Strike out!

6th of april was finally here, and the streets of cairo
were a sight to be seen. A flood of people, millions, linning up in the streets
of cairo..busses, cars and taxis loaded with angry people, traveling all across
the mighty city. People were shouting, cars were honking and the music filled
the air.

And my friend looked at me and said "wow, cairo traffic is really as
bad as they say it is"!

Oh, you were expecting something on the strike? What strike? Today's national strike? The Egyptian day of anger? Well…It kind of failed…like miserably. The demonstrations that took place were…ehh..kinda small and symbolic..30 people at the Press syndicate..5 people at Ain Shams university..The MB supposedly showed its great street presence by sending in 40 people. Not really the numbers that strike the fear of god in our unholy government, and totally shy o the projections set by the laughable polls available on the shabab 6 april website. One of them claimed that between 60 and 80% of cairenes will join the strike and protests. They must've gotten stuck in traffic. The 6th October Bridge was murder today, i hear.

While I understand that other bloggers are trying to put some positive spin on things (detailing news items of crackdowns and clashes between the police and the "numerous protestors" to make you feel as if shit is going down, when it really isn't), you don;t come here to hear the positive. You come here for a nice dose of reality, and this is what we will give you. To kind of give you a perspective on it all, check this out: 4 days ago, 2 girls got arrested in Kafr el Sheikh for promoting the protest. 30 of their friends staged a sit-in in front of the police station, and the police- laughing that the "activists" they were going to have to look for today kinda showed up on their door steps- invited them to continue their sit-in inside a cozy jail cell. Total number of people arrested that day, including the 2 girls= 32 people. The amount of people arrested today, in national strike day, the day of anger, from all the governrates of Egypt? 34 people. And again, that's from all over EGYPT. Not Kafr el Sheikh…EGYPT. In a country of over 80 million, the total number of protestors arrested in national anger day is less than 40. And total people arrested for the whole incident..less than 100. It Oh, and the Strike Leader, Saad Zaghloul the second, the man, the myth, the legend.. Ahmed Maher? Nowhere to be found. Probably hiding in a television studio somewhere. Or maybe he too got stuck in traffic.

To sum it up, the national strike day turned out to be a national joke, and that's because its leaders and organizers were clowns and media whores. That is all there is to it. The good news is, those clowns are now exposed. And instead of feeling bad for them, I have a list of names of other people more worthy of your sympathy: Like Ahmed Aly Mabrouk, the young boy that got killed in his own bedroom by a stray bullet fired by the police, And Ahemd ElSayed Nono, who sufferd the same fate, when he recieved a stray bullet in headwhile sitting with his friends at a cafe, a few months before his wedding. Those were only 2 of the victims of the police crackdown on the Mahalla workers, the same crackdown that made the 6th of April leaders famous and fawned over by idiots in the media and civil society. You don't find the names of either Mabrouk or ElNono anywhere in the "6th of april movement's" manifestos or press releases, nor anything on any of those arrested or sentenced in the Mahalla protests. They are collatoral damage, sacrficeable soldiers for the greater goal of making national leaders of 3 imbeciles with a fuckin laptop. Well, motherfuckers, you've asked for anger today, and here you have found it. How do you like it now?

Fuckin Wankers!

More on that strike!

Because some people think I am being defeatist on the whole strike thing, here is Hossam's take:

I asked the labor leaders present in the meeting yesterday
whether anything was planned in their workplaces on the 6th of April.
The answer was no… In other words, no strikes planned in Ghazl
el-Mahalla, nothing in the Steel Mills, no plans for the Railways, and
I can go on…

Some of the labor leaders will take part in the noon protest planned
on that day in front the state-backed General Federation of Trade
Unions building, and some of them will bring “symbolic” delegations
from their factories.

Meaning, there is no general strike…

He is more optimistic than I am though..

So to sum up… Let’s not get driven by virtual reality again, and remain on the ground… The 6th of April will NOT be a general strike… It will be a day of protests, a day of rage..
There will be protests in Cairo, Helwan and other universities,
downtown Cairo and events organized by the political parties in the
provinces… Let’s try to make it a successful day…

I wouldn't mind it being successful either. I am just doubting that it will be. I will welcome being wrong on this.

In other news, I went over to alaa's blog and apparently part of the "rights" are apartments for the newly-weds, on top of the rest of the laundry list. Why the fuck not, right?

Awesome!

6th of April…again!

There is an egyptian word, called "3abbath", and its most immediate translation for it is the english word folly. I have checked the thesaurus, looking for a cooler or a better sounding word, but this is what I got: absurdity, craziness, foolishness, idiocy, imbecility, inanity, preposterous, silliness.The story I am about to tell you embodies all of these words and more, but unfortunately folly remains the one true translation, so we are going to go with it.

The reason behind my infatuation with finding the appropriate word to translate here is due to the arrival of the first anniversary of the 6th of April strike, which so far has proven to embody the very essence of 3abbath. I have honestly spent the past 3 days following the media, reading blogs, facebook group walls, talking to bloggers, journalists, and activists trying to make heads or tails of this, and failing miserably. And I am not alone: The people I am talking- some of them are even participating- to are also confused. So, since it's unfair for us to be confused and for you to be all at peace with the universe, I shall tell you what I know, and you can tell me, in ur humble opinion, what the fuck is going on.

It all began one year ago, when a group on facebook called upon a general strike in Egypt on the 6th of April, 2008. The big deal was that over 60,000 assholes have done what we all do when we get facebook group invitations and joined the group. The media paid attention, and working its usual bullshit, suddenly created the most powerful political entity to grace the sands of Egypt : THE FACEBOOK YOUTH MOVEMENT ! Now, mind you, as the time I told you that it's a media fabrication, actually, let me quote myself while I am at it: 

You see, it's kind of hard to predict the outcome of a strike that has
no clear organizers or participants, with everything operating in a
very anarchist manner. In order to combat such uncertainty and
confusion, the media invented a new political entity that is behind all
of that is happening. What did they call it? "The Facebook Youth
movement", I kid you not. So now the Facebook Youth movement is the new
political player in town, with newspapers running stories on how they
are calling for this or demanding that, which is basically them making
a story from any asshole creating a group calling for something on the
Egypt network. This reminded me of when they started running stories on
the new gods of politics, media and activism: "The Egyptian Blogger
Movement". Remember that shit? When they used to run stories on how
"The Egyptian bloggers called for this or organized that", like we are
some sort of monolithic entity that actually agrees on everything and
is organized and has goals and leadership. I kept asking every blogger
I know to introduce me to the coordinator, the supreme leader or even
the spokesman of "The Egyptian Bloggers", but they would be as stumped
as I was.

So, last year, the day of april 6th came and went and we didn't see a single member of the so-called "facebook youth movement" doing anything, because, let's face it, they were probably poking each other on facebook. And the day was going on its way to being a complete bullshit and waste of a day, until the Mahalla Workers actually believed the hype and joined the strike, and rioted when they were cracked down upon by the police. We were then greeted by multiple heart-warming images of people stepping over pictures of Mubarak and stuff, but they were soon replaced by pictures of people getting beaten up, shot at and arrested. The work in leading the workers that day was organized and lead by leftist labor activists such as Karim ElBehery, who wasn't a member of the " Facebook Youth movement", nor were any of the workers. That did not stop the FYM leaders- especially Ahmed Maher- of congratulating themselves and taking credit for the whole thing, as if they were Saad Zaghloul incarnate, and the movers and shakers of the egyptian people. The Media lapped it up, suddenly they were getting interviewed and invited to meetings and conferences, because, and I quote, "they managed to harvest the power of facebook to utilize it as a tool for grass-root activism". And again, I repeat, they accomplished all of this by clicking on the join button. As for the real heroes of April 6th, the poor underpaid and courageous workers who took a stand that day? Well, they were never interviewed by the media, or the satellite news networks, never were invited to a conference, or were the focus of a news piece. What they were the focus on, was the government's vengeance: many lost their jobs, many ended up with jail sentences of 5 years, and they still get paid 20 dollars a month. And since some dick in the comments section will try to make the asinine point that FYM leaders should get some credit because they called for the strike, I shall remind them that they called for another strike less than a month later and NOTHING HAPPENED. You know why? Because the workers figured out the game: The assholes on facebook call on them to strike, they actually do strike, they get arrested and the assholes on facebook get more interviews. So, it became apparent for anyone with half a functioning brain (which doesn't include Freedom House, the US state department, the canadian embassy in egypt's political officers amongst many others) that the FYM people were wankers: Unreliable attention whores who have no problem lying and believing their own lies. And to cement their status as wankers, they changed their name: They are now called the "6th of April Youth", commemorating their day of victory and courage when they stayed home and did nothing, and then took the credit of the work of those who believed their bullshit.

And now one year has passed, and they are calling for another strike on this 6th of April. And to combat the notion that they are a group trying to extend its 15 minutes of face by capitalizing on a victory that was never theirs, they proposed to change the name of the strike, and demanding that the 6th of April would be known in the egyptian lexicon as "the national day of anger". Anger over what, exactly, we are not told, but since Egypt is so fucked up, they figure everyone has something to be angry about, so why the fuck not. They do have a list of demands (they prefer to call them abrogated rights), which include the government providing more jobs, a better future, better schooling, better hospitals, lower prices, higher wages, linking all salaries to inflation, abolish the state security apparatus, the removal of Hosny Mubarak and stopping his son from becoming the next President, a new constitution, stop the selling Gas to Israel, stop receiving US aid and for our country to withdraw from the GATT. Nice list, huh? I wonder why they stopped there? Why not demand that the government provides all 80 million egyptians free housing, free utilities, the promise to find them their soul mates and peace on earth while we are at it? That's al that this list is missing. I guess they were afraid the government won't take them seriously if they added the peace on earth demand. Everything else is totally realistic and achievable though. Anyway….

What brought them to my attention, however, was the news stories on them. There was one news item where they were complaining of receiving threatening SMS messages from State Security, because, as we all know, when the egyptian state security wants to intimidate someone, they send them an SMS. This was followed by news of a competition started by the 6thof april youth, for "best poster calling for a strike", "best video calling for a 6th of april strike by an individual". "best video calling for a 6th of april strike as a group"," best 6th of April strike inspired work of literature" (including poetry, novels, plays and moviescripts-kid you not) , and "best 6th of april srike inspired cartoon". The winners will get "valuable prizes" and "certificates of appreciation". Who is issuing such certificates? No one knows. You know what no one also knows? WHO THE FUCK IS JOINING THE STRIKE!

You see, at first it was the 6th of April youth, and that's it, which was fine, because it meant it will be a bunch of kids sitting on their asses at home watching facebook again. They were then joined by the Karama party (which is basically the 20 nasserites who go to demonstrations), the Ghad party (which is also basically the 30 liberals that go to demonstration), the democratic front party (which has no street presence what so ever), and  the Kefaya movement (which is Geroge Ishac and Abdel Halim qandil at this point). The Muslim Brotherhood at first declined to join, and then changed its mind and decided to join but not really. They are "in solidarity", which is the same as saying "our hearts are with you, but our asses is staying home". When I asked my leftists friends if the worker movemnets are joining the strike as the 6th of april website says they are, they responded by saying and I quote :" Don't say strike…say demonstration…and while they are not participating in it, but they are in solidarity with it." 

Hmmm….

So, if the workers are not going to do anything, and the muslim brotherhood are not going to do anything, and the other parties have proven to have very limited to none street presence, who is doing the strike? How will we unleash the anger? Why is anyone taking this seriously?

Well, because our paranoid government kind of is taking it seriously: they are calling for a state of emergency, and they are arresting "6th of april activists". The arresting started two days ago, when two girls: Omneyah Taha Ahmad, and Sarah Ibrahim,  were arrested for distributing flyers calling for the strike at their university. When the state prosecutor decided to jail them for 15 days "pending investigation", their friends did a sit-in in front of the police station, which the police took as an excuse to arrest them as well, all 30 of them, and they were all labeled , you guessed it, "6th of april youth". And god knows who is next on their list. Last time they arrested anyone who had a political history and happended to be walking on the street that day, you know, as a precaution. I wonder what kind of "precautions" they will engage in this time.

Also taking this seriously is Ayman Nour, who is apparently jealous of a bunch of facebookers overshadowing his status as Egypt's #1 dissident, so he is preparing to capitalize on their "work", which is all kinds of ironic when you think about it.  You see, Ayman is planning a major declaration after the passing of theglorious "national day of anger" to publicize something he is calling "The Cairo Declaration for Democrcay", where he will probably declare that we need democracy. It should be very exciting. It's the cutting edge of politics in the most boring and childish of ways.

But don't think I am predicting the failure of the 6th of april protest. Au contraire, mon cheres. You see, what they wnat people to do, is to stay at home (That's how they are asking the people to participate in the strike). So if no one does anything, and stayed home, that's their definition of success (Now do you get my 3abbath refrence? Does it get my 3abbath than this?). So I will do my part, and stay home. But don't doubt for a second that they won't get my support: I will be in solidarity with them, every step of the way, from my couch!

Wolverine got leaked

It seems that a copy of the Hugh Jackman upcoming blockbuster Wolverine got leaked on the net. Fox- the producing company- is promising to corporately ass-rape whomever is involved in leaking it, or downloading it. They also said:

Last night, a stolen, incomplete and early version of X-Men
Origins: Wolverine was posted illegally on websites. It was without
many effects and had missing scenes and temporary sound and music.

yeah, so if you downloaded it, don't go thinking the actual Wolverine is going to suck as badly or anything. Sure, the movie is coming out in a month, but It's an early version. It's incomplete. ok?

What Twitter is really all about!

No one has put it more elegantly and elequontly:

Twitter seems to be, first and
foremost, an online haven where teenagers making drugs can telegraph
secret code words to arrange gang fights and orgies. It also functions
as a vehicle for teasing peers until they commit suicide. In order to
become a "follower" on Twitter, teens first must flash their high-beam
headlights at an oncoming motorist on the highway. Then, if that
motorist flashes his or her high-beam headlights back in reply, the
teen must kill the motorist in order to be initiated into "following"
the online gang. The catch is that one can only use 140 sentences to
plan a total of 140 events—that is, any combination of orgies, gang
fights, suicides, and highway killings totaling 140 planned situations
or activities.

Makeup artists
working in television and film also like to use Twitter to keep in
touch with each other and with current productions.

Now you know!

Sweden legalizes gender-neutral marriages

I guess this means gay men, lesbians and whatever classification of people who like shemales fall under can now have the same chance at marital misery like anybody else in Sweden. Good stuff!

China, tag, you are it!

China is cracking down on its islamic west, because there is a violent islamic separatist movement that wants to break away from the evil godless commies. China's response? Cement its position as a godless entity by starting a crackdown on the region for engaging in "illegal religious activity". Awesome move. I can't wait for the AlQaeda vs. China showdown. Going to be great. Whomever loses, we win!

Facebook Mythology

First the Aeneid , then the Passover story! Maybe history books should be written this way for the coming generations?

Connect the dots

You know, I've read Mohamed's post on Israeli-Egyptian relations after 30 years, and…meh…not because his stuff doesn't make sense or is well-thought, because it is..but generally because when it comes to middle-east politics (from Israeli-Palestinian relations to AlBashir in Sudan), it's always best to ignore what people say, and focus on what they do instead. Some people claim that Israel and Egypt don't have a good relationship, some of them even leave coments here, and they rail about the bullshit peace and blah blah blah… I view things slightly differently: Not only does Egypt and Israel have a very functional and healthy relationship, I would go further and state that I believe them to be the diplomatic equivalent of a couple that knows one another so well, that they no longer have to speak to communicate their desires, nor do they get mad at each other when one of them says something stupid. The facade and drama non-withstanding, they make things work, in a very silent and efficient way.

A good example to cite such silent and spiritual understanding happened during the latest session of Israeli military masturbation and ejaculation all over Ghaza's face, when The King of Kings sent trucks carrying electrical generators through Egypt to aid the resistance in Ghaza. Some people wondered if Egypt would let the generators pass, out of
fear that it might upset Israel, but I wasn't worried and neither was
the leadership of Egypt, because of the silent understanding between
the two countries: Egypt will let the generators in, knowing that
Israel won't be mad at them because they will bomb the shit out of them
the moment they get into Ghaza, and Israel knows that Egypt won't be
mad, because Egypt got to save face with the arab world over letting
their aid in. Everybody wins, everybody's happy, no one loses face.
It's beautiful.

Now, while I think that some of you will not share my perspective on this, I decided to leave you with a little exercise. I will present you a number of stories, and you are free to connect the dots as you please:

March 25th: The Sundanese President visits the Egyptian President in order to discuss the ICC's indictment of him, but no one knows exactly what they actually talked about. After the meeting, the Egyptian Foreign Minister during the visit states that Egypt's hands are tied when it comes to arresting Omar, because the Security council has not supported the ICC's indictment.

March 26th: Israeli jets carried out a long-range bombing mission against a convoy in
Sudan
that was suspected of bringing arms from Iran to Hamas in the Gaza
Strip.

March 27th: Egypt has been sending forces to its border with
Sudan
in an effort to prevent smuggling into the Gaza Strip, due to
intensive international pressure following Israel's offensive on the
Hamas-ruled coastal territory earlier this year.

March 30th: The Sudanese President attends the Arab Summit in Doha. The Egyptian President doesn't attend. Neither the Egyptian Foreign Minister. Everybdygets distracted due to Qhaddafi's antics.

And the beat goes on…

The best wikipedia page ever?

Talk about detail

Everytime I think I am out…

…Qhaddafi pulls me back in.

It's just not fair. I was on self-imposed exile, attemting to teach myself HTML, CSS and Photoshop design in order to redo this blog once and for all and not count on other people's empty promises again, and all I wanted was one more day free of blogging. Just one. but noooo… Can't have that.Not with Qhaddafi duck around.

So, apparently, my personal favorite middle-eastern leader was up to his old antics of ruining yet another Arab League meeting by acting crazy, by disrupting the opening session in order to insult the current Saudi King, calling him a "liar" (check), a "british product" (check) and an "american ally" (check checkity check). And yes, apprently in the world of the arab league, being called an american ally is an insult nowadays. Anyway..So the Emir of Qatar- always the savvy diplomat- switches the Mic of Qhaddafi off, because, as wel all know, when you do that, Qhaddafi shuts up? Ehh..no…her usually storms out. Only this time, he did it with style:

But when the emir of Qatar switched off his microphone, Col Gaddafi
insisted that he could not be denied the right to address the summit as
- he called himself – the dean of the Arab rulers, the king of kings of
Africa and the imam of Muslims.

Amazing. Well, he is the dean of arab rulers alright, having been in power longer than Mubarak himself, and that's saying something. But, as one of my friends countered, how could he call himself the King of Kings? Isn't the whole idea- or at elast, talking point- of the  libyan Jamaheria is that it's the people that rule? Is Qhaddafi, by doing this, acknowledging that he is the King of libya and that the idea that he is democratically elected to be a joke? 

Unfortunately for my friend, she is very very wrong, for brother Qhaddafi was appointed King of Kings of Africa by a bunch of african tribal kings, whom he surely paid handsomely for the honor. You see, he is the brotherly elader of Libya, but he is also the Tribal King of Kings. Two different titles. Two different jobs. Plus, it is generally not advisable to use logic when attempting to understand the working of the mind of the great Duck. You see, attempting to understand Qhaddafi logic is like attempting to understand God Logic: his ways are beyond our feeble and limited comprehension.

God bless you, brother Muammar. I definitely needed the laughs.

Sandmonkey rules for the day!

1) Just as a general rule: If a movie has a dog as a central character in it, it will either have a shitty story, or the dog will die, or both. Oh, and even though the lead actress will always probably be hot, she will never get naked in the film, ever. So suck on that, heterosexual men who paid money to go see Marley and Me.

2)When you start getting older, and you realize that you haven't accomplished any of your goals yet and else has failed, have a baby. It's a fantastic excuse, and it distracts people. For example: "Hey, late twenties/ early thirties dude, accomplished any of your goals or dreams yet?" " Ehh, well, no, but I had a baby. Isn't it cute?" "Aww..yes it is. Can I play with it for a while and not talk to you about anything important?" "Knock yourself out!".. Works every time!

3) Thinking that reading James Joyce' Ulysses will be such an easy task that you could accomplish it on the plane ride is…hehe…yeah…totally WRONG. Joyce, you Irish bastard. I will get past page 10, even if it kills me!

4) The older a person gets, the more prone to gathering clutter he/she will be, and will refuse to throw away anything. My Dad, who turned 65, has 10 big empty Nescafe jars in his room. When I asked him why he keeps them, he replied that we might need them one day. I squeezed my mind trying to come up with the emergency scenario where we would need 10 empty Jars of Coffee..and yeah..totally blank.

5) My God can beat up your God. Like, totally beat up. Just a friendly reminder!

On Palestinian leadership

You know, it doesn't matter how many times I say it, there are still people out there defending the Palestinian leadership in both of its Hamas and Fatah incarnations. So, ehh, how about I let Nizo here do the talking:

However, the top spot in my maslakh list will always be reserved to our notoriously malicious and incompetent Palestinian leaderships. Not only would I like to take them to the maslakh,
but I would free the goats and invite them to Gaza and Ramallah where
they would replace them. Do not attempt to convince me otherwise, our
ungulate friends, if given the appropriate powers will actually make
better decisions.

This is fast becoming my credo, especially as
I examine our leaderships' inability to build any kind of functioning
pre-state, despite billions of dollars in aid money that has flowed
into our coffers since Oslo. I will also add that our Palestinian
voters who have elected these animals should also get an invitation to
the maslakh. Then I would
round up the millions of our arm-chair cheerleaders around the world
who continue to encourage "resistance" instead of holding us at least
partially accountable for the 60-year catastrophe that we have helped
perpetuate.

So Mr. Haniyeh, explain to me why that
cheeky Galloway deserves a Palestinian Passport, while my grandmother
who has lived in a refugee camp since 1948, and who clings to the key
to her old house can't get one?

I know the Zionist entity won't allow her into Gaza, but then what
about the refugees living in the camps of Jabalyah and Al-Shati? tell
me Mr. Haniyeh, why haven't you built homes for them in
Gaza's vacated Jewish settlements? Instead you continue to use the
"liberated" land to train the young and poison their minds.

In lieu of
undulating to "Shik Shak Shok", they wrap their waists in plastic
explosives and goose-step to the tunes of your fashistic songs, all
while you stroke yourself in excitement thinking of all the new Qassams
you'll be able to smuggle with the millions of dollars that will now
flow into Gaza after the bombardment you've helped bring upon their
heads.

But worry not ya Haniyeh, you and your hobbits aren't the only targets here. You were hardly imaginative with your gift to Galloway by the way:

Abu-Mazen
beat you to it, by bestowing Palestinian citizenship upon Daniel
Barenboim. Although I prefer the peace-loving pianist to the bombastic
Galloway, someone needs to remind Abu-Batata that his own people,
including my grandmother are more worthy recipients of such a
citizenship.

Again, I don't expect my grandmother's resettlement
just yet, give her something symbolic, a temporary passport but more
importantly an apology in the name of all the leaders before you who
stripped her of her humanity and used her as a pawn against other Arabs
and Israel.

In the meantime, what I do demand is a reformation of the PA, the removal of all the bahayem
who line their pockets with the aid money. Dollars we were very lucky
to receive in the first place. Wallah, African nations with more
pressing needs are starving while we sit back, multiply, beg for
handouts and get angry at the world when it doesn't go that extra step
and wipe our asses for us.

Speaking of asses, or goats, I will
continue to advocate for the removal of both leaderships and their
replacement with the latter, and while I don't expect to succeed, I
could at least convince some of our sheep-like cheerleaders, that
support for the Palestinians should come with a condition that we
reform and start treating our own people more like people, and less
like goats.

Amen!

Lieberman as Israeli foreign minister

I think I am the only arab excited by the notion of having Lieberman as the new Israeli Foreign minister, but then again, humor and anarchy excite me, and there is nothing funnier than having Mr. "Let's nuke the Aswan damn" be the next Israeli FM. I mean, can you imagine the hilarity that will ensue at peace talks? Can you imagine Lieberman attempting diplomacy? I mean, I wept when he came out third, not because it showed an ugly face for israelis, but because he didn't outright win this fucker. Imagine him as PM. That would've been the stuff of awesome.

In all seriousness, I think Lieberman is exactly what the doctor orderd at the moment, because, just by existing, he puts both arabs and Israelis on the spot and holds a mirror to both of their faces. Because of him Israelis had to, maybe for the first time, debate whether a country can both have an official religion and be a democracy at the same time. And because of him Israeli arabs, who keep reminding everybody how palestinian they are, had to face the fact that despite their "support" for Hamas or the PA or whatever, when push comes to shove, they would not give up their israeli passports to be reunited with their palestinian brethern. I mean, when I saw arab newspapers being furious over Lieberman's demands of stripping "disloyal" Israeli- palestinians of their israeli citizenship, I was like "wait, they want them to remain Israelis?", but I thought it was the "zionist entity", which is both illegal and immoral and needs to be dismantled. Whatever happened to that? Why the fuck would you want them to keep a citizenship like that one? Aren't those the same "traitorous palestinians" who sold out their land, cause and country for an israeli made-up citizenship? Now they are your people and you are fighting for their right to keep the citizenship of the country you call illegal? Is anyone paying attention?

Oh no, thank god for lieberman. He is the lattest addition to our middle-eastern insane asylum, and he is already proving to be more entertaining that Tzibi, Bibi and Barak combined. And now he is in power, which means we have a bunch of really fun days ahead. I can't wait till he starts to threathen to bomb Damascus as a way of negotiating peace in the Golan. That will be a hoot.

The Bahhai’s get their verdict in Egypt, finally..

Ok, so we finally have a verdict that is final and impossible to appeal that the Bahhai's can now have ID cards issued without a mention of their religion in the religion category. This will mean that theywill be able to lead a more normal and humane lifestyle, as opposed to the daily humiliation they would recieve in order to get any paperwork done with the egyptian government- from getting birth certificates, to applying to school and colleges to getting ID's passports, and death certificates. They were denied before in all of these categories, and now the egyptian legal system fucked up and did something right for a change. May they fuck up like that every day.

One has to wonder what the other ramification of this lawsuit might be, though. Will people start demanding to get their religious status removed as well, even if they are not Bahhai? Would that be possible? Is that a step in the direction of abolishing the religion category from the egyptian ID forever? One hopes, but that's still too far away. Too many people are clinging to it for reasons that simply do not make sense to me. So, if youa re one of those people, and you are against removing it, please ask yourself, what good, exactly, does it do?And if you have an answer, let me know. I am intrigued!

Cleopatra was a sistah

Hey, greeks, eat your hearts out. She was one of ours!

Hezbollah arabic lessons

I got this e-mail today from my friend in Lebanon, and i felt I just had to share it with all of you:

Greetings rom the bekaa, where my spoken Arabic is really improving these days, thanks especially to the party of god. Three of their goons just came to the house for a two hour visit. I said I would only answer their questions if they corrected me when I spoke so I turned it into a dars Al arabi. The guy who was asking all the questions – the bad cop, if you will – said in mild disbelief 'ana almtik arabi?' (I'm going to teach you Arabic?) and then proceeded to correct my grammar and pronunciation (even at times providing verb conjugations) throughout the excruciatingly boring process, which included questions like 'ah, so you visited a friend in Italy in 2004. Who was he? Only for Christmas? What does he do?' He photographs skateboarders… 'what do you do here? I study and cook during the day, and sew at night,' at which point I held up one of my micro-dresses I had been showing off to the neighborhood ladies this afternoon.Or 'what do you like to eat in lebanon?'

They kept saying that this was all for my own security so I imagine that now that they have my photo and my food preferences on file and everyone in the village knows me, in case someone who didn't get the 'stranger in our midst' memo comes up to me on the street offering a shawarma, all the shabab will jump in to protect me, saying 'NOO!!! she only eats falafel!'

I will admit I slowed down the process a bit by writing a flash card every time a new word popped up in our conversation.

I will also say they should thank their lucky stars for the donations of sophisticated anti-aircraft weaponry etc they are getting from other countries because their local intelligence agents were truly not impressive.

Not that it matters because the whole village is HA but they just lost the votes of this household. My fake Lebanese aunt just said 'fuck HA' before she went to bed, and she doesn't say much in English.f

and then this addendum in a seperate e-mail titles " And I forgot to add.."

 Worst of all, one was wearing double denim!!! Correct me if I am wrong but I am pretty sure that is labeled haram in the first or second sura of the quran, if not in the preface, author's note or even the front cover. 

Coming to Abu Dhabi tomorrow

I am coming to the land of the UAE tomorrow afternoon for 5 days of spending time with my two nephews (yes, I do have direct influence on young impressionable souls. Why do you think my sister moved to a different country?) and watching Dubai as it continues to burn to ash and cinder. If you are in town, please drop me a line at sandmonkey@gmail.com and let's meet up.

Have a lovely day! 

Disintegration

Do you know what's the first sign of your country slowly descending into anarchy is? Me neither, but I am guessing the story I am about to tell you probably qualifies for the first position, or at least the top 5.

The Egyptian Police, in all of its brutal stupidity, decided to fuck with a regular young man walking down the street. They asked him for his ID, and when he told them he couldn't give it to them, they took him to the police station, where they tortured him and then his dad later on. Unbeknown to them the kid was a student at the egyptian military academy, whose members are instructed not to show or handover their ID's to anyone who isn't military. So when the news of what happened to him reached his fellow cadets, they..ehh..declared bloody war on the police station in which he was detained. They pelted the station with stones, used tazers on the police officers, set 2 cars (one belonging to the station, the other to the sherif) and one police motorcycle on fire, and they tore down the sign post on the station, while singing and chanting military academy chants. The police couldn;t open fire on them without direct orders, which they couldn't get, because the army would've fuckin moved on anyone who would've made such an order, so the police could only fire his ammo in the air, hoping the military cadets would get scared. They knew the deal, so they didn't get scared and started to really taunt the  police and insult them, which attacking them. This incident, which got banned from being published in any newspaper or newschannel in egypt, is now referred to by the military cadets as "the battle of dignity". Oh, and it's on video(s), and you could find the videos here.

More of this please. 

George Galloway gets stoned in Egypt!

And no, not the good kind of stoned. The Jesus kind of stoned. But to further proof that there is no fair and just God, Galloway  himself wasn't hit with one stone. His people were, though..

A convoy led by the maverick MP George Galloway carrying supplies for Gaza has
been attacked in Egypt, apparently injuring several people travelling in his
party.

The convoy, carrying aid worth £1 million, was pelted with stones and
vandalised with anti-Hamas slogans after it stopped overnight in El-Arish, a
small town around 28 miles from the Rafah border crossing with Gaza.

[...] 

During a power cut – which is a frequent occurrence in the town – children had
pelted the convoy with stones, a security official said.

"It's an absolute disgrace,'' convoy organiser Yvonne Ridley told the AFP
news agency. "The power was cut. Under cover of darkness members of our
convoy were attacked with stones.

Hey man..they were just expressing their freedom of speech…like that shoe thrower guy..Chill out.