Archive of ‘Crazy people’ category

Britney Spears may convert to Islam

Oh Joy…

U.S. pop star Britney Spears is allegedly so in
love with her new Muslim man she's considering converting to Islam to
marry him, British press reports revealed.

Spears, 26, and paparazzi boss Adnan Ghalib, 35, have been together for
around two-weeks, sparking huge media attention about her questionable
mental health and his real intentions.

 

The
couple claim to be very much in love and the troubled star's friends
have reportedly said that she is so in love with him that she plans to
marry him and convert to Islam, the UK's News of The World (NOTW)
reported.

And how is his family taking it?

NOTW also revealed that Ghalib's Sunni Muslim family in Birmingham are so horrified by his antics they have disowned him.

One family member told the paper: "His parents are devastated. This
week his dad gave him an ultimatum, ‘Give up Britney, or you are dead
to me,' which Adnan ignored."

Now that is a good father. Leave the stupid impressionable multi million dollar worth star who jumped in your car when her car broke down and then fucked you thus making you her new boyfriend despite being a paparazzi (i.e. a bloodsucking leech) or else you are no longer my son. Yeah, he will listen to that. Altough I have to admit, I am a little jealous: no stupid slutty multimillionare celebrity chick has ever jumped into my car, slept with me and demanded that I become her boyfriend. Not that I find Britney attractive or anything or would sleep with her willingly. It's just that she is an international celebrity, and I would totally do it for Egypt! Cause, you know, I am a patriot. A totally self-less patriot!

"Make me a Muslim" reviewed

The people from the British channel 4 have created a new "Makeover" show, but with A TWIST: It's an Islamic Makeover show, called "Make me a Muslim" . Through the help of 4 experts (3 Imams and a female British convert) , 6 contestants get to experience life as muslims for 3 weeks, in the almost exclusively white and non-muslim town of Harrogate, in Yorkshire. The group includes a single-mom glamor Model, an atheist and white Taxi Driver who likes beer and porn, the girlfriend of a lapsed muslim who lives with him without marriage but wishes to be accepted into his family, and a gay guy who likes to party too much. The idea behind the show is that through islamic teachings, they will fix the lives of those morally-compromised individuals. You know, kind of like the way the 5 gay guys from "Queer eye for the straight guy" would come in to the life of boring heterosexual males and make everything "fabulous", without the fabulousness, or, like, the humor. But I digress, it's sometimes very very funny, although for very unintentional reasons (The Promo for the show is here, the first episode, on 5 parts, here).

Take the gay guy for example: The Imams decide to fix his gayness. How would they do that? Well, they told him at first that his problem is that he hangs out with too many females, so what he needs to do is to hang out with guys and do masculine things, and that will just push the gay out of him. Needless to say that this plan didn't work at all, although it did make the gay guy happy to be surrounded "by all of this testosterone". While he is playing his manly sports with muslim men (does cricket count as a manly sport? I guess it doesn't have a lot of physical contact with other men, so.yeah..anyway), the Imam decides that in order to further cure the gay guy, he would have to find him a wife. So he takes his picture, walks around the town and asks every female he sees (quite seriously I might add) if she would like to marry the guy in the pic, to which the females laughed hysterically and told the Imam to sod off. Later on, they decide to take him shopping to buy manly clothes, because, as one of the Imams put it, "if you dress like a female, you will act like a female". Clothes shopping as a cure to male homosexuality. Hmm..Well, at least give them credit for trying something new here. I am not sure that anyone before thought clothes shopping was the way to turn gay men straight.

Ignoring the comic relief offered by the gay guy, you have the other contestants whose interactions with the "Muslim 4" might not be as funny, but they are equally as disturbing. Take Karla for example, who is doing this because she would like to be accepted by the parents of her "bad muslim" boyfriend Ash. They have been dating for 2 years and they won't even meet her, so the girl, in her desperation, tries to enroll herself in this religious experiment, hoping that if his parents saw her trying they would meet her half way. They don't, and her boyfriend considers that a normal thing. Ok, so here is your chance young Imams to set things right, and maybe help bridge the culture gap between the christian british woman and the immigrant desi parents of her boyfriend, but do they offer to mediate between the parents, or condemn how xenophobic and judgmental they are being? Hell no. The Imam just gives her the "I know it's difficult speech", but offers no help nor insight to make it better. Even his compassion to her seems a bit out of courtesy, and his solace very superficial and hollow.

Oh, and then comes the home inspection, and this was just fantastic, because it starts with the Imam telling the audience that there is a misconception that "Islam is about taking things away from its practitioners, which isn't true", and then he and the members of the Muslim 4 proceed to do just that. They go from home to home of the people enrolled in the show, and start taking away and forbidding everything they deemed un-islamic. Porn? Check. Magazine showing scantly clad bikini wearing women? Check. Pork? Check. Alcohol? Check. Shared bedroom? Check. Skimpy outfits? Check. Men's magazines? Check. Touching? Check. Glamor Modeling? Check. Pink clothes for men? Check. Friendship with women? Check Checkity Check. And when one of the women asks why not the skimpy outfit, the Imam actually has the audacity to suggest that wearing it "would invite rape". Sure, the british chick immediately bites his head off, but that's another story. The damage was done.

The thing is, this show showed the Imams proposing that Islam may be the solution to Britian's moral decay, but didn't explain how or even show it in the course of the show. The Imams had no arguments, they couldn't fend off the criticisms leveled against them. They couldn't adequately argue one convincing point to any of those people why doing things the islamic way would make their lives any better. Hell, they were constantly beaten by the contestants, and instead of admitting defeat they would just say " This is how we do it in Islam. Just try doing it our way and you will see why it's better" and then smile empty smiles at their frustrated and not-at-all-convinced students. If this is an evangelical effort, then it is the worst I've ever seen, and I actually watched CBN at one point in my life, people. The Imams appear judgmental, uncompromising and without logic, while every step of the way claiming that "this is the way of Islam", which leads the viewer to the conclusion that Islam is without logic. How this is promoting Islam in the UK, I have no idea.

In conclsuion, make me a muslim is a joke, and so are the Imams in it who think they are advancing the word of allah through this show and promoting Islam. The show, which claims to be a serious effort, borders on comical at its shallowness. It showed Islam to be judgmental, dogmatic and intolerant. That there was no spiritual aspects to it all (hell, they spent about 10X  more time lecturing the contestants on their sinful ways then how to pray and the purpose of prayer), and that it's so based on dictation it's almost soulless. I looked forward to some convincing arguments, to some dialogue, to someone given the chance to be on TV who will say that we are not all crazy people with crazy rules, but all I got was 3 bearded men and a woman who appeared smug and superior and who kept acting like" if u r too stupid to be convinced by us, just do as we say anyway, because it's what's best for you". I don't know about the average viewer, but if I had nothing to do with Islam and that was my introduction to it, I sure as hell wouldn't turn Muslim, let alone have a good perception of the religion itself at all. This show is a failure and a disgrace, and deserves to be mocked, as it will be. Let's just hope there wouldn't be a second season.

I want a Lakota Passport

The Lakota Indians are withdrawing fro their treaty with the US, and are declaring themselves an independent state. American conservatives all over released a unified groan: "Fudge me. One more border to worry about. Darn!!!"

The Lakota Indians, who gave the world legendary warriors Sitting
Bull and Crazy Horse, have withdrawn from treaties with the United
States, leaders said Wednesday.

"We are no longer citizens of the United States of America and all
those who live in the five-state area that encompasses our country are
free to join us," long-time Indian rights activist Russell Means told a
handful of reporters and a delegation from the Bolivian embassy,
gathered in a church in a run-down neighborhood of Washington for a
news conference.

A delegation of Lakota leaders delivered a message to the State
Department on Monday, announcing they were unilaterally withdrawing
from treaties they signed with the federal government of the United
States, some of them more than 150 years old.

[...]

Lakota country includes parts of the states of Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana and Wyoming.

The new country would issue its own passports and driving licences,
and living there would be tax-free — provided residents renounce their
US citizenship, Means said.

A Lakota driving license. And a passport. That should be awesome. I am moving to Lakota land boys, where I won't pay taxes and smoke all the Peyote my heart desires. Fantastic. I wonder who put them up to this?

They also visited the Bolivian, Chilean, South African and Venezuelan
embassies, and will continue on their diplomatic mission and take it
overseas in the coming weeks and months, they told the news conference.

The Bolivian and Venezuelan embassies? Chavez and Morales? Ughh..Nevermind. Not paying taxes and smoking peyote is nice and all, but not if I'll be chilling with those assholes.

Catch-22

Let's say you are a guy, and you have a close female friend whom you are not interested in otherwise. One day You notice that female friend distancing herself, so you ask her what's going on, and she tells you that she believes/thinks/suspects that you have feelings for her beyond that of friendship and she doesn't like it. Pray tell, what would you do?

Let's go over your options at that moment, shall we? There really are only 2 of them: 1) You agree with the friend or 2) You deny what your friend is saying. Now, option #1 is out, because, well, as we previously mentioned you don't have feelings for her beyond those of friendship. So you go for option #2 and deny, which the girl probably won't believe anyway. So, my dear friend, I would like to inform you that either way you are fucked!

It's the ultimate catch-22 and there is no real way out, because even if you deny, how can you really prove it? I mean, it's hard enough to show you are in love with someone, can you imagine how hard it is to prove that you are not in love with them but still like them as friends? It's almost impossible.

The moment they utter those words and you immediately become a suspect, and you are guilty till proven innocent and there is no fair trial. You find yourself immediately on the defensive. You start wondering when did this start in her head. If every time you greeted her with a hug or a kiss on the cheek you were considered a suspect. You start replaying phone calls and conversations in your head, and wonder what you said that could've implied this. You start thinking that this must be how being a woman must feel like, and thank your gods you don't have to do it all the time and you start regretting not currently dating a woman, because had you done that you could've just pointed at her and be like "Oh, but I am with her" and your friend will start looking like the egomanical paranoid person that she is currently being. But you are a single guy, which means you have no alibi and the glove fits. There is no way out for you.

Well, when this happens to you, as it happened to me, there is really not much that you can do. And since no piece of advice is readily available to you, you have to come up with some rules of your own on the spot. Here is what I came up with:

1) Deny. Deny. Deny. Deny. And if you can, try to turn it into a joke. Chances are they won't let you, because they are probably wearing their "Bitch shoes" if they decide to have this conversation with you and once those shoes are on, boy, they ain't coming off with a smile. But try anyway…

2) Tell her that to combat any suspicion from her side that from this moment on, you will not touch any part of her, ever, no matter what the reason. Not in greetings, goodbyes, times of sorrow, times of joy, if she is falling apart or falling down the stairs. You are not going near her at all. She is a leper as far as you are concerned.

3) Take the mental note to never ever call, IM or text message her from now on. God knows a simple "How r u?" could be interpreted as the suffocating greeting of a psycho friend who is bent on continuing to have feelings for her, and who would want that? No Hallos, No Miss yous, and most defiantly NO POKING on facebook. Got that?

4) Decide that this friend, for at least the short run, is gone from your life. If you depended on that person, or was part of your inner circle, start getting used to the idea that they won't be there anymore. Why? Because if you seek their help at your time of need, god only knows how they will interpret it, so why even bother with this crap when you are in a bad place? Just call someone else.

5) Remember that this is her choice, that she created the problem, so it's ok to hate her if the situation requires it. But don't do it immediately. Give it like a month or so. Remember that she could also be a confused soul, and it's good to give her the time to figure stuff out in her head. But if you cared for that person,and they shut you out just like that because of something in their heads, then it might just be ok to hate them. Just take your time with this step. And if you take it and she protests it, please remind her that this is all her fault, and an irrational action warrants an irrational reaction. Newton First Law, Bitches!

6) Inform her that you are going to keep your distance until she figures her shit out. If she wants to get over herself and call you, that's fine. If she doesn't, well, that's her choice as well, and revert to rule #5.

7) Start looking for a girlfriend. Any girlfriend. You don't even have to like her. She doesn't even have to be nice, pretty or literate. Just get rid of your suspicious singledom. You are not gonna fall in this trap again.

That's all I have for now. If you have any suggestions, please add them to the comments section. If you suspect such a thing from a friend of yours, please, get over yourself before doing something stupid or acting funny. This isn't fun!

And if you are a female friend of mine and reading this, please realize that I am not in love with you. I am very forward with my emotions, and if I was, I would've told you. And if I hang out with you a lot, it's because you are fun to hang out with and I am not seeing someone. But the moment I will start seeing someone, I promise to ignore you like everybody else does. Ehh..I mean give you less attention. I will be busy. You know what I mean.

So yeah, that's all. Oh, and again, NOT IN LOVE WITH ANY OF YOU. OK?

Fuckin Hell…

Looking for a distraction

With the polls showing that his Dec 2nd vote might not come as easy as the previous ones, Hugo Chavez has been trying to pick a fight with anyone in order to get the people rallying around him, and he is ending up looking more like a Buffoon with every passing minute. First he has a spat with Spain , then he cuts off relationships with Colombia and with both not working, he is trying to create some sort of political crisis against the US in the last minute. It's pretty obvious and pathetic, and would only work on retards, so chances are it's gonna work on the idiots who voted him in for the past 9 years.

But you never know… 

For fantastic analysis on what's going on there, I highly recommend Daniel's blog. 

No Mo Bears for you

The Sudanese authorities has foiled another  western conspiracy against Islam by arresting a British teacher who wanted to insult the Holy Prophet Mohamed. The devious lady- who must be secretly a jew-did so by taking a vote in class over the naming of a teddy bear, and asking the children to name him their most favorite name, knowing that they would all chose Mohamed. And the poor little Tykes, not knowing the grievous sin they are committing, did end up naming him that. Can you imagine a worst offense than naming a cuddly cute toy Mohamed? Our Prophet isn't cuddly. He is Fierce and strong, like Lion. Or, or, Stalin. YEAH!

Thankfully the very alert Sudanese authorities have sprung into action and arrested that evil quite-possibly-jewish zionist imperialist Islam-hating wench, who is now facing either 6 months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine. I say lash her 80 lashes and then cut off her head, for naming the teddy bear Mohamed AND for teaching the children to vote. Insulting the Prophet is bad enough, but teaching the kids the democratic process, that's just downright unforgivable!

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