10 Rapists get death Penalty in Egypt

They kidnapped and gangraped a woman for 3 hours, which makes this a fair sentence if you ask me. Let's have more of that.

Israeli missile falls in Egypt’s side of the border

Here we go again!

We must be a bad influence on Israel

How else would you explain the "region's only democracy's"™ decision to ban arab parties from running in the next elections? I thought only we did that!

21st Century evangelism

Brasher, meaner and full of machismo:

Mark Driscoll’s sermons are mostly too racy to post on GodTube, the evangelical Christian “family friendly” video-posting Web site. With titles like “Biblical Oral Sex” and “Pleasuring Your Spouse,” his clips do not stand a chance against the site’s content filters. No matter: YouTube is where Driscoll, the pastor of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, would rather be. Unsuspecting sinners who type in popular keywords may suddenly find themselves face to face with a husky-voiced preacher in a black skateboarder’s jacket and skull T-shirt. An “Under 17 Requires Adult Permission” warning flashes before the video cuts to evening services at Mars Hill, where an anonymous audience member has just text-messaged a question to the screen onstage: “Pastor Mark, is masturbation a valid form of birth control?” Driscoll doesn’t miss a beat: “I had one guy quote Ecclesiastes 9:10, which says, ‘Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.’ ”

God called Driscoll to preach to men — particularly young men — to save them from an American Protestantism that has emasculated Christ and driven men from church pews with praise music that sounds more like boy-band ballads crooned to Jesus than “Onward Christian Soldiers.” What bothers Driscoll — and the growing number of evangelical pastors who agree with him — is not the trope of Jesus-as-lover. After all, St. Paul tells us that the Church is the bride of Christ. What really grates is the portrayal of Jesus as a wimp, or worse. Paintings depict a gentle man embracing children and cuddling lambs. Hymns celebrate his patience and tenderness. The mainstream church, Driscoll has written, has transformed Jesus into “a Richard Simmons, hippie, queer Christ,” a “neutered and limp-wristed popular Sky Fairy of pop culture that . . . would never talk about sin or send anyone to hell.”

Hoo boy!

How do you know you are living in the Gulf#2

One car to rule them all: Toyota Land-fuckin-cruiser!

How do you know you live in the Gulf #1

Whenever rain falls, you will find people on the street waving the national flag in celebration. Not kidding!

In response

Reading some of the comments on my previous post was incredibly amusing, so I figured a proper response here is warranted. Let's go over this, shall we?

1) For those who say we don't do enough to protect the border, well, let's see. First of all, we have a very limited number of security forces in Sinai, and none of them belong to the army or military, both because of conditions the Israelis demanded in the Camp David Peace treaty. We are not allowed to spread troops, fly planes over the area, or drop bunkerbuster bombs like you guys. So, our capabilities in that area are limited because of you. You add to that the fact that the majority of smuggeling gets done through the Sinai Bedouins, who know the area better than anyone, and who we, for you, arrest and torture on periodic basis in order to have them stop the smuggeling, and you might find the whole notion that we are not doing "ENOUGH" to stop the tunnels a little fuckin redicilous.

2) For those who say that what happend is a mistake, well, fine, a sharpnel hitting a kid could be a mistake and an unintentional violation of our peace-treaty. But what about flying over the Borders? What about attacking Rafah from our air-space, repeatedly? That doesn't sound like an unintentional mistake, does it? Sounds rather deliberate if you ask me, No?

3) There is an old wise saying, I think most of you heard of it, and it goes something like this: "You better err in the side of caution". This means that if you are going to make a mistake, you better do it for the sake of cautiousness and not recklessness. Bombing an area this close to our border that sharpnel can hit our officers and children, well, that's many things, but cautious is not one of them. To do this you have to either be doing it out of maliciousness, or reckless stupidity. Now, if it's done out of the latter, and I hope it is, then it should be youe responsibility to not allow reckless and stupid people to bomb areas that close to our borders. Actually, you might be more inclined to keep reckless stupid people away from weapons all together. Yeah, that seems a tad smarter.

4) No one wants another Israeli egyptian war. I for one don't want one. That doesn't mean that we should be willing to endure direct reckless behavior that could hurt or kill our people and shut up about it in order to maintain this fragile peace. And it should be noted also on the Israeli side that many many people would like to see that treaty scrapped and to have Egypt be put on the frontline again. So, ehh, simply, don't give them any fuckin excuses, will you? Do not place us in situations in which our sovreignty is clearly violated, our peace treaty breached, our people are killed on the hands of your people, and then wonder why the fuck we are so angry. Too many people want us to go to War, Israelis, and you just keep giving them causes and excuses. Not smart. Not smart at all. And one day it will backfire badly.

5) In case of such a war, let's clear something up: Yes, your airforce will fuck shit up on our side, no doubt. However, we have a stash of USAID weapons accumulated for the past 20 eyars and not used, and some of it is pretty advanced shit. Also, we have nothing but people. Our Army alone with its current reserves is around 10 million people. That's more than the people in Israel. And we are not counting all of this uneomployed islamically-inclined angry "arab youth" who will volunteer. So we might not have a fast victory, or even one at all, but we can draw this out forever, and you don't want that, because you learned the lesson of the 1973 war: We might not have the best weapons, or the best trained people, or even the best war commanders, but we have people. Lots and lots of them. And we are willing to sacrifise hundreds of thounsads to defeat any enemy in times of war. This is not a threat or grandstanding. This is simple strategic reality, that states that we are better off being friendly. So let's stay friendly, shall we?

You done fucked up now, Israel!

Israel has just bombed our side of the border, injuring 2 egyptian officers and 2 Children. Needless to say, this constitutes a very clear violation of the camp David treaty, especially that their planes have been invading our airspace a lot lately. Now, unless Israel wishes for open war with Egypt, and god knows we would be more than justified (and you best not doubt that I would be its first cheerleader) it better BACK THE FUCK OFF of the border. I am not sure what class of idiots comprises the current Israeli adminstration, but goddamn they have exceeded even my expectations by fucking up this big. Unless, of course, they do wish to open an Egyptian front, in which case I will assure them a very long and bloody struggle. We got nothing but people who have nothing better to do than fight Israel and die doing so. So whomever idiot did this, you better off his head and quickly, and you better pray that none of those injured are injured gravely or die, or else you are going to see a shit storm headed your way of magnitude you would not believe.

And Israeli readers, if you think I am exaggerating, remember, I am one of those who don't hate you. Can you imagine what those who do will make of this?

On Facebook Status warfare

Beyond the Blame Egypt crowd and their cheerleaders, beyond the images of dead babies and the money being raised through them, beyond the stupidity of Israel's leaders statements on the winability of this War and those who believe them, the most recent, most annoying and most retarded by-product of the current Hamas-Israel conflict has to be the flurry of people who have donated their facebook status to whichever side of the conflict they thought is more righteous. If you don't know what I am talking about, or if you don't use facebook, well, dear friend, you are one lucky bastard, because you don't have to endure it.

You see, this is what's going on: On the Pro-Ghaza side, there are the "Donate your facebook status to count the dead people in Ghaza" people, which wouldn't be so annoying if it wasn't for how fast it gets updated.  I mean, Thank you for letting me know by the minute how many have died so far. I mean, what a way to reduce the casulaties from humans to numbers. Oh, 50 more died today you say? Must be Monday.

And then you have the Pro-Israel side, who are even sillier than their Ghaza counterparts. See, they know that they can;t really play the body count game, because the palestinians would win this handidly, and it would backfire in case anybody who cares enough to keep  track on the tally of death on both sides. So what did those geniuses do? They started a "donate your status to count the Qassam rockets fired on Israel" cause, as a way of "putting the war into perspective" by showing the number of "rockets" that get launched on Israel every day. Now if only those people whose public opinion is swayed via facebook statuses could understand the psychological implications of having rockets sent your way that most of the time don't kill anyone, support for Israel in this war would sky-rocket (no pun intended).

You know, the first week I came to the US as a dew-eyed 18 year old egyptian, I saw a flyer for a "Walk for Cancer". I asked my american friend what's that about. He told me that people would solicit donations from other people to sponser them in a "walk marathon" in order to raise funds for Cancer. And when I asked him what was the point of walking then, when you can just raise funds and send them to the bank account of the cause, he told me "It's a way for our people to feel as if they are doing something while really they are doing nothing. We americans like to do that. It makes us feel good about ourselves!"

I suspect something similar is afoot here. A form of masturbatory self-congratulating cyber activism that doesn't really cost you any time or effort. I mean, it doesn't even require you to update your facebook status yourself, because the whole thing is freakin automated anyway. So, what's the point exactly? Can someone let me know? And what's next? A facebook game? Something Like  the Vampire vs. Werewolves game, Hamas vs. Israel maybe? Oh, I can see it now: you start as a soldier/suicide bomber, and the point rate will be 1 kill for the palestinian side to 1000 for the Israeli side, and with every stage you go up you either get to throw a shoe at an egyptian embassy (if you are Hamas) or kick a few palestinians into Sinai (if you are Israeli), and whomever wins the game becomes the new elected leader of his people. Now how about that for art imitating Life? Very web 2.0 if you ask me. 

As for me, my facebook update will remain the way God intended it to be: a summurization of whatever latest inane thought I've had or stupid thing I've done or planning to do. And I intend to keep it that way until this war is over. Or maybe if you really think that this shit works, I could rent it to whatever side you represent. I have 570 people on my friends list, and I bet at least half of them are stupid enough to be swayed by Za Power of Za facebook status (ironically the exact amount who have donated their statuses. You figure if they believe in its power, they must be susceptible to it. No?), and my status-rent rate will be 50 dollars per head per day. If you interested, have your people call my people. We will be huge dahling. We can turn this whole thing around. ;)

Sigh… 

Shoe Activism watch

Since the arab world seems really keen on becoming Shoe people, I am going to start a Shoe Activism watch. The First item comes from the egyptian parliament. During a "debate" over who is the bigger agent to Israel/Iran, a MB MP raised his shoe against an NDP MP that's very far from him, but didn't throw it. Hmm, I see a problem, which begets a question: if a shoe gets held in the hand, but doesn't get thrown, does it count as a sign of arab protest? Anybody knows the rules here?

Ponder on that until you have something better to do with your time, will ya?

Find the crime

AlJazeera has posted a story with this headline: "Accusations made against Egypt of giving AID to the UNRWA instead of the dissolved government of Hamas, with coordination with Israel and the PA"

Now, whomever figures out what exactly is Egypt's crime here to warrant an accusation, gets a cookie and a big wet smooch on the cheeck!

Hold on..Time out..

Dear arab bloggers and readers, I am confused about something and would like to ask you all about it: When- and with all due respect to the angryarab and his shoe-tossing-at-TV-father, who I am sure really did enjoy throwing shoes at his TV and it wasn't at all a way for AS'AD to ride the wave of publicity of ShoeGate- exactly, did shoe-throwing become the symbol of arab protest? When did this start exactly? Cause, ehh, it never happend in Egypt, and I am sure it never happend in Jordan, and those plucky gulfies didn't hear of shoes till recently, so no, no history there; then please, why do you prepetuate a silly and stupid media-created steroetype that somehow you grew up throwing your shoes at anything you disliked? What, you got sick of being called stone-throwers or something, so now you are sticking to shoes? Is this really the best you could come up with?

I mean sure, I know many amongst you feel as impotent as a 70 year old man who had his testicles removed when it comes to the "Global imperialist conspiracy" against arabs and those americans and jews who are just killing your kin for the hell of it, but to feel so vindicated and inspired because one guy managed to throw two shoes at a US president and MISSED TWICE that you now have decided to adopt the gesture as the symbol of arab anger, well, that's kinda..well.not kinda..THAT'S PATHETHIC! It was pathethic when you felt vindicated by two missed shoes and it's even more pathethic now that you have adopted shoe-throwing as YOUR THING TO DO at protests. What? 4X4 chants no longer get your blood pumping? Do you wear old shoes especially for the protests now? Do your carry an extra pair so you can walk him in it, or do you rummage throw the shoes trying to find yours at the end of the protest? And finally, do you, at any time before, during or after you go to a shoe-throwing protest, feel as if you are a stupid silly dimwit? Please tell me. I would like to know!

From the Playlist

*I am posting this, because even I need a break from Ghaza*

I'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished.
with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid.
Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics.
Articulate but still would grab a nigga by the collar quick.
Whoever having problems with, their record sales just holla tip.
If that don't work and all else fails, then turn around and follow me.
I got love for the game but I'm not in love with all of it.
I do without the fame and the rappers nowadays are comedy.
The hootin' and the hollerin', back and forth with the arguing.
Where you from, who you know, what you make and what kind of car you in.
Seems as though you lost sight of what’s important with deposting
All them checks into your bank account and you up out of poverty.
Your values is in disarray, prioritizing horribly.
You happy with your bitch cause she's piss poor morally.
Ignoring all prior advice and all the fore warning.
We mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden aren't we?

T.I., Live your Life

Syria protests Israel’s Golan…Wine?

Not occupation. Not siphoning of water..But wine. WINE! WINEE?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I just love the Syrians. They are so hip and with it!

A prayer

Inspired by all that is happening, a reader of this blog, and let's call her "C", has sent me what she referrs to as her "Manifesto to the men of the middle east". I think of it as something along the lines of a prayer:

Men of the Middle East! I shall liberate you! I shall fight for you! One man at a time!

I will distribute respect-demanding yet liberated Egyptian women side by side with liberated yet self-respect lacking American women in yellow spray painted boxes from planes on to you.

Please, take them… let them boss you around, give you head, tell them you love them, and forget your bombs!

Make babies with them that are more gorgeous than any Israeli chick ever born so that these women will grow up and procreate a people, a generation, who will live in peace and harmony and prosperity forever!

Hmmm… Can I get an Amen?

Rockets fired on Israel from Southern Lebanon

Oh Boy..

A Katyusha barrage was fired Thursday at
the Nahariya area in the Western Galilee. Police reported that two
people were lightly wounded and evacuated to the local hospital.
Several residents were treated for shock.

Police sappers received reports of three rocket hits, one in town and two others in open fields nearby.

Update: So far we know it's not Hezbollah.

Update: Israel hits back

Now is the time to start praying that Hezbollah doesn't start "responding", or we really will be having a 2006 De Ja Vu! 

Joe the Plumber goes to Israel to cover the war

He, and I quote  "wants to go over there and let their 'Average Joes' share their story."

Satire is dead, Irony is dead and we now live in farce! 

Am I being paranoid?

Maybe it's from being around all of these conspiracy theories all my life, but, hmm..ok..so Tzipi Livny visits Cairo two days before the attack, where we announce that we came to the agreement that no such attack was going to take place. And then the attack takes place, and we naturally keep the border closed, and the arab media jumps all over us and accuse us of knowing about the attack, and being a party in the "Holocaust in Ghaza". Then, Nasrallah comes out and accuses the Egyptian leadership of being in cahoots with the Israelis and demands that the border corssing gets opend up. Then Israeli Newspaper Haaretz publishes a non-sourced report stating that Mubarak told the EU people that Hamas must be defeated and that he is on Israel's side of this war (which today got denied), which of course those specific arab media sources use as proof that Egypt is in cahoots with Israel on this, and call us the new Tripartite agression (completely ignoring the irony that the country that was victim of what is commonly known as the Tripatriate agression was Egypt itself). And then you have Israeli tanks running close to our border, fully knowing that any wrong hit would bring the wall down and flood the Sinai Peninsula with Ghazan. So, in light of all of this, am I being completely paranoid to think we are being set up by all sides? Why does it seem like that everybody is trying to draw us into this and make this- more than anyone else-our problem?

A proper religious war

There are reports that Hosny Mubarak is very disturbed that Israeli tanks are right next to the "Karam Abu Salem" crossing in Ghaza, which is too close to the Egyptian Borders for his comfort. Now, imagine if a bunch of Israeli tanks do cross the egyptian borders, destorying the wall, and also allowing the Ghazans to escape all over Sinai. The Egyptian military would respond, starting a war against the jewish Israeli army and the Shia-funded Sunni Islamist militias of Hamas, on the day of the Coptic Christmass and Ashuraa- the shia religious festival. Holy shit that would be crazy awesome. War wouldn't get any more religious than this!

In case you missed this

Egypt, Israel and the PA,or as AlJazeera calls them, the "Tripartite Aggression", have agreed to a truce, even though none of them are fighting each other. Hamas who is actually the other party in the fight, did not agree to the Truce. Which means you have read two news stories that didn't tell you anything new. How awesome is journalism?