The First Islamic Car

It's gonna be produced by Iran. What makes it Islamic? Well, it will be manufactured by three Islamic Nations (Iran, Turkey and Malaysia) and it will include decidedly Islamic features: It will contain a Prayer Rug, a Mecca-pointing compass and a "Koran Holder", just in case you feel like reading the good book while driving. The news is welcomed by the thousands of Muslims who are sick and tired of driving Italian Catholic cars or German and American protestant cars ( we are not even gonna mention the cars made by the asian infidels here), and wanted a car that shared their religious beliefs. The people are complaining though  that the car doesn't segregate between the men and women riding it, and therefore isn't truly Islamic. The company claims that segregating the car would be impractical from an engineering point of view, but promises to install vice sensors in the upcoming models that will blare an alarm saying"GOD IS WATCHING YOU, BITCHES!" in case a man and a woman got within touching distance from each other.

Onwards, Islamic people! 

The inevitable conclusionto..ehh..forget it

Now it's a T-shirt.

I give up! 

The inevtiable conclusion to Teddy Mo

In response to the latest ruling ..Dan Savage..the known gay sex-columnist…ehh…mouthes off:

Gee, sentenced to be deported. You’re really twisting the ol’ knife there, Sudan.
No doubt after being arrested on a bullshit blasphemy charge,
threatened with forty lashes and six months in prison, and then packed
off to a prison for two weeks where she’s likely to encounter physical
violence and may just contract malaria—I’m sure after enduring all that, Sudan, remaining in your shithole country was Gibbons’ fondest wish.

This whole mess cries out for a Teddy Roosevelt. Enough with the
“expressions of displeasure” from the diplomats. Someone in the British
government needs to deliver a “Perdicaris alive or Raisuli dead!” speech on Gibbons’ behalf. And mean it.

Before I go home tonight I’m going to pop across the street to the
new Crypt, buy myself a buttplug, and name the fucking thing Mohammed.

The Mo Teddy Photo Essay

 So, this old british teacher lady decided one day to have her kids vote on naming a Teddy Bear…

 …which the kids decided to name "Mohamed"…..

 Which pissed off all of those people to the point of asking for her head…

 

 …and got her coward of a Boss to fire her ass and say he had nothing to do with her…

 

 ..and managed to get her 15 days in jail and a deportation sentencing (instead of 40 lashes mind you) , all because she asked kids to name a teddy bear… 

 

 ..so you will all forgive me when I find it kind of hard to to believe, that this Teddy bear is part of some plot to insult Islam and make muslims look bad..

 

 …when Muslims always manage to do such a fantastic job all on their own!

Just trying to give credit where credit is due y'all!

PS: apologies for using this photo essay- which will probably insult the intelligence of many readers of this blog- to try to make my point. After watching this unfold for the past few days I've come to the conclusion that there are for more retarded people in the world then I ever imagined, so I figured a simplified photo essay with not too many words might just do the trick. Gotta reach out to them, man, they are too many to kill. Unless we remove the safety warnings off of everything and have the problem work itself out. Ahh, one can only dream!  

The Teddy Bear Lady charged in Sudan

For inciting religious hatred. See, I told you , you can't name a cuddly toy after our Prophet without us getting mad at you. But what's really amusing is the school's response:

Several Sudanese newspapers ran a statement Tuesday reportedly from the
school, saying the administration "offers an official apology to the
students and their families and all Muslims for what came from an
individual initiative." It said Gibbons had been "removed from her work
at the school."

While despicable, I believe the school's action is understandable: They don't want to get killed, especially not over a freaking Teddy Bear, and in Sudan, especially in this case, that's actually a possibility. Would you wanna lose your life because of a Teddy Bear political crisis? 

And of course, no such crisis could take place without someone screaming the words "conspiracy" or "plot", right? Well, let's scan the news report, yada yada yada, ohh, there we go:

Although Khartoum officials played down the case and said it was an
isolated incident, Sudan's top clerics said in a statement Wednesday
that the full measure of the law should be applied against Gibbons,
calling the incident part of a broader Western "plot" against Islam.

HA. TOLD YOU SO. Allright. Ok. On Familiar grounds once again.

The Sudanese clerics said this was blasphemy and believed it was intentional.

"What has happened was not haphazard or carried out of ignorance, but
rather a calculated action and another ring in the circles of plotting
against Islam," the Sudanese Assembly of the Ulemas said the statement.

"It is part of the campaign of the so-called war against terrorism and the intense media campaign against Islam," they said.

So, naming a Teddy Bear Mohamed in a classroom for 7 year old's is part of the war on terror? It's connected to the Media campaign against Islam? Really? Well, if it's a plot and it involved the media and Islam, then the Jooz must also be behind it. Those damn Joooz.

Seriously though, I think someone is suffering from a heatstroke over there!

No christians please part 2

The discussion over the Sabaya cafe's decision to ban christian girls from entering it has reminded me of something that I've long forgotten: the reason why they don't allow christians in, is because Islam views non-Christian women the same as strange men. Hell, according to this Fatwa, it's not just christian women who good muslim veiled girls shouldn't be exposed to: 

If she is in the presence of trustworthy
Muslim women, her nakedness is only between her navel and knees. As for
what is above that, such as her chest, it is permissible for her to
uncover it in front of them, as often happens with nursing women. As
for if she is in the presence of:

  1. a non-Muslim woman, or
  2. a Muslim woman who is wicked through extramarital sexual intercourse (Ar. zina), or
  3. a Muslim woman who is wicked through lesbianism,

then it is not permissible for her to expose any of her body except
that which shows during work, this being: her head, neck, arms up to
the upper arms, and legs up to the knees (Tuhfa, 7.194,200). However,
it is better for her to cover herself [m: more than what is strictly
required] because a non-Muslim or wicked woman might describe her to a
man who is not permitted to look at her.

Ahh, see, there is LOGIC to it after all. If the good muslim chickas allow christian girls to see them uncoverd, the evil ungodly christians can go and tell men how the muslims girls really look like under the veil, and that could lead to…ehh..them imaging how the girls may look like under the veil. And that's just wrong. Very very bad.

Joking aside, this does have some serious conequences to me on the personal level, and for the entire country as well. The personal consequences to me has to do with my plan to change the current Image of Islam as a violent terrorism religion to the old image of Islam of it being just a sexist misogynistic one. There used to be a time, not long ago, when people would react to my revelation to them that I am a muslim with "Islam? Isn't that the religion where a man can have 4 wives?" instead of the current "Islam, isn't that the religion where people just blow shit up?" response, and I believe we can bring those days back again. We just have to market it right, and I figured the best way to do it is to flaunt the islamic perk of having more than one wife at a time by putting a 21st century spin on it. Something along the lines of "Islam, the religion of threesomes, Foursomes and Moresomes", you know? Cause what's the point of having two wives if you can't have threesomes, right? But, unfortunately, according to this Fatwa, the muslim women can not be naked in front of non-msulim women or women with lesbian tendencies, so that plan is all shot to shit. Can you imagine if that wasn't the case? Men all over the world would be converting like that!

And as far the implication to us as a good ole isalmic society, one has to realize that this means that the majority of women are sinning without even knowing, and some of them who do know can't even help it. Just think about it: Female Bathrooms and Locker-rooms. It's used by both Muslim and christian women, which means that there are many muslim girls who were described by their evil christian counterparts to strange men, because, u know, they have nothing better to do with their time. This also means that in a true Islamic society, there would have to be separate changing rooms and bathrooms for Muslim and Non-Muslim females in every sporting club, Gym, restaurant and public Place. Just imagine: A nice lil sign next to the bathroom that says "Muslims only" next to it, or "No non-muslims allowed". Yes. That's the way to do it, and until we do this we are just freakin western-wannabe heathens who don't care about the honor and modesty of our women.

On another note, can you imagine what Human rights organizations, or CAIR, would do if in a western country there was a bathroom- we are not even talking cafe here, a bathroom- with a "No Muslims allowed" or "Non-Muslims only" sign next to it?

Hmm… 

No Mo Bears for you

The Sudanese authorities has foiled another  western conspiracy against Islam by arresting a British teacher who wanted to insult the Holy Prophet Mohamed. The devious lady- who must be secretly a jew-did so by taking a vote in class over the naming of a teddy bear, and asking the children to name him their most favorite name, knowing that they would all chose Mohamed. And the poor little Tykes, not knowing the grievous sin they are committing, did end up naming him that. Can you imagine a worst offense than naming a cuddly cute toy Mohamed? Our Prophet isn't cuddly. He is Fierce and strong, like Lion. Or, or, Stalin. YEAH!

Thankfully the very alert Sudanese authorities have sprung into action and arrested that evil quite-possibly-jewish zionist imperialist Islam-hating wench, who is now facing either 6 months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine. I say lash her 80 lashes and then cut off her head, for naming the teddy bear Mohamed AND for teaching the children to vote. Insulting the Prophet is bad enough, but teaching the kids the democratic process, that's just downright unforgivable!

No christians please

*Scroll down for UPDATES* 

Forsooth received an e-mail that is the Hijaby girl's equivalent to paradise: Sabaya. Owned by the female equivelant of Ahmed El Fishawy, Hanan Turk, it's a half hairsalon/half restaurant that is  just for girls, where no men are allowed to enter and no music will be played. Their promotional e-mail lists a number of perks to those who want to frequent the place:

 Advantges of SABAYA café
- You have the freedom of taking your veil/neqab off.
2- Meeting muslim girls who are willing to get closer to Allah.
3- Increasing your 'so7ba sale7a circle'.
4-Getting the opportuinity of being inspired by real stories by the same girls you meet.
5-You can have parties.
6-Learn how to shun sin…since You won't be exposed to songs or movies JUST CARTOONS AND RELIGIOUS SHOWS.
7- Get to meet Hanan Turk. heheheheheheheheheheheh
8-Enjoy the feeling that you'r making everything which is not allowed outdoors and Allah won't be mad at you :D ..

P.S.
Attending sabaya will be very useful from both the life and religious
prespective, since YOu will be helping in changing the wrong
perceptions about both Neqabis/ Hegabis that were already inheritied
ages ago.

Sounds great, right? Well, just one more thing:

- First please Don't invite Christian girls , because they aren't allowed
to the place.. Second inform all your friends that if the number of
visitors increased remarkably in the coming year..inshAllah next year
they may be able to open a branch in mohandesen or down town ..We ARE
IN DIRE NEED OF A PLACE THAT CONTAINS US 'NEQABIS' OR 'HEGABIS' SO PLEASE THINK BEFORE U GO ANYOTHER CAFE ;)

Yep. You read that correctly. They are barring christian girls. No Christian girls allowed in Sabaya. This has to be the first open for public place that bans people on the basis of faith, and it's seriously fucked up. I can't believe that this is happening in Egypt. I can't believe that people have gotten so fucked in the head that we now segregate based on religious beliefs. Unbelieveable.

I am just wondering how they will enforce their no Christian girls allowed policy. What are they gonna do? Put a "No Christians allowed" sign on the door? Card people on the door and check out their religious identity on their ID's? What if a Christian girl sneaks in? Are they gonna grab her and throw her out? Is this even legal?

 Well, here is their number and address:

Address: 6 Meet 3'amr street . . Midan Safir . . Masr El Gedida. if
u know the street that has Cook Door / McDonald's / Oriflame /Smiley's
) . . it's behind McDonald's . . when u see McD . . go right. . then
left . . Sabaya will be on ur left . . isA

Tel: 2240 2223 – 2240 2229

 So, if you are an egyptian with any sense of decency, you should call them and give them a piece of your mind. And if you are a member of the MB- and god knows they have been coming more often to this blog- well, this is the kind of place that is the inevtiable conclusion of your group's policies and ideology. This is what you are advocating. This is the Egypt that you want. Another version of Saudi. Well, assholes, it's not gonna happen. Take a good look, because this is the closest that you will ever gonna get to it.

This is the 21st century assholes, not the 10th, try to catch up!

Update: I was so incensed that I got this christian co-worker of mine- let's call her S- call them to see if they are for real. The first number didn't work, the second one did. Here is the transcript of the conversation:

S: Salamo 3alikom, Sabaya?

Sabaya worker : we 3alikom el salam, yes?

S: I read your email, and I was just wondering, I have a Christian friend, and she’s interested in Islam, is there any way I can bring her with me?

Sabaya worker: We only permit entry to Muhajabat

S: Even in your café?

Sabaya worker: Well no in the café you can come in, but she can’t.

S: I was just hoping I can bring her with me, maybe she’ll come to her senses and god will bless her

Sabaya worker: Well we just don’t want to cause any discomfort to anyone, but god blesses us all.

S: Oh too bad, it would have been a great thawab

Sabaya worker: Ok I’ll ask Madam Hanan and can you call me back in an hour?

This is a true conversation.. and it would be funny if it wasn't so messed up!

Update: This other female friend of mine called them and asked them if it's true that Sabaya is for Hejabis and Niqabis only, and they confirmed it. When she asked them if that means no christian girls are allowed, the lady said Yes, no christians, and no girl who doesn;t have her hair coverd in general. My Friend told them that she intends to sue them, and they said to "bring it". She fully intends to.

On the Jihad revisions

Al Masry Al Youm newspaper has been running for about a week now a number of documents titled the Jihad revisions, where Ayman Al Zawahiri's old buddy, and the architect of modern Jihady perspective, Dr. Sayed Imam aka Dr. Fadl, decides to correct the misconceptions of Today's youth, and instead publishes his latest Brainfart on the proper way to conduct Jihad in the world.

Now, depsite the fantastic headlines of the revisions so far, such as "Muslims killing muslims is very very bad" and "One shouldn't attack tourists for what their governments have done", I do have some reservations. Not exactly reservations, ehh, more like questions really, and only in two areas: 

1) Howcome when Al Masry Al Youm published those documents, they didnt attempt to debate or analyze them at all? And why are they only taking the opinions of people who were or are members of islamic Jihad movements on them? Why not regular folks? Maybe throw some liberals in there? Maybe a socialist might have a different perspective on things, besides the "this is a very good thing" spin that the Al Masry Al youm seems to be, ehh, spinning? You know?

and more importantly, 

2) Why, in the name of Zeus' butthole, is something called the "the correct guide to Jihad" being published in a mainstream egyptian daily in the first place? Is Jihad Ok now? Oh, there is a correct way to do it? A righteous way to kill for Islam? Is that the message we are sending to the public now?

What the fuck is wrong with those people? 

The Kindergarden fight continues

After realizing that his "Nu-uh, Not gonna!" response misses the certain zing necessary for his stature, Chavez just implied that his spat with the spanish King might just make him punish spanish investors in his country . Take that Juan. Tell me to shut up again. I dare you. I double dog dare you. Yeah man, I won't be disrespected. I am C-dawg, BITCH. How you like me now?

Now isn't this inspiring? Because the ceremonial leader of a country asked him to shut up when he should've, Chavez wants to damage 4 Billion dollars worth of investments in his country. Now that's a responsible leader, no?

On the other hand, this could all be a charade. Daniel seems to think so! 

On the impending danger of having israeli wives

I was reading the al amsry al youm today, and they had this little interview with a guy called Dr. Kharboush, who is apprently the head of the National Council for Youth, and who wanted to bring attention and awareness to the shocking news that there are about 10,000 egyptian men who married Israeli women. The man stated that this is extremly dangerous, and that marrying any Israelis, even the Israeli-arabs should not be allowed, and demanded a national campaign of education and awareness to combat that increasing problem.

Now, if anyone can explain to me what exactly the national council of youth is, and why the fuck its head thinks that he can tell egyptians who they can or can't marry, I would be greatly grateful. I am curious. I would like to know!

Egyptian Boxers flee team once in US

Two Egyptian Heaveyweight Boxers have escaped the egyptian national team once they set foot in the US for the world Heavy-weight boxing championships and are now somewhere in the US, pretending to be mexicans and hopeing to get a job washing dishes instead of being world contenders. Smart.

One Voice vs. The ISM

One Voice is another misguided Grass roots efforts led by people that think that the israeli palestinian conflict is one that people are interested in solving and that could be confronted if we all were united and demanded peace. This, of course, is horse poop, because this conflict has many people who have seriously vested interests in never ending it, starting from the palestinian and israeli leaderships (Yes, that includes Fatah, Hamas, Kadima, Likus and Labour), passing by the international Jihdy groups who use it as a fantastic recruitment tool for late-teens/ early-twenties kids who have nuttin better to do than hope to die for a cause  and arab governments that would collapse if no enemy such as israel existed, and ending with so called Humanitarian organizations who would lose both purpose and funding if the conflict was ever resolved. The latter is usually comprised of idiotic Hippies from western countries who want some sort of validation for their  socialist leftists beliefs so they go to Gaza and the westbank, buy and wear Koufeyas, take pictures with smiling palestinian children to be placed on facebook later, start rowdy demonstrations and attack IDF soldiers who respond in kind, and return home with "you don't know what it was like; I was there man. The Zionazis threw teargas canisters at me and shit" stories that validate them as experts on the palestinian-israeli conflict in front of their tofu-eating-Che-Guevara-Idolizing compatriots, and leave the Palestinians to face the aftermath of their actions.  

The International Solidarity movement is such an organization, and it chose to start a fight with the One Voice people, because they didn't take an anti-Israeli position, prompting instead fo demand peace and support for a two state solution. The One Voice people were going to Organize concerts, and of course the ISM started pointing at them and screaming "Zionist agents who want the palestinian sell away their rights and cause", which lead some crazy freaks from their compatriots to send death threats to arabic singrs who were supposed to perform and got the whole thing cancelled. The ISM people, adding insult to injury, decided to have their own concert on that samee day, which singers of course were not threatened at all. 

Funny how that works out.

Gore wins Nobel Peace Prize

 The Bearmanpig strikes again!

They are just giving those away now, huh?

Israeli film banned in Egyptian Festival

Apparently showing it in our Festival will be considered Normalization. 

 The organizers of the Cairo International
Film Festival that is scheduled to take place next February have banned
the Israeli film "The Band's Visit" from the event, Yedioth Ahronoth
reported Sunday.

A copy of the film, which tells the story of
an Egyptian band's visit to Israel, was recently sent to the organizers
of the film festival. "If we were to show this film, it would be
considered normalization (of relations with Israel)," organizers of the
Egyptian film festival said in a statement after viewing the movie.

According to them, the scene that
features the protagonist, Ronit Elkabetz, engaging in boisterous sexual
relations with one of the Egyptian band's members who is played by
Saleh Bakri is "shocking and will not be well-received" even though—it
is important to note—the racy scene is merely insinuated.

Oh, so it has a sex scene between an egyptian guy with a hot israeli jewish chick. Yeah, could see why that would be problematic. You see, that's how the Jooz want to sucker us into normalization: By showing us how hot their chicks are and how we can have sex with them. But thankfully, our  Actor's syndicate are on to the jooozzz, and are even protecting our gullible brothers in Dubai from the wiles of hot sexy israeli chicks.

In addition, following strong pressure
applied by the Egyptian Actors' Association on the administration of
the film festival in Abu Dhabi, "The Band's Visit," which was scheduled
to be screened at the festival, will not be shown at the event in
October.

Over the past weekend, the Egyptian Actor's Association sent a
strong warning to the organizers of the film festival in the emirate
saying that, if the Israeli film were to be shown during the festival,
the Egyptians would boycott the event.

Yeah. That's telling them! Natalie Portman, You are next!

Breastfeeding Fatwa Aftershocks

Remember the "Breast feeding Fatwa "? Yeah, me too. It drove me crazy not to write about it. Well, it seems that  even thought the idiot who issued it got fired from Al Azhar , there are some people who still take it seriously. Like This Algerian dude, who is threatehning his wife with divorce if she doesn;t breastfeed his visiting friend, since he will be staying with them throughout Ramadan. When the story came out, Shams El Deen Borby, one of Algeria's biggest Fatwa issuers, issues a warning against "Imported Fatwas". Cause, you know, Islamic Fatwas are regional and not universal.

Borby gets to put in a luagh though, with his proclamation that this isn't the first time such a case is presented to him. Apprently an Elderly Merchant once called him and told him that he has a young lucious girl working in his store. He also informed him that he had heard of the Breastfeeding Fatwa and really liked it, and wanted to "implement it" with the said employee.

Gotta love the Middle East! 

The Bin Laden Question

Well, the Intelligence community is looking for the answer. And no, no, it's not the question of where he is hiding. We all know he is hiding in wazirstan, and that he is alive and well, so well he married last year Hala el shobohsky from the saudi shobokshy family, so that question is no longer valid. The real question of the hour in the intelligence community, it seems, is that concerning OBL's new black beard.

Questions over the elusive Saudi extremist's beard cropped up at a
Congressional hearing Monday featuring top US security experts,
including Director of National Intelligence Michael McConnell.

"First, is this his beard?" Republican Senator Norm Coleman asked the spy chief. "Do we expect that — is it a signal?"

McConnell swiftly rejected any possibility that the hair in his chin was intended to send any signal to his Al-Qaeda members.

"So far, we do not think there's been a signal. He's done this
periodically, as has (Ayman al-) Zawahiri (the group's
second-in-command), and there has not been a correlation necessarily
between one of these tapes or a public statement and a particular
event," McConnell said.

But he wondered whether Bin Laden's beard was genuine.

"The big question in the community this morning, 'Is that beard real,'
because as you know, just a few years ago, the last time he appeared,
it was very different," he said.

"So we don't know if it's dyed and trimmed or real, but that's one of the things we're looking at. But no specific message."

Hehehehehe…. 

I really can't improve on that with a joke. No comment is the best policy here. 

Spiderman- The Musical

My danger senses are tingeling and they are telling me that this should be a major shitfest!

Hug a man, get fired

God bless the Pakistanis, they have the awesome ability to make every other muslim population look sane comapred to them!

Not gonna go there

You know, despite my serious craving to do so, I am not going to make fun of the Cairo Conference, referred to as the Anti-War conference, against clonialism, imperialism, globalization, and Zionism. I mean sure, a conference that claims to be anti-War yet invites Hamas and Hezbollah is mock-worthy, but, ehh, a lot of people I know and am friends with on the left participated, and they are good people, plus I hear that the seminar on torture in Egypt was good, so I really don't think I will go there. Plus, if they think they can fight imperialism from inside conference halls, well, who am I to tell them differently?

So, no, I won't mock their conference. However, I will mock this piece by Sasha Simic about it, because it is really fuckin moronic and has some of the dumbest arguments I have heard in a while, and I know Nasserites, so that says something. Here is a little infuriating segment:

The conference met in a country on the brink of revolt. Hosni
Mubarak, who has ruled Egypt as a police state for over 26 years, has
recently increased his people's suffering. Last December he announced
changes in the constitution to "rid Egypt of socialist principles
launched in the 1960s (and) also seek to create a more favourable
atmosphere for foreign investments".

This was the usual neo-liberal bullshit for slashing wages and
forcing people to work harder. The workers resisted with massive
strikes. Some 20,000 mobilised to defend their bonuses at the Ghazl
el-Mahal factory in Mahalla el-Kubra, north of Cairo, 8,000 at Kafr
al-Dawwar factory did the same, followed by similar strikes at Zifta
and Shibin al-Kum in Alexandria.

They all won.

Mubarak's response was to attack the limited democratic rights of
his people – limiting the role of the judiciary in supervising ballots,
outlawing political activity based on "religious reference or bias" and
including draconian "anti-terrorism" measures to crush any dissident
political groups.

Ok, right off the bat, the past 3 paragraphs? All pure Bullshit! Egypt's not on the brink of revolt, as I've painfully demonstrated here. The socialist principles weren't socialist in the first place and changing the word didn't really change shit as I've explained here , and to call Mubarak liberal is an insult to liberals anywhere and everywhere. But whatever, all of this is nuttin comapred to the big whopping turd manifested in the last paragraph: that Mubarak changed the constitution and took away the democratic rights in order to punish "the workers for their revolt". A77a! Yeah, cause he is so scared of a couple of thousand workers that will shut up and go home the moment they get their monetary rights (which I believe they are due and have supported). Yes, I can see that making Mubarak alter the constitution. Makes sense!

Reading this just made me wonder who the hell this Sasha women is, and where she gets her crack. Upon googeling her I found that she ran for local elections in Britian on the Respect Party Ticket (always a good sign that you are a retard or an asshole, since it is the Party of Galloway), and not only that, she finished 10th! 10th!!!!!  Amazing, isn't it? A whopping 216 votes! Now that's a winner! Do the guardian blogs people have a screening process on who they ask to write for them at all?

I would really like to know!