This is some intense shit! With emphasis on shit!
Dear readers of this blog,
It is rare that one passes by a story such as that of Amy and Noby nowadays. It's a story of love, marriage and retardedness. It's a story worth sharing and worth telling, and it will be told right here. I will let the story speak for itself, and will interject my comments in between. This story, like all good stories like it, starts with a wedding:
When Amy Robson was a little girl, she dreamed of one day marrying her
ideal man in a traditional white wedding in a church close to her
Last week, when she married internet cafe manager Mohamed El Sayed in Egypt, the celebrations were somewhat different.
Dressed in a gold sequined gown and gold jewellery, Amy, the
runaway schoolgirl from Cumbria who has just turned 18, beamed
constantly as she marked her nuptials to the 30-year-old man nicknamed
Noby with a party thrown by her new in-laws at their home 30 miles
She is 18, he is 30, and he works as an "Internet cafe manager". And that's just the beginning…
And despite her family's fears over her future, Amy seemed in no doubt that it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
Noby's friends, neighbours and dozens of family members gathered in the
flat in the town of Banha to watch the couple exchange silver rings.
They have spent just a few short days together, but Amy says she is in
no doubt that he is the love of her life.
Only a few days.. in no doubt that he is the love of her life…Ok, could happen. Keep going..
And as Noby's family fussed around her, proclaiming she had been 'sent to us by God', tears of pleasure coursed down her face.
"I'm just so happy," she said, wiping her eyes and gripping the hand of
her new husband for dear life. 'It's been an amazing day. It's a bit
"I can't believe how welcoming and nice they have been to me here."
Okay… all is well so far…so how did it all start?
Their relationship began in April, when Amy first ran away from home.
She fled to the Red Sea resort of Hurghada to be with married boathand
Tamer Hossney, with whom she had become infatuated on a family holiday
the year before.
When she arrived, Hossney stood her up. But as an international search
began for the schoolgirl, within a day she had fallen in love with
Noby, who was running an internet cafe in the resort.
An uneducated man with few prospects, he was at an age at which his
parents had begun to question why he had not married – and was
immediately smitten with the adoring young British girl who demanded
Despite his speaking only a few words of English and her speaking no
Arabic, he said he knew immediately he wanted her to be his bride.
And her passport had nothing to do with anything…
Since then, the pair have developed a means of communicating that is
somewhere between Arabic and English, involving a few words of each.
"A lot of the time I don't understand, but it doesn't matter," said
Amy. "He is teaching me a few Arabic words. It's really hard, though."
Instead of talking, they spend most of their time running after
one another in childlike games of tag, which leave both in fits of
Pain in my head..Blood pressure rising..
Amy's new husband does not want her to go out to work, so she will
spend her days indoors with the other women of the neighbourhood,
waiting for their men to come home.
As a young wife, she will not be allowed to go anywhere independently of Noby. And, as a fair-haired
Western woman, anywhere she does go, she will receive a great deal of attention.
When asked about the prospect of children, Amy confided she
would prefer to wait a while. Her new family, however, cooed that
children are a great blessing and said they hoped she and Noby would be
And although he appears kind, looking after Amy as if she were
a child, Noby has taken her passport from her. So if her dream does
turn into a nightmare, she may find it difficult to escape.
You don't say?
Yet for Amy – who is, after all, an adult capable of making her
own choices – none of this matters. When I expressed concern that she
would miss out on her own career, she said she had never been
Nooooooooooooo…I don't believe it.. Surely you are joking….
Until they travelled to Banha for the party, they had been sleeping on
the floor at Noby's brother Fauzi's flat. He works as a street hustler,
trying to attract tourists to buy horse-rides to the Pyramids.
He lives in a run-down block of flats in Cairo, with crumbling
walls, cramped living conditions and children playing in the dirt
Yet despite her less than salubrious surroundings, Amy insists
she has fallen in love with Egypt and is thrilled about her new life.
"I love it here – it's so much more exciting than at home," she
said. "I miss home sometimes, and Mum and Dad, but they don't
understand about Noby so I can't see them.
"I've emailed them but we don't speak on the phone and I didn't tell them I was getting married.
"If I'd stayed at home I might have gone to college, but I don't feel like I'm missing out. The only thing I
hate here is the food – it's really weird. I just eat a lot of pitta bread."
When asked what the future holds, Amy buried her head into Noby's shoulder and mumbled: "I don't know.
Questions about whether she will convert to Islam, her husband's religion, and begin wearing the veil brought the same reaction.
Noby plans to make a living by finding another internet cafe to run to
ensure his wife will never have to work, which he views as "not for
He hopes to encourage Amy to eat Egyptian food because he would like her to become plump.
Now, just in case you wonder how could she be this retarded, well, the story does offer a hidden clue:
Back home in the Cumbrian village of Beaumont, from which she first
fled to Egypt in April, her parents – James, 42 and Janet, 33 – are
desperately worried about their daughter.
Janet, her mother, is 33. Amy is 18, which means that Janet had her when she was 15, and thus got pregnant with her when she was 14. Yeah, good judgement doesn't really run in the genes of the females of her family, does it?
Now, the comments on this story keep talking about how that story should be revisited in a few years and how it will show that girl's life turning into a nightmare, but , like, ehh, I doubt it. The Girl is stupid. She is dumb as a log. She escaped home cause she was in love with a boathand she met once (named Tamer Honsey, egyptian readers, notice that?), when she didn't find him she fell in love with noby, who couldn't even speak her language or she his'. She is not very bright, not very ambitious, and just wants someone to latch on to. And he will never let her go. It's perfect.
But noting that not many of you will share my outlook on this, which is "She is stupid, he is an opprutunist, they deserve each other", me and a few female friends from the US are planning to drive down to Banha come January and visit Amy to check up on her. We will bring her McDonalds with us as well, just in case she isn't sick to death of Pita bread by then. The girls think they can convince her of coming with them for a night out in Cairo, but I really doubt Noby will let her step outside the house at all. Chances are he will attack us with a knife or something. Should be interesting. Will keep you updated. And in case you want to join me on the "Bring Mickey D's to Amy" campaign, just e-mail me and we will arrange things. I am dead serious people. I am not gonna miss out on this shit!
Oh man, what would we do without this guy? The Middle-East will be 30% less funny after he dies!
God I love Robot Chicken!
The Russia-India space convo's. Very important stuff!
Someone is finally tearing them a new one, and how appropriate is it for that person to be the sister of one of my good friends? I am soo proud!
You gotta see this one (Warning: contains excessive use of foul language, so if you are in the office, please wear your headphones, and if you get offended by foul language, boy are you reading the wrong blog buddy)!
Update: Here is another link for the video. Enjoy!
Just in case you were confused by it, the Daily show explains it to ya!
Just in case you happened to miss this:
All En-ga-lish, all za Tayem, all at once!
It was the US government and the Jews behind it, of course!
You know how they say that christian pop is basically regualr pop with the word baby replaced by the word Jesus? Well, me and my co-horts at Sandmonkey Inc. have put this theory to the test, and it works. For example:
"My loneliness is killing me, and I must confess, I still believe, when I am not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign, hit me Jesus one more time"
"Jesus, come to me,
Let me put my arms around you,
This was meant to be,
And I'm oh so glad I found you
, Need you ev'ry day,
Gotta have your love around me, Jesus, always stay,
'Cause I can't go back to livin' without you."
or if you are looking for something from this year:
"Tell me Jesus, what's your story? Where you come from, and where you wanna go this time?"
Well, the list of "Baby" songs is here. Try it out. It's fun!
Courtesy of Aandy Sandberg and Adam Levine, a lovesong for our favorite holocaust denying homosexual killer who wants nukes!
This is such a funny story. Ok, check this out: Mitt Romney's campaign wanted to show that it is hip and internet savvy, so they created a campaign ad contest , where the average internet user can design the next Mitt Romney Campaign ad. Just go on this wesbite, and create an ad using a number of provided videoclips, audioclips and photos, and the most popular and viewed ad will become their next campaign ad. Well, Bruce Reed from Slate ( a raging Democrat), decided to make his own Romney campaign ad, and called it "Way" . And guess what? It's the most viewed one, the top ad off all the other ads, and if the Romney campaign keeps it word, it might have to air it anyway, and if it doesn't, it will be a PR snafu: so much for respecting the choice of the people. Either way the stormin mormon is screwed!
This is so gonna get funny!
I really shouldn't have found this as funny as I did, but it's pretty damn amusing.
Disclaimer: I have nothing against Mormons. The ones I've met so far have been nothing but the perfect image of politeness, honesty and decency. Sure, me and them always had different ideas of fun, and they really made me aware of my cussing, but other than that they are really good people. That being said, seriously, lay off the Saturday Morning visits. They are just not winning you any friends, and is placing you in the same group as the Jehova's witnesses, and that's just not cool!
Well, a dwarf, a penis, a vacuum cleaner and a hospital. You do the math!
You might find yourself cheating on your wife.. with your wife! Goddamn Internet Anonymity!