A Shoe gets thrown at the Chinese

Allright. It's not just an arab thing anymore. It's globalizing. Awesome.

They are so gonna start forcing journalists to take off their shoes before press confrences from now on. Just you wait.

So much for Interfaith dialogue

Last weekend ( i.e. last week's weekend. Even though I am working, it is sunday after all) I had a bunch of friends come over to attend a conference in Doha, titled "Muslim Leaders of Tomorrow" or MLT for short (Insert sandwich joke here). I, naturally, was not invited, but crashed the party anyway, because of the number of people I knew attending said conference,  which some  did out of belief that something positive could come out of it, some for the media spotlight, and others because they wanted to come see yours truly. The conference itself was actually funny because they gatherd an unusual amount of  international freaks that made you really worry about The future of Islam if those were its leaders of tomorrow. The most telling moment was when this  young French Canadian Salafist (Yes, ponder the combination for a second, and ask yourself: Is that what Satan shits or what?) at the very begining of the conference raised his hand to speak, and stating that he is glad to have met Islam before he met muslims, because of what he sees in the conference from "intermingeling of the sexes" to "greetings using kisses" and finally to "Open aclohol drinking". I wanted to raise my hand to ask him where the "Kissing and drinking" section was so that I could go sit there, but Mona Al Tahawy was faster than me and ripped the poor guy a new asshole very very quickly. It was actually beautiful. (In an unrelated note, when I was telling a friend who works for Al Jazeera about how strange I found the combination of a French-canadian AND a salafist to be, he responded by saying "Oh, they are the worst kind. I have one in accounting and he is a total prick". So world, pay attention, there are apparently many french-canadian salafists running around. You have been warned!)

Anyway, the days passed and-with the exception of few minor incidents of sabotage conducted by yours truly- it was actually a very pleasant conference with some cool people in it. After a discussion with group of guys over the need for "a Fatwa-issuing religious authority" in Islam, where one pimply-faced turk who couldn't be more than 18 years old said "Well, when you are sick, don't you go to a doctor for the remedy? It's the same thing!", I decided to avoid the men all together and hung out with the islamic sisters, a.k.a the Satanic-tempting-whores by french-canadian boy. It was a very enlightning experience, if not for confirming my suspicions that the main problem with Islam is that Men are its religious leaders. The horror stories those women told me about how their work (much of which is very respctable and with aim to improve living conditions and literacy rate amongst their native population) was always undermined and thwarted by a bunch of idiotic chauvinistic mullahs who had no problem issuing life-destorying fatwas at time just because they didn't like to see a woman read (and the stories are all the same, from Bahrain, to Iran, to Denmark, to Kashmir to Indonesia and Pakistan). It became abundently clear that what Islam needs, more than anything, is more Female influence and eventually more female leadership. At least they were more interested in moving the religion forward and elevating its people, than debating the remedic values of Camel piss or if women should pluck their eyebrows. But what do I know?

The Punchline for the entire conference though came 2 days after it ended. You see, one evening a friend asked me to come to her table to start talking to this american guest called Daniel Pincus, who happend to be jewish. Apparently the other guests were ignoring him and he was very uncomfortable being the lone jew there in case a "Ghaza" conversation did start up. So I went there and chatted with him a bit, but he seemed to be doing fine and Azhar Usman started his stand up routine, so I ignored him and life went on. It wasn't until a few days later when I recieved an e-mail from one of the people who was at that table regarding this piece of news: An American fellow who was coming back to the US from a flight from Turket, flipped out on the airline because "some arab types" whose looks freaked him out boarded the plane. The name of the idiot?

Daniel Pincus.

Priceless!

The Ghaza War is over Gas!

Welcome to the house of fun  crazy leftist conspiracy theories, ladies and gentlemen. You might have thought the Ghaza war is about Hamas loping rockets, or Kadima wanting to win elections, but thankfully, our leftist activist friends- those renegades of truth and stelwarts of resistance- have shown us the real reason why this war is taking place: GAS. Yes, The Ghaza war ia apprently the latest war of agression the Imperialists are waging to control energy resources in the middle-east. You didn't know? That's because the Imperialist jewish-controlled media didn't want you to know, sheeple. But thanks to the blogsphere, we now know.

On the bright side, the anti-war protesters can now grab those old "No Blood For Oil" signs from the Iraq war and use them in Ghaza protests. They were gathering dust anyway. Not to mention, it would be considerd a form of recycling. Ohh Goody!

Fish renamed as “Sea Kittens”?

For the millionth time..PETA is insane, and the fact that people donate money to it is insane. I think a list of PETA donors needs to be published every year, because we need to know who those people are.

No comment!

Pillow_lap

Egypt, the new Superpower!

Ahh, at last, the day of my dreams has finally arrived. The day that set my egyptian patriotic heart aflutter with joy. The day when Egypt- under the wise direction and leadership of our dear leader Hosny Mubarak- has finally ascended to its rightful place and joined the ranks of the World's Super Power club is here, and I am happier than Andrew Sullivan with a bag full of dicks. How do I know that we have reached that monumentous plateau amongst the world's elite? Well, ladies and gentlemen, the signs are all around us. We are getting blamed for all the world's ills, just the like the americans, russians and chinese, we are having our business interests portested against, just like the americans and the brits, we are having our Embassies attacked and our Flags burned, just like the americans and the Israelis, and now, today, I am happy to announce that we have cemented our membership in the super powers club by reaching the final landmark: The posters of our President depicted dead, with open calls for his assissantion, in Iran. 

Ohh yes. The Persian plague has decided that they can not tolerate Egypt's place as the leading regional power any longer, claiming that we are always outshining them and making them look fat, and have set their eyes on taking out the man responsible for our exemplery progress and power: El Presidente Mubarak. Today, in Iran, Forooz Rejaii, the secretary general of the organization titled "Rewarding The Martyrs of the World of Islam" has announced a bounty of one million dollars to whomever assassinates Hosny Mubarak for being just too cool and awesome for them to bear, and also for the whole closing the Rafah crossing thing. And if that is not proof enough for you, checking the picture below out of another protest that took place in Indonesia yesterday should be:

Our very own Mubarak mask. Right next to Olmert and Barak Obama's. HELL YEAH! That's how prominent we have become. We have masks of our leaders made and worn by smelly inhabitants of third world countries. Die from envy, jealous Bitches of the world. Egypt has arrived.

However, we need to be careful, because anyone can become a hated worldly Super Power once, and get its busniesses protested against, embassies stormed and flags burned. Just ask Denmark. They used to matter back in 2006, and now, nobody even rememebrs to hate them anymore. No, we can't be a One-Hate wonder. We can't allow that to happen to us, espeically after we waited so long for it. So, I propose that we start threathening the world to never open the Rafah crossing ever again, and start blackmailing them to do so, and see what we can get out of them for it. That crossing now is a startegic advantage, just the like hormuz crossing is to the jealous fat hairy Iranians, and we should totally capitalize on it to maintain our strategic importance. Let the Haters eat their hearts out.

My head hurts

First Hamas refuses to let Egypt receive the wounded through the Rafah crossing, saying that Egypt has to open the entire crossing for the million and a half Ghazan, or else they won't get to treat their wounded.. Think about this one for a minute. Let it simmer. When it makes sense to you, let me know.

Then Israeli pundits say that while the air strike is successful, they might need to do a ground incursion, thus proving that Israel is a nation suffering from an Alzheimer epidemic and doesn't remember anything about the last war with Lebanon.  

And then the Palestinians in Ghaza break through the Rafah crossing, and kill an egyptian officer in the process, and nobody minds, of course.. 

And then Nasrallah gets on TV, calls on the egyptian people to revolt by the millions and open up the  by-now-open Rafah crossing by force, and on the egyptian military to take a stand against the political leadership and  "join the resistance".

And finally, in Iraq, and I wish I was kidding, a suicide bomber blew himself up in the middle of a Pro-Palestinian demonstration.

You figure it out!

The problem with Wikipedia

Is the Edit This button!

PETA wants Ben and Jerry to use breast milk

Prepare to vomit!

Train crushes couple having sex o railway

I am baffled. Are you baffled? I am definitely baffled!

Cultural trends: Techtonic dancing

I always knew that the moment will come when I will officially feel old, and that moment will be the moment the younger generation creates a dance that separates my generation from theirs. Sounds weird, measuring age with dancing, but I am telling you, it works. Every generation has a different way of dancing than its predecessor, and through it shines the cultural values and aims of that generation, and they will be ones that are totally alien to us. The dance that proves the generational disconnect. And now this dance is here, and it's called Techtonic dancing. I first heard of it from my friend Martina, who is 23 by the way, who told me that "kids these days are doing some crazy dance. It looks like they are having epileptic seizures!". Ignoring the fact that she is using the term "kids these days" and when she turned 23 yesterday, I was intrigued, so naturally I checked it out on youtube and voila, I knew that the moment of cultural disconnect has arrived.

Let me elaborate: When you look at dancing throughout the last 60 years, you could definitely notice serious changes in the way people danced and infer from it some conclusions on the cultural changes that took place because of it. For example, the dancing in the 50's and the majority of the 60's was a considered more than just dancing: It was a social activity. It's where you met girls and what you did on dates. You were not considered fruity if you knew how to dance a number of dances, hell, the more dances you knew the more sex appeal you had with women, i.e. the more manly you were. And those dances were team effort: the woman had to be as good as a dancer as you for the dance to work, which lead many of that generation to have dancing partners and train with them. My dad used to tell me that he would sometimes spend 5 hours with his new girl practicing the new dance so that they wouldn't be out of place in the clubs. And while dancing back then was "innocent" it had various sexual themes and undertones: lots of holding and swinging and swaying. And that was that generation.

Then came the next generation, the 70's generation, and that's when dancing was separated into two arenas: the Hippie heavily sexualized manic dancing, and the Disco dancing (i.e. Saturday night fever style), but you still had dance partners for the disco side of things and you still had to practice with them. And then came the glorious 80's, where you didn't need to know how to dance at all. You just needed to be able to repeat one move over and over again, but that was still the type of dancing you needed to do with a female, unlike break dancing, which was the beginning of individual effort dancing, although people still did it in groups. This eventually lead to the 90's, where 3 trends of popular dance sprung out: 1)Pop/Hiphop , 2) Rap and 3)Techno. Pop/Hiphop continued on the path of 80's club dancing, but with major improvement: your moves were less manic and more smooth, and you knew 3 or 4 dance moves and didn't need more than that to impress the girl you were dancing with, you just needed to know the two-step dance, some Spanish swinging and dancing and you were ok. Rap was also with partners, but it didn't require much of you to dance it: you just needed to able to grind pelvises with a girl's booty for hours on end. It was the most honest music at the time, because it didn't have sexual undertones, IT WAS SEXUAL, and in a very overt way. Even the music, it wasn't "I wanna hold you on a mountain", it was "back that ass up!". Rap was the male agenda personified, and at its most honest. And then there was Techno, which combined the disco feel with the break-dancing individualism, but still required people to dance around you. The beat was more jumpy than sexual, but it turned sexual quickly, thanks to the fantastic drug habits of people who do enjoy techno dancing.

And then we had the 00's generation, and the great merger between Rap and pop/hiphop started, with the kids of that generation skipping knowing the 3 or 4 dance moves- a move joyfully hailed by white guys everywhere- and instead being quite happy to just grab a girl by her waist and grind the night away, to her father's dismay of course. That was the generation that decided not to leave anything to the imagination, and were aware of their sexuality since they were 12 or something. At that time Techno dancing thrived, died, re-invented itself, did 3 backflips and expanded in 600 directions, bringing us finally to the dance that I have mentioned early on: Techtonic dancing.

Now here is a video for techtonic dancing, please watch it (and ignore the Michael Jackson parts) and please take note of a number of things. Number 1: It's a very solitary dance. No one dance techtonic in pairs or in groups. It has very much the spirit of the individual effort that made break dancing so significant. Number 2: The age of the dancers- In all the videos, I have never found anyone dancing this dance that looks like they crossed into their 20's, and the video
tutorials for it on youtube are all done by kids that look between 12 and 16 year olds, not to mention the tons of videos of young school kids from all walks of life dancing it on the street. This is purely a younger generational thing. And Number 3: the lack of sexual context. This is not about picking girls at all. This has no gender roles. This is a purely androgynous dance, and it seems designed to stay this way. One could come up with a million theories and explanation to why that is( generation used to using the internet, connects and plays with his friends on it thus doesn't need to feel connected to people and is always comfortable with isolation and disconnect, bombarded with sexual images and sexuality since they are young, truly being accustomed to gender and sexual orientation equality and even gender bending in terms of clothing and grooming behavior, etc..etc..), but that's not my place. I am no anthropologist. I am just letting you know that this is happening. And how do I really know that this is a generational shift you may ask? Well, simple, look at the tutorials, does it seem likely to you to learn how to dance this way and go to the clubs and dance this dance? No? Too old to do so? Welcome to the generational shift my friend. Congratulations: you are officially old.

Now have a nice day!

Joy to the WORLD!

VERNE TROYER HAS A SEX TAPE. Mini-Me has a sex tape. with his girlfriend. Who is tall, not very tall, normal sized really, but a giant in Verne standards. AWESOME. I wanna see it. Does anyone know where I can download it? You think he uses his whole arm? I am a perv, I know, but goddamn it, human midgit celebrity sex. Now that's must-see TV! Fuck you Highschool Musical. Fuck you! 

The MAN is dead!

George Carlin is dead. The man whose sardonic cynical messed up way of thinking has raised an entire generation of Counter-culture heads is gone.This is the man whose jokes I wish I could've came up with and whose books leave me in stitches every time I read them. In case you don't know him, let me give you this piece on political participation, cause, you know, voting is very important.

Well, George, R.I.P.

 

or you can always give the boys upstairs Hell. Whatever works for you. :)  

Amy and Noby are back

The crazy lovebirds who fell in love at first sight in an internet cafe in Hurghada despite their inability to speak each other's language and then got married are back. And Unfortunately the news isn't as scandalous as one had hoped. She is not pregnant, not veiled and she is not 30 kg overweight from eating egyptian food. But it does seem like that she left Noby behind.

After she wed Mohamed El Sayed, 30, in a traditional Egyptian
celebration last December, the 18-year-old proclaimed her new home in
Egypt was all she had ever dreamed of.

But last night, her father James, a 42-year-old electrician, said
that as far as he and his wife were concerned, their daughter was now
back home for good.

At the family home in Beaumont, Cumbria, he said: ‘It is fantastic
but we don’t want to talk about it at this stage. As you can imagine,
we have a lot to talk about and we are getting things sorted out
between us. We just want her to get settled and we will take things
from there. After all, she is an adult.’

But that's not what Noby thinks… 

 ‘She told me she was going back to England for a while to see her
friends and try to repair her relationship with her family,’ he said at
the two-room home they shared with his family outside Cairo. ‘We speak
every day and I am expecting her back in a couple of weeks.’

But Amy's father paints a different picture…

But Mr Robson and his wife Janet, 33, have arranged for Amy to stay
with her grandparents in a remote village in Northumbria, in the hope
that her husband will not be able to reach her.

When her father was told that Amy’s husband thought she was simply home for a holiday, he said: ‘They have their views and as ever they will always be manipulated. That is why she is in
this other place, some neutral ground, so no pressure can be put on
her.

Sounds like they are brainwashing her to keep her away from Noby. Surely, ZA BOWER of LOVE will prevail. Surely she wants to get back to Noby in Banha, where he lives with his mom and the other 97 members of his family in a 3 room apartment. 

But last week, when a Mail on Sunday reporter visited her at her
grandparents’ house and asked her if she intended to return to Egypt,
she said: ‘I don’t know.’ Appearing extremely thin and smiling
nervously, she gave the same answer when asked if she was planning to
stay in Britain permanently.

NOOOOOOOOOO. The brainwashing is working. FREE AMY. Bring Amy back to Noby! The Drama has to go on. Come on now! This is too funny to end in such a sensible way. And we still haven't brought her any McDonalds.

Goddamn it!

Soo not fair!

Wolf Whistle works

In New Zealand. An Israeli woman heard it and decided to strip. How about that? And people tell me we shouldn;t support normalization and encourage Israeli tourism. Pshhh.. She should visit Egypt next. She will never get dressed!

Gambia wants to behead the Gays..

They can either …ok..I was gonna go with a " stop men from giving other men head or lose their own" joke, but, yeah, bad taste. You get the point though. Some crazy leader from some African country decided to kill whichever dares to express "man-love". Given how an African spread AIDS to humans by once fucking a monkey, I think they are a lil late for the moral-outrage brigade.  What do you think?

Watch out for your penis

They might steal it in Kinshasa! How does one steal a Penis, you might ask? Well, witchcraft of course..

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in
West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and
witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to
obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in
Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of
some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio
call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow
passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police,
claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their
genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was
an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Now, if the sorcerers can make their genitals shrink, why not reverse the spell and provide men with the service to have their genitals grow larger? Fuck that extortion shit, they would be billionares in a matter of weeks. Stupid Sorcerers. They never think big! 

Phone Rape

A Tunisian family is suing a 30 year old man for "raping their 20 year old daughter through phone sex". It seems that while they were having phone sex, the girl kinda punctured her hymen. The argument is that the two of them had sexual relations, even through the phone, that led to the girl's loss of hymen. How that is rape, given that the girl did it to herself, I have no idea. But what do I know? But if it works and they convict the guy, await paternity suits for children conceived through cyber sex. 

Talk to your kids about Plastic Surgery

There is a Kid's book on Plastic Surgery, called "My Beautiful Mommy", that is supposed to help mothers explain to children why she needs a boobjob, or something. I am not kidding:

Acosta told Salzhauer that she wasn't sure how to talk to her son
about the procedures she was considering. That's when he showed her the
manuscript for his children's picture book, "My Beautiful Mommy" (Big
Tent Books), out this Mother's Day. It features a perky mother
explaining to her child why she's having cosmetic surgery (a nose job
and tummy tuck). Naturally, it has a happy ending: mommy winds up "even
more" beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.

The
reassuring tale helped win Acosta over—she scheduled breast
augmentation and a tummy tuck. Since February, when she had the
surgery, she and Junior have read the book a half dozen times, and she
says it helped him feel excited rather than scared. "I didn't want him
to think [the surgery] was because I was hurting. It was to make me
feel good," she says.

Awww…excuse me while I puke..

Salzhauer got the idea for a book after noticing that women were coming
into his office with their kids in tow. He says that mysterious
doctor's visits can be frightening for children. "Parents generally
tend to go into this denial thing. They just try to ignore the kids'
questions completely." But, he adds, children "fill in the blanks in
their imagination" and then feel worse when they see "mommy with
bandages," he says. "With the tummy tucks, [the mothers] can't lift
anything. They're in bed. The kids have questions."

 Yeah..still puking.. Cue in the requisite Child Psychologist..

Child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger,
author of "Raising Kids With Character," likes the idea of a book for
kids. "If the mother is determined to pursue cosmetic surgery, I think
it's terribly important to discuss it with the child," Berger says. But
she says the book is incomplete. She wishes that the mom had just said
something like, "This is silly, but I really want it anyway," she says.
"That is more honest and more helpful to the child."

Berger
doesn't want to come across as anti-cosmetic surgery, but she notes
that it can be difficult for small kids to understand. "The younger the
child, the more mysterious and potentially hurtful the mother's
absence, or mother being out of commission, or mother looking like
she's been beaten up, will be," she says. Small children are "concrete"
and "sensible" and think "you go to a doctor because you're hurt or
sick," she says. After considering how their children might react, she
says that "some mothers may realize that the total burden of the
child's anxiety might be a side effect of the procedure they hadn't
quite thought through and that might inspire them to postpone it until
the child is older."

Maybe I am old school, but whatever happend to that wonderful notion of "some things are for adults and some things are for kids"? It worked for me, it worked for all of you, I am sure none of you were ever scarred for life from not knowing why Mommy couldn't do physical work after a surgery. But no, let's introduce them to plastic surgery in a nice shiny book (excerpts can be found here ) when they are 7 or 8, this way we can hook them when they are young. YEAH!

LEAVE YOUR GODDAMN KIDS ALONE! 

Divorce Via Youtube

Very Nice. Classy, even.