Archive of ‘Retardedness’ category

Hitting back at the Iranians

Oh yes, we are, artictically, for the insult they gave the egyptian people by showing a documentary golrifying the assassination of Sadat. How exactly will we do that? By making our own movie of course, called Khomeini, the Imam of Blood.

Mohamed Hassan Al-Alfi, a member of the ruling National Democratic
Party and Editor-in-Chief of its mouthpiece Al-Watani Al-Youm, told Al
Arabiya that he is in the process of writing the script for ‘Khomeini:
The Imam of Blood,’ which will be directed by prominent Egyptian
director Mohamed Fadel.

The movie, Alfi said, will spotlight Khomeini's extremist ideas and how
they threatened Egypt's security during the first 10 years of current
President Hosni Mubarak's rule. It will also show how Khomeini's
ideologies were behind the assassination of Sadat.

Oh yes, that will show them! Wait, it kinda won't, since they do admit that they wanted Sadat dead. So showing off how Khomeini was behind it would only make them happy. You wanna piss them off? Show Persopolis on egyptian TV for a week straight, and make the comic required reading in egyptian schools. Maybe even give Marjane Satrapi a medal. Name a street after he, or something. Don;t make a movie and definitely don;t have Mohamed Fadel direct it, because he will include his talentless ugly actress wife in it, Fardous abdelhamid, and that would just turn people off from ever wanting to watch it. That's just not smart, u know?

Regular service will be resumed shortly

Disclaimer: Dear readers, this is simply my response to S&H post about me. If you think the whole thing is stupid, and who could blame you, then please ignore this and await my Obama post, and why him winning might actually be the best thing to happen for the American right. If you wanna read it anyway, be my guest, but don't you dare complain. You've been warned!

Holy Cow!

I didn't know that my post on you would cause such debate in your comments section, even though the word "debate" might be an exaggeration to what's going on here. Either way, Upon finding this, I figured why not respond to what's being said and all? I mean, even Amy Mowafi responded (more on that in a second) so I guess I should put my two cents in as well.

Now, the first thing I've noticed about your post is the parts you edited from mine. And while I can understand you taking away the references to the other two blogs, there is one line you removed from the final paragraph in that post, and I guess you removing it says volumes about you and your intellectual honesty. Here it is:

"No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them."

Now, why would you remove that specific sentence dear S&H? Any specific reason? Or is it because you know how true it is, and it just hit too close to home? Oh, I wonder.

Now , that aside, I am glad that you are doing this as a business venture, and not because you lead some empty existence where your only entertainment is the lives of others. Although, I am not really sure how this Business model operates exactly. Do people actually pay you to write stuff about them? If that's the case, how "hot" and "happenin" could they be? Does that mean that everything you post about is paid advertisement? Does that include your opinions as well? I am just asking because I have encountered a poor soul whose main beef with you was that you never mentioned her, and maybe if you guys are for sale, she could buy your love or attention, or something. But then again, what kind of socialite gets bought? What kind of Socialite needs money?

As for your questions, emm, let's see. Age: 27. Interests: Many many many things. Why do I hate people like you with social lives: Ehh..whomever said I was hating on you for your social life? Do you really think I care who you meet or hang out with or totally loathe? And do you really think that where you go is soo exclusive? I've been to every place you go to, I know every single one of your friends and we probably even drank together. But the main difference between you and me is this: I have this strange tendency to actually have fun when I go out. Yes, for real. Wanna know something crazier? If it's not going to be fun, I just don't go out. Yeah, really! That concept, for some reason, is lost on most of you, who go to Jazz club on Wednesdays (Or 35 on Fridays, and let's not forget La Bodega the rest of the freakin week, except Thursday of course, because that's when the bee2ah people go out) because it's the thing to do and "what else are we gonna do? Stay home?". And you go out with the same people as the night before, you discuss the same topics you discussed the time before and you spend lots of money on drinks that don't end up even getting you drunk or buzzed and you go home mabdoneen because your life is so very fuckin boring, and you go to bed counting the days until you head to Hacienda to "have some real parties", with, surprise surprise, the same people you meet in cairo, only this time everyone is showing off the results of the latest plastic surgery they've had. So no, this isn't the rant of some social recluse who is envious of you. There is nothing to envy there.

I am not even gonna address the Paulo Coelho issue. You've done a fine job on that one all by yourself.

Now, allow me to quote one of your posts, to show you why exactly you do piss me off. This is a post you wrote a couple of days ago, and I believe the topic was about "social climbers". Hmm, let's dissect that one for a second, shall we?

"You see them at La Bodega…35…AND Sangria, ALL IN ONE NIGHT!! They are called…THE SOCIAL CLIMBERS."

Color me confused, but isn't it true that in order for you to see them, don't you too have to be there at those 3 places that same night?

Now, what are the other signs of social climbers?

"The one's who say hi to anyone and everyone…"

Oh no, you mean they are being nice to people? How dare they?

"then you'll need to understand that we won't consider you "cool" if we know you been to every hot spot..and hung out till unearthly hours"

Ok, so the S&H rules in order for you not to be categorized as a social climber are: Don't go to three places in one night and be seen there, unless you are a part of the Scene & Heard Clique, because they are exempted from that rule. Don't be nice or say hi to people; sneer at them, growl if possible! And don't stay up late in one place. A good socialite leaves the party while it's happening, not when it's over, because the ones who stay till the end are losers, and they end up being stuck with the check (double losers). Did I get that right?

You know, I come from old money. Not touting that as an achievement or anything. It's simply a fact. My grandfather was the Egyptian royalty, my grandmother is such an old and known "socialite" (back when the term had something to do with charitable work and love for this country), whose donation to charity is now estimated to be worth billions and who actually has a square in Heliopolis named after her. She raised me, and she thought me the difference between old money and the nouveau riche. You know what the difference is? Manners. Old money comes with manners. You are polite to all people, and you never have to make a scene, because you know who you are and where you come from. New money, on the other hand, have inferiority complexes: so they mistreat their maids, they insult the wait-staff, and they act snobbish, haughty and rude to people, and they say shit like "entah 3aref entah betkalem meen?", because they believe (from watching bad TV shows and movies) that this is the way you act if you are from the upper-class. Only a true nouveau riche social climber would care about who they are seen talking to in clubs, who shows there, and how they will look in the eyes of others. Old money doesn't give a crap about that, but they will see fit to remind the nouveau riche of their place if they do cross the line. That's all there is to it.

Now, I don't know which are you, nor do I care that much. But you should know that the attitude you are exporting is that of the nouveau riche, and god forbid you guys get labeled as that. As for anyone who is reading this and actually wishes to be considered a socialite, well, my dear friends, it's really much easier and simpler than they portray it here. You wanna be a socialite? Well, it's really really easy. All you really need are two things: 1) Money, and 2) Time to waste. Because trust me, you will waste a lot of time and money getting in, and you will waste even more the moment you are in. Don't worry, they will let you in their circles, because they are bored of each other more than they would like to admit, even to themselves.

As for Amy, well, my beef with her book is very simple: Being a single woman at her late twenties is not an achievement, nor is her stating that she doesn't care how that makes society views her makes her a rebel and someone who breaks down walls. It's simply the case of society placing retarded rules and norms on girls and women, and the key word here is retarded. Not following retarded rules doesn't make you a rebel; it simply means you are not retarded. Congratulations, here is a cookie. The fact that the majority of other girls in Egypt seem to obey and follow those rules still doesn't make you a rebel; it just means that they are…let's say it together…RETARDED. There you go. Now you get it. There are very good reasons to like or even admire Amy: She is a strong and independent woman who managed to make a name for herself in the world of magazines and writing. Bragging about giving her mom ulcers because she "still hasn't found a good man" isn't one of them, because quite frankly, if your mom, after all that you have achieved, still looks at you as an incomplete object because you haven't found a suitable Penis to marry, well, then maybe she does deserve that ulcer. Not wishing your mother harm or anything Amy, Just saying.

And finally, yeah, god forbid I would be considered a socialite, especially if it means abiding by the set of rules and behavior that are being advocated here. The Socialite scene is filled with people who will swear up and down that the movie "Cruel Intentions" was "like, totally, my highschool" and who seem to think that "Mean girls" was an accurate portrayal of the struggles they face in their social life. Yeah. Not me. It wouldn't necessarily be "haram", mainly because I detest people who even remotely use that term to justify anything, but it would suck being lumped in that group, mainly because of their intellectual level. It really would.

So this is the end of that S&H, and you can make of this what you wish. I am glad that I have given you more traffic, and if that's how you make your money, then please send me my cut. This is, after all, a business venture, no? As for your generous offer to write for you, I would have to respectfully decline. Nothing personal. Just don't have the time to keep up with every little thing the people in your circle of friends do. Best of luck with that!

For the retarded amongst you

I have tolerated the existence of the Scene and Heard blog for a while now, mainly because I think that the crowd they target don't really read or are big Paulo Coelho fans (same thing), so for them to read anything, well, that's just a positive thing. They are the same people I hated hanging out with right after I came back, whose topic of conversations range from who got photographed in what magazine, who married/left/cheated on/sleeps with who and debating the color yellow. Riveting shit, I tell ya. I kept my distance but didn't really hate them, because that's like hating a retard for making stupid decisions.I mean, they are fans of Amy Mowafi for god's sake, so they can't really be blamed for their choices in life. They simply don't know any better.

However, they did join my shit list when they actually lead to the spawning of other egyptian gossip blogs, mainly two that got sent to me today and immediately made my blood boil. The first one targets AUC students, and it's called "Gossip Girl in AUC". Yes,after the CW show targeting 12 year old girls. Seriously. They even do the whole "XOXO" shit at the end. I keep trying to think of ways to insult them, but, why bother? I would be wasting brain cells. There is an actual post about how the writer heard someone say "that's huge? how did you manage that?" and the really funny punchline is, they were talking about a bubble gum. No, for real. Can you believe it? It's Crazzzyyyyyy!!!!!!

And then for those of you who go to the second rate GUC, well, they have one for you as well, and it's called GUC Insider. Now, I am actually quite impressed by that one, because it managed to suck more than the Gossip Girl one (oh gossip girl, I said suck, imagine? That's soo funny. Giggle and blush), which I think is quite the achievement. And the sad thing is, the writer of that one quit, not because he found out that he is a lame writer, but because the GUC people got mad at him. For real. They actually got offended and thought he should discontinue. Thank you GUCians. You are not as lame as everyone says you are.

So yes, S&H, I blame YOU for this. This shit didn't happen until you people came along with your fantastic posts about nothing and people only you know and care about. I get that you attacked those other gossip blogs yourself, but that's not enough. You people have to repent or something for the shit you unleashed on the unsuspecting population. Think of the innocent bystanders. Some people who actually have a brain might stumble upon your website one day without being warned about its nature beforehand -unlike me- and end up getting a brain aneurysm from the your self-congratulating masturbatory so called writing. So please, stop, before anyone gets hurt. Think of the Children who will read this shit and actually think that being a socialite is, like, important. Because it's not. No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them. But then again I am talking about people with no insecurities and who don't give a fuck about whatever spring-fling- fuck-me-I-am-famous shit party your faggy metrosexual friends throw and invite you to next. So you might not relate. Nevermind.  

The 6th of April Strike

There is supposed to be some sort of strike on the 6th of April organized by Kifaya, the Karama and Wasat Parties and the workers of various government factories and ministeries. They are calling it the "Egyptian Intifiadah", cause, you know the Palestinian one worked out so well. Here is the text in English:

“All national forces in Egypt have agreed upon the 6th of April to be a public strike.
On the 6th of April, stay home, do not go out;
Don’t go to work, don’t go to the university, don’t go to school, don’t
open your shop, don’t open your pharmacy, don’t go to the police
station, don’t go to the camp;
We need salaries allowing us to live, we need to work, we want our
children to get education, we need human transportation means, we want
hospitals to get treatment, we want medicines for our children, we need
just judiciary, we want security, we want freedom and dignity, we want
apartments for youth;
We don’t want prices increase, we don’t want favoritism, we don’t want
police in plain clothes, we don’t want torture in police stations, we
don’t want corruption, we don’t want bribes, we don’t want detentions.
Tell your friends not to go to work and ask them to join the strike.”

You know, so far they had me on board, and then I read about the people that want to organize it, and what else is pissing them off:

After a meeting held and represented by Egyptian
people forces: Ghazl Al-Mahala workers (who are striking since last
year expressing their demands to increase their wages to be in line
with price hikes, their strikes were followed by a series of strikes by
many working sectors in Egypt); Al-Karama Party; Al-Wasat Party; Labor
Party; Kefaya Movement; the Bar Association; Educational Workers
Movement; Grain Mills Workers; they expect a positive
response regarding Moslem Brothers’ participation and support in the
strike.

The slogan of this campaign became wider than just
asking for better wages, whereas it included the “Political Change”:
they cited in their paper, it is against the tyranny of the regime. The
campaign is also against the regime’s foreign policy represented in
Egypt’s position towards Gaza and the Palestinian cause; exporting
natural gas to Israel with the lowest prices; strictly abiding by Camp
David Accords; and opposing Iraqi, Lebanese and Afghani resistance.

So the campaign is for our borders to be breached and our soldiers attacked, the end of peace with Israel, and in support of the Taliban, Hamas, Hezbollah. Al Qaida and Muqtada's Al Sadr's militia? A7a!! Really? Seriously?

Fuck that. I ain't playing with those assholes. I am going to my job, and so should any of you with two cells of logic or reason in your heads!

Have a lovely day! 

Cindy Sheehan is in town

"Peace Mom" is here supporting the rights of the Muslim Brotherhood members on trial. Who wants to come with me and throw eggs at her? Ramsey Clark is also here. We can egg him too. It's double the fun this way. Any takers? E-mail me!

Oh, and here is her Open Letter to our First Lady , Suzy Mubarak. Isn't it nice how she pimps her dead army son in the first paragraph of it? I think it's heartwarming. Don't you?

Also, gotta love the ending paragraph;

Thank you for your consideration in this important
matter, inshallah we will work together for a peaceful
and just resolution for the betterment of humanity.

So, supporting the MB is now for the betterment of humanity? And did you notice the Inshallah? How very touching and culturally sensitive..

Oh, and the signature 

Sincerely,
Cindy Sheehan

A US Congress Candidate

Founder & Chairperson of the Gold Star Families for Peace

Director of Camp Casey Peace Institute

Otherwise known as unemployed political whore. And can you put "US congress candidate" as a job description? Doesn't it only count if you win?

Like we needed this shit! 

The Bad Joke

It's been raining for 2 days, and the streets are filled with water and mud and honking cars that refuse to move. Everything feels unclean, cars, streets, people,, yet the air feels crisp, as if cleansed by the fallen rain. It's dreary out there, and you realize that there is no beauty here. Not anymore. But this seems to be the way the world over. No exits. No Escapes.

I've been reading my older posts and it surprises me how full of anger and passion I was. People tell me that the trademarked Egyptian apathy has finally gotten me, but I disagree. The anger has simply turned into disdain. Stupidity runs rampant around here, and I can no longer make sense of anything. This is such a stupid world, especially this region. The Devil's asshole indeed. With every passing day I feel more and more like the Comedian from Watchmen: I get that this world is a joke, and that it's run by the insane and the stupid, and there is nothing left to do but to try to laugh at it. And all you could do is a try, because it's not even a good joke. In reality, it's a very bad one.

You look at the US elections for example, at the fight between Hillary and Obama, and you can't help but feel that the democrats are idiots for believing that Hillary embodies Change. Her supporters vote for her because, well, because they think they get her husband in on the deal, like that is supposed to be a good thing. You watch them as they double-team the guy who dared to challenge their Power, claiming he is a muslim, branding him as the black candidate, and using the Latin community's racism against blacks to win. And while I can't fault the Hillibillies as a unit, I can definitely fault Bill by himself. He is the De-facto leader of his party, while Obama is undoubtedly its future ( name one democrat that has Obama's appeal, fuck that, name one that has any appeal other than Obama), and to watch the Leader of the party attack and destroy his party's future and cohesion in order to have his wife win,, well, if that's not Nepotism, I don't know what is. God knows my heart sings to this because I know that she will get her ass handed to her come election time by McCain, but it's still so revolting to watch, especially because it's working.

And locally, it's even worse. Bush comes in to talk democracy and freedom of speech, protests erupt all over the country against the guys who keeps "butting in our business". But when the EU parliament issues a rebuke against Egypt for human rights violations, the Egyptian opposition can't stop itself from applauding and fawning all over them. I never fully understood the Egyptian opposition insistence that somehow the US is dirty but Europe is wholesome and good. That US money and support makes you a traitorous agent , yet European money and support is hallal. It blows my mind because the US never colonized us, but Europe did, repeatedly. Last I checked we had English officers in Egypt in 1956, and it was the US that commanded them out, yet somehow, America is the big bad and Britian and France are our heroes. People will tell you it's because of US's support for Israel, well, if you don't think the European leadership equally supports it, I've got a bridge into the 21st century that I would like to sell you.

Maybe it's psychological, the fawning over our old masters and our hatred against those who actually wanted us to be free. Maybe it's some sort of collective Stockholm syndrome or something, where we long for the aid of our old captors, unable and unwilling to be the masters of our destiny. God knows we were never really a conquering nation or even a self-respecting population that fended off invaders, let alone change our rulers. We are spectators at best, always have been, as great powers fought on who gets to be our new Daddy. We talk of self-respect and dignity but we wouldn't even know what self-respect meant even if it slaps us in the face. And dignity? Well, that's us fighting losing wars and lost causes, while cheering on Butchers who have taken on the mantle of our new heroes. But hey, we need heroes, and we will take whatever we can get, right? Hell, we don't even mind getting our borders blown up and our soldiers getting shot at, as long as it's done by the "heroic resistance", right?

I heard people at work lamenting this, how we should have the borders open, this way we are totally supporting the Palestinian cause and resistance. And when you point out to them that this would make Egypt complicit in Hamas' attacks on Israel, thus negating the peace agreement and would be nothing short of a declaration of war, the Lions behind the Desks shout and bellow that it's better to have a war than to live in such indignity any longer. Well, let me say it here loud and clear you fuckers: You want a war, then stop your whining and moaning and protesting and go to Gaza and fight; just don't invite one over here. We actually have military targets and an economy, and I for one wouldn't want to see another Egyptian drop of blood spilled because of that stupid conflict, so don't call for dragging us into a war that has no benefit or purpose to us. I can understand that you Koffeyah-wearing-posers care for the Palestinians more than your own country, forgiving their repetitive deliberate attacks on our soil and our soldiers ever since they got their "autonomy" over Gaza, but that's your prerogative and you can stick to it. I, for one, would like to have Israelis on the Border again. At least they don't shoot from behind their own women and children.

And spare me the bullshit moral indignation please. Egypt didn't create this situation, it's the Palestinians who chose to either support the corrupt Fatah or the suicidal Hamas, even when they all agree that they are both shit. If Hamas now controls Gaza , then they are responsible for those firing those rockets, which give the Israelis all the excuse they need to do the shit they do. You want to blame someone? I suggest pointing your fingers at them. I personally wouldn't mind creating a second Canal so that we are finally done with this bullshit. Either that or the people of Gaza could start supporting a third option, one that doesn't deliberately put them in harm's way to gain sympathy and support. But that day will never come, just as the "Middle-east conflict" will never be resolved. We will forever be here, stuck in shit and mud, unable to move forward with anything, like those cars in Cairo's muddy traffic. Time will not move, the stupidity won't end, and the bad joke will continue to be told, over and over and over, cause we simply don't know any other to tell.

The most ridiculous shit I've heard this year..

…has to be from this "award winning" report- from Hebrew University – on why Israeli army men do not rape Palestinian women: it's because they view palestinian women to be too subhuman to rape.

The abstract of the paper, authored by doctoral candidate Tal
Nitzan, notes that the paper shows that "the lack of organized military
rape is an alternate way of realizing [particular] political goals." 

The
next sentence delineates the particular goals that are realized in this
manner: "In the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, it can be seen that the
lack of military rape merely strengthens the ethnic boundaries and
clarifies the inter-ethnic differences – just as organized military
rape would have done."

The paper further theorizes that Arab women in Judea and Samaria are
not raped by IDF soldiers because the women are de-humanized in the
soldiers' eyes.

So it's not because they are not good people or anti-rape or ethical or anything like that. Of course not, they are Joooz. They don't rape palestinian women because they are racist. So, in order to show they are not racist, they should rape them a couple of palestinian women every couple of months. Make them girls feel desirable, you know?

Fuckin Academics!

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