Archive of ‘Retardedness’ category

On Amy and Noby

Dear readers of this blog,

It is rare that one passes by a story such as that of Amy and Noby nowadays. It's a story of love, marriage and retardedness. It's a story worth sharing and worth telling, and it will be told right here. I will let the story speak for itself, and will interject my comments in between. This story, like all good stories like it, starts with a wedding:

When Amy Robson was a little girl, she dreamed of one day marrying her
ideal man in a traditional white wedding in a church close to her
Cumbrian home.

Last week, when she married internet cafe manager Mohamed El Sayed in Egypt, the celebrations were somewhat different.

Dressed in a gold sequined gown and gold jewellery, Amy, the
runaway schoolgirl from Cumbria who has just turned 18, beamed
constantly as she marked her nuptials to the 30-year-old man nicknamed
Noby with a party thrown by her new in-laws at their home 30 miles
outside Cairo.

She is 18, he is 30, and he works as an "Internet cafe manager". And that's just the beginning… 

And despite her family's fears over her future, Amy seemed in no doubt that it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Noby's friends, neighbours and dozens of family members gathered in the
flat in the town of Banha to watch the couple exchange silver rings.
They have spent just a few short days together, but Amy says she is in
no doubt that he is the love of her life.

Only a few days.. in no doubt that he is the love of her life…Ok, could happen. Keep going..

And as Noby's family fussed around her, proclaiming she had been 'sent to us by God', tears of pleasure coursed down her face.

"I'm just so happy," she said, wiping her eyes and gripping the hand of
her new husband for dear life. 'It's been an amazing day. It's a bit
overwhelming.

"I can't believe how welcoming and nice they have been to me here."

Okay… all is well so far…so how did it all start?

Their relationship began in April, when Amy first ran away from home.
She fled to the Red Sea resort of Hurghada to be with married boathand
Tamer Hossney, with whom she had become infatuated on a family holiday
the year before.

When she arrived, Hossney stood her up. But as an international search
began for the schoolgirl, within a day she had fallen in love with
Noby, who was running an internet cafe in the resort.

ehh….

An uneducated man with few prospects, he was at an age at which his
parents had begun to question why he had not married – and was
immediately smitten with the adoring young British girl who demanded
nothing.

Despite his speaking only a few words of English and her speaking no
Arabic, he said he knew immediately he wanted her to be his bride.

 And her passport had nothing to do with anything…

Since then, the pair have developed a means of communicating that is
somewhere between Arabic and English, involving a few words of each.

"A lot of the time I don't understand, but it doesn't matter," said
Amy. "He is teaching me a few Arabic words. It's really hard, though."

Instead of talking, they spend most of their time running after
one another in childlike games of tag, which leave both in fits of
giggles.

 Pain in my head..Blood pressure rising..

Amy's new husband does not want her to go out to work, so she will
spend her days indoors with the other women of the neighbourhood,
waiting for their men to come home.

As a young wife, she will not be allowed to go anywhere independently of Noby. And, as a fair-haired
Western woman, anywhere she does go, she will receive a great deal of attention.

When asked about the prospect of children, Amy confided she
would prefer to wait a while. Her new family, however, cooed that
children are a great blessing and said they hoped she and Noby would be
blessed soon.

And although he appears kind, looking after Amy as if she were
a child, Noby has taken her passport from her. So if her dream does
turn into a nightmare, she may find it difficult to escape.

You don't say? 

Yet for Amy – who is, after all, an adult capable of making her
own choices – none of this matters. When I expressed concern that she
would miss out on her own career, she said she had never been
ambitious.

Nooooooooooooo…I don't believe it.. Surely you are joking….

Until they travelled to Banha for the party, they had been sleeping on
the floor at Noby's brother Fauzi's flat. He works as a street hustler,
trying to attract tourists to buy horse-rides to the Pyramids.

He lives in a run-down block of flats in Cairo, with crumbling
walls, cramped living conditions and children playing in the dirt
outside.

Yet despite her less than salubrious surroundings, Amy insists
she has fallen in love with Egypt and is thrilled about her new life.

"I love it here – it's so much more exciting than at home," she
said. "I miss home sometimes, and Mum and Dad, but they don't
understand about Noby so I can't see them.

"I've emailed them but we don't speak on the phone and I didn't tell them I was getting married.

"If I'd stayed at home I might have gone to college, but I don't feel like I'm missing out. The only thing I
hate here is the food – it's really weird. I just eat a lot of pitta bread."

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE

When asked what the future holds, Amy buried her head into Noby's shoulder and mumbled: "I don't know.

Questions about whether she will convert to Islam, her husband's religion, and begin wearing the veil brought the same reaction.

Noby plans to make a living by finding another internet cafe to run to
ensure his wife will never have to work, which he views as "not for
women".

He hopes to encourage Amy to eat Egyptian food because he would like her to become plump.

Fantastic..

Now, just in case you wonder how could she be this retarded, well, the story does offer a hidden clue:

Back home in the Cumbrian village of Beaumont, from which she first
fled to Egypt in April, her parents – James, 42 and Janet, 33 – are
desperately worried about their daughter.

Janet, her mother, is 33. Amy is 18, which means that Janet had her when she was 15, and thus got pregnant with her when she was 14. Yeah, good judgement doesn't really run in the genes of the females of her family, does it? 

Now, the comments on this story keep talking about how that story should be revisited in a few years and how it will show that girl's life turning into a nightmare, but , like, ehh, I doubt it. The Girl is stupid. She is dumb as a log. She escaped home cause she was in love with a boathand she met once (named Tamer Honsey, egyptian readers, notice that?), when she didn't find him she fell in love with noby, who couldn't even speak her language or she his'. She is not very bright, not very ambitious, and just wants someone to latch on to. And he will never let her go. It's perfect.

But noting that not many of you will share my outlook on this, which is "She is stupid, he is an opprutunist, they deserve each other", me and a few female friends from the US are planning to drive down to Banha come January and visit Amy to check up on her. We will bring her McDonalds with us as well, just in case she isn't sick to death of Pita bread by then. The girls think they can convince her of coming with them for a night out in Cairo, but I really doubt Noby will let her step outside the house at all. Chances are he will attack us with a knife or something. Should be interesting. Will keep you updated. And in case you want to join me on the "Bring Mickey D's to Amy" campaign, just e-mail me and we will arrange things. I am dead serious people. I am not gonna miss out on this shit!

The First Islamic Car

It's gonna be produced by Iran. What makes it Islamic? Well, it will be manufactured by three Islamic Nations (Iran, Turkey and Malaysia) and it will include decidedly Islamic features: It will contain a Prayer Rug, a Mecca-pointing compass and a "Koran Holder", just in case you feel like reading the good book while driving. The news is welcomed by the thousands of Muslims who are sick and tired of driving Italian Catholic cars or German and American protestant cars ( we are not even gonna mention the cars made by the asian infidels here), and wanted a car that shared their religious beliefs. The people are complaining though  that the car doesn't segregate between the men and women riding it, and therefore isn't truly Islamic. The company claims that segregating the car would be impractical from an engineering point of view, but promises to install vice sensors in the upcoming models that will blare an alarm saying"GOD IS WATCHING YOU, BITCHES!" in case a man and a woman got within touching distance from each other.

Onwards, Islamic people! 

The inevtiable conclusion to Teddy Mo

In response to the latest ruling ..Dan Savage..the known gay sex-columnist…ehh…mouthes off:

Gee, sentenced to be deported. You’re really twisting the ol’ knife there, Sudan.
No doubt after being arrested on a bullshit blasphemy charge,
threatened with forty lashes and six months in prison, and then packed
off to a prison for two weeks where she’s likely to encounter physical
violence and may just contract malaria—I’m sure after enduring all that, Sudan, remaining in your shithole country was Gibbons’ fondest wish.

This whole mess cries out for a Teddy Roosevelt. Enough with the
“expressions of displeasure” from the diplomats. Someone in the British
government needs to deliver a “Perdicaris alive or Raisuli dead!” speech on Gibbons’ behalf. And mean it.

Before I go home tonight I’m going to pop across the street to the
new Crypt, buy myself a buttplug, and name the fucking thing Mohammed.

The Mo Teddy Photo Essay

 So, this old british teacher lady decided one day to have her kids vote on naming a Teddy Bear…

 …which the kids decided to name "Mohamed"…..

 Which pissed off all of those people to the point of asking for her head…

 

 …and got her coward of a Boss to fire her ass and say he had nothing to do with her…

 

 ..and managed to get her 15 days in jail and a deportation sentencing (instead of 40 lashes mind you) , all because she asked kids to name a teddy bear… 

 

 ..so you will all forgive me when I find it kind of hard to to believe, that this Teddy bear is part of some plot to insult Islam and make muslims look bad..

 

 …when Muslims always manage to do such a fantastic job all on their own!

Just trying to give credit where credit is due y'all!

PS: apologies for using this photo essay- which will probably insult the intelligence of many readers of this blog- to try to make my point. After watching this unfold for the past few days I've come to the conclusion that there are for more retarded people in the world then I ever imagined, so I figured a simplified photo essay with not too many words might just do the trick. Gotta reach out to them, man, they are too many to kill. Unless we remove the safety warnings off of everything and have the problem work itself out. Ahh, one can only dream!  

The Teddy Bear Lady charged in Sudan

For inciting religious hatred. See, I told you , you can't name a cuddly toy after our Prophet without us getting mad at you. But what's really amusing is the school's response:

Several Sudanese newspapers ran a statement Tuesday reportedly from the
school, saying the administration "offers an official apology to the
students and their families and all Muslims for what came from an
individual initiative." It said Gibbons had been "removed from her work
at the school."

While despicable, I believe the school's action is understandable: They don't want to get killed, especially not over a freaking Teddy Bear, and in Sudan, especially in this case, that's actually a possibility. Would you wanna lose your life because of a Teddy Bear political crisis? 

And of course, no such crisis could take place without someone screaming the words "conspiracy" or "plot", right? Well, let's scan the news report, yada yada yada, ohh, there we go:

Although Khartoum officials played down the case and said it was an
isolated incident, Sudan's top clerics said in a statement Wednesday
that the full measure of the law should be applied against Gibbons,
calling the incident part of a broader Western "plot" against Islam.

HA. TOLD YOU SO. Allright. Ok. On Familiar grounds once again.

The Sudanese clerics said this was blasphemy and believed it was intentional.

"What has happened was not haphazard or carried out of ignorance, but
rather a calculated action and another ring in the circles of plotting
against Islam," the Sudanese Assembly of the Ulemas said the statement.

"It is part of the campaign of the so-called war against terrorism and the intense media campaign against Islam," they said.

So, naming a Teddy Bear Mohamed in a classroom for 7 year old's is part of the war on terror? It's connected to the Media campaign against Islam? Really? Well, if it's a plot and it involved the media and Islam, then the Jooz must also be behind it. Those damn Joooz.

Seriously though, I think someone is suffering from a heatstroke over there!

No christians please part 2

The discussion over the Sabaya cafe's decision to ban christian girls from entering it has reminded me of something that I've long forgotten: the reason why they don't allow christians in, is because Islam views non-Christian women the same as strange men. Hell, according to this Fatwa, it's not just christian women who good muslim veiled girls shouldn't be exposed to: 

If she is in the presence of trustworthy
Muslim women, her nakedness is only between her navel and knees. As for
what is above that, such as her chest, it is permissible for her to
uncover it in front of them, as often happens with nursing women. As
for if she is in the presence of:

  1. a non-Muslim woman, or
  2. a Muslim woman who is wicked through extramarital sexual intercourse (Ar. zina), or
  3. a Muslim woman who is wicked through lesbianism,

then it is not permissible for her to expose any of her body except
that which shows during work, this being: her head, neck, arms up to
the upper arms, and legs up to the knees (Tuhfa, 7.194,200). However,
it is better for her to cover herself [m: more than what is strictly
required] because a non-Muslim or wicked woman might describe her to a
man who is not permitted to look at her.

Ahh, see, there is LOGIC to it after all. If the good muslim chickas allow christian girls to see them uncoverd, the evil ungodly christians can go and tell men how the muslims girls really look like under the veil, and that could lead to…ehh..them imaging how the girls may look like under the veil. And that's just wrong. Very very bad.

Joking aside, this does have some serious conequences to me on the personal level, and for the entire country as well. The personal consequences to me has to do with my plan to change the current Image of Islam as a violent terrorism religion to the old image of Islam of it being just a sexist misogynistic one. There used to be a time, not long ago, when people would react to my revelation to them that I am a muslim with "Islam? Isn't that the religion where a man can have 4 wives?" instead of the current "Islam, isn't that the religion where people just blow shit up?" response, and I believe we can bring those days back again. We just have to market it right, and I figured the best way to do it is to flaunt the islamic perk of having more than one wife at a time by putting a 21st century spin on it. Something along the lines of "Islam, the religion of threesomes, Foursomes and Moresomes", you know? Cause what's the point of having two wives if you can't have threesomes, right? But, unfortunately, according to this Fatwa, the muslim women can not be naked in front of non-msulim women or women with lesbian tendencies, so that plan is all shot to shit. Can you imagine if that wasn't the case? Men all over the world would be converting like that!

And as far the implication to us as a good ole isalmic society, one has to realize that this means that the majority of women are sinning without even knowing, and some of them who do know can't even help it. Just think about it: Female Bathrooms and Locker-rooms. It's used by both Muslim and christian women, which means that there are many muslim girls who were described by their evil christian counterparts to strange men, because, u know, they have nothing better to do with their time. This also means that in a true Islamic society, there would have to be separate changing rooms and bathrooms for Muslim and Non-Muslim females in every sporting club, Gym, restaurant and public Place. Just imagine: A nice lil sign next to the bathroom that says "Muslims only" next to it, or "No non-muslims allowed". Yes. That's the way to do it, and until we do this we are just freakin western-wannabe heathens who don't care about the honor and modesty of our women.

On another note, can you imagine what Human rights organizations, or CAIR, would do if in a western country there was a bathroom- we are not even talking cafe here, a bathroom- with a "No Muslims allowed" or "Non-Muslims only" sign next to it?

Hmm… 

No Mo Bears for you

The Sudanese authorities has foiled another  western conspiracy against Islam by arresting a British teacher who wanted to insult the Holy Prophet Mohamed. The devious lady- who must be secretly a jew-did so by taking a vote in class over the naming of a teddy bear, and asking the children to name him their most favorite name, knowing that they would all chose Mohamed. And the poor little Tykes, not knowing the grievous sin they are committing, did end up naming him that. Can you imagine a worst offense than naming a cuddly cute toy Mohamed? Our Prophet isn't cuddly. He is Fierce and strong, like Lion. Or, or, Stalin. YEAH!

Thankfully the very alert Sudanese authorities have sprung into action and arrested that evil quite-possibly-jewish zionist imperialist Islam-hating wench, who is now facing either 6 months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine. I say lash her 80 lashes and then cut off her head, for naming the teddy bear Mohamed AND for teaching the children to vote. Insulting the Prophet is bad enough, but teaching the kids the democratic process, that's just downright unforgivable!

No christians please

*Scroll down for UPDATES* 

Forsooth received an e-mail that is the Hijaby girl's equivalent to paradise: Sabaya. Owned by the female equivelant of Ahmed El Fishawy, Hanan Turk, it's a half hairsalon/half restaurant that is  just for girls, where no men are allowed to enter and no music will be played. Their promotional e-mail lists a number of perks to those who want to frequent the place:

 Advantges of SABAYA café
- You have the freedom of taking your veil/neqab off.
2- Meeting muslim girls who are willing to get closer to Allah.
3- Increasing your 'so7ba sale7a circle'.
4-Getting the opportuinity of being inspired by real stories by the same girls you meet.
5-You can have parties.
6-Learn how to shun sin…since You won't be exposed to songs or movies JUST CARTOONS AND RELIGIOUS SHOWS.
7- Get to meet Hanan Turk. heheheheheheheheheheheh
8-Enjoy the feeling that you'r making everything which is not allowed outdoors and Allah won't be mad at you :D..

P.S.
Attending sabaya will be very useful from both the life and religious
prespective, since YOu will be helping in changing the wrong
perceptions about both Neqabis/ Hegabis that were already inheritied
ages ago.

Sounds great, right? Well, just one more thing:

- First please Don't invite Christian girls , because they aren't allowed
to the place.. Second inform all your friends that if the number of
visitors increased remarkably in the coming year..inshAllah next year
they may be able to open a branch in mohandesen or down town ..We ARE
IN DIRE NEED OF A PLACE THAT CONTAINS US 'NEQABIS' OR 'HEGABIS' SO PLEASE THINK BEFORE U GO ANYOTHER CAFE ;)

Yep. You read that correctly. They are barring christian girls. No Christian girls allowed in Sabaya. This has to be the first open for public place that bans people on the basis of faith, and it's seriously fucked up. I can't believe that this is happening in Egypt. I can't believe that people have gotten so fucked in the head that we now segregate based on religious beliefs. Unbelieveable.

I am just wondering how they will enforce their no Christian girls allowed policy. What are they gonna do? Put a "No Christians allowed" sign on the door? Card people on the door and check out their religious identity on their ID's? What if a Christian girl sneaks in? Are they gonna grab her and throw her out? Is this even legal?

 Well, here is their number and address:

Address: 6 Meet 3'amr street . . Midan Safir . . Masr El Gedida. if
u know the street that has Cook Door / McDonald's / Oriflame /Smiley's
) . . it's behind McDonald's . . when u see McD . . go right. . then
left . . Sabaya will be on ur left . . isA

Tel: 2240 2223 – 2240 2229

 So, if you are an egyptian with any sense of decency, you should call them and give them a piece of your mind. And if you are a member of the MB- and god knows they have been coming more often to this blog- well, this is the kind of place that is the inevtiable conclusion of your group's policies and ideology. This is what you are advocating. This is the Egypt that you want. Another version of Saudi. Well, assholes, it's not gonna happen. Take a good look, because this is the closest that you will ever gonna get to it.

This is the 21st century assholes, not the 10th, try to catch up!

Update: I was so incensed that I got this christian co-worker of mine- let's call her S- call them to see if they are for real. The first number didn't work, the second one did. Here is the transcript of the conversation:

S: Salamo 3alikom, Sabaya?

Sabaya worker : we 3alikom el salam, yes?

S: I read your email, and I was just wondering, I have a Christian friend, and she’s interested in Islam, is there any way I can bring her with me?

Sabaya worker: We only permit entry to Muhajabat

S: Even in your café?

Sabaya worker: Well no in the café you can come in, but she can’t.

S: I was just hoping I can bring her with me, maybe she’ll come to her senses and god will bless her

Sabaya worker: Well we just don’t want to cause any discomfort to anyone, but god blesses us all.

S: Oh too bad, it would have been a great thawab

Sabaya worker: Ok I’ll ask Madam Hanan and can you call me back in an hour?

This is a true conversation.. and it would be funny if it wasn't so messed up!

Update: This other female friend of mine called them and asked them if it's true that Sabaya is for Hejabis and Niqabis only, and they confirmed it. When she asked them if that means no christian girls are allowed, the lady said Yes, no christians, and no girl who doesn;t have her hair coverd in general. My Friend told them that she intends to sue them, and they said to "bring it". She fully intends to.

On the Jihad revisions

Al Masry Al Youm newspaper has been running for about a week now a number of documents titled the Jihad revisions, where Ayman Al Zawahiri's old buddy, and the architect of modern Jihady perspective, Dr. Sayed Imam aka Dr. Fadl, decides to correct the misconceptions of Today's youth, and instead publishes his latest Brainfart on the proper way to conduct Jihad in the world.

Now, depsite the fantastic headlines of the revisions so far, such as "Muslims killing muslims is very very bad" and "One shouldn't attack tourists for what their governments have done", I do have some reservations. Not exactly reservations, ehh, more like questions really, and only in two areas: 

1) Howcome when Al Masry Al Youm published those documents, they didnt attempt to debate or analyze them at all? And why are they only taking the opinions of people who were or are members of islamic Jihad movements on them? Why not regular folks? Maybe throw some liberals in there? Maybe a socialist might have a different perspective on things, besides the "this is a very good thing" spin that the Al Masry Al youm seems to be, ehh, spinning? You know?

and more importantly, 

2) Why, in the name of Zeus' butthole, is something called the "the correct guide to Jihad" being published in a mainstream egyptian daily in the first place? Is Jihad Ok now? Oh, there is a correct way to do it? A righteous way to kill for Islam? Is that the message we are sending to the public now?

What the fuck is wrong with those people? 

1 2 3 4 5