Smoking ban hits homes.

Yes, welcome to Belmont, California, where now you can't even smoke inside your own house. Land of the free, indeed.

In other news, Smoking maybe getting the illegal treatment, but Tobacco? Tobacco is winning!

A sculpture in honor of the Shoe-thrower

ehh, ahh,, yeah, that, it happened, don't wanna talk about it, don't wanna elaborate how the symbol for arab people's anger is now shoes. Don't want to even think about it.

For your consideration

Given that my new status, according to some of my readers, as an "Anti-israel propagandist", I would like to invite you all to read this piece of Anti-Israel propaganda, provided by Ynet news:

Earlier this week, Time Magazine claimed that Israel cannot defeat Hamas. As usual, Time is wrong. Of course Israel can win. Hamas is not a mass Palestinian liberation movement: Rather, it is a small Islamofacist organization that forcefully took over a despaired region and turned it into an Islamic state nightmare.

Is there no effective way to defeat Hamas? Of course there is. For example, for every Qassam fired from Gaza, we can bomb Hamas’ headquarters in Damascus. For example, for every Qassam fired at Israel, we can assassinate a senior Hamas figure, either belonging to the military or “political” wing. Israel won the second Intifada not by bombing Palestinian towns and neighborhoods and refugee camps, but rather, by methodically and gradually assassinating terror leaders. Back then, we wanted to win.

Remove malignant tumor  

This time around, we don’t want to win. The official Israel does not wish to eliminate Hamas’ regime in Gaza – despite the fact that the entire world, including the Arab world, granted us permission to do it. It even deplored us to do it, as long as we avoid major Palestinian bloodshed. However, we are disappointing them: We caused great bloodshed, yet we do not intend to win. Perhaps because of the upcoming elections; who knows?

When Hamas leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin was assassinated we expected an earthquake, yet nothing happened. And what was the Arab street’s reaction to the killing of other senior Hamas figures, including those killed during operation Cast Lead? No reaction. Arab citizens watched al-Jazeera and told themselves: “The Israelis are brutal, and Hamas is dumb” – before going back to their own affairs.

We can defeat Hamas and remove it from here. However, the Israeli leadership apparently believes that it’s a good thing to have Hamas rule the Strip. It is good to have a group that does not recognize our existence, and therefore we do not need to talk to it. Our leadership is making a historical error, which may be fateful. A malignant tumor must be removed on time.

The elimination of Hamas and its Gaza regime should have also been a blatant interest of Israel’s dovish Leftist camp, which aspires for a two-state solution. After all, as long as Hamas rules Palestine or parts of it, Israel has nobody to talk to and nothing to talk about. Hamas justifies the occupation and not the other way around.

However, the Israeli Left is also addicted to the false claim that Hamas reflects the true desires of the Palestinian people. The Left also firmly objects to surgical strikes against Hamas leaders. Instead, it recommends that we tame this poisonous snake and convince it to adopt our views.

If we do not defeat Hamas now, but rather, merely “respond wildly” and punish – unintentionally so, but nonetheless – Palestinian civilians, Israelis will be seen as wild creatures who do not belong among civilized nations, and Hamas will emerge victorious.

Who wants to bet things will play out exactly like that? Put some money on the table, people, cause anyone who is paying attention to what's going on, will tell you that this is exactly how it will go down!

Find the crime

AlJazeera has posted a story with this headline: "Accusations made against Egypt of giving AID to the UNRWA instead of the dissolved government of Hamas, with coordination with Israel and the PA"

Now, whomever figures out what exactly is Egypt's crime here to warrant an accusation, gets a cookie and a big wet smooch on the cheeck!

Joe the Plumber goes to Israel to cover the war

He, and I quote  "wants to go over there and let their 'Average Joes' share their story."

Satire is dead, Irony is dead and we now live in farce! 

Egypt, the new Superpower!

Ahh, at last, the day of my dreams has finally arrived. The day that set my egyptian patriotic heart aflutter with joy. The day when Egypt- under the wise direction and leadership of our dear leader Hosny Mubarak- has finally ascended to its rightful place and joined the ranks of the World's Super Power club is here, and I am happier than Andrew Sullivan with a bag full of dicks. How do I know that we have reached that monumentous plateau amongst the world's elite? Well, ladies and gentlemen, the signs are all around us. We are getting blamed for all the world's ills, just the like the americans, russians and chinese, we are having our business interests portested against, just like the americans and the brits, we are having our Embassies attacked and our Flags burned, just like the americans and the Israelis, and now, today, I am happy to announce that we have cemented our membership in the super powers club by reaching the final landmark: The posters of our President depicted dead, with open calls for his assissantion, in Iran. 

Ohh yes. The Persian plague has decided that they can not tolerate Egypt's place as the leading regional power any longer, claiming that we are always outshining them and making them look fat, and have set their eyes on taking out the man responsible for our exemplery progress and power: El Presidente Mubarak. Today, in Iran, Forooz Rejaii, the secretary general of the organization titled "Rewarding The Martyrs of the World of Islam" has announced a bounty of one million dollars to whomever assassinates Hosny Mubarak for being just too cool and awesome for them to bear, and also for the whole closing the Rafah crossing thing. And if that is not proof enough for you, checking the picture below out of another protest that took place in Indonesia yesterday should be:

Our very own Mubarak mask. Right next to Olmert and Barak Obama's. HELL YEAH! That's how prominent we have become. We have masks of our leaders made and worn by smelly inhabitants of third world countries. Die from envy, jealous Bitches of the world. Egypt has arrived.

However, we need to be careful, because anyone can become a hated worldly Super Power once, and get its busniesses protested against, embassies stormed and flags burned. Just ask Denmark. They used to matter back in 2006, and now, nobody even rememebrs to hate them anymore. No, we can't be a One-Hate wonder. We can't allow that to happen to us, espeically after we waited so long for it. So, I propose that we start threathening the world to never open the Rafah crossing ever again, and start blackmailing them to do so, and see what we can get out of them for it. That crossing now is a startegic advantage, just the like hormuz crossing is to the jealous fat hairy Iranians, and we should totally capitalize on it to maintain our strategic importance. Let the Haters eat their hearts out.

AlAzhar Ulamaa can kiss my ASS!

It came to my attention that the "AlAzhar Scientist front" (3olamaa being the arabic word for scientist, which is funny, because Islam is not really a science, like, you know, biology or physics, but what do I know?) are having a case of serious Penis envy when it comes to the Vatican, espcially when it comes to their whole "We know who goes to Heaven or Hell, because we decide that" thing.  How do I know that? Well, it's the only plausible explanation that I could find for the Fatwa they just issued yesterday, declaring the Egyptian Border officer killed by Hamas as "not a martyr". This of course is shocking people, because let's face it, AlAzhar never met someone who died for any reason and didn't want to call him/her a martyr immedietly (People killed in Ferry boat drownings, People killed by accident on the border before, etc..). So, reading the "Fatwa", it seems that they believe that the officer is not a martyr because he chose to do his job instead of "his islamic duty", which is to come to aid his muslim brothers, by fighting with them or letting them through when they wanted it. Given that he didn't do that, and wanted to protect his country, not only were Hamas's gunmen justified in killing him, he is even considerd a villian in the eyes of AlAzhar, and thus the whole "not-martyr" thing. This is all the more shocking because the islamic historical precedent states- dating all the way from the Gamal battle, mind you- that if political conflict pits muslim against mulsim, whomever dies is instantly a martyr, because they died due to Fitna, and can not be held responsible for it. So, even based on historical religious merit, this Fatwa is utter bullshit, altough even without historical precdent I wouldn't think twice about whiping my ass with it anyway.

So, dear AlAzhar people, newsflash, you are not God, nor does he send you his good boys and bad boys list. So, ehh, shut the fuck up. And those who went AllahuAkbar because of this ruling, this goes double to you. The man's body isn't even cold yet, and you come out saying shit like this, knowing that some people actually take you seriously? What the fuck is wrong with you? Y'all are fucked up.

Oh, wait, they have another Fatwa on the website, stating that whomever insults AlAzhar has also insulted God. Wow, you DO have a Vatican Complex. Well, any god that would feel insulted from anyone insulting your dumb douchebag asses, probably deserves it too. Get bent!

PS: Dear readers, if that last Fatwa is actualy true, don't worry about me. I was definitely going to Hell anyway! :)

Ghaza…again..

Bloodshed in Ghaza…again. Rockets launched from both sides….again. Round 69474932 of the grandsons of Isaac vs. the grandsons of Ishmael…again. And again, no end in sight..again and again and again.

Welcome to Middle-east people, where we make excellent rugs and most fantastic death, all for political gain. Hamas wanted to be relevant again, wanted the arab world to support it, and has learned the lessons of Hezbollah well. Provoke, get your people slaughtered, get recognition and sympathy and power. Who is to question your authority now that you are the one standing in the line of fire? Elections you say coming up? Who will oppose you now? We all have to band together in times of crisis, no? 

And on the Israeli side, the same lesson applies: Hey, wanna be the Prime Minister in the next elections? Attack Ghaza. In recent memory, not a single election for PM has taken place before the candidates party has launched some sort of Attack on Ghaza. It's like tradition, you see, for good luck. Congratulations Livni, you might just beat Netenyaho for the big seat.

But..but..you will say..the Palestinians are shooting rockets at our people…The Israelis are shooting rockets at our people..Blood and death and mayhem and destruction and CRY HAVOC WHY DON'T YOU? The dogs of war have been unleashed, the cheerleaders are all in place ready to cheer, with escalation being the word on everybody's tongue. All the while, the peaceniks are lamenting the lost peace, and how if only Labor wins, there might be a chance, all the while the minister of defense is mr. Labor leader himself. All the while the Fatah supporters are crying, see what Hamas has done to Ghaza, as if they themselves did not partake in this dance with Israel a million times before.

And it is a dance, well-rehearsed and well-executed, and performed so many times before that those of us paying attention could tell what will happen next to a tee. The reprisals, the statements from whomever condemning whatever and standing in solidarity with what side of this conflict and their god given right to protect themselves/resist the aggression/yadayadayada, the eventual kidnapping, the eventual cease fire, the eventual negotiations, the funerals on each side of their own fallen heroes and innocent victims, and naturally, the reprisal for that again. Come on people, we have 24 hour news channels now, what would we fill them with without some good old Israeli Palestinian conflict? Let's inflame shit further, in the name of reporting the news and showing the side that nobody is showing, and how the Palestinian/Israeli victims are being vilified and their side not properly presented to the world. Oh yes, it's a dance we all saw before, way too many times, and , no offense to the victims or their families, it's getting kinda old.

So, to break the news to you: Hey, Palestinian leaders, no matter how many homemade rockets you fire, the Israelis will retaliate with 100 times more weapons who are 1000 times more effective in killing their targets, so yeah, you are not winning here. And hey, Israeli leaders, No matter how many bombs you drop on Ghaza, the people there will continue to lop homemade rockets at you, because – and you should've noticed this the first time one of them stood against one of your tanks with nothing but a rock and a slingshot- they are willing to see 1000 of theirs die for 1 death on your side. You know who gave them that idea? Who set that fabulous exchange rate? You, when you decided that you would trade 1000 of their living for 1 of your dead. And hey, Israeli and Palestinian people, newsflash: Your leaders couldn't give a rats ass about you or your livelihood or your well-being. THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU LIVE OR YOU DIE, OK? Unless, of course, there are political brownie points to be made from exploiting your death or suffering, and god knows there always is, and then they will be quick to take some photos with you or with your grieving family. And they will keep putting you in the line of fire so that they can keep staying in power, because, let's face it, fixing shit was never their strong point anyway, and this is far too easy and familiar not to engage in. We, after all, have been dancing this dance together for thousands of years. What's one more encore?

Hope you enjoy the show. Me? Kind of over it! Let me know when it's over!

Gotta love the Daily news

Egypt's leading english-langauge rag news paper has published another fantastic article, this time on women in marriages that end up getting destoryed because the Husbends ending up catching "the Gay" later on in life. Please note two things in the article: 1) the absence of mentioning of lesbians, cause girl on girl action is, well, not really a problem for us here in Chauvinism land, and 2) the fact that they are talking about therapy for gayness. Wait, cause this is great. You are going to love this part:

While some specialists believe that marriage is the best “cure” for homosexual men who seek help, others stress that, on the contrary, before they take this step, they should seek the right therapy.

Translation: Some specialists are complete and utter irresponsible morons who think that men who like other men should marry women,so, that, eh,, they can ruin their lives forever? As for the other specialists who think that they should seek therapy, well:

“The therapy would depend on what type of homosexual the patient is and the degree of his homosexuality,” said Osama Shaeer, an andrologist at Cairo University’s Faculty of Medicine. “From a psychiatric viewpoint, there is the ‘ego-dystonic’ type who rejects his abnormal tendencies and the ‘ego-syntonic’ type who doesn’t wish to change.

Ok, fine, I will bite. so how are we going to cure the ego-dystonic ones? 

“As andrologists we take little interest in their psychological makeup as that remains the domain of the psychiatrist,” said Shaeer. “But we could interfere mostly with the passive ‘ego-dystonic’ by providing him with an ‘erectile implant’ that’s surgically planted within the penis to help him achieve a proper erection because some of the ‘ego-dystonics’ — active or passive — do experience erectile dysfunction as they start the act with a woman. But I’d like to note that the role played by the wife is always important.”

Ok, please re-read that paragraph again, and note the idea behind the tehrapy. The men, who can't achieve an erection with a woman cause he is not attracted to her (but probably gets fine erections with other men), should have a surgically planted erectile implant so that he can force his dick to get hard when he is about to have sex with a creature that doesn't turn him on? That's the proposed therapy? Brilliant. Utterly so.

You know, I am not exactly someone who will marsh the streets for gay rights, but it is my belief that people should just be happy with who they are, and that others should just give up on the notion that they can make people "better", whatever that may mean. I say let the gay men be gay and out and happy, because that means more straight- or god willing, bisexual- women for us. Those men didn't chose this, so let them be. Why make their lives even more miserable with therapy ideas that don't make a lick of sense?

Hitting back at the Iranians

Oh yes, we are, artictically, for the insult they gave the egyptian people by showing a documentary golrifying the assassination of Sadat. How exactly will we do that? By making our own movie of course, called Khomeini, the Imam of Blood.

Mohamed Hassan Al-Alfi, a member of the ruling National Democratic
Party and Editor-in-Chief of its mouthpiece Al-Watani Al-Youm, told Al
Arabiya that he is in the process of writing the script for ‘Khomeini:
The Imam of Blood,’ which will be directed by prominent Egyptian
director Mohamed Fadel.

The movie, Alfi said, will spotlight Khomeini's extremist ideas and how
they threatened Egypt's security during the first 10 years of current
President Hosni Mubarak's rule. It will also show how Khomeini's
ideologies were behind the assassination of Sadat.

Oh yes, that will show them! Wait, it kinda won't, since they do admit that they wanted Sadat dead. So showing off how Khomeini was behind it would only make them happy. You wanna piss them off? Show Persopolis on egyptian TV for a week straight, and make the comic required reading in egyptian schools. Maybe even give Marjane Satrapi a medal. Name a street after he, or something. Don;t make a movie and definitely don;t have Mohamed Fadel direct it, because he will include his talentless ugly actress wife in it, Fardous abdelhamid, and that would just turn people off from ever wanting to watch it. That's just not smart, u know?

Regular service will be resumed shortly

Disclaimer: Dear readers, this is simply my response to S&H post about me. If you think the whole thing is stupid, and who could blame you, then please ignore this and await my Obama post, and why him winning might actually be the best thing to happen for the American right. If you wanna read it anyway, be my guest, but don't you dare complain. You've been warned!

Holy Cow!

I didn't know that my post on you would cause such debate in your comments section, even though the word "debate" might be an exaggeration to what's going on here. Either way, Upon finding this, I figured why not respond to what's being said and all? I mean, even Amy Mowafi responded (more on that in a second) so I guess I should put my two cents in as well.

Now, the first thing I've noticed about your post is the parts you edited from mine. And while I can understand you taking away the references to the other two blogs, there is one line you removed from the final paragraph in that post, and I guess you removing it says volumes about you and your intellectual honesty. Here it is:

"No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them."

Now, why would you remove that specific sentence dear S&H? Any specific reason? Or is it because you know how true it is, and it just hit too close to home? Oh, I wonder.

Now , that aside, I am glad that you are doing this as a business venture, and not because you lead some empty existence where your only entertainment is the lives of others. Although, I am not really sure how this Business model operates exactly. Do people actually pay you to write stuff about them? If that's the case, how "hot" and "happenin" could they be? Does that mean that everything you post about is paid advertisement? Does that include your opinions as well? I am just asking because I have encountered a poor soul whose main beef with you was that you never mentioned her, and maybe if you guys are for sale, she could buy your love or attention, or something. But then again, what kind of socialite gets bought? What kind of Socialite needs money?

As for your questions, emm, let's see. Age: 27. Interests: Many many many things. Why do I hate people like you with social lives: Ehh..whomever said I was hating on you for your social life? Do you really think I care who you meet or hang out with or totally loathe? And do you really think that where you go is soo exclusive? I've been to every place you go to, I know every single one of your friends and we probably even drank together. But the main difference between you and me is this: I have this strange tendency to actually have fun when I go out. Yes, for real. Wanna know something crazier? If it's not going to be fun, I just don't go out. Yeah, really! That concept, for some reason, is lost on most of you, who go to Jazz club on Wednesdays (Or 35 on Fridays, and let's not forget La Bodega the rest of the freakin week, except Thursday of course, because that's when the bee2ah people go out) because it's the thing to do and "what else are we gonna do? Stay home?". And you go out with the same people as the night before, you discuss the same topics you discussed the time before and you spend lots of money on drinks that don't end up even getting you drunk or buzzed and you go home mabdoneen because your life is so very fuckin boring, and you go to bed counting the days until you head to Hacienda to "have some real parties", with, surprise surprise, the same people you meet in cairo, only this time everyone is showing off the results of the latest plastic surgery they've had. So no, this isn't the rant of some social recluse who is envious of you. There is nothing to envy there.

I am not even gonna address the Paulo Coelho issue. You've done a fine job on that one all by yourself.

Now, allow me to quote one of your posts, to show you why exactly you do piss me off. This is a post you wrote a couple of days ago, and I believe the topic was about "social climbers". Hmm, let's dissect that one for a second, shall we?

"You see them at La Bodega…35…AND Sangria, ALL IN ONE NIGHT!! They are called…THE SOCIAL CLIMBERS."

Color me confused, but isn't it true that in order for you to see them, don't you too have to be there at those 3 places that same night?

Now, what are the other signs of social climbers?

"The one's who say hi to anyone and everyone…"

Oh no, you mean they are being nice to people? How dare they?

"then you'll need to understand that we won't consider you "cool" if we know you been to every hot spot..and hung out till unearthly hours"

Ok, so the S&H rules in order for you not to be categorized as a social climber are: Don't go to three places in one night and be seen there, unless you are a part of the Scene & Heard Clique, because they are exempted from that rule. Don't be nice or say hi to people; sneer at them, growl if possible! And don't stay up late in one place. A good socialite leaves the party while it's happening, not when it's over, because the ones who stay till the end are losers, and they end up being stuck with the check (double losers). Did I get that right?

You know, I come from old money. Not touting that as an achievement or anything. It's simply a fact. My grandfather was the Egyptian royalty, my grandmother is such an old and known "socialite" (back when the term had something to do with charitable work and love for this country), whose donation to charity is now estimated to be worth billions and who actually has a square in Heliopolis named after her. She raised me, and she thought me the difference between old money and the nouveau riche. You know what the difference is? Manners. Old money comes with manners. You are polite to all people, and you never have to make a scene, because you know who you are and where you come from. New money, on the other hand, have inferiority complexes: so they mistreat their maids, they insult the wait-staff, and they act snobbish, haughty and rude to people, and they say shit like "entah 3aref entah betkalem meen?", because they believe (from watching bad TV shows and movies) that this is the way you act if you are from the upper-class. Only a true nouveau riche social climber would care about who they are seen talking to in clubs, who shows there, and how they will look in the eyes of others. Old money doesn't give a crap about that, but they will see fit to remind the nouveau riche of their place if they do cross the line. That's all there is to it.

Now, I don't know which are you, nor do I care that much. But you should know that the attitude you are exporting is that of the nouveau riche, and god forbid you guys get labeled as that. As for anyone who is reading this and actually wishes to be considered a socialite, well, my dear friends, it's really much easier and simpler than they portray it here. You wanna be a socialite? Well, it's really really easy. All you really need are two things: 1) Money, and 2) Time to waste. Because trust me, you will waste a lot of time and money getting in, and you will waste even more the moment you are in. Don't worry, they will let you in their circles, because they are bored of each other more than they would like to admit, even to themselves.

As for Amy, well, my beef with her book is very simple: Being a single woman at her late twenties is not an achievement, nor is her stating that she doesn't care how that makes society views her makes her a rebel and someone who breaks down walls. It's simply the case of society placing retarded rules and norms on girls and women, and the key word here is retarded. Not following retarded rules doesn't make you a rebel; it simply means you are not retarded. Congratulations, here is a cookie. The fact that the majority of other girls in Egypt seem to obey and follow those rules still doesn't make you a rebel; it just means that they are…let's say it together…RETARDED. There you go. Now you get it. There are very good reasons to like or even admire Amy: She is a strong and independent woman who managed to make a name for herself in the world of magazines and writing. Bragging about giving her mom ulcers because she "still hasn't found a good man" isn't one of them, because quite frankly, if your mom, after all that you have achieved, still looks at you as an incomplete object because you haven't found a suitable Penis to marry, well, then maybe she does deserve that ulcer. Not wishing your mother harm or anything Amy, Just saying.

And finally, yeah, god forbid I would be considered a socialite, especially if it means abiding by the set of rules and behavior that are being advocated here. The Socialite scene is filled with people who will swear up and down that the movie "Cruel Intentions" was "like, totally, my highschool" and who seem to think that "Mean girls" was an accurate portrayal of the struggles they face in their social life. Yeah. Not me. It wouldn't necessarily be "haram", mainly because I detest people who even remotely use that term to justify anything, but it would suck being lumped in that group, mainly because of their intellectual level. It really would.

So this is the end of that S&H, and you can make of this what you wish. I am glad that I have given you more traffic, and if that's how you make your money, then please send me my cut. This is, after all, a business venture, no? As for your generous offer to write for you, I would have to respectfully decline. Nothing personal. Just don't have the time to keep up with every little thing the people in your circle of friends do. Best of luck with that!

Freedom House hires gullible idiots!

Remember when I told you about how the Egyptian Media invents political entities, and then hypes them up as if they are real, and how the latest example of that is the so-called "Facebook Youth Movement" ?  Well, lo and behold as a Freedom House researcher inflates the Lie!

For the retarded amongst you

I have tolerated the existence of the Scene and Heard blog for a while now, mainly because I think that the crowd they target don't really read or are big Paulo Coelho fans (same thing), so for them to read anything, well, that's just a positive thing. They are the same people I hated hanging out with right after I came back, whose topic of conversations range from who got photographed in what magazine, who married/left/cheated on/sleeps with who and debating the color yellow. Riveting shit, I tell ya. I kept my distance but didn't really hate them, because that's like hating a retard for making stupid decisions.I mean, they are fans of Amy Mowafi for god's sake, so they can't really be blamed for their choices in life. They simply don't know any better.

However, they did join my shit list when they actually lead to the spawning of other egyptian gossip blogs, mainly two that got sent to me today and immediately made my blood boil. The first one targets AUC students, and it's called "Gossip Girl in AUC". Yes,after the CW show targeting 12 year old girls. Seriously. They even do the whole "XOXO" shit at the end. I keep trying to think of ways to insult them, but, why bother? I would be wasting brain cells. There is an actual post about how the writer heard someone say "that's huge? how did you manage that?" and the really funny punchline is, they were talking about a bubble gum. No, for real. Can you believe it? It's Crazzzyyyyyy!!!!!!

And then for those of you who go to the second rate GUC, well, they have one for you as well, and it's called GUC Insider. Now, I am actually quite impressed by that one, because it managed to suck more than the Gossip Girl one (oh gossip girl, I said suck, imagine? That's soo funny. Giggle and blush), which I think is quite the achievement. And the sad thing is, the writer of that one quit, not because he found out that he is a lame writer, but because the GUC people got mad at him. For real. They actually got offended and thought he should discontinue. Thank you GUCians. You are not as lame as everyone says you are.

So yes, S&H, I blame YOU for this. This shit didn't happen until you people came along with your fantastic posts about nothing and people only you know and care about. I get that you attacked those other gossip blogs yourself, but that's not enough. You people have to repent or something for the shit you unleashed on the unsuspecting population. Think of the innocent bystanders. Some people who actually have a brain might stumble upon your website one day without being warned about its nature beforehand -unlike me- and end up getting a brain aneurysm from the your self-congratulating masturbatory so called writing. So please, stop, before anyone gets hurt. Think of the Children who will read this shit and actually think that being a socialite is, like, important. Because it's not. No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them. But then again I am talking about people with no insecurities and who don't give a fuck about whatever spring-fling- fuck-me-I-am-famous shit party your faggy metrosexual friends throw and invite you to next. So you might not relate. Nevermind.  

The 6th of April Strike

There is supposed to be some sort of strike on the 6th of April organized by Kifaya, the Karama and Wasat Parties and the workers of various government factories and ministeries. They are calling it the "Egyptian Intifiadah", cause, you know the Palestinian one worked out so well. Here is the text in English:

“All national forces in Egypt have agreed upon the 6th of April to be a public strike.
On the 6th of April, stay home, do not go out;
Don’t go to work, don’t go to the university, don’t go to school, don’t
open your shop, don’t open your pharmacy, don’t go to the police
station, don’t go to the camp;
We need salaries allowing us to live, we need to work, we want our
children to get education, we need human transportation means, we want
hospitals to get treatment, we want medicines for our children, we need
just judiciary, we want security, we want freedom and dignity, we want
apartments for youth;
We don’t want prices increase, we don’t want favoritism, we don’t want
police in plain clothes, we don’t want torture in police stations, we
don’t want corruption, we don’t want bribes, we don’t want detentions.
Tell your friends not to go to work and ask them to join the strike.”

You know, so far they had me on board, and then I read about the people that want to organize it, and what else is pissing them off:

After a meeting held and represented by Egyptian
people forces: Ghazl Al-Mahala workers (who are striking since last
year expressing their demands to increase their wages to be in line
with price hikes, their strikes were followed by a series of strikes by
many working sectors in Egypt); Al-Karama Party; Al-Wasat Party; Labor
Party; Kefaya Movement; the Bar Association; Educational Workers
Movement; Grain Mills Workers; they expect a positive
response regarding Moslem Brothers’ participation and support in the
strike.

The slogan of this campaign became wider than just
asking for better wages, whereas it included the “Political Change”:
they cited in their paper, it is against the tyranny of the regime. The
campaign is also against the regime’s foreign policy represented in
Egypt’s position towards Gaza and the Palestinian cause; exporting
natural gas to Israel with the lowest prices; strictly abiding by Camp
David Accords; and opposing Iraqi, Lebanese and Afghani resistance.

So the campaign is for our borders to be breached and our soldiers attacked, the end of peace with Israel, and in support of the Taliban, Hamas, Hezbollah. Al Qaida and Muqtada's Al Sadr's militia? A7a!! Really? Seriously?

Fuck that. I ain't playing with those assholes. I am going to my job, and so should any of you with two cells of logic or reason in your heads!

Have a lovely day! 

Don’t touch your privates in Italy

You might just go to jail for..ehh..adjusting yourself!

Cindy Sheehan is in town

"Peace Mom" is here supporting the rights of the Muslim Brotherhood members on trial. Who wants to come with me and throw eggs at her? Ramsey Clark is also here. We can egg him too. It's double the fun this way. Any takers? E-mail me!

Oh, and here is her Open Letter to our First Lady , Suzy Mubarak. Isn't it nice how she pimps her dead army son in the first paragraph of it? I think it's heartwarming. Don't you?

Also, gotta love the ending paragraph;

Thank you for your consideration in this important
matter, inshallah we will work together for a peaceful
and just resolution for the betterment of humanity.

So, supporting the MB is now for the betterment of humanity? And did you notice the Inshallah? How very touching and culturally sensitive..

Oh, and the signature 

Sincerely,
Cindy Sheehan

A US Congress Candidate

Founder & Chairperson of the Gold Star Families for Peace

Director of Camp Casey Peace Institute

Otherwise known as unemployed political whore. And can you put "US congress candidate" as a job description? Doesn't it only count if you win?

Like we needed this shit! 

Tariq Ramadan = Muslim Martin Luther?

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHOHHHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHOOHOHOOHOHOHOH!! OK, oK, I will stop it, oh no I can't, Hehehehehehehehehhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……

The Bad Joke

It's been raining for 2 days, and the streets are filled with water and mud and honking cars that refuse to move. Everything feels unclean, cars, streets, people,, yet the air feels crisp, as if cleansed by the fallen rain. It's dreary out there, and you realize that there is no beauty here. Not anymore. But this seems to be the way the world over. No exits. No Escapes.

I've been reading my older posts and it surprises me how full of anger and passion I was. People tell me that the trademarked Egyptian apathy has finally gotten me, but I disagree. The anger has simply turned into disdain. Stupidity runs rampant around here, and I can no longer make sense of anything. This is such a stupid world, especially this region. The Devil's asshole indeed. With every passing day I feel more and more like the Comedian from Watchmen: I get that this world is a joke, and that it's run by the insane and the stupid, and there is nothing left to do but to try to laugh at it. And all you could do is a try, because it's not even a good joke. In reality, it's a very bad one.

You look at the US elections for example, at the fight between Hillary and Obama, and you can't help but feel that the democrats are idiots for believing that Hillary embodies Change. Her supporters vote for her because, well, because they think they get her husband in on the deal, like that is supposed to be a good thing. You watch them as they double-team the guy who dared to challenge their Power, claiming he is a muslim, branding him as the black candidate, and using the Latin community's racism against blacks to win. And while I can't fault the Hillibillies as a unit, I can definitely fault Bill by himself. He is the De-facto leader of his party, while Obama is undoubtedly its future ( name one democrat that has Obama's appeal, fuck that, name one that has any appeal other than Obama), and to watch the Leader of the party attack and destroy his party's future and cohesion in order to have his wife win,, well, if that's not Nepotism, I don't know what is. God knows my heart sings to this because I know that she will get her ass handed to her come election time by McCain, but it's still so revolting to watch, especially because it's working.

And locally, it's even worse. Bush comes in to talk democracy and freedom of speech, protests erupt all over the country against the guys who keeps "butting in our business". But when the EU parliament issues a rebuke against Egypt for human rights violations, the Egyptian opposition can't stop itself from applauding and fawning all over them. I never fully understood the Egyptian opposition insistence that somehow the US is dirty but Europe is wholesome and good. That US money and support makes you a traitorous agent , yet European money and support is hallal. It blows my mind because the US never colonized us, but Europe did, repeatedly. Last I checked we had English officers in Egypt in 1956, and it was the US that commanded them out, yet somehow, America is the big bad and Britian and France are our heroes. People will tell you it's because of US's support for Israel, well, if you don't think the European leadership equally supports it, I've got a bridge into the 21st century that I would like to sell you.

Maybe it's psychological, the fawning over our old masters and our hatred against those who actually wanted us to be free. Maybe it's some sort of collective Stockholm syndrome or something, where we long for the aid of our old captors, unable and unwilling to be the masters of our destiny. God knows we were never really a conquering nation or even a self-respecting population that fended off invaders, let alone change our rulers. We are spectators at best, always have been, as great powers fought on who gets to be our new Daddy. We talk of self-respect and dignity but we wouldn't even know what self-respect meant even if it slaps us in the face. And dignity? Well, that's us fighting losing wars and lost causes, while cheering on Butchers who have taken on the mantle of our new heroes. But hey, we need heroes, and we will take whatever we can get, right? Hell, we don't even mind getting our borders blown up and our soldiers getting shot at, as long as it's done by the "heroic resistance", right?

I heard people at work lamenting this, how we should have the borders open, this way we are totally supporting the Palestinian cause and resistance. And when you point out to them that this would make Egypt complicit in Hamas' attacks on Israel, thus negating the peace agreement and would be nothing short of a declaration of war, the Lions behind the Desks shout and bellow that it's better to have a war than to live in such indignity any longer. Well, let me say it here loud and clear you fuckers: You want a war, then stop your whining and moaning and protesting and go to Gaza and fight; just don't invite one over here. We actually have military targets and an economy, and I for one wouldn't want to see another Egyptian drop of blood spilled because of that stupid conflict, so don't call for dragging us into a war that has no benefit or purpose to us. I can understand that you Koffeyah-wearing-posers care for the Palestinians more than your own country, forgiving their repetitive deliberate attacks on our soil and our soldiers ever since they got their "autonomy" over Gaza, but that's your prerogative and you can stick to it. I, for one, would like to have Israelis on the Border again. At least they don't shoot from behind their own women and children.

And spare me the bullshit moral indignation please. Egypt didn't create this situation, it's the Palestinians who chose to either support the corrupt Fatah or the suicidal Hamas, even when they all agree that they are both shit. If Hamas now controls Gaza , then they are responsible for those firing those rockets, which give the Israelis all the excuse they need to do the shit they do. You want to blame someone? I suggest pointing your fingers at them. I personally wouldn't mind creating a second Canal so that we are finally done with this bullshit. Either that or the people of Gaza could start supporting a third option, one that doesn't deliberately put them in harm's way to gain sympathy and support. But that day will never come, just as the "Middle-east conflict" will never be resolved. We will forever be here, stuck in shit and mud, unable to move forward with anything, like those cars in Cairo's muddy traffic. Time will not move, the stupidity won't end, and the bad joke will continue to be told, over and over and over, cause we simply don't know any other to tell.

The most ridiculous shit I’ve heard this year..

…has to be from this "award winning" report- from Hebrew University – on why Israeli army men do not rape Palestinian women: it's because they view palestinian women to be too subhuman to rape.

The abstract of the paper, authored by doctoral candidate Tal
Nitzan, notes that the paper shows that "the lack of organized military
rape is an alternate way of realizing [particular] political goals." 

The
next sentence delineates the particular goals that are realized in this
manner: "In the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, it can be seen that the
lack of military rape merely strengthens the ethnic boundaries and
clarifies the inter-ethnic differences – just as organized military
rape would have done."

The paper further theorizes that Arab women in Judea and Samaria are
not raped by IDF soldiers because the women are de-humanized in the
soldiers' eyes.

So it's not because they are not good people or anti-rape or ethical or anything like that. Of course not, they are Joooz. They don't rape palestinian women because they are racist. So, in order to show they are not racist, they should rape them a couple of palestinian women every couple of months. Make them girls feel desirable, you know?

Fuckin Academics!

On Amy and Noby

Dear readers of this blog,

It is rare that one passes by a story such as that of Amy and Noby nowadays. It's a story of love, marriage and retardedness. It's a story worth sharing and worth telling, and it will be told right here. I will let the story speak for itself, and will interject my comments in between. This story, like all good stories like it, starts with a wedding:

When Amy Robson was a little girl, she dreamed of one day marrying her
ideal man in a traditional white wedding in a church close to her
Cumbrian home.

Last week, when she married internet cafe manager Mohamed El Sayed in Egypt, the celebrations were somewhat different.

Dressed in a gold sequined gown and gold jewellery, Amy, the
runaway schoolgirl from Cumbria who has just turned 18, beamed
constantly as she marked her nuptials to the 30-year-old man nicknamed
Noby with a party thrown by her new in-laws at their home 30 miles
outside Cairo.

She is 18, he is 30, and he works as an "Internet cafe manager". And that's just the beginning… 

And despite her family's fears over her future, Amy seemed in no doubt that it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Noby's friends, neighbours and dozens of family members gathered in the
flat in the town of Banha to watch the couple exchange silver rings.
They have spent just a few short days together, but Amy says she is in
no doubt that he is the love of her life.

Only a few days.. in no doubt that he is the love of her life…Ok, could happen. Keep going..

And as Noby's family fussed around her, proclaiming she had been 'sent to us by God', tears of pleasure coursed down her face.

"I'm just so happy," she said, wiping her eyes and gripping the hand of
her new husband for dear life. 'It's been an amazing day. It's a bit
overwhelming.

"I can't believe how welcoming and nice they have been to me here."

Okay… all is well so far…so how did it all start?

Their relationship began in April, when Amy first ran away from home.
She fled to the Red Sea resort of Hurghada to be with married boathand
Tamer Hossney, with whom she had become infatuated on a family holiday
the year before.

When she arrived, Hossney stood her up. But as an international search
began for the schoolgirl, within a day she had fallen in love with
Noby, who was running an internet cafe in the resort.

ehh….

An uneducated man with few prospects, he was at an age at which his
parents had begun to question why he had not married – and was
immediately smitten with the adoring young British girl who demanded
nothing.

Despite his speaking only a few words of English and her speaking no
Arabic, he said he knew immediately he wanted her to be his bride.

 And her passport had nothing to do with anything…

Since then, the pair have developed a means of communicating that is
somewhere between Arabic and English, involving a few words of each.

"A lot of the time I don't understand, but it doesn't matter," said
Amy. "He is teaching me a few Arabic words. It's really hard, though."

Instead of talking, they spend most of their time running after
one another in childlike games of tag, which leave both in fits of
giggles.

 Pain in my head..Blood pressure rising..

Amy's new husband does not want her to go out to work, so she will
spend her days indoors with the other women of the neighbourhood,
waiting for their men to come home.

As a young wife, she will not be allowed to go anywhere independently of Noby. And, as a fair-haired
Western woman, anywhere she does go, she will receive a great deal of attention.

When asked about the prospect of children, Amy confided she
would prefer to wait a while. Her new family, however, cooed that
children are a great blessing and said they hoped she and Noby would be
blessed soon.

And although he appears kind, looking after Amy as if she were
a child, Noby has taken her passport from her. So if her dream does
turn into a nightmare, she may find it difficult to escape.

You don't say? 

Yet for Amy – who is, after all, an adult capable of making her
own choices – none of this matters. When I expressed concern that she
would miss out on her own career, she said she had never been
ambitious.

Nooooooooooooo…I don't believe it.. Surely you are joking….

Until they travelled to Banha for the party, they had been sleeping on
the floor at Noby's brother Fauzi's flat. He works as a street hustler,
trying to attract tourists to buy horse-rides to the Pyramids.

He lives in a run-down block of flats in Cairo, with crumbling
walls, cramped living conditions and children playing in the dirt
outside.

Yet despite her less than salubrious surroundings, Amy insists
she has fallen in love with Egypt and is thrilled about her new life.

"I love it here – it's so much more exciting than at home," she
said. "I miss home sometimes, and Mum and Dad, but they don't
understand about Noby so I can't see them.

"I've emailed them but we don't speak on the phone and I didn't tell them I was getting married.

"If I'd stayed at home I might have gone to college, but I don't feel like I'm missing out. The only thing I
hate here is the food – it's really weird. I just eat a lot of pitta bread."

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE

When asked what the future holds, Amy buried her head into Noby's shoulder and mumbled: "I don't know.

Questions about whether she will convert to Islam, her husband's religion, and begin wearing the veil brought the same reaction.

Noby plans to make a living by finding another internet cafe to run to
ensure his wife will never have to work, which he views as "not for
women".

He hopes to encourage Amy to eat Egyptian food because he would like her to become plump.

Fantastic..

Now, just in case you wonder how could she be this retarded, well, the story does offer a hidden clue:

Back home in the Cumbrian village of Beaumont, from which she first
fled to Egypt in April, her parents – James, 42 and Janet, 33 – are
desperately worried about their daughter.

Janet, her mother, is 33. Amy is 18, which means that Janet had her when she was 15, and thus got pregnant with her when she was 14. Yeah, good judgement doesn't really run in the genes of the females of her family, does it? 

Now, the comments on this story keep talking about how that story should be revisited in a few years and how it will show that girl's life turning into a nightmare, but , like, ehh, I doubt it. The Girl is stupid. She is dumb as a log. She escaped home cause she was in love with a boathand she met once (named Tamer Honsey, egyptian readers, notice that?), when she didn't find him she fell in love with noby, who couldn't even speak her language or she his'. She is not very bright, not very ambitious, and just wants someone to latch on to. And he will never let her go. It's perfect.

But noting that not many of you will share my outlook on this, which is "She is stupid, he is an opprutunist, they deserve each other", me and a few female friends from the US are planning to drive down to Banha come January and visit Amy to check up on her. We will bring her McDonalds with us as well, just in case she isn't sick to death of Pita bread by then. The girls think they can convince her of coming with them for a night out in Cairo, but I really doubt Noby will let her step outside the house at all. Chances are he will attack us with a knife or something. Should be interesting. Will keep you updated. And in case you want to join me on the "Bring Mickey D's to Amy" campaign, just e-mail me and we will arrange things. I am dead serious people. I am not gonna miss out on this shit!