On Khaled Said

A few years ago, I saw the french movie "Irréversible" , and like many movie watchers I was subjected to the-now infamous- utterly brutal and inescapable Monica Bellucci 9 minute rape and murder scene. That scene has left me disturbed beyond measure, not just for the extremely violent depiction of such a heinous act, but by knowledge that, as certain as the run rises and the oceans ebb and flow, there is someone in the world, right now, facing a similar and equally brutal death. That at every minute, someone, somewhere in the world, in areas that we don't want to think or know about, someone is about to die, painfully, brutally, and completely without Mercy on the hands of a fellow human being.

What terrifies me isn't the violence; Anyone who has two eyes can see that we are a violent species that is capable of some horrid nightmares.What terrifies me is the feeling of helplessness that those victims must feel before they meet their end. The absolute certainty that someone has the power to end your life, and is doing just that, and there is nothing you can do about it. The Horror of realizing that this one won't pass, that you won't live to see the morning, and that this person- if we can even call them that- sees you as nothing more than an insect that they can crush the life out of it by the heels of their shoes.

This is precisely why I didn't want to know the Story of Khaled Said, a 28 year old Alexandrian man, who got killed on the hands of two policemen a few days ago. And the story is equally disturbing and terrifying in its simplicity: He simply was sitting in a Cyber Cafe, when two policemen walked inside and demanded the ID's of everyone who was sitting there. When he refused to give it to them, they grabbed him, tied him up, dragged him out of the Cafe, took him to a nearby building where for 20 minutes they beat him to death, smashing his head on the handrail of the staircase, while he screamed and begged for his life, and as people around watched helplessly, knowing that if they did something, they would be accused of assaulting a police officer, which would pretty much guarantee them a similar fate. This went on for 20 minutes. Think about that. You are beaten to death, by those who swore to protect you, while the people in your neighborhood watched silently, and as your pleas for mercy fell on deaf ears. 28. Not yet married. Still having the rest of your life ahead of you. No More.

After the police discovered he died, they took the dead body to the Police station, where the Police Officer ordered them to throw it back on the street and call an ambulance, in order not to be held responsibly for him. When his brother- who had the american citizenship- found out, he went and confronted the head of the Police in his neighborhood, who told him that the story isn't true, and that his brother was a known drug offender and that he died from asphyxiation, for swallowing a bag of drugs when the police caught him with it. 

This is Khaled before the "Asphyxiation":

This is Khaled after his "Asphyxiation":


 Amazing what Asphyxiation does to you these days, no?

 When the story went out, and people saw the pictures, they were of course enraged. About a 1000 people gathered after the Friday prayers to protest in front of the police stations, and there are plans to do sit ins and demos this entire week, demanding that people take action, before they become the next Khaled. The Ministery of Interior swiftly responded, by stating that Khaled was a criminal and a womanizer and a drug dealer and responsible for 9/11, and that he died from Asphysxiation, and the picture is simply after his body was diagnosed by the Coroner. And that really, really, we should be glad that such a menace to society at large is not with us anymore. 

And of course no one will get punished.

Egypt likes to refer to itself as the land of Security and Safety. Please note that we always put the word Security first. We like to think we are safe, that we are better than those evil western countries, where a woman is raped every 48 seconds or whatever, but we are not. We are not Safe. None of us is. Not n this country, not in this world. Any one of us could lose that spark of life at any minute, and the lucky ones get it quickly and painlessly. The unlucky ones suffer. The really unlucky ones end up like Khaled.

You think about Humanity, and where it is today, and you can't help feeling disgusted at us as species. We are brutal, evil and vile, and very quickly for congratulating ourselves on anything good we do, while we really don;t do that much and we know it. Anxiety is soaking up most people’s days. Everyone had become
pre-occupied with horror. Madness was fluttering everywhere.There are diagrams
illustrating all these problems- circles and hexagons and squares. Most troubling
were the fleeting signs that nothing could transform any of this into
something positive. You couldn’t help being both afraid and fascinated. Hearing about such incidents made you feel that the survival of mankind
didn’t seem very important on the long run. We were doomed. We deserved

When they finish those Colonies on the Moon, I will be on the first spaceship out of here. This planet is fucked!

The speech!

Ok, so I woke up early this morning and I head to Cairo University. The first thing one has to say is that the security was very ncie and cordial and professional: You had to have an ID and the invite, and they would just let you in. Unfortunately, no one relayed that information to Ayman Nour, who was standing in front of me with an invite, but without an ID, and deamdning to go in, because " I am Ayman fuckin Nour". The secuirty people still had him go to his car to get an ID, which was funny. By the way, there are no burn marks on his face. Nuttin. Not even a scar, that liar. He did, hwoever paint/ dye his head black to hide the fact that he is getting bald. Douchebag.

You go inside, you sit down, you resist the efforts of every goddamn asshole Usher with a power trip trying to seat you elsewhere to accommodate his friends, and you simply watch the audience. We had to go there at 10:30, but the speech wasn't going to start till 1 pm, so we had to find ways to amuse ourselves. The organizing people sought to entertain us by playing  theme songs from egyptian soap operas (Imagine awaiting Obama while people playing the song from Ze2ab el gabal). Anyway, we entertained yourselves by watching the audience trying to interact and mingle with each other. They had a bunch of southeast asian and african Azhar students invited, who kept taking pictures with Ayman Nour, and then with Adel Imam. And then the Egyptian government walked in, and what was amusing was that Omar Suleiman was the first inside, walking ahead of Gamal Mubarak, and the rest of the usual suspects, which is..ehh..telling. Anyway, this was a testment of the power of the ONE: Only he can get all these people to sit together in the same hall. I mean, Barrack Obama, Ayman nour, Omar Suleiman, Gamal Mubarak and Adel Imam in one room? Someone write a joke, quick.

Adel Imam to the left, Ayman Nour dyed bald head to low right!

So, after 2 hours of waiting and a million mic checks, Ambassador Scobey walks into the hall and starts shaking hands with government officials, and she didn't shake hands with The Mufti Al Gomaa, even though he wanted to shake her hand. Scobey, you are confusing the Mufti with the Aazhar Sheikh Tantawi, he is the one who doesn't touch women. And the Hillary Clinton walks into the hall and she gets a standing ovation and applause for 2.2 seconds before Obama goes all "Fuck that bitch stealing ma thunder" and makes his enterance. Crowd goes nuts.

The speech was everything was expected and more. The guy achieved his goals and executed it effectively and brilliantly. It was big on comfort  and platitudes, and short on substance, but really, what does one expect other than that from an Obama speech?If you are going to see Obama, you are going to watch an expert showman. Just don't expect much beyond entertainment.

My favorite parts of the speech had to be the following in order: The way he deliverd el salamu alaikom (the audience looked like it just had a collective orgasm), the Koranic shout outs, the pandering to Hijabis, the dig at Hillary (women became leaders in islamic countries, while the US is still "struggling with it"? Nice!), and the way he spoke of the Israel Palestine Issue. For me, again, it didn't say what he intends to do, but it made people happy. They were walking outside saying how , for the first time, they hear an american leader "talk with some balance on the issue".

What I hated was the over-reaching part. I mean, he, as the US President, will personally battle every negative islamic stereotype? For real? Pander too much? Also, I am still waiting for a serious difference between him and Bush on the War on Terror. I mean, he said he will pull the troops out by 2012 and will close Gunatanmo some time later. So, if Gitmo ain't closed, detainees are still getting extradited, The troops are still in Iraq and Afghanistan, what exactly changed here? And how come people are all positive over this now? Wasn't that what Bush used to say? Now it's wise and good? WTF?

But whatever, I digress. The people liked it, and facebook and twitter are nuts with the Obama love comments. The man did a good job appeasing the Islamic world, and that's really what the people who voted for him wanted, right? That's why the section on human rights in his speech was the weakest, because let's face it, he ain;t going to push on human rights and democracy. That era is gone. We are all about diplomacy and friendship now, and that's what the American people want, even if the price is that the democracy activists in Egypt get fucked. But then again, the democracy activists in Egypt didn;t really like it when Bush was calling for democracy and human rights, so maybe they deserve it.

Anyway, like all good things, the speech had to end, and we had to leave the completely empties neighborhood of Dokki. While leaving the University I saw a small demonstration by CODE PINK. YES, fuckin Code Pink. Cindy Sheehan's Code Pink. And they were protesting the speech and Obama over Ghaza, and how they had a letter from the Hamas leaders that they want delivered to him. Oh Code Pink, you bunch of unemployed leftist wankers, you made my day.

 Oh well, back to Cairo Traffic tomorrow. It was nice while it lasted!

On Obama’s vsit to Egypt!

So, the one has chosen the land of the Nile to make his appeal to the muslim world, choosing it over options like Saudi (the birthplace of Islam), Jordan (Hey America, we will do anything for you to like us), Turkey (The Secular Muslim people, and part ally who likes to put its nose in everything) and Indonesia (They housed Obama when he was still an innocent muslim baby, before the evil Cross worshipers got to him..Boo on them).For practical reasons, the choice is brilliant, because in order to appeal to the muslim world, you have to do it from an arab country, otherwise the arab muslims won't respond. It's a chauvinism thing. The first muslims and all. So, yeah, Turkey would've been a bad choice for that reason, if not also due to its safety (yeah go to the muslim country that actually shows sex on TV). Ditto for Indonesia and any southasian countries, who, regrettebly, all of the arab countries regard as subhumansand thus an insulting choice. Saudi would've been too on the nose, especially after "the bow", and Jordan, well, they are too small and too eager to please really. So, yeah, Egypt, as a choice makes sense (biggest arab islamic country, women can drive here, we are secular but not really, and no bowing has occured between Obama and Mubarak…yet). And for Personal reasons, I like it, because it's like the ugly girl getting picked to go to the prom by the school's top hunk. So let me take this moment to be gracious about all of this and say:

Obama is coming to EGYPT. Nyanyanyanyanyaaaa! Fuck you Jordan, Fuck you Indonesia, Fuck you Malaysia, Fuck you Morocco, Fuck you Qatar, Fuck
you Saudi, AND especially Fuck you Turkey! Go suck Dicks!

Sorry, had to get this off of my chest.

Now, this is of course good news to Mubarak and to his regime, and a sign that the current regime is responding to the heavy courting that they have been engaging in for a few months now (The Ghaza offensive position, ending the crisis before the inaguration with one day, freeing Ayman Nour). This makes Mubarak happy, because its a nod to Egypt's once prominent regional weight, and the egyptians happy, because we are chauvinistic fuckers, and we love that shit. Everybody's happy..well… not everybody.

Lots of democracy activists are not happy, especially leftists ones. They are considering the visit as cowering to a dictator and giving him undeserved prominence. This is incredibly funny to me personally, because I always thought their position on America's push for democracy and rights in Egypt as "unwanted imperialistic interference in Egyptian affairs, and anyone who wants it is a tratorous stupid ignorant zionist jew spy dog". At least this was the case the Bush years. How time changes things. The people on the right, well, they are not really outraged, because they always knew that this would happen with Obama's election, and have been preparing themselves for it. Reaching out to countries that are run by dictators involves turning a slightly blind eye to their activities. That's the cold hard realpolitik and I am not sure we can blame him for that. I am sure many of you will do that anyway. Honestly, not my concern at the moment. I am more curious about other things.

For example. where will he hold his speech exactly? My preferred choice would be The Manssah, where Sadat is buried. It would be very symbolic to have the chosen one do his speech in front of the grave of the Hero of war and peace, which would be also a nice nod for peace in the middle-east and a rebuttal to the islamic extremists who killed him. Another good location is AlAzhar itself; talk about reaching to the islamic world. Another question I want to ask is , what will happen if rumors that Obama is really a muslim start running wild in Egypt? Having him as a muslim President who has to hide it because of the Jews that control AMERIKKKA is a very plausible conspiracy theory for the conspiracy-theory-loving egyptians. I wonder if they start calling him President Hussen Obama in the newspaper after that. And finally: do you think that the leftists activists who are very pissy about Obama's visit will actually do something about it? Like, will they start a demonstration maybe? Man, I think I will roll on the floor laughing the moment I see an "Obama is Bush" poster. Oh, and I promise to take pictures!;)

Strike out!

6th of april was finally here, and the streets of cairo
were a sight to be seen. A flood of people, millions, linning up in the streets
of cairo..busses, cars and taxis loaded with angry people, traveling all across
the mighty city. People were shouting, cars were honking and the music filled
the air.

And my friend looked at me and said "wow, cairo traffic is really as
bad as they say it is"!

Oh, you were expecting something on the strike? What strike? Today's national strike? The Egyptian day of anger? Well…It kind of failed…like miserably. The demonstrations that took place were…ehh..kinda small and symbolic..30 people at the Press syndicate..5 people at Ain Shams university..The MB supposedly showed its great street presence by sending in 40 people. Not really the numbers that strike the fear of god in our unholy government, and totally shy o the projections set by the laughable polls available on the shabab 6 april website. One of them claimed that between 60 and 80% of cairenes will join the strike and protests. They must've gotten stuck in traffic. The 6th October Bridge was murder today, i hear.

While I understand that other bloggers are trying to put some positive spin on things (detailing news items of crackdowns and clashes between the police and the "numerous protestors" to make you feel as if shit is going down, when it really isn't), you don;t come here to hear the positive. You come here for a nice dose of reality, and this is what we will give you. To kind of give you a perspective on it all, check this out: 4 days ago, 2 girls got arrested in Kafr el Sheikh for promoting the protest. 30 of their friends staged a sit-in in front of the police station, and the police- laughing that the "activists" they were going to have to look for today kinda showed up on their door steps- invited them to continue their sit-in inside a cozy jail cell. Total number of people arrested that day, including the 2 girls= 32 people. The amount of people arrested today, in national strike day, the day of anger, from all the governrates of Egypt? 34 people. And again, that's from all over EGYPT. Not Kafr el Sheikh…EGYPT. In a country of over 80 million, the total number of protestors arrested in national anger day is less than 40. And total people arrested for the whole incident..less than 100. It Oh, and the Strike Leader, Saad Zaghloul the second, the man, the myth, the legend.. Ahmed Maher? Nowhere to be found. Probably hiding in a television studio somewhere. Or maybe he too got stuck in traffic.

To sum it up, the national strike day turned out to be a national joke, and that's because its leaders and organizers were clowns and media whores. That is all there is to it. The good news is, those clowns are now exposed. And instead of feeling bad for them, I have a list of names of other people more worthy of your sympathy: Like Ahmed Aly Mabrouk, the young boy that got killed in his own bedroom by a stray bullet fired by the police, And Ahemd ElSayed Nono, who sufferd the same fate, when he recieved a stray bullet in headwhile sitting with his friends at a cafe, a few months before his wedding. Those were only 2 of the victims of the police crackdown on the Mahalla workers, the same crackdown that made the 6th of April leaders famous and fawned over by idiots in the media and civil society. You don't find the names of either Mabrouk or ElNono anywhere in the "6th of april movement's" manifestos or press releases, nor anything on any of those arrested or sentenced in the Mahalla protests. They are collatoral damage, sacrficeable soldiers for the greater goal of making national leaders of 3 imbeciles with a fuckin laptop. Well, motherfuckers, you've asked for anger today, and here you have found it. How do you like it now?

Fuckin Wankers!

More on that strike!

Because some people think I am being defeatist on the whole strike thing, here is Hossam's take:

I asked the labor leaders present in the meeting yesterday
whether anything was planned in their workplaces on the 6th of April.
The answer was no… In other words, no strikes planned in Ghazl
el-Mahalla, nothing in the Steel Mills, no plans for the Railways, and
I can go on…

Some of the labor leaders will take part in the noon protest planned
on that day in front the state-backed General Federation of Trade
Unions building, and some of them will bring “symbolic” delegations
from their factories.

Meaning, there is no general strike…

He is more optimistic than I am though..

So to sum up… Let’s not get driven by virtual reality again, and remain on the ground… The 6th of April will NOT be a general strike… It will be a day of protests, a day of rage..
There will be protests in Cairo, Helwan and other universities,
downtown Cairo and events organized by the political parties in the
provinces… Let’s try to make it a successful day…

I wouldn't mind it being successful either. I am just doubting that it will be. I will welcome being wrong on this.

In other news, I went over to alaa's blog and apparently part of the "rights" are apartments for the newly-weds, on top of the rest of the laundry list. Why the fuck not, right?


6th of April…again!

There is an egyptian word, called "3abbath", and its most immediate translation for it is the english word folly. I have checked the thesaurus, looking for a cooler or a better sounding word, but this is what I got: absurdity, craziness, foolishness, idiocy, imbecility, inanity, preposterous, silliness.The story I am about to tell you embodies all of these words and more, but unfortunately folly remains the one true translation, so we are going to go with it.

The reason behind my infatuation with finding the appropriate word to translate here is due to the arrival of the first anniversary of the 6th of April strike, which so far has proven to embody the very essence of 3abbath. I have honestly spent the past 3 days following the media, reading blogs, facebook group walls, talking to bloggers, journalists, and activists trying to make heads or tails of this, and failing miserably. And I am not alone: The people I am talking- some of them are even participating- to are also confused. So, since it's unfair for us to be confused and for you to be all at peace with the universe, I shall tell you what I know, and you can tell me, in ur humble opinion, what the fuck is going on.

It all began one year ago, when a group on facebook called upon a general strike in Egypt on the 6th of April, 2008. The big deal was that over 60,000 assholes have done what we all do when we get facebook group invitations and joined the group. The media paid attention, and working its usual bullshit, suddenly created the most powerful political entity to grace the sands of Egypt : THE FACEBOOK YOUTH MOVEMENT ! Now, mind you, as the time I told you that it's a media fabrication, actually, let me quote myself while I am at it: 

You see, it's kind of hard to predict the outcome of a strike that has
no clear organizers or participants, with everything operating in a
very anarchist manner. In order to combat such uncertainty and
confusion, the media invented a new political entity that is behind all
of that is happening. What did they call it? "The Facebook Youth
movement", I kid you not. So now the Facebook Youth movement is the new
political player in town, with newspapers running stories on how they
are calling for this or demanding that, which is basically them making
a story from any asshole creating a group calling for something on the
Egypt network. This reminded me of when they started running stories on
the new gods of politics, media and activism: "The Egyptian Blogger
Movement". Remember that shit? When they used to run stories on how
"The Egyptian bloggers called for this or organized that", like we are
some sort of monolithic entity that actually agrees on everything and
is organized and has goals and leadership. I kept asking every blogger
I know to introduce me to the coordinator, the supreme leader or even
the spokesman of "The Egyptian Bloggers", but they would be as stumped
as I was.

So, last year, the day of april 6th came and went and we didn't see a single member of the so-called "facebook youth movement" doing anything, because, let's face it, they were probably poking each other on facebook. And the day was going on its way to being a complete bullshit and waste of a day, until the Mahalla Workers actually believed the hype and joined the strike, and rioted when they were cracked down upon by the police. We were then greeted by multiple heart-warming images of people stepping over pictures of Mubarak and stuff, but they were soon replaced by pictures of people getting beaten up, shot at and arrested. The work in leading the workers that day was organized and lead by leftist labor activists such as Karim ElBehery, who wasn't a member of the " Facebook Youth movement", nor were any of the workers. That did not stop the FYM leaders- especially Ahmed Maher- of congratulating themselves and taking credit for the whole thing, as if they were Saad Zaghloul incarnate, and the movers and shakers of the egyptian people. The Media lapped it up, suddenly they were getting interviewed and invited to meetings and conferences, because, and I quote, "they managed to harvest the power of facebook to utilize it as a tool for grass-root activism". And again, I repeat, they accomplished all of this by clicking on the join button. As for the real heroes of April 6th, the poor underpaid and courageous workers who took a stand that day? Well, they were never interviewed by the media, or the satellite news networks, never were invited to a conference, or were the focus of a news piece. What they were the focus on, was the government's vengeance: many lost their jobs, many ended up with jail sentences of 5 years, and they still get paid 20 dollars a month. And since some dick in the comments section will try to make the asinine point that FYM leaders should get some credit because they called for the strike, I shall remind them that they called for another strike less than a month later and NOTHING HAPPENED. You know why? Because the workers figured out the game: The assholes on facebook call on them to strike, they actually do strike, they get arrested and the assholes on facebook get more interviews. So, it became apparent for anyone with half a functioning brain (which doesn't include Freedom House, the US state department, the canadian embassy in egypt's political officers amongst many others) that the FYM people were wankers: Unreliable attention whores who have no problem lying and believing their own lies. And to cement their status as wankers, they changed their name: They are now called the "6th of April Youth", commemorating their day of victory and courage when they stayed home and did nothing, and then took the credit of the work of those who believed their bullshit.

And now one year has passed, and they are calling for another strike on this 6th of April. And to combat the notion that they are a group trying to extend its 15 minutes of face by capitalizing on a victory that was never theirs, they proposed to change the name of the strike, and demanding that the 6th of April would be known in the egyptian lexicon as "the national day of anger". Anger over what, exactly, we are not told, but since Egypt is so fucked up, they figure everyone has something to be angry about, so why the fuck not. They do have a list of demands (they prefer to call them abrogated rights), which include the government providing more jobs, a better future, better schooling, better hospitals, lower prices, higher wages, linking all salaries to inflation, abolish the state security apparatus, the removal of Hosny Mubarak and stopping his son from becoming the next President, a new constitution, stop the selling Gas to Israel, stop receiving US aid and for our country to withdraw from the GATT. Nice list, huh? I wonder why they stopped there? Why not demand that the government provides all 80 million egyptians free housing, free utilities, the promise to find them their soul mates and peace on earth while we are at it? That's al that this list is missing. I guess they were afraid the government won't take them seriously if they added the peace on earth demand. Everything else is totally realistic and achievable though. Anyway….

What brought them to my attention, however, was the news stories on them. There was one news item where they were complaining of receiving threatening SMS messages from State Security, because, as we all know, when the egyptian state security wants to intimidate someone, they send them an SMS. This was followed by news of a competition started by the 6thof april youth, for "best poster calling for a strike", "best video calling for a 6th of april strike by an individual". "best video calling for a 6th of april strike as a group"," best 6th of April strike inspired work of literature" (including poetry, novels, plays and moviescripts-kid you not) , and "best 6th of april srike inspired cartoon". The winners will get "valuable prizes" and "certificates of appreciation". Who is issuing such certificates? No one knows. You know what no one also knows? WHO THE FUCK IS JOINING THE STRIKE!

You see, at first it was the 6th of April youth, and that's it, which was fine, because it meant it will be a bunch of kids sitting on their asses at home watching facebook again. They were then joined by the Karama party (which is basically the 20 nasserites who go to demonstrations), the Ghad party (which is also basically the 30 liberals that go to demonstration), the democratic front party (which has no street presence what so ever), and  the Kefaya movement (which is Geroge Ishac and Abdel Halim qandil at this point). The Muslim Brotherhood at first declined to join, and then changed its mind and decided to join but not really. They are "in solidarity", which is the same as saying "our hearts are with you, but our asses is staying home". When I asked my leftists friends if the worker movemnets are joining the strike as the 6th of april website says they are, they responded by saying and I quote :" Don't say strike…say demonstration…and while they are not participating in it, but they are in solidarity with it." 


So, if the workers are not going to do anything, and the muslim brotherhood are not going to do anything, and the other parties have proven to have very limited to none street presence, who is doing the strike? How will we unleash the anger? Why is anyone taking this seriously?

Well, because our paranoid government kind of is taking it seriously: they are calling for a state of emergency, and they are arresting "6th of april activists". The arresting started two days ago, when two girls: Omneyah Taha Ahmad, and Sarah Ibrahim,  were arrested for distributing flyers calling for the strike at their university. When the state prosecutor decided to jail them for 15 days "pending investigation", their friends did a sit-in in front of the police station, which the police took as an excuse to arrest them as well, all 30 of them, and they were all labeled , you guessed it, "6th of april youth". And god knows who is next on their list. Last time they arrested anyone who had a political history and happended to be walking on the street that day, you know, as a precaution. I wonder what kind of "precautions" they will engage in this time.

Also taking this seriously is Ayman Nour, who is apparently jealous of a bunch of facebookers overshadowing his status as Egypt's #1 dissident, so he is preparing to capitalize on their "work", which is all kinds of ironic when you think about it.  You see, Ayman is planning a major declaration after the passing of theglorious "national day of anger" to publicize something he is calling "The Cairo Declaration for Democrcay", where he will probably declare that we need democracy. It should be very exciting. It's the cutting edge of politics in the most boring and childish of ways.

But don't think I am predicting the failure of the 6th of april protest. Au contraire, mon cheres. You see, what they wnat people to do, is to stay at home (That's how they are asking the people to participate in the strike). So if no one does anything, and stayed home, that's their definition of success (Now do you get my 3abbath refrence? Does it get my 3abbath than this?). So I will do my part, and stay home. But don't doubt for a second that they won't get my support: I will be in solidarity with them, every step of the way, from my couch!

The Bahhai’s get their verdict in Egypt, finally..

Ok, so we finally have a verdict that is final and impossible to appeal that the Bahhai's can now have ID cards issued without a mention of their religion in the religion category. This will mean that theywill be able to lead a more normal and humane lifestyle, as opposed to the daily humiliation they would recieve in order to get any paperwork done with the egyptian government- from getting birth certificates, to applying to school and colleges to getting ID's passports, and death certificates. They were denied before in all of these categories, and now the egyptian legal system fucked up and did something right for a change. May they fuck up like that every day.

One has to wonder what the other ramification of this lawsuit might be, though. Will people start demanding to get their religious status removed as well, even if they are not Bahhai? Would that be possible? Is that a step in the direction of abolishing the religion category from the egyptian ID forever? One hopes, but that's still too far away. Too many people are clinging to it for reasons that simply do not make sense to me. So, if youa re one of those people, and you are against removing it, please ask yourself, what good, exactly, does it do?And if you have an answer, let me know. I am intrigued!


Do you know what's the first sign of your country slowly descending into anarchy is? Me neither, but I am guessing the story I am about to tell you probably qualifies for the first position, or at least the top 5.

The Egyptian Police, in all of its brutal stupidity, decided to fuck with a regular young man walking down the street. They asked him for his ID, and when he told them he couldn't give it to them, they took him to the police station, where they tortured him and then his dad later on. Unbeknown to them the kid was a student at the egyptian military academy, whose members are instructed not to show or handover their ID's to anyone who isn't military. So when the news of what happened to him reached his fellow cadets, they..ehh..declared bloody war on the police station in which he was detained. They pelted the station with stones, used tazers on the police officers, set 2 cars (one belonging to the station, the other to the sherif) and one police motorcycle on fire, and they tore down the sign post on the station, while singing and chanting military academy chants. The police couldn;t open fire on them without direct orders, which they couldn't get, because the army would've fuckin moved on anyone who would've made such an order, so the police could only fire his ammo in the air, hoping the military cadets would get scared. They knew the deal, so they didn't get scared and started to really taunt the  police and insult them, which attacking them. This incident, which got banned from being published in any newspaper or newschannel in egypt, is now referred to by the military cadets as "the battle of dignity". Oh, and it's on video(s), and you could find the videos here.

More of this please. 

The Akon Cairo concert disaster!

So, here I am, preparing for my trip back to Cairo, when people start sending me messages and e-mails about The Akon concert in the Cairo Opera. Now, I didn't know he was singing in Cairo to begin with, let alone fathom the concept of whose bright idea was it that this man should be allowed to sing in the Egyptian Opera..but whatever. My people are silly, and they do irrational shit like allow Akon into the Opera House. Anyway..

The news is however that the concert was a very rare breed of disaster, which makes my heart just sing a little bit. The man was slated to show up at 9 M, but showed up at 1 am instead; The people who paid 1000 LE per VIP ticket ended up being sent to the Hospital because the VIP Lounge collapsed before the show even begun; He shows up finally all drunk, sings for half an hour, and then attempts to do some crowd surfing(very bad idea), and then he starts calling for help in his mic because the crowd apparently kidnaps him and take him all the way to the parking lot and then put him on a car, which he ends up destroying and then ends the concert… Yeah… Sounds like a great time.

Now, I wasn't there, but if you were, please share your view of the disaster in the comments section, because that shit sounds positively hilarious! 

Gotta love the Egyptian Foreign Ministry

So, 40 days ago, those Somali Pirates decide to take over an Egyptian Vessel, called the Bluestar, hostage and for ransom. The Egyptian Foreign Ministry took decisive action, and did nothing, saying they have no money. When the people on the ship demanded drinking water supplies, the humanists at the ministry sent a shipment of bottled water that makes the share of each hotsage on the boat two bottles. Oh yeah, and they are still not paying the ransom. Now, the "AlYoum El Sabe3" newspaper reports that the crew has 9 cellphones on board of the ship, so the families of the crew members used them to call the ship and sometimes talk to the Pirates themselves, to the point that they now know the full names of some of those Somali pirates. Supposedly 3 days ago one of the pirates while talking to the parent of one of the hostages, told him that he and his crew of pirates are now expressing deep regret that they kidnapped an Egyptian ship, because it doesn't seem like the egyptian government cares at all about its people and their safety to pay the ransom.


In Egypt? Get a car!

Otherwise you won't get anywhere. The Train signal operators have started a strike, stopping all the Trains in Egypt, and Microbus drivers are striking in Gam3et el dowal street over the new traffic law. Hopefully the subway operators are next, so that egyptians would have every excuse to get the rest of the week off. Sure, they could go there on bicycles, but, like, seriously dude, we are not that in shape! 

On fighting Angels

How do you know that Kefaya is over?

When the overhwelmingly secular movement's new Deputy Director Magdy Qorqor publishes an article talking about his total belief that the same Angels (yes, actual angels. with wings and everything) who were fighting alongside the Prophet Mohamed in the Battle of Badr were also fighting alongside Hamas in Ghaza. Yes, let that sink in for a moment. Angelic warfare. Angelic warriors dispatched from heaven to kick zionist ass. Oh yeah!

Now, if one does take such a statement seriously (and lord knows some DO), one has to wonder what kind of sissy-ass angelic warriors were those whose assistance made the casualty ratio literally 1:100 Israeli to palestinians (13 israelis to 1300 pleastinians). But then you do a review on the Battle of Badr and the answer becomes clear: the same kind of sissy-ass angelic warriors whose assistance in warefare lead to the total death toll of 70 quraishi infidels. Amazingly effective death machines, those angelic warriors are. Like a Terminator, with wings.

Once, Kefaya had promise. Now it's nothing more than a farce.

Egyptian Boxer Briefs

Here is a collection. I want the "Be Hard" one!

US anti-immigration technology tested in Ghaza

I find this rather interesting, if not slightly disturbing:

Upon reading this morning news of US army engineers securing Egypt side of border against tunnels I went to Rafah city to check border. Security was relaxed compared to past days though the city was still a ghost one.

At Rafah crossing, a high level security officer told me American army engineers were here 7 months ago testing tunnel detection technology they developed to catch Mexicans, and they’ll be back by May 09.

Can you imagine the DOD trying to sell the american public, or whomever other buyer they might sell this to, on this technology? "Oh, but it's very effective. It's palestinian tested!"

Satisfaction Guranteed…or something!

A Psychotic day in Egypt

Today has been quite a psychotic day in Egypt. First of all, today was the sentencing of the 49 people who got arrested during the Mahalla riots, 22 of which were sentenced to jail time between 3 and 5 years. There was literally no evidence against them, and the decisions can not be appealed. It was an abortion of Justice, and all in order to set an example to other egyptians: You can't tear down Mubarak pictures and stand on them and expect to get away with it.

And there is today's incident in Alex, which was very very Bizzare. In Egypt we have those motorcycles- vehicles that can seat 3 people in the back, and are called the "Toktok", and are used to transport people around. They are a cheap alternative to taxis and they are not allowed to be registered in most govornrates, but are generally tolerated. Well, a police Officer stopped a Toktok today and wanted to confiscate it. When the Driver's pleadings fell to deaf ear, the driver decidded to resport to drastic measure: He got out a bottle of fuel, and doused himself and his motorcycle with it, threatening to set himself and the vehicle on fire if it got confiscated, since it's the one piece of property he has. The Police officer reportedly told him to go ahead and and the man actually did it and set himself on fire, and was then sent to the Hospital for severe burns. Apparently the man's relatives and friends heard about it, but in the version they heard, the driver was actually set on fire by a cigarette the police officer flicked on him in his gasoline soaked state, so they went and attacked the police, throwing them with stones and empty bottles. The riot police was brought in and 15 people were arrested.

 The country is going to hell in a hand basket, it seems!

Typical Egyptian Male Behavior

I don't agree with all of them, but I will be damned if Mayo did not hit some nails on their heads. My Favorites:

1.He lost all his savings; Stock Market, Rayan, Private Business, you name it.
3. You are not allowed to do what he does. And that ranges from the simple issues of smoking and friends of the opposite sex to losing your virginity before marriage.
4. Your mom sucks and you listen to everything your mom says. Ever wondered who shaped that twisted perception; it his bloody mom.
5. You are fake and you are running after him, and that's why whenever he sees you he talks about nothing except a crush over an East European girl or the "Acclaimed 100, 000 LE" he lost in the stock market.
6. He has no sense of privacy whatsoever. He can browse the files on your mobile even without your approval. If you tell him "What the hell are you doing?" His answer would be "What the hell do you have to hide?"
7. He generalizes. You girls want to marry a rich guy. You girls would make a man miserable. You girls don't wear dresses.
8. He assumes that he is god's gift from heaven to you, and you don't desreve him. Hence he asks you to go over the border for him. "We are going to live with my mom." "I am only 30 Kgs over weight." "My ex loved more than you do and you have to be like her."

18. He has been a junkie, and a bearded religious man of god, and anything in between.

And my Favorite:

19. Definitely, when he graduated, he was qualified for a management position. It is only the luck of the competition that got them where they are now. " Tarek abouh kan gayblo wasta keda"

Check out her post parts 1 and 2.

Our Fantastic police at work

I am not even surprised anymore:

An Egyptian police officer held an 18-month-old baby hostage for five
hours in a bid to secure the surrender of the child's fugitive uncle, a
security official said on Friday.

They will open an investigation. They will probably find the baby guilty of forcing the police officer to take him into custody.

Anybody wants to be a daddy?

This is found on Egypt's craigslist, I figured I would share:

Looking for a Husband Immediately – 24 (Cairo, Egypt)

It is a long story but I’ll try to keep it short: back in February I
was raped and now I am 7 months pregnant. I was hoping to find a
Western man (European / American), to marry me immediately, before I
deliver, and take me and my coming son under his wing, in other words
to be an official father of my son.
I am financially capable of supporting my own son, all I want is a loving, warm and secure home for him to grow up in.

I am 24 years old, brunette, petite, 5 feet tall, long black
straight hair and dark brown Arabian eyes, college graduate, I also
speak 3 languages fluently.
My father was Lebanese and my mother is half Spanish half Turkish,
I was born and raised in Cairo, Egypt but with a western, very
open-minded mentality (and that is why I wish to marry a western man).

The man I am looking for has to meet the following requirements:

1) To be currently living in Cairo, Egypt.
2) To accept to start all the marriage procedures instantly (of course after we meet and make sure we like each other)
3) To accept to convert to Islam as the Egyptian law does not
approve of the marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim man (you can
still practice your initial religion though, like I said I’m very
open-minded, you don’t have to pray or fast, I personally don’t, all
you have to do is just obtain that piece of paper that says you
4) To be between the age of 30-40
5) To be understanding
6) To have no mental or physical illnesses.

If you are interested please reply as soon as possible. No weird replies please. 

Yes people, No weird replies to this very normal ad please. 

On the Susan Tamim murder

This is the story that's the talk of the town in Egypt these days. There is this Lebanese female pop singer, who got killed in a hotel room in Dubai. The Dubai police being super good at what they do, they figured out that the murderers were two egyptians, one of them working in hotel security, and the other a state-security officer. The twist, however, lies in their confession, that they were paid to do it, by no other than Egypt's premiere real estate Tycoon and MP Hesham Talaat Mustapha. Interestingly enough, the moment his name got mentioned, an official gag-order on the press was issued by egyptian state-security, and stories of apartments and villas being distributed on journalists all over egypt to keep their mouths shut and create opposite rumors were all over the place. The first one being spread was that this is all a set-up caused by Ahmed Ezz, the Steel Tycoon and Gamal Mubarak's right-hand-man. But even that proved problematic, because Ezz also has his pull, so the conspiracy is now changed to having Dubai-people being behind the set-up, specifically the EMAAR group who also work in real-estate and are entering heavily into the egyptian market. You see, those evil dubaians wanted to control the egyptian market, so they set him up for murder so that they can control it. I bet if we wait long enough we will find some jews involved in this. That train is never late.

That being said, the man is in real trouble, because the UAE people want to extradite the egyptians arrested for the murder and try them there. And if they do, well, Dubai's legal system isn't as corrupt as the egyptian one and their judges aren;t exactly for sale, so he will get fucked. And since he doesn't want to get fucked, he has been using his lackey's to promote two ideas: 1) to not allow their extradition to dubai, in the name of national pride, and offer to try them right here. And since he knows this will fail, because, well, the government never gave a fuck over national pride before, and we are not gonna start having it now for 2 murderers, he is going for option 2) Spreading the news that they are really tightening security over the two suspects out of fear they commit suicide. How do they know they might commit suicide? Was there a psychologist involved? No? You have no tangible proof or reasoning for them to commit suicide before the trial you say? Oh, you are just saying that so we can be psychologically ready when they do get killed in prison "commit suicide", right? Very clever. Very sly. Also disgusting and unethical, but then again, you are the egytian government and media. Disgusting and unethical is what you do best. No surprise there.

This should be interesting though, because Ezz really hates Mustapha, and the battle of wills and influence between those two men should be very interesting. Maybe we will find out if Ezz truly is Egypt's most powerful man or not. And it might be in Ezz's best interest to make sure that Mustapha does go tp prison, because now all of Egypt knows he did kill that girl -she did steal form him like 1.5 million dollars the story goes- and if he gets away with it, then he is the businessman who got away with murder, and not just any murder, the murder of a celebrity in another country. No one will dare cross a man like that again. Would you? I wouldn't. God knows how much more empowered he would feel if he did get away with it. 

We are gonna witness some very interesting days ahead.

The MB is against the sexual harrassmnet of women

Ehhhh…Foreign tourist women that is, and only because it might hurt our tourism revenues. As for Egyptian women or  foreign women who live here but who are not tourists, ehh, well, fuck 'em! They are fair game apparently, because, after all, they don't provide us with tourism income, and that's what really matters. So the MB MP is sending an inquiry to the ministry of tourism against their passive role in preventing tourists from getting sexually harassed, and maybe even they will pass a law that criminalizes the sexual harassment of foreign touristy women. Egyptian women don't need such a law, they have God, and they can pray to him, and that's all they need!