And you thought your traffic was bad?

Welcome to Cairo Traffic (this is on a good day)

 

and Parking situation..

 

Now, stop whining! 

Seen in Egypt 3- Teen Stuff Magazine Ad

 

Ehh…no comment! 

Seen in Egypt 2

 

In a food menu.. Pfizer should sue!

Seen in Egypt

He really heats you! 

The Moustache Vendetta

This could only happen here:

Two families in southern Egypt that captured and forcefully shaved
each others' leaders earlier in the year have agreed to end their
dispute, the Al Ahram daily reported on Friday.

Over 7,000 citizens of Mahrusa, a town in the Qena province near Luxor,
gathered on Thursday to witness the heads of the Al-Arab and Fallaheen
families sign a final reconciliation pact.

Back in July the families abducted each others' leaders and shaved off
their mustaches, beards, hair and eyebrows. In the region, a man's
mustache represents his honor.

The dispute escalated into a series of violent clashes in which the families fought each other with sticks and clubs.

Fearing that the situation could further deteriorate, police and local
authorities intervened, calling on the sides to resolve their conflict.

God I love Egypt! 

Poor Matt Dillon

I suspect, after reading this, that he will never ever visit the Cairo International Film Festival again.

On Amy and Noby

Dear readers of this blog,

It is rare that one passes by a story such as that of Amy and Noby nowadays. It's a story of love, marriage and retardedness. It's a story worth sharing and worth telling, and it will be told right here. I will let the story speak for itself, and will interject my comments in between. This story, like all good stories like it, starts with a wedding:

When Amy Robson was a little girl, she dreamed of one day marrying her
ideal man in a traditional white wedding in a church close to her
Cumbrian home.

Last week, when she married internet cafe manager Mohamed El Sayed in Egypt, the celebrations were somewhat different.

Dressed in a gold sequined gown and gold jewellery, Amy, the
runaway schoolgirl from Cumbria who has just turned 18, beamed
constantly as she marked her nuptials to the 30-year-old man nicknamed
Noby with a party thrown by her new in-laws at their home 30 miles
outside Cairo.

She is 18, he is 30, and he works as an "Internet cafe manager". And that's just the beginning… 

And despite her family's fears over her future, Amy seemed in no doubt that it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Noby's friends, neighbours and dozens of family members gathered in the
flat in the town of Banha to watch the couple exchange silver rings.
They have spent just a few short days together, but Amy says she is in
no doubt that he is the love of her life.

Only a few days.. in no doubt that he is the love of her life…Ok, could happen. Keep going..

And as Noby's family fussed around her, proclaiming she had been 'sent to us by God', tears of pleasure coursed down her face.

"I'm just so happy," she said, wiping her eyes and gripping the hand of
her new husband for dear life. 'It's been an amazing day. It's a bit
overwhelming.

"I can't believe how welcoming and nice they have been to me here."

Okay… all is well so far…so how did it all start?

Their relationship began in April, when Amy first ran away from home.
She fled to the Red Sea resort of Hurghada to be with married boathand
Tamer Hossney, with whom she had become infatuated on a family holiday
the year before.

When she arrived, Hossney stood her up. But as an international search
began for the schoolgirl, within a day she had fallen in love with
Noby, who was running an internet cafe in the resort.

ehh….

An uneducated man with few prospects, he was at an age at which his
parents had begun to question why he had not married – and was
immediately smitten with the adoring young British girl who demanded
nothing.

Despite his speaking only a few words of English and her speaking no
Arabic, he said he knew immediately he wanted her to be his bride.

 And her passport had nothing to do with anything…

Since then, the pair have developed a means of communicating that is
somewhere between Arabic and English, involving a few words of each.

"A lot of the time I don't understand, but it doesn't matter," said
Amy. "He is teaching me a few Arabic words. It's really hard, though."

Instead of talking, they spend most of their time running after
one another in childlike games of tag, which leave both in fits of
giggles.

 Pain in my head..Blood pressure rising..

Amy's new husband does not want her to go out to work, so she will
spend her days indoors with the other women of the neighbourhood,
waiting for their men to come home.

As a young wife, she will not be allowed to go anywhere independently of Noby. And, as a fair-haired
Western woman, anywhere she does go, she will receive a great deal of attention.

When asked about the prospect of children, Amy confided she
would prefer to wait a while. Her new family, however, cooed that
children are a great blessing and said they hoped she and Noby would be
blessed soon.

And although he appears kind, looking after Amy as if she were
a child, Noby has taken her passport from her. So if her dream does
turn into a nightmare, she may find it difficult to escape.

You don't say? 

Yet for Amy – who is, after all, an adult capable of making her
own choices – none of this matters. When I expressed concern that she
would miss out on her own career, she said she had never been
ambitious.

Nooooooooooooo…I don't believe it.. Surely you are joking….

Until they travelled to Banha for the party, they had been sleeping on
the floor at Noby's brother Fauzi's flat. He works as a street hustler,
trying to attract tourists to buy horse-rides to the Pyramids.

He lives in a run-down block of flats in Cairo, with crumbling
walls, cramped living conditions and children playing in the dirt
outside.

Yet despite her less than salubrious surroundings, Amy insists
she has fallen in love with Egypt and is thrilled about her new life.

"I love it here – it's so much more exciting than at home," she
said. "I miss home sometimes, and Mum and Dad, but they don't
understand about Noby so I can't see them.

"I've emailed them but we don't speak on the phone and I didn't tell them I was getting married.

"If I'd stayed at home I might have gone to college, but I don't feel like I'm missing out. The only thing I
hate here is the food – it's really weird. I just eat a lot of pitta bread."

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE

When asked what the future holds, Amy buried her head into Noby's shoulder and mumbled: "I don't know.

Questions about whether she will convert to Islam, her husband's religion, and begin wearing the veil brought the same reaction.

Noby plans to make a living by finding another internet cafe to run to
ensure his wife will never have to work, which he views as "not for
women".

He hopes to encourage Amy to eat Egyptian food because he would like her to become plump.

Fantastic..

Now, just in case you wonder how could she be this retarded, well, the story does offer a hidden clue:

Back home in the Cumbrian village of Beaumont, from which she first
fled to Egypt in April, her parents – James, 42 and Janet, 33 – are
desperately worried about their daughter.

Janet, her mother, is 33. Amy is 18, which means that Janet had her when she was 15, and thus got pregnant with her when she was 14. Yeah, good judgement doesn't really run in the genes of the females of her family, does it? 

Now, the comments on this story keep talking about how that story should be revisited in a few years and how it will show that girl's life turning into a nightmare, but , like, ehh, I doubt it. The Girl is stupid. She is dumb as a log. She escaped home cause she was in love with a boathand she met once (named Tamer Honsey, egyptian readers, notice that?), when she didn't find him she fell in love with noby, who couldn't even speak her language or she his'. She is not very bright, not very ambitious, and just wants someone to latch on to. And he will never let her go. It's perfect.

But noting that not many of you will share my outlook on this, which is "She is stupid, he is an opprutunist, they deserve each other", me and a few female friends from the US are planning to drive down to Banha come January and visit Amy to check up on her. We will bring her McDonalds with us as well, just in case she isn't sick to death of Pita bread by then. The girls think they can convince her of coming with them for a night out in Cairo, but I really doubt Noby will let her step outside the house at all. Chances are he will attack us with a knife or something. Should be interesting. Will keep you updated. And in case you want to join me on the "Bring Mickey D's to Amy" campaign, just e-mail me and we will arrange things. I am dead serious people. I am not gonna miss out on this shit!

The Alarabiya Egypt roundup

Hmm.. so what do the AlArabiya people have to say about us today?

Let's see, shall we?

 A state of martial law is declared in the City of Asna because 2 Christian males were caught engaging in "illicit activities" with a muslim female. The people suspected that the 2 christian guys were having sex with the female in a store, so they attacked the store, apprehended the 2 guys, sent the girl home to her family, burned down the shop they were in and destroyed the glassfront of the Pharmacy they worked in. The article says that the mob was furious because the 2 guys promsied the girl 100 EGP for "sexually pleasing them", which means the girl is a prostitute. Moral of the story? Don;t have sex with prostitutes from a different religion, that's just asking for trouble. Unless they are christian prostitutes. Those are fair game!

The Egyptian authorities have just arrested a group of people that allegedly belong to a new Islamic sect called the Ahabash. They are 22, 8 were arrested and 14 were getting interrogated as we speak, including 3 lebanese and get this, one Khazakhestani. The sect supposidly encourages getting blessings from Cemeteries and tombs of dead people and praying without washing up first. The charges they are being investigated with include: 1) being memebrs of an unauthorized organization, 2) disdain for religion and- my personal favorite- 3) carrying printed materials that contains their ideological beliefs, that could be read by other people later on. Reading. Very bad for you!

Egyptian Islamic Intellectual "Dr." Zaghloul Al Naggar- lovingly dubbed Zaghloul "el Fashar", because he just makes shit up all the time- is accusing the Christian church of actively trying to convert Muslims to christianity, which is very rude according to him. Actually, his exact words were "Provocation" and "attack on Islam". He claims that bitching about religious conversion from Islam to christianity is legitimate and not hypocritical at all since Muslims don't actively try to convert people while christians seem to have an organized effort doing so, and that most people convert to Islam because they are drawn to it themselves, while those who convert to christianity are doing it out of 1) opportunisms, 2) abduction and 3) Lies. But remember, he is not provoking or attacking christians. He is just telling it how it is.

And finally, a fantastic story of love, idiocy and murder, where a man killed his bride on her wedding night, actually stabbed her to death, because he couldn't break her hymen, and thus thought it wasn't there. Enraged that he married a "used woman", Mr. 2 inch Penis proceeded to stab her and slit her throat, and then ran away. He was later apprehended, and taken to jail, where he was informed that the autopsy report showed that the girl indeed was a virgin and with an intact hymen and that he is a colossal fucking asshole. He is now serving a Life sentence in egyptian prisons, where- if there is a kind and just god- he will get analy raped for the remainder of his years for what he did.

Now, you don't think that the AlArabiya people are slightly biased against Egypt, do you? Nahh..that would be crazy conspiracy talk, right? Not intentional at all, No? 

Right! 

On the rooftops of Cairo

Oh, the messed up and sad stories you will find!

Actual Sabaya advertisement Poster

This is the real deal. The marketing poster of the Cafe/ Beautysalon that bans christians and non-Hijabi women :

 

Does anybody else love the fact that it's called the "Veiled beauty center"? 

No christians please

*Scroll down for UPDATES* 

Forsooth received an e-mail that is the Hijaby girl's equivalent to paradise: Sabaya. Owned by the female equivelant of Ahmed El Fishawy, Hanan Turk, it's a half hairsalon/half restaurant that is  just for girls, where no men are allowed to enter and no music will be played. Their promotional e-mail lists a number of perks to those who want to frequent the place:

 Advantges of SABAYA café
- You have the freedom of taking your veil/neqab off.
2- Meeting muslim girls who are willing to get closer to Allah.
3- Increasing your 'so7ba sale7a circle'.
4-Getting the opportuinity of being inspired by real stories by the same girls you meet.
5-You can have parties.
6-Learn how to shun sin…since You won't be exposed to songs or movies JUST CARTOONS AND RELIGIOUS SHOWS.
7- Get to meet Hanan Turk. heheheheheheheheheheheh
8-Enjoy the feeling that you'r making everything which is not allowed outdoors and Allah won't be mad at you :D ..

P.S.
Attending sabaya will be very useful from both the life and religious
prespective, since YOu will be helping in changing the wrong
perceptions about both Neqabis/ Hegabis that were already inheritied
ages ago.

Sounds great, right? Well, just one more thing:

- First please Don't invite Christian girls , because they aren't allowed
to the place.. Second inform all your friends that if the number of
visitors increased remarkably in the coming year..inshAllah next year
they may be able to open a branch in mohandesen or down town ..We ARE
IN DIRE NEED OF A PLACE THAT CONTAINS US 'NEQABIS' OR 'HEGABIS' SO PLEASE THINK BEFORE U GO ANYOTHER CAFE ;)

Yep. You read that correctly. They are barring christian girls. No Christian girls allowed in Sabaya. This has to be the first open for public place that bans people on the basis of faith, and it's seriously fucked up. I can't believe that this is happening in Egypt. I can't believe that people have gotten so fucked in the head that we now segregate based on religious beliefs. Unbelieveable.

I am just wondering how they will enforce their no Christian girls allowed policy. What are they gonna do? Put a "No Christians allowed" sign on the door? Card people on the door and check out their religious identity on their ID's? What if a Christian girl sneaks in? Are they gonna grab her and throw her out? Is this even legal?

 Well, here is their number and address:

Address: 6 Meet 3'amr street . . Midan Safir . . Masr El Gedida. if
u know the street that has Cook Door / McDonald's / Oriflame /Smiley's
) . . it's behind McDonald's . . when u see McD . . go right. . then
left . . Sabaya will be on ur left . . isA

Tel: 2240 2223 – 2240 2229

 So, if you are an egyptian with any sense of decency, you should call them and give them a piece of your mind. And if you are a member of the MB- and god knows they have been coming more often to this blog- well, this is the kind of place that is the inevtiable conclusion of your group's policies and ideology. This is what you are advocating. This is the Egypt that you want. Another version of Saudi. Well, assholes, it's not gonna happen. Take a good look, because this is the closest that you will ever gonna get to it.

This is the 21st century assholes, not the 10th, try to catch up!

Update: I was so incensed that I got this christian co-worker of mine- let's call her S- call them to see if they are for real. The first number didn't work, the second one did. Here is the transcript of the conversation:

S: Salamo 3alikom, Sabaya?

Sabaya worker : we 3alikom el salam, yes?

S: I read your email, and I was just wondering, I have a Christian friend, and she’s interested in Islam, is there any way I can bring her with me?

Sabaya worker: We only permit entry to Muhajabat

S: Even in your café?

Sabaya worker: Well no in the café you can come in, but she can’t.

S: I was just hoping I can bring her with me, maybe she’ll come to her senses and god will bless her

Sabaya worker: Well we just don’t want to cause any discomfort to anyone, but god blesses us all.

S: Oh too bad, it would have been a great thawab

Sabaya worker: Ok I’ll ask Madam Hanan and can you call me back in an hour?

This is a true conversation.. and it would be funny if it wasn't so messed up!

Update: This other female friend of mine called them and asked them if it's true that Sabaya is for Hejabis and Niqabis only, and they confirmed it. When she asked them if that means no christian girls are allowed, the lady said Yes, no christians, and no girl who doesn;t have her hair coverd in general. My Friend told them that she intends to sue them, and they said to "bring it". She fully intends to.

Youtube suspends Wael Abbas’ account

Youtube has suspended the account of Wael Abbas – which contained the the egyptian police brutality and torture videos- because there were apparently too many complaints and flags from users- who are not members of the egyptian government or state security, of course- who have deemed the videos inappropriate and offensive. Youtube immediately took action, and suspended the account, claiming that it violated its terms of use. Now, while this may be true in the technical sense, it may benefit them to make exceptions for such videos that do expose certain tyrannical regimes and won;t be shown by mainstream international media, you know, as part of that whole "alternative independent media" thing they have been talking about for some time now. Or they could take on Issander's compromise. Also read Brian Whitaker's take on it!

Egyptian Doctor to cure homosexuality

Dr. Awsam Wasfi is an egyptian doctor who just opened a clinic to cure homosexuality. How does he plan to do that? well…

Dr. Awsam Wasfi, 42, offers a "treatment program" for gays that focuses
on boosting their self-esteem and enhancing their communication skills,
as well as encouraging them to play sports and work on their religious
beliefs.

Ok, cause I am sure working out, working out, and sweating with other men is going to make you not attracted to them. Neither will changing in the same locker room or showering in the same shower room with them. Oh, and praying in the mosque will surely cure you, with men bending over during prayers and all. Yes, religion and sports, two things no gay person knows anything about.

This is so stupid!

One interesting thing in the article though:

Gay rights organizations in Egypt have lashed out at the psychiatrist
for "standing in the way of their human rights" and labeled him
"backward" and "ignorant."

There are Gay rights organizations in Egypt? Really? I mean there is the egyptian Initiative for personal rights, but that hardly qualifies as a gay rights organization. But I've never heard of one. Am I missing something?

That Eid dilemma

 

Cairofreeze captures the insanity perfectly!

NDP Headquarters burned down in Sinai in clashes

 

In the second day of clashes with the Police, Thousands of Sinai demonstrators burned down the local headquarters of the Ruling National Democratic party. ALLRIGHT!

Thousands of demonstrators destroyed the regional headquarters of Egypt's
ruling party in the northern Sinai peninsula Sunday, burning furniture
and blocking roads in a show of anger over the central government's
treatment of area residents.

Dozens were injured in clashes when plainclothes police attacked the
demonstrators with batons, tear gas and metal chains, police and
witnesses said. Two police officers were also injured and at least 40
people were arrested.

It was the second day of protests in the town of El-Arish
sparked by a shootout between Bedouin tribesmen and locals. On
Saturday, the demonstrators' demanded protection from lawlessness

[...] 

Protesters blocked the roads leading to the town center and burned
tires, demanding the resignation of the Northern Sinai governor and the
local police chief, said Amin al-Qassass, a leader with the El Arish
branch of the liberal opposition party Al Wafd who saw the clashes.

Police officials in Cairo confirmed the ruling party headquarters in
the town was destroyed and furniture and other items set ablaze. The
officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not
authorized to speak to the media.

About two dozen armored vehicles surrounded the demonstration and
hundreds of security forces, including plainclothes officers,
intervened, police officials and witnesses said.

And it all got started because of the Bedouins.

The trouble started Saturday evening when scores of masked Bedouins
opened fire in a dispute with local residents, injuring three people
and damaging shops and cars, police said. Thousands took to the streets
demanding better protection from raids by the semi-nomadic Bedouin.

So the Beoduins, who are angry at the police for arresting their people, so they go and start some shit with Al Arish residents, who get angry for the lack of protection by the government, so they burn down the NDP Headquarters, thus getting to the police to clash with them and beat them up.

I love Egypt! 

Interviews

I've been interviewing lots of people for jobs lately, the following is my questions to them and some of their answers. Needless to say, after this, you, like me, will have a new found appreciation for the people who work in HR. Begad sa3baneen 3aliah.

1)The winner of the "completely irrelevant answer" category:

Q: What kind of a situation brings you down (meaning work)?
A:Ehh..when I see an old woman crying.


2)The winner of the "I've been a victim of Egyptian social engineering and I truly believe women to be inferior to men" category:

Q: What does being professional mean to you?
A: Working like a man. You know how men come to work and they just leave all of their problems at home? Women don't do that. They bring their problems and their emotional messes at work. I know that cause I do that. So I hope that one day I will be able to work like a man.


3)The winner of the "I couldn't blow that question more if I tried to" category:

Q:What are your strengths and weaknesses?
A:My strengths.. ehh.. I can surf the internet very well. My weaknesses..I have problems..ehh..working with women. I feel uncomfortable!


4)The winner of the "I need better friends and possibly therapy" category:

Q: How would an old friend describe you?
A: Faithful… Loyal… and smart. Definitely smart. They sure all come to me whenever they have a problem…which really pisses me off, you know? Cause they go out, have fun, and then cause a problem and then come complaining to me, which is fine..it's totally fine..but, I am like, where was I when you were having fun? How come was I not invited to the fun part? How come I am always the one who has to take all the shit afterwards? I don't mind listening to you and helping you out when you are having trouble, but also don't forget me when you are having fun!
Q: So you feel like your friends use you when they come to you with their problems while not calling you to have fun with them?
A: Oh no. Nothing like that. I feel as if they love me when they call me to share their problems. You have to love someone to be able to share your problems with them and expect them to solve them for you. So, no, it makes me happy. It makes me feel loved by them! (happy sardonic smile)
Q:………….Okayyyy then, next question…!


5)The winner of the "Let me try to flirt my way into the job, also known as the ' mateegy a2q3od 3ala 7egrak a7san' " category:

Q: How should supervisors and subordinates, in your opinion, interact?
A: (Seductively) The subordinates should always obey their supervisors..in everything. I'll do anything for my supervisor. Anything he wants from me. Annnnnyythhhhhing at all! (Leans over to show slight cleavage) They just have to ask!
Q: Fantastic answer! (So not getting the job)


6)The winner of the "Ana Ba7eb Mama" category:

Q: So, what is the most important thing in a job for you: High Salary or Job recognition and achievement?
A: Wallahy, the most important thing in a job for me is for it to be close to home. Asl Mama worries a lot!


7)The winner of the "I have self confidence wallahy, but I can't find it at the moment" category:

Q: What do you do when everybody thinks you are wrong, but you know you are right?
A: Well, the first question is, do I know I am right?
Q: What do you mean?
A: I mean, I would naturally ask myself if I am right. I mean, all those people can't be wrong, and I am the one who is right. So maybe I am the one who is wrong!
Q: (Mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no confidence in her opinions!
A: No, no, don't write that. I didn't mean it like that. It's just, who am I to be right while everybody else is wrong? I am young and inexperienced, so of course I will think they know better.
Q: Ahh..ok..let me scratch what I wrote then. (mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no self esteem!
A: No no no. I didn't mean it like that either. Please don't write that. Let me try again!


And last, but not least:

8)The winner of the "And here I thought it was bad customer service, tele3 el industry standard" category:

Q: So, a customer calls you and he is very very angry. What do you do?
A: I know this. I have been trained for this. I worked in a customer service call center, so I know exactly what to do.
Q: Ok..go on!
A: The first thing you do is to put them on hold for 5 minutes!
Q: (look of utter incomprehension)
A: Because it helps calm them down.
Q: Right!


Somebody shoot me!

Ayman Nour gets a death threat from Mortada Mansour

Ayman Nour is accusing Mortada Mansour- the jailed trouble making ex-MP from the NDP- of threatening to kill him inside Jail. The Story goes that Nour Found someone screaming his name, and when he looked he saw Mortada standing at the door of the room, stopped by the secret Police Guard, while verbally lashing at Nour, insulting him and threatening to kill him. Nour is also claiming that Mortada alleges that he is doing this in co-ordination with the jail's security forces and known political figures in exchange for special privileges in Jail. I would say that this is probably nothing, but after the murder Suicide of the Witness in Ayman's case, all bets are off. The conventional wisdom is: This man won't get out of Jail alive!

The Egyptian government wants to watch you

The Egyptian government wants to create a new ID card- called the "Contact-less card" -for its citizens- that's you and me, Bub- to complement the other 6 forms of ID we have (Personal ID, driver's license, Voting Card, Passport, Military service ID card and Family ID card- the last one to keep track of your wives and children. Nope, not kidding!), because u know, 6 is not enough. The new card is going to have the citizen's full financial information and bank dealings, criminal record, health record, and all dealings with the government. The new ID is suppsoed to provide a "leap in civic service".

Ok, all togetehr now in 3. 1,2, 3: FUCK THAT SHIT! Not doing it. Not gonna happen. The government has no business knowing my bank dealings, my health or what I go to the different governmental agencies for. Isn;t it bad enough they list you marital status, job and religion on your ID card?

Nope. Not Playing. Let them arrest me, but I ain't doing it! 

The Daily Sta..sorry..the Daily News sucks

You been to the Daily News (formerly the Daily Star) website lately? They are so void of new and interesting content (and quite possibly visitors), that their Today's most read section has stuff from 2006. Actually, let's go over the dates together: December 9 2006 , February 20 2007 , November 7 2006 , and April 19 2007 .

Daily Star people, we are in September 2007. Get with the program, hire new people, whatever. Just do something! 

Sudanese gang-wars in Egypt

The Situation is getting worse, and we are not entirely blameless. God knows that the way we treat our Sudanese brothers is appalling.