrangement (it seems likely that some of this equipment is currently being used to save lives in Gaza).

    Supporters of Israel all voted for the compromise. Some Arab/Muslim countries likewise voted in favor. But Iran, Syria, and the Arab/Muslim countries that claim to “support” the Palestinians most strongly ALL voted against the compromise. For them, it was FAR more important to try to hurt Israel in a pointless, symbolic way than it was either to help the Palestinian Red Crescent save Palestinian lives or to grant the Palestinians one of the trappings normally reserved for sovereign states.

    And this has been the story in case after case. Time after time, those who most loudly proclaim their “steadfast support for the Palestinians” are in fact far, far more interested in hurting Israel and Israelis than they are in making Palestinians’ lives better. When they are forced to choose, they consistently choose hatred of Israel rather than love of Palestinians.

    Palestinians should think about that… .

  32. Nice piece and congratulations to Egypt. To become even more hated all you have to do is continue doing the right thing.

  33. twobyfour says:

    LOL, SM, too funny!

    Badass Mubarak!

    Hope the newly gained status is not just one time thingy! ;-)

    Egypt and Soddy (quietly) are the ones that know what’s at stake. Ayatollahs are giving them willies and indigestion. Hamas is a puppet of Iran and forward colon, beside Hizbullah. They know that if there is someone to neuter Iran, it’s Israel. I wouldn’t put it beyond the realm of possibilities that when push comes to shove, there would be this conversation taking place at Soddy air defense monitoring stations:

    Sgt. Omar, excitedly and outraged: “Captain, I see 24 hostiles originating from Israel territory!”
    Cpt. Ahmed, calmly: “Those are UFOs.”
    Sgt. Omar, incredulously: “UFOs?”
    Cpt. Ahmed, convincingly: “UFOs. We don’t have to fill a report on those.”

  34. “Denmark. [..] used to matter back in 2006, and now, nobody even rememebers to hate them anymore. [..] a One-Hate wonder.

    Tell me about it :-) nobody wants to hear me whine about being misunderstood anymore. We had our 15 minutes of hate.

  35. MAZEL TOV welcome to the club.