Archive of ‘Lebanon’ category

On Lebanese men

I was toying with the idea of writing a silly post on the different types of girls out there to date, kind of like "The Sandmonkey's guide to women of the region", only it wouldn't just be the region, it would involve different religious and political backgrounds, and a lot of generalizations and feeble attempts of humor. I had a problem writing the entry on Lebanese girls, because the only lebanese girls I've dated were Maronites, so I asked my lebanese Sunni friend Fatma if there are any distinguishing features or traits to Shia or Druze girls. She told me that she can't help me with that, but if my question was regarding men, she would know exactly what to tell me, and then the chat disconnected due to internet troubles on her side. She, cool friend that she is,  decided to continue the conversation by sending me this following e-mail, which I thought was so hilarious that it had to be shared with y'all. So, there ya go:

I can tell you, if this may help, that maronite men with
beards (who smoke and/or play a musical instrument, and are french-educated,
most often at college protestant or lycee), are by far, the best kissers of Lebanon.
They like to discuss Palestine, the
French Revolution, law, and obscure poetry. They listen to African Tribal Music
while smoking pot (if they smoke pot). The problem usually is introduced when
Family becomes part of the picture. Of the three Maronite Mothers i have met, they
seemed inclined to dislike me, probably because of my first name. Or maybe
because i am stand-offish. I really don't know.

Coming in (a close second) are Shi'a men who usually have either Communist
leanings, and/or are members of the Hezb. I have always been very attracted to
radicals, as long as they are not willing to blow themselves up for
"the" cause (but are willing enough to discuss it over dinner). They
tend to have long relationships with banet min il day3a, but like to
occasionally cheat on them with secular, leftist girls, like myself. The
positive aspect of this is that it is always very hot. There is no discussion.
It is usually straight to the point because it is always given that Resistance
is Right and anything else is plain wrong.

Coming in a distant third are the Druze men, who tend to be communist or
socialist with little grasp of what either means (using Jumblatt – father and
son – as a reference point), on the one hand, or have a profound, intellectual
grasp of both but subscribe to neither, on the other. Dating entails Nescafe at
AUB's maingate for long conversations about life, its meaning, and how
"Faith" is more important than "Organized Religion". they
will occasionally take you up for trips up to the day3a, so you can understand
"what they're all about". and yes, it's all about spirit.

Because they are usually jabal boys, they always have a certain charm. Arak,
mette, tawleh, mezze, marcel khalife. They are family-oriented at heart. They
are dating you, possibly with the distant hope that they could leave the
sectarian-abyss that is their life (inflicted unfairly upon them by their
family and their inability to marry out of their "faith"), but they
know that in reality, whatever semblance of a relationship you have will later
be eclipsed by more important sectarian realities. Druze boys, those of them
who don't have guns in their cars, that is, are sweet. they are warm. they are
like a bar of chocalate. you know that whatever satisfaction you get out of it
is short-lived, at best. but you enjoy it no less.

Then there are the well-to-do Greek Orthodox. They know how
to court a girl and are less obvious about getting straight to It. They are
polite. They are well-kempt. and they are well-mannered. Sometimes they are
mama's boys. That's okay, though, because they tend to be intrigued with the
idea of dating the "Other". So it's always sushi, great DvDs, and
making out in very posh night clubs that require reservations and heels.

Coming in last are Sunnis. Confused. Radical yet pretend to be Progressive. or
Progressive yet tend to be Radical. Rich, but sex-obsessed and/or sex-deprived.
Like to discuss the Ottoman Empire (who cares?) and the War in Iraq . And like nice cars but have bad taste in music. Good kissers but
don't know what to do, most of the time.

Got this in the mail

According to reliable sources, the Iranian government has ordered one of its battleships to patrol in the  Mediterranean Sea and in the national waters of Lebanon in an  act perceived as deterrent to the Americans. The Iranian Defense Administration ordered this battleship to remain in close proximity to USS Cole to ensure that the Lebanese allies will feel secure and relieved that the  American influence will not prevail.
The battleship is named IRN Shkor.

The official confirmed to us that the Lebanese will now have "Cole W Shkor" available after every meal.

Bon Appetit!

Saudis on Facebook

Someone is finally tearing them a new one, and how appropriate is it for that person to be the sister of one of my good friends? I am soo proud!

You gotta see this one (Warning: contains excessive use of foul language, so if you are in the office, please wear your headphones, and if you get offended by foul language, boy are you reading the wrong blog buddy)!

Update: Here is another link for the video. Enjoy! 

Nasrallah doesn't get it

The guy just publicized a speech yesterday , claiming that having a President voted in by the parliament with a 50% +1 Majoirty (which the Lebanese constitution allowes) would be "an unlawful seizure of Power" by the March 14 government and will not be acknowledged by the opposition. Hmm..Ok, Nasrallah, here is how democracy works: People vote, those with the majority votes win and set the agenda. Now, this does suck for the people who lost, but if they are true believers in democracy, they work on their message, and they do their best to win the election the following election cycle. What they don't do is drag their counrty into useless and futile war, destroy its touristic economy afterwards by shutting down their center touristic attraction, and threaten the government with their weapons if they don't get what they want exactly how they want it. And you know why that is? Because if the next election is held and your side wins, the losing side can just do what your side is doing, and nothing would ever get resolved. I understand that your syrian and Iranian masters you have grievances, and they might be legitimate, but your methods are anything but, and all that you and your supporters are doing (this includes all of you dumbfucks who follow Aoun) are just bringing the country closer and closer to a civil war.

But that's what you always wanted anyway, No? 

The solution to Lebanese politics

Well, that was a post I was supposed to write, but I told it to Mustapha when I met him in DC, and now he wrote it (although he did give me credit), which goes to show you that you should not procrastinate on your blogging. Bad Monkey, Bad. But think about this solution for a second. I mean, honestly, an Ouwet vs Hezbollah Game. How could that suck?

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