Cheating Reality

When people ask me why i’ve stopped writing regularly, my response is usually “what is there to write about?”. Their universal response is usually giving me this sympathetic smile and say something akin to “I can’t blame you. It’s becoming too dangerous”, and then they change the subject as if attempting to evade a topic of embarrassment to me. I allow them to do this, to have them assume that my silence is out of cowardice, because it’s the easiest and fastest way to end the conversation. The truth is I wish I had the wisdom to not write due to self-preservation, but this is not the case. I’ve stopped writing simply because writing about Egypt these days is like writing another round-up of this week’s most unfortunate events: It’s boring. It’s like tweeting from the Titanic. How many times can you possibly say “we are sinking. This is not going well. #saveus #thebandiskillingitthough” before it just becomes spam? Somehow talking that you are still alive but not in optimal condition when so many around you are dying just seems like bad form. Whining is so 2013 anyway..

Many have taken not keeping up with the news as their defence mechanism against depression, but I am the total opposite. Our insane news keeps me sane and happy due to my love of everything absurd. Reading Egyptian news is like watching an entire channel of the “Daily show with John stewart” that just writes itself. Discussing the news with others becomes a sociological study about mass denial, no matter what their ideological inclinations may be. Between Revolutionaries who see the end of Sisi looming on the horizon and Egypt turning into Syria any minute now, and Sisi supporters who see nothing but a road to prosperity and stability for years to come, I find myself contemplating the scope of generational cousin-fucking their families must’ve engaged in to produce a population that is so mentally…ehh..limited. We are after all the people who build on farmland and then complain that we don’t have enough water to farm in the desert, so someone has definitely pissed in our gene pool.

Given that its been almost 2 weeks on this blog’s 10th year anniversary, I find myself uncharacteristically laconic. So allow me to give you some short-takes of what’s to come, because who needs another long rant anyway?

1) Stop whining about our judiciary: No one in Egypt actually wants rule of law. We are the land of do-as-you-please because everything is negotiable and based on sentiment. That’s all.

2) It’s been said that the only way for Morsy to leave power is through spilling blood. Ironically, that’s the only way Sisi will be able to keep his. Jails and cemeteries are about to become growth industries around here. Invest in that.

3) Our next parliamentary elections will have political factions competing on who supports our President more, so you can imagine how high the stakes are this time around.

4) Egyptians are far too lazy a population to engage in a civil war, so don’t worry too much about our stability. Chaos is kind of our thing, anyway.

5) The entire country doesn’t suffer from PTSD as one recent article has suggested, because that would mean we are in the post-trauma phase. We suffer from CTSD: Continuous Traumatic Stress Disorder. We long for PTSD. Would be nice.

6) The region is in a state of war, and Egypt is an integral part of this war, and the world wants Egypt in this war, so its government has a global get-out-of-jail card regarding anything it wants to do internally. Too bad Egypt won’t fight this war. 🙂

7) The only way for this economy to pick up is if we, as a nation, managed to cheat reality, and we seem to be- for some strange reason- very confident in our ability to do so. I guess Oscar Wilde wasn’t wrong when he said that the basis of optimism is sheer terror.

That is all. Have a belated happy new year! 😀

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