Archive of ‘Crazy people’ category

Phone Rape

A Tunisian family is suing a 30 year old man for "raping their 20 year old daughter through phone sex". It seems that while they were having phone sex, the girl kinda punctured her hymen. The argument is that the two of them had sexual relations, even through the phone, that led to the girl's loss of hymen. How that is rape, given that the girl did it to herself, I have no idea. But what do I know? But if it works and they convict the guy, await paternity suits for children conceived through cyber sex. 

Talk to your kids about Plastic Surgery

There is a Kid's book on Plastic Surgery, called "My Beautiful Mommy", that is supposed to help mothers explain to children why she needs a boobjob, or something. I am not kidding:

Acosta told Salzhauer that she wasn't sure how to talk to her son
about the procedures she was considering. That's when he showed her the
manuscript for his children's picture book, "My Beautiful Mommy" (Big
Tent Books), out this Mother's Day. It features a perky mother
explaining to her child why she's having cosmetic surgery (a nose job
and tummy tuck). Naturally, it has a happy ending: mommy winds up "even
more" beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.

The
reassuring tale helped win Acosta over—she scheduled breast
augmentation and a tummy tuck. Since February, when she had the
surgery, she and Junior have read the book a half dozen times, and she
says it helped him feel excited rather than scared. "I didn't want him
to think [the surgery] was because I was hurting. It was to make me
feel good," she says.

Awww…excuse me while I puke..

Salzhauer got the idea for a book after noticing that women were coming
into his office with their kids in tow. He says that mysterious
doctor's visits can be frightening for children. "Parents generally
tend to go into this denial thing. They just try to ignore the kids'
questions completely." But, he adds, children "fill in the blanks in
their imagination" and then feel worse when they see "mommy with
bandages," he says. "With the tummy tucks, [the mothers] can't lift
anything. They're in bed. The kids have questions."

 Yeah..still puking.. Cue in the requisite Child Psychologist..

Child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger,
author of "Raising Kids With Character," likes the idea of a book for
kids. "If the mother is determined to pursue cosmetic surgery, I think
it's terribly important to discuss it with the child," Berger says. But
she says the book is incomplete. She wishes that the mom had just said
something like, "This is silly, but I really want it anyway," she says.
"That is more honest and more helpful to the child."

Berger
doesn't want to come across as anti-cosmetic surgery, but she notes
that it can be difficult for small kids to understand. "The younger the
child, the more mysterious and potentially hurtful the mother's
absence, or mother being out of commission, or mother looking like
she's been beaten up, will be," she says. Small children are "concrete"
and "sensible" and think "you go to a doctor because you're hurt or
sick," she says. After considering how their children might react, she
says that "some mothers may realize that the total burden of the
child's anxiety might be a side effect of the procedure they hadn't
quite thought through and that might inspire them to postpone it until
the child is older."

Maybe I am old school, but whatever happend to that wonderful notion of "some things are for adults and some things are for kids"? It worked for me, it worked for all of you, I am sure none of you were ever scarred for life from not knowing why Mommy couldn't do physical work after a surgery. But no, let's introduce them to plastic surgery in a nice shiny book (excerpts can be found here ) when they are 7 or 8, this way we can hook them when they are young. YEAH!

LEAVE YOUR GODDAMN KIDS ALONE! 

The 6th of April Strike

There is supposed to be some sort of strike on the 6th of April organized by Kifaya, the Karama and Wasat Parties and the workers of various government factories and ministeries. They are calling it the "Egyptian Intifiadah", cause, you know the Palestinian one worked out so well. Here is the text in English:

“All national forces in Egypt have agreed upon the 6th of April to be a public strike.
On the 6th of April, stay home, do not go out;
Don’t go to work, don’t go to the university, don’t go to school, don’t
open your shop, don’t open your pharmacy, don’t go to the police
station, don’t go to the camp;
We need salaries allowing us to live, we need to work, we want our
children to get education, we need human transportation means, we want
hospitals to get treatment, we want medicines for our children, we need
just judiciary, we want security, we want freedom and dignity, we want
apartments for youth;
We don’t want prices increase, we don’t want favoritism, we don’t want
police in plain clothes, we don’t want torture in police stations, we
don’t want corruption, we don’t want bribes, we don’t want detentions.
Tell your friends not to go to work and ask them to join the strike.”

You know, so far they had me on board, and then I read about the people that want to organize it, and what else is pissing them off:

After a meeting held and represented by Egyptian
people forces: Ghazl Al-Mahala workers (who are striking since last
year expressing their demands to increase their wages to be in line
with price hikes, their strikes were followed by a series of strikes by
many working sectors in Egypt); Al-Karama Party; Al-Wasat Party; Labor
Party; Kefaya Movement; the Bar Association; Educational Workers
Movement; Grain Mills Workers; they expect a positive
response regarding Moslem Brothers’ participation and support in the
strike.

The slogan of this campaign became wider than just
asking for better wages, whereas it included the “Political Change”:
they cited in their paper, it is against the tyranny of the regime. The
campaign is also against the regime’s foreign policy represented in
Egypt’s position towards Gaza and the Palestinian cause; exporting
natural gas to Israel with the lowest prices; strictly abiding by Camp
David Accords; and opposing Iraqi, Lebanese and Afghani resistance.

So the campaign is for our borders to be breached and our soldiers attacked, the end of peace with Israel, and in support of the Taliban, Hamas, Hezbollah. Al Qaida and Muqtada's Al Sadr's militia? A7a!! Really? Seriously?

Fuck that. I ain't playing with those assholes. I am going to my job, and so should any of you with two cells of logic or reason in your heads!

Have a lovely day! 

Who wants a fantasy with Vincent Gallo?

You do, well, he has a price for you:

I, Vincent Gallo, star of such classics as

Buffalo 66 and

The
Brown Bunny
have decided to make myself available to all women.
All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000
plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally
born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those
who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to
a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can
have me if they can pay the bill.

Even black chicks? Oh Gallo, you are so kind!

However,
female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening
together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend
that will have them second-guessing.

Second guessing what? Their gullibility?

As for those who would want to always have a piece of Gallo with them all the time, well, that will cost you 1 million dollars, and quite possibly a ruined life forever:

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1,000,000.00


Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro
fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro
fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical
costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for
as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and
successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr.
Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the
sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an
additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented
detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to
waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm
itself.

and why would you pay this much, you would say? Well…

Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well
aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into
the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all
creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning
several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and
hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle
racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known
genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of
congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the
potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like
his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance
the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt. 

WOW! 

Cindy Sheehan is in town

"Peace Mom" is here supporting the rights of the Muslim Brotherhood members on trial. Who wants to come with me and throw eggs at her? Ramsey Clark is also here. We can egg him too. It's double the fun this way. Any takers? E-mail me!

Oh, and here is her Open Letter to our First Lady , Suzy Mubarak. Isn't it nice how she pimps her dead army son in the first paragraph of it? I think it's heartwarming. Don't you?

Also, gotta love the ending paragraph;

Thank you for your consideration in this important
matter, inshallah we will work together for a peaceful
and just resolution for the betterment of humanity.

So, supporting the MB is now for the betterment of humanity? And did you notice the Inshallah? How very touching and culturally sensitive..

Oh, and the signature 

Sincerely,
Cindy Sheehan

A US Congress Candidate

Founder & Chairperson of the Gold Star Families for Peace

Director of Camp Casey Peace Institute

Otherwise known as unemployed political whore. And can you put "US congress candidate" as a job description? Doesn't it only count if you win?

Like we needed this shit! 

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