1) Just as a general rule: If a movie has a dog as a central character in it, it will either have a shitty story, or the dog will die, or both. Oh, and even though the lead actress will always probably be hot, she will never get naked in the film, ever. So suck on that, heterosexual men who paid money to go see Marley and Me.
2)When you start getting older, and you realize that you haven't accomplished any of your goals yet and else has failed, have a baby. It's a fantastic excuse, and it distracts people. For example: "Hey, late twenties/ early thirties dude, accomplished any of your goals or dreams yet?" " Ehh, well, no, but I had a baby. Isn't it cute?" "Aww..yes it is. Can I play with it for a while and not talk to you about anything important?" "Knock yourself out!".. Works every time!
3) Thinking that reading James Joyce' Ulysses will be such an easy task that you could accomplish it on the plane ride is…hehe…yeah…totally WRONG. Joyce, you Irish bastard. I will get past page 10, even if it kills me!
4) The older a person gets, the more prone to gathering clutter he/she will be, and will refuse to throw away anything. My Dad, who turned 65, has 10 big empty Nescafe jars in his room. When I asked him why he keeps them, he replied that we might need them one day. I squeezed my mind trying to come up with the emergency scenario where we would need 10 empty Jars of Coffee..and yeah..totally blank.
5) My God can beat up your God. Like, totally beat up. Just a friendly reminder!