Proof that AlQaeda really is from the middle ages

They are getting killed by the Bubonic Plague. Yes, the Bubonic fuckin Plague. Poetic, no?

And Yes, I am going to miss W.!

Man, say what you say about him, but he made the last 8 years filled with fun Unpredictability. You just never knew what he was going to do next. If Global consensus was on something, he would be like "Yeah, ok, that's nice." and then do something else entirely. And he gave all my democrat friends ulcers from worry about what he was going to do all the time, and what "democracy-destorying-fanatsy" they could come up with next. I mean, they almost had me convinced that any day now, he and the jews were going to start another 9/11 and pass a law that would make him a President for life, like their Hero Fidel Castro and his fanboy wannabe Hugo Chavez. Even after Obama was voted in, many really thought that Bush was going to start a War against Iran any second now, just to screw over Obama. None of those things happened of course, but damn, he made them really think of new ways he- despite being the idiotic chimp man they knew he was- would geniusly take over the country and maniplate the public. And his people. I miss his People. The fact that Rumsfeld is no longer allowed to do press conferences where he gets to be his asshole self and torture the reporters makes baby jesus weep a little. And Cheney, who actually shot someone and got away with it, nevermind that that someone was his friend. And who can forget Condi and her legs? Or Wolfie and his haircomb or his tunisian girlfriend? Or John "The Moustache" Bolton, who treated the other UN ambassador's like his Prison Bitches?

I am a fan of Chaos, and he gave us that aplenty, which is why I will always love him. For a good couple of years he scared the shit out of every arab leader in the region, and forced some of them, including our own, to enact some democratic reforms. Not bad for a dumb cowboy, no? Plus, look at Iraq today. (Remember Iraq? Whatever happened to those "No blood for Oil" demonstrations anyway? And how did Obama get the anti-war people to support a war in Afghanistan?) Bombings are down, US soldier casualties are almost nonexistant, they are having a new election where the secularists are favored to win over the islamists, and the country has billions of dollars in reserves (74 billion to be exact), not to mention all the Oil that Bush was supposed to steal and never did. Who would've thought?

Yeah, I am going to miss W. , at least for a while, for all those reasons, and because it feels like he was always there as President anyway. Those 8 years did not pass quickly at all, and they were so tumolteous and filled with Drama, that I doubt anything Obama can conjure up (with the possible exception of him getting a white mistress, which would be AWESOME. Double Awesome points if its Ann Coulter) can equal or parallel. Just the slow and expected fall from grace that will take place over the next 4 years, when they discover that the man is not a miracle worker. Let's hope he really does invade Pakistan. Now that will make things fun again.

Cross your fingers boys and girls. I know I am!

About that Inaguration..

..Is anybody else dissapointed that when Ted Kennedy collapsed, he didn't collapse on Robert Byrd? Am I alone here?

The world according to Islamonline

This is great:

Since Hamas has come to power in 2006 and staged a counter-coup against the thuggish, Western-sponsored, secular Fatah militia led by Mohammed Dahlan by mid-2007, the Egyptian regime began to see Hamas’ control of Gaza from the narrow prism of its own domestic predicament with the Muslim Brotherhood.

And Hamas are harmless islamic faithful kittens.

Re-branding Ghaza

It's always refreshing when you read something as brilliant as this in the morning:

Let’s just face it: the “decency of the world” is relative. Perceptions and attention are all that matters when you want to tell/sell your story. If Israel, a mighty country which has brutalized the Palestinians for so long still manages to sell its story to the world, why is it that the Palestinians are incapable of selling theirs, although they are more deserving of sympathy and help?

What the Gaza Brand CANNOT be:

The creation of a sustainable core idea for telling Gaza’s story to the world, needs a thorough clean-up of the language we use to describe our tragedies. The clean-up needs to get rid of the language of exaggeration, of comparisons to past “epic” events and of generalizations, racism against jews and heroic Islamic/Arabic self-aggrandization.

In other words, it is not business as usual.

The brand cannot be the “Gaza Holocaust”: the “Holocaust” brand has already been taken by the world’s Jews. No one takes us seriously when we talk about Gaza’s Holocaust. Let’s acknowledge that suffering of the Palestinians today, although tragic and totally unacceptable, still is not directly comparable with the systematic annihilation of the Jews by the Nazi in World War II.

The brand cannot be “Gaza’s Epic, Heroic Battle of Victory”: If we keep talking about epic battles, the world might actually believe it and thus will fall into Israel’s trap of portraying its war on Palestinians as war of equals. It is NOT a war of equals and we should not claim we’re winning it.

The brand cannot be “Wipe Israel off the Map”: This sounds aggressive and, frankly, is not credible. Given that Israel actually has nuclear weapons, they can more credibly talk about wiping an Arab country off the map.

The brand cannot be “Hamas”: Political movements come and go. Gaza is not about Hamas. Gaza’s problem and Palestine’s problem was there before Hamas.

The brand cannot be about “glorifying death”: If all we’re saying is “we don’t care if we die” others will just shrug their shoulders when the bombs fall on our little concrete huts.

What the Gaza Brand SHOULD be:

The brand should be about defying mindless power: it should shame Israel for inflicting violence upon a population, resulting in the shameful ratio of 100:1 (killing 100 Palestinians for every 1 Israeli killed).

The brand should be about Palestine
and the dream of a people of life in a free homeland.

The brand should be all about Human Rights
as a universal concept that Palestinians seek to attain

The brand should have Global Appeal: it cannot have global appeal while being chauvinist or aggressive. It should also be connected to the suffering of people everywhere, not just people in Palestine.

It should be about Hope: without emphasizing hope and belief in a better tomorrow, you can hardly inspire people to support you. Remember, in a few days we’ll be living in the Post-Bush, Obama era. Hope is a word that has gained new currency.

Focusing the message to tell the world what happened in Gaza might only a piece of the puzzle. But in a media saturated world, we’d better start thinking clearly about what we want to tell the world.

About damn time too!

Finally

The Ceasefire is here! Just in time for the Sharm AlSheikh summit and two days to spare before the Obama inaguration. Decisions/Recommendation/Bullshit will hopefully get made tomorrow, people will agree to them since the PA head now wants what Hamas wants, thus making meeting the Hamas demands a Fatah Victory, and thus giving both palestinian sides claim to the "victory": Hamas' claim being militaristic, and Fatah's political. And that will suit Israel just fine, because as history teaches us, Israel doesn't mind the arabs claiming victory as long as it gets what it wants, which it probably will. Livni will look like the "Leader" who knows when to go to war and when to resort to diplomacy, and will have the next election in the bag, and Obama will have a very nice Ceasefire awaiting him the moment he steps into the Oval office, fullfilling the old prophecy that the chosen one will bring peace to the middle-east the moment he takes office. And this, of course, leaves us with the clear winner from all of this: Hosny Mubarak. His political victory is enormous on the global stage, because he 1) appeared to be the solid leader unswayed by public opinion or external pressure, 2) the cornerstone of stability in the region, who tirelessly looked for a political solution to the problem and 3) the man whose summit-not Qatar's, not Kuwait's- ended the conflict and had the most international leaders, and thus prominence and legitimacy. It's all so stupid that I want to puke.

See you all when negotiations break down again?

Chutzpa

After freezing (notice that word. freezing) their diplomatic relations with Israel, Qatar and Muritania, not to mention the rest of the Arab league summit members (who now include the arab nations of Iran, Turkey and the terrorist organization resistance movement called Hamas emirate of Ghaza), are demanding that Egypt cuts its diplomatic relations with Israel. They are freezing, not cutting, but are demanding that we cut, or else we are traitors. Chutzpa, defined!

Can we get out of the Arab League already? I vote we move it, with its building and diplomats to Doha, and get it over with. They can have all the summits they want (you gotta excuse them, there is really nothing to do there), and we can not go to any of them.

Ehh..Question?

Why is the egyptian military erecting tents in Rafah for the "expected incoming plaestinian refugees from Ghaza once Egypt opens the borderd again"? Anybody know? 

The Ghaza War is over Gas!

Welcome to the house of fun  crazy leftist conspiracy theories, ladies and gentlemen. You might have thought the Ghaza war is about Hamas loping rockets, or Kadima wanting to win elections, but thankfully, our leftist activist friends- those renegades of truth and stelwarts of resistance- have shown us the real reason why this war is taking place: GAS. Yes, The Ghaza war ia apprently the latest war of agression the Imperialists are waging to control energy resources in the middle-east. You didn't know? That's because the Imperialist jewish-controlled media didn't want you to know, sheeple. But thanks to the blogsphere, we now know.

On the bright side, the anti-war protesters can now grab those old "No Blood For Oil" signs from the Iraq war and use them in Ghaza protests. They were gathering dust anyway. Not to mention, it would be considerd a form of recycling. Ohh Goody!

It’s still our border, right?

I woke up yesterday, and I saw the headlines in Qatari newspapers: The emergency arab league summit- the one Egypt didn't attend- has reached the decision that all border crossings, especially on Egypt's side, must be opened. Yes, that was one of their decisions: that a country, not present, has to open its borders.

And then, I read another fabolous news article, on how the US and Israel are penning a "joint-gareement" that will stop weapon-smuggeling from Sinai to Ghaza. I went online to look for the US borders in Sinai, found none, and became even more confused. I then scanned the article to find anything about Egypt being part of this agreement, or agreeing to this agreement, or even consulted on this agreement, and still, nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

So..ehh..just so I am clear: We have officially become the world's bitch, right? I mean, it sure seems this way, with everybody coming out with declartions and agreements and orders- that don't involve us- telling us what to do with our border (which, for the record, has been our border for like thousands of years), right? Allright, fantastic. Was just making sure of it. Egypt = Everybody's Bitch!

Thanks world, sure is nice being part of you! 

And the winner of the Ghaza conflict is..

Hosny Mubarak. I know, I know, I am shocked too. But check this out: 1) He managed to sideline Qatar and Syria and the Iranian allies in the region, despite the huge pressure they put on him, and made Egypt the most important player in the palestinian Israeli conflict again (ironically, thanks in part to that same pressure), 2) His popularity in Egypt grew because of his position on the Ghaza offensive and the "Blame Egypt" global hysteria that followed, amazingly even amidst people who have always opposed him, and 3) He managed to get Hamas to accept the egyptian truce intiative yesterday, which is not a victory for Hamas by Israeli admission, and also ,which- if Israel agrees to- would end the conflict and makes the proposed emergency session of the arab league that Qatar wants so badly -in order to have another PR victory- purposeless.

Weird, huh?

It all hinges on Israel agreeing to the Egyptian intiative now. If they do, this whole thing would be finally over.

Fringe benefits of the global economic crisis..

It just might take China down for a long while!

Fish renamed as “Sea Kittens”?

For the millionth time..PETA is insane, and the fact that people donate money to it is insane. I think a list of PETA donors needs to be published every year, because we need to know who those people are.

You can go drunk to your job

 and not get fired, in Peru. Finally a country that speaks to my ideals!

The origin of “Israel controls America” conspiracies

Usually from stories like these:

The United States, Israel's main ally, had initially been expected to voted in line with the other 14 but Rice later became the sole abstention.

"In the night between Thursday and Friday, when the secretary of state wanted to lead the vote on a ceasefire at the Security Council, we did not want her to vote in favour," Olmert said.

"I said 'get me President Bush on the phone'. They said he was in the middle of giving a speech in Philadelphia. I said I didn't care. 'I need to talk to him now'. He got off the podium and spoke to me.

"I told him the United States could not vote in favour. It cannot vote in favour of such a resolution. He immediately called the secretary of state and told her not to vote in favour."

Just saying! ;)

For your consideration

Given that my new status, according to some of my readers, as an "Anti-israel propagandist", I would like to invite you all to read this piece of Anti-Israel propaganda, provided by Ynet news:

Earlier this week, Time Magazine claimed that Israel cannot defeat Hamas. As usual, Time is wrong. Of course Israel can win. Hamas is not a mass Palestinian liberation movement: Rather, it is a small Islamofacist organization that forcefully took over a despaired region and turned it into an Islamic state nightmare.

Is there no effective way to defeat Hamas? Of course there is. For example, for every Qassam fired from Gaza, we can bomb Hamas’ headquarters in Damascus. For example, for every Qassam fired at Israel, we can assassinate a senior Hamas figure, either belonging to the military or “political” wing. Israel won the second Intifada not by bombing Palestinian towns and neighborhoods and refugee camps, but rather, by methodically and gradually assassinating terror leaders. Back then, we wanted to win.

Remove malignant tumor  

This time around, we don’t want to win. The official Israel does not wish to eliminate Hamas’ regime in Gaza – despite the fact that the entire world, including the Arab world, granted us permission to do it. It even deplored us to do it, as long as we avoid major Palestinian bloodshed. However, we are disappointing them: We caused great bloodshed, yet we do not intend to win. Perhaps because of the upcoming elections; who knows?

When Hamas leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin was assassinated we expected an earthquake, yet nothing happened. And what was the Arab street’s reaction to the killing of other senior Hamas figures, including those killed during operation Cast Lead? No reaction. Arab citizens watched al-Jazeera and told themselves: “The Israelis are brutal, and Hamas is dumb” – before going back to their own affairs.

We can defeat Hamas and remove it from here. However, the Israeli leadership apparently believes that it’s a good thing to have Hamas rule the Strip. It is good to have a group that does not recognize our existence, and therefore we do not need to talk to it. Our leadership is making a historical error, which may be fateful. A malignant tumor must be removed on time.

The elimination of Hamas and its Gaza regime should have also been a blatant interest of Israel’s dovish Leftist camp, which aspires for a two-state solution. After all, as long as Hamas rules Palestine or parts of it, Israel has nobody to talk to and nothing to talk about. Hamas justifies the occupation and not the other way around.

However, the Israeli Left is also addicted to the false claim that Hamas reflects the true desires of the Palestinian people. The Left also firmly objects to surgical strikes against Hamas leaders. Instead, it recommends that we tame this poisonous snake and convince it to adopt our views.

If we do not defeat Hamas now, but rather, merely “respond wildly” and punish – unintentionally so, but nonetheless – Palestinian civilians, Israelis will be seen as wild creatures who do not belong among civilized nations, and Hamas will emerge victorious.

Who wants to bet things will play out exactly like that? Put some money on the table, people, cause anyone who is paying attention to what's going on, will tell you that this is exactly how it will go down!

Cafe Riche is saved!

So, after I wrote that post on Cafe Riche that some people- based on nothing- claimed I was making up, a number of developments took place and I just didn't have the time to update y'all about them. It seems that it was read by a daughter of an infleuntial Businessman (who wants to remain anonymous) who also owns a building in the Qasr el nil street, which prompted her to contact her father to start an investigation. He found out that while Ismaelia did the purchasing of downtown buildings, it was actually owned by another Britian-based company called "Samay Hills", whose shareholders include a list a number of regional heavyweight businessmen, including one of the Sawiris brothers, but not my Boy Naguib. The company's official line (from one of the partners) is that they just want to buy the "historic and architectually beautiful" buildings to renovate them, but it was disputed since they wanted that man's building since he is in a "bloc they wanted", and his building is neither historic nor pretty. The total of what they have bought so far is around 150,000 square meters, with approximately 400 million egyptian pounds spent so far.

The question came up naturally, if Cafe Riche is in a building that is over 100 years old and thus protected as a historical building, how would they hope to tear it down? The answer was that the owner had destoryed all the balconies in the buidling, which emans that the building was architecturally alterd or improved upon, and thus no longer falls under the historical building protection. And as to how they planned to evict the cafe owners from the building, Sandmonkey sources in the government informed him that there is a law getting introduced in february or march in the egyptian parliament that will allow Landlords to change the rent of their tenants as they please as long as the space is used for commercial or adminstrative purposes. This would allow the owners of the building to hike up the rent so much that the Cafe Owners would have to leave. Nice and clean, no?

The funny twist in this story is how it all got stopped. Supposedly a journalist called Saad Hagrass heard of the post I wrote and investigated it himself, and then wrote a column about it in the Egyptian Business Daily "Al2alam al youm". Mubarak read the column (Mubarak reading newspapers. Imagine that!) and instructed the Investment Minister Mahmoud Moheyeldeen to investigate it. Mhamoud contacted Saad, and Saad gave him the entire file he had, and as a result the Cafe Riche people got a confirmation from the President that their building will not be touched, which is awesome news. Their friend who told me about this called me from the Cafe itself a few days ago, and told me that the brothers were very happy about the blog post I wrote, and how it moved tons of people and lead to their building being saved, which was the best news I've heard in a very very long time.

So downtown for now seems to be protected, and Samay Hills is thwarted for now, but who knows for how long? If Jimmy takes over after Hosny, I really doubt he would keep that gurantee. Not to mention, another shady company called Tatweer is busy buying up areas in Shobra and Al Gamaliya as we speak. But I figure that's a fight for another day. For now I will enjoy that victory for historical beauty over modern ugliness, and will worry about those other bridges when it's time to cross them.

Favorite “Chin-up” speech!

''Ah, what's the matter, dollface — down in the dumps? Sucks to be you, huh? What's with you, Lloyd's of London? You take one 'mind-blowing' philosophy class, and all of a sudden you're Jean-Paul Sartre? Oh, so now you've got this existentialist hook-thing too? Well, that's great, because all you need is a little more mystique. Now you've got a chance with all the freaky chicks I was gonna get. I've taken so much acne medication my lips are splitting in half! This might cheer you up: You're hotter than most chicks! What are you doing in college anyway? People like you don't need to know how to read. Nice nose.''

From the incredibly underrated and unjustifably canceled TV show Undeclared

No comment!

Pillow_lap

A street named after Chavez in Lebanon

The mayor of the town that did that said and I quote:

"It's the least we can do for this great man who revived hope in our hearts and took revenge for us on the Zionist entity," Mohammed Wehbe said, saying the move was to "honor him and raise our spirits."

He took revenge by expelling the Israeli ambassador. That's all he did. And that's all it took for him to get a street named after him. You ever get the feeling that there are far too many gullible people in the region? Anyway, there is one notion in this article that I can slightly get behind:

"I would like to be able to give Chavez a Palestinian passport so he could become a Palestinian citizen. Then we would elect him and he would become our president," said Mahmoud Zwahreh, mayor of Al-Masar, a community near Bethlehem where 8,000 people live in poverty.

Can you imagine how entertaining the peace negotiations would become? Al Hugo Abu-Chavez for President!