Sex with Robots?

It's gonna be possible in 5 years. In 10 years there will be human-robot marriage activists. Some people think Massechusetts will be the first to legalize it, but my money is on California. Silicon Valley, baby!

72 year old to father his own grandchild

Your Jerry Springer moment of the day!

Britney Spears is seriously desperate

No longer a virgin, no longer a novelty, no longer the pop princess who can't sing, but who is so hot we all ignored it. She is now the divorced mother of two who is going through the worst public meltdown since Lindsey Lohan's face started gracing magazine covers. So she resorts to the one thing she can do really well: Strip. In an attempt to be shocking and daring, Brit decides that what she needs to do is to embrace her white-trash public image some more, and film a music video where she strips with a pole and shows off her naked breasts for all to see. Newsflash babe: they are not nearly enough to resurrect your career. Plus, aren't you still breastfeeding? What the hell is wrong with you?

Take a vacation sweetie. Please!

King Tut is no Negro

So says Zahi Hawas, who is taking things slightly personally:

"Tutankhamun was not black, and the portrayal of ancient Egyptian civilisation as black has no element of truth to it," Hawass told reporters.

"Egyptians are not Arabs and are not Africans despite the fact that Egypt is in Africa," he said, quoted by the official MENA news agency.

Not arab nor african? We are Neither? That's quite a statement.

Well, I am for not calling egyptians arabs (arabs invaded egypt after all), but the african we always were. Plus, even if we weren't, it's kind of hard to argue with the way the late King looks like:

 

Oh yeah. Doesn't look Black at all. I mean look at his features; they look totally white to me! 

Fatwa of the day: Married on Film, Married in real life

Al Azhar people are really freakin bored these days apparently: they just issued a fatwa stating that if in a movie or TV show there is a scene where two people are getting married, then their marriage counts , because they are going through all the steps, vows and appearance of getting married. This is justified by an old Hadith that says that there is no jest when it comes to divorce or marriage (or letting go of slaves. But Ignore that last part for now.), which means you can not divorce or marry someone in jest and then claim you were kidding or playing. This of course means that many actors are married to each other, and some female ones have or had multiple husbands, which is a big haram no no. So, yeah, they are calling for a stop for all such scenes involving marriage and divorce, just to make sure the people aren't sinning without knowing.

Al Azhar clerics: always tackeling the important issues that impact your daily Life as a Muslim. 

Living without Toilet Paper

A Manhattan family is attempting to live for a year without impacting the environment negatively. No A/C, No Electricity, No Washing machine, No Plastics, No Trash and No Toilet Paper. I may not share their views, but damn do I admire their conviction! Let's hope Al Gore Follows suit, I am sure he could last a week. Can't say the same about Tipper* though.

 *Ok, is it just me, or is Tipper Gore the only woman called Tipper in the US? I have never met a Tipper in my life, neither does anyone I know, have you? Who the hell would name their kid Tipper anyway? 

This sucks

Well, a dwarf, a penis, a vacuum cleaner and a hospital. You do the math!

Selling american Brides online

This is very clearly a Hoax (if you are still hopeful about it, read this article and weep, Perv),but it does raise some serious questions to me: What, exactly, are the limits for pedophilia in light of marriage through Parental consent? I mean, I know there aren't a lot of 13 and 14 year old Brides out there in the US, but they must exist. I have seen enough small backwater towns with its people's minds running on the loopy side to know that this is quite possible. Hell, all you need is a bunch of realy bad trash parents- and god knows there are plenty of them- with one extra daughter they won't miss and some money they could be using. So, according to the law: Man sleeps with 13 year old, that's statutory rape. Man marries 13 year old with the approval of her mommy and daddy, and sex with her is legal and ok? Does the Girl have to consent? Can a 13 or 14 year old girl make such a decision for herself? How does it all work, really?

And as for our side of the pond, what difference is the dowry from the Bride Price? I know that some people will like to recite the comfortable distinction that a bride price goes to the parents, while a dowry goes to the couple, but you and I know that this ain't always the case! Hell, until now there are cases of a women's dowry consisting of livestock in farmland egypt. Not to mention the dowry paid by rich arabs who come to egypt for 2 weeks to a month marriage to a poor you egyptian girlwhose parents could use the money, which happens more than any of us would like to admit. And the public consensus is: this ain't prostitution, because they are married in front of God and society. They have a contract, you see. That makes it all legit. But all in all ignoring the simple truth: You are paying for a bride to marry you. You negotiate the Price with her family. Whether this money is spent on the couple's house or kept by the father is irrelevant: In order to be with that woman and have her have sex with you every night, you had to pay lots of money. And the more you pay, the more your new mother in law can brag about how much her daughter is worth, and somehow not thinking twice about how truly fucked up or disgusting this whole thing is.

So here is a Business opportunity for you: a website selling Egyptian brides, and instead of bride price one writes dowry, and the men can bid their money away for the chance of being the first to "hit that". It would all be legal as long as a marriage contract got signed, and surely there wouldn't be an uproar about it. God knows in our society, the worst thing that could happen to a girl is for her not to be married, you know?

Secterian Strife breaks over a Muslim Girl..

.. that was seen going into a house with a ..gasp..christian dude. A Muslim guy stopped him, being all like "whatchu doin with one of our bitches, homes?", and the christian guy asked him why he is cockblocking him, yo. And next thing you know each one has gathered up his posse and started up a fantastic street brawl where 28 people got arrested. My reaction: It's amazing that the Police even got involved. Egyptian Police is notorious for showing up houres after any street fight is reported, usually to pick up the bodies, because, well, none of them want to get hurt. But I guess the keyword here was Muslims and Christians fighting, so they had to get off their lazy asses to stop things before they kinda went out of control, which they kinda did and didn't. I mean, no one got killed. That's an improvement, right?

Word!

They got it wrong

I was checking out Al Masry Al youm's limnited English section when I found this article:

In his speech at the symposium organized by the cultural committee of
the Syndicate of Journalists the day before last, Dr Mohamed Kamal
Imam, Professor and Chairman of the Islamic Sharia Department at the
Faculty of Law of the University of Alexandria, said why do not we pass
a law expressly prohibiting marriage between followers of different
faiths, especially in Egypt, so that to eliminate the problems that
could occur because of this marriage and set off tension between
Muslims and Christians.

He stressed that there is no
contradiction between Allah's words: "Then whosoever will, let him
believe, and whosoever will, let him disbelieve" and "There is no
compulsion in religion" on the one hand and the punishment of apostasy
in Islam, because the first case – according to him – deals with the
belief and carrying out punishments.

Kamal pointed out that
Islam is a universal religion that realistically recognizes other
religions and allows Muslims to marry non-Muslims and that it is the
only religion that permits this, but enacting a law preventing
matrimony between Muslims and followers of other religions would
eliminate many problems

Ok, so they brought up two issues here, and they are wrong on both. First of all, preventing Interfaith marriage is not up to them. It was granted by Islam and it's not their place to claim that preventing them would prevent the problems that are usually caused by the secterian strife between Egypt's Muslims's and Christians. That's like trying to spite you wife so you chop off your dick. Interfaith Marriage isn't the problem, the problem is co-existance. And until we learn to co-exist, the problems won't go away.

The second Issue is the punishment of apostacy in Islam. There is NO SUCH THING. The Symposioum of Islamic Studies, the greatest, most distinguished and most Respected Islamic Studies Center in the World had issues a Statement that there is no such thing in Islam or in Sharia. The Idea of Punishment for Apostacy is based on the "Reddah" War that happend after Prophet Mohamed died, where many people who converted to Islam to stay out of Harm's way decided they didn;t need to do so anymore and tried to seperate themselves from the religion and its leaders. Facing this threat, Khalifa Abu Bakr made the decree that they and anyone who follows their example should be killed in order to to stop a massive drain of converts that he feared would take place. It was a political decision, pure and simple. Abu Bakr is not the Prophet, nor was he ever contacted by God about this, and therefore his decision is not part of the Sharia or the Sunnah and should therefore not be looked upon as such. And what drives me crazy is that this guy should know this. But upon reading the rest of the article I realized this might've been the meeting of crazies anyway. Check this out:

Dr. Nasr Farid Wasel, former Egypt Mufti, said that all scholars agree
that the punishment for rejecting Islam is punishable by death, because
Islam did not sanction apostasy, because it did not force or coerce any
one into embracing Islam, therefore a renegade must either repent or be
condemned to the punishment of apostasy, because it is the right of
Allah, the Almighty.

No mention of those who were just born in it. Note that!

 Whoever embraces Islam out of his own volition has made a contract with
Allah and with the group, therefore he has no right to revoke it,
because he embraced Islam after becoming fully convinced and he should
bear the responsibility of his decision", said Wasel

That's some Punitive Clause right there. You should've read the fine Print Ahmed. Defaulting on this contract is punishable by death, babe!

And now for the coup de gras, I give you Dr. Mohamed Al Musayer.

Dr. Mohamed Sayed Ahmed al-Musayer, professor of religion and
philosophy at al-Azhar University, said that it is illogical for a
Muslim to give up his religion, because Islam is a religion of reason
and proof and its great miracle is the Holy Koran and that there is no
other religion in the world that harmonizes with the mind, as people
around us worship cows, stones, trees and humans.

"Some of
those who have unstable ways of thinking believe that they are
defending Islam when they abolish some punishments, including the
punishment of apostasy. Those people have nothing to cry over, as they
deny the punishment of theft today and tomorrow they will deny the
punishment of adultery and after that the punishment of apostasy.

It
is a series to nullify Islam. Those who deny the punishment of apostasy
impugn the scholars and jurisprudents throughout the ages, since the
application of this punishment is clearly defined in the Holy Koran
before the Hadith (Prophet Mohamed's traditions). Allah says: 'Truly,
if the Hypocrites, and those in whose hearts is a disease, and those
who stir up sedition in the City, desist not, We shall certainly stir
thee up against them: Then will they not be able to stay in it as thy
neighbors for any length of time'", said al-Musayer.

"The
punishment is unequivocally and indisputably mentioned in the Hadith:
'whoever changed his Islamic religion kill him'. These are
incontrovertible Islamic facts. We are not ashamed of what we have, but
those antagonizing Islam feel so ashamed, because they protect
homosexuality and same-sex marriage. We do not want rifts in the
community, because this is a Jewish scheme and all Islamic communities
are infiltrated by the Mossad", said al-Musayer.

Yeah. I don't think any zionist schemes are necessary Dr al Musayer, not with you around. You do a fantastic job yourself!

Motherfucker! 

Your daily crazies update

Gaza-based Terrorists want to behead Madonna and Britney Spears for spreading satanic culture. I would be all for it if they wanted to do it for spreading shitty music!

Amman is for lovers..in tents.. on the side of the road .. who keep count how many times they had sex in it. Ehh..whatever happend to the Honor-killing capital of the world? The Standards are clearly slipping!

Saudi arabia is calling for  sexually segregated sidewalks. No need for a punchline! 

And finally, opening a Mcdonalds in germany is usually a non-event. except in kreuzberg, where police protection for those tiny burgers is necessary!
 

Alan Greenspan channels Michael Moore

He actually went for the Blood for Oil explanation. Greenspan really went there. Holy Shit.

Oh well, just in case you forgot, it wasn't about the Oil, Stupid! 

Smelling God-like

There is a christian perfume out now. Yes, they actually made one. It's called Virtue. I can't wait for the islamic version. They will call it Taharah!

Yay for Amazon grocery stores

It's the place to go for all of your gorcery needs, whether it's free range goose , Ostrich , fresh whole rabbits and Elk Caracss , and really who couldn't use him an Elk Carcass? It's the perfect Christmas gift if you ask me. Imagine , Christmas morning, and you open your gift and it's an elk Carcass or a whole dead rabbit. Now tell me, wouldn't that be special? Doesn't that just scream "Christmas gift" to you?

Also, check out the reviews. They are Hilarious! 

The Wachowski brothers are no more

Cause one of them just completed a sex change operation. Do you care about this at all? Yeah, me neither. It's a slow news day, OK?

Hallal Russian Meat

A married Emerati Prince sees a cute young russian girl, 11 years his junior, working as a waitress in a resturant in the hotel he was staying in. It took a week to "woo her" and now they are married. While such news would usually prompt "russian whore" jokes (The Guy is a UAE prince, the country is rolling in them, talk about buying the cow..), I would like to bring your attention to a very important detail: The girl is Muslim. Her last name is even…wait for it…Muslimorova. Oh Baby!

The story has captivated Belarus's tabloids. Natasha is from
Azerbaijan and a Muslim. She told the newspaper Komsomolskaya Pravda
that she had married her new husband for love.

The sheikh, 30,
already has a wife and five children, the paper reported. "I can't say
anything without my husband's permission… But for me life has become
a fairytale," Natasha told the tabloid: "I really love this man."

Can't say anything without her husband's permission, ehh? Well-trained already I see. Good for him them!

Yep, that one is a winner! 

Punk Islam Rocks!

I don't know if any of you is familiar with Michael Muhammad Knight 's Book, the Taqwacores , but it is a book I have been reading for a while, and it's really interesting. It envisions an America where Punk Islam exists, where Niqabi girls sing " I wanna fuck you like an animal" and lead friday prayers, and people do the call for prayer using an electric guitar and young muslims envisoning crashing CAIR and ISNA conventions and ruining them for all of the fundies that are running those places. Needless to say the book is funny and amusing as hell, and it is reportedly the inspiration for Amina Wadud to be the first female tolead a coed friday prayer. It was also the reason why – in the form of life imitating art- islamic punk bands came into fruition, also inspired by that book. I heard one of their songs, called "Mohamed was a Punk Rocker". An Inspired effort to say the least (you can hear it as the background music to this video).

My friend Kim- who introduced me to the book- is doing a piece on them for newsweek and he already wrote a post on them on his blog. Check it out here! 

No genies on TV

But I wanna see me some genies. Don't you?

The Anna Nicole Smith Biopic??

Cause, you know, it's not like you didn't hear of her every day for the past two years and you are not sick from the sound of her name pronounced or anything. No, sure, let's make a biopic!

Altough, honestly, that would make a really freaky movie! It would resemble some David Lynch crap. I am not sure it would be believable. you know? 

Keith Richards snorted his father

Does this count as canibalism?