Archive of ‘silly’ category

And The Sandmonkey endorses…

I know, I should stay out of this, but I can't help it. The race this time is just too stupid on both sides. There are no fun candidates. I was hoping for Rumsfeld to run (imagine the White house press interviews?), but the dude is staying at home. Same with Condi. A Condi/Hillary election would've given feminists ulcers and Black people headaches. But no, I can't get my dream candidates, and I have to settle for this reality. And boy does reality blow.

On the Left, we have Hillary, who is so mechanical and downright evil that I can't fathom how she has real supporters anywhere. There is Edwards, who looks good, and talks well, and like, that's about it. And then there is Obama, and there is nothing funny about Obama. No one can make fun of Obama.  You can call him Braka Hussein Osama all you want, but, like, nothing beyond that. He is kind of like Edwards, only still in the senate and Black. But he admitted to doing drugs when he was young, which gives him high marks in my book, and he is giving Hillary a real run for her money, which just makes me love him. The remaining dems, well, there is the UFO dude, and that Biden guy who wants everyone to know he is running, but no one knows why. It's all very stupid. 

But on the right, things are even worse. You have a Pro-abortion, womanizing Catholic from New York in an anti-abortion, family values Protestant party that just loves and lives in the South; You have a Mormon ex-governor of Massachusetts, who lives the family values shtick with his 74937902 children and grandchildren, but panders so much he is making Kerry look like a straight talker; You have a so-called isolationist Libertarian, who wants to abolish the IRS (yay) but abolish the CIA (boo), gets supported by Neo-Nazis and has the craziest online trolls the internet has seen, ever; You have an Actor who everyone wanted to run because he was on fuckin Law and Order (hate that show and all of its bastard children spin-offs), and yet who managed to convey half of the Charisma Al Gore had through out the Clinton Presidency; You have an Arizona Senator who America loves but his own party kinda despises because he is too much of a centrist for them, not to mention he is like 150 years old, so there probably won't be a second term, and who wants that?; And finally you have a Southern Preacher who thinks God wants him to win, which is weird, since God told me that he is staying out of this one, especially that the people didn't like his endorsement of Bush very much. It's all Fantastically crappy.

Now, since I am not american, let alone belong to either party, I am gonna endorse one from each side, and hope they end up running against each other, cause then either way my candidate wins. Because when you realize that the most important election in the world is taking place and you don't have a say and there is nothing you can do about this, you might as well take a step back and enjoy the show. Maybe even have your own Fun, just like I plan to. So, without further ado, I endorse:


Why McCain? Because he is an old nice guy who is Pro Military but knows how to play nice with the other party, which is what everyone keeps saying is "what America needs now". He won't fuck around on national security or Fiscal responsibility, and he is anti-Torture, which makes him very Ok in my book. Plus, if things go bad with him or he goes senile, he will be out in 4 years. No Harm done really!

Why Obama? Well, because I find him fascinating. He shouldn't be running now, and people shouldn't be supporting him due to experience/ achievement/ethnic background/drug-use reasons, but yet, here he is kicking Hillary and Bill's collective asses. He is changing the rules of the game, and it's making me not want this to end for him. I want to see what's gonna happen next. Nothing bad is sticking to that guy. Nothing. I want to find something that i dislike about him in person and I can't. It's been driving me nuts. So I am betting if he stays in the race long enough, someone will find something and I will let out a sigh of relief due to having my cynicism restored. Also, he has Obama Girl. What is there more to say?

So there it is people, my picks for 08. Like 'em or hate 'em, they make no difference really.

In other news, here is the most important issue this election. 

No Mo Bears for you

The Sudanese authorities has foiled another  western conspiracy against Islam by arresting a British teacher who wanted to insult the Holy Prophet Mohamed. The devious lady- who must be secretly a jew-did so by taking a vote in class over the naming of a teddy bear, and asking the children to name him their most favorite name, knowing that they would all chose Mohamed. And the poor little Tykes, not knowing the grievous sin they are committing, did end up naming him that. Can you imagine a worst offense than naming a cuddly cute toy Mohamed? Our Prophet isn't cuddly. He is Fierce and strong, like Lion. Or, or, Stalin. YEAH!

Thankfully the very alert Sudanese authorities have sprung into action and arrested that evil quite-possibly-jewish zionist imperialist Islam-hating wench, who is now facing either 6 months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine. I say lash her 80 lashes and then cut off her head, for naming the teddy bear Mohamed AND for teaching the children to vote. Insulting the Prophet is bad enough, but teaching the kids the democratic process, that's just downright unforgivable!


Sometimes I wonder: How do Iraqis feel about american action movies? Cause I think they probably hate them. Chances are they watch romantic comedies and family movies for escapism there these days. Meg Ryan and Sandra Bullock movies are probably very popular over there. And Disney. I bet they watch every Disney movie there is, even Aladdin, you know?
Plus, how do you think they feel about the eventual upcoming avalanche of masturbatory american military flicks- probably starring Tommy Lee Jones or Denzel Washington- that will eventually get nominated for academy awards about either Iraq veterans who are suffering emotional, physical and psychological trauma from some god forsaken mysterious mission- so mysterious you won;t get to know what really happened out there until the end of the film- in Iraq with lots of "It was hell and I was there, man", or about some  slightly fictionalized crazy ass real-life mission, like Black Hawk Down, that will have an incredible amount of serious violence and will be part of the zeitgeist for generations to come? Must be how the Vietnamese felt like after the Americans left, right? Did anyone ask them? You think they show those movies there? How are they perceived? Especially the horrible B movies of Chuck Norris and Michael Dudikoff? Delta Force, motherfuckers. Or Rambo, especially Rambo 3, with their "all praise to the brave Mujahedeen" line in it. They must really love that one there.
Fuckin A, man. Arab, Indian and hispanic actors are going to be working for years to come as extras in american movies as Terrorist A, B and C or as Iraqi army Officer "Hussein something" because, well, they are mostly Shia over there and god knows some anal associate producer with an obsession for "realism" would have to give the characters some seriously shia names for "authenticity". There will be lots of Aly's as well. No people with "kh" sounds in their names unless they are villians. Die Akkkkkkhhhmed, Die!
But at least the minority actors are going to be working, right? At least some good can come out of it, unlike an invasion of Syria for example. Cause Syrians are whites, blondes and with colored eyes. They look so Caucasian, that white actors can play them. Fuck that. Don't invade Syria America: Keep the brown actors employed!  

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