Archive of ‘silly’ category

King Tut is no Negro

So says Zahi Hawas, who is taking things slightly personally:

"Tutankhamun was not black, and the portrayal of ancient Egyptian civilisation as black has no element of truth to it," Hawass told reporters.

"Egyptians are not Arabs and are not Africans despite the fact that Egypt is in Africa," he said, quoted by the official MENA news agency.

Not arab nor african? We are Neither? That's quite a statement.

Well, I am for not calling egyptians arabs (arabs invaded egypt after all), but the african we always were. Plus, even if we weren't, it's kind of hard to argue with the way the late King looks like:

 

Oh yeah. Doesn't look Black at all. I mean look at his features; they look totally white to me! 

Interviews

I've been interviewing lots of people for jobs lately, the following is my questions to them and some of their answers. Needless to say, after this, you, like me, will have a new found appreciation for the people who work in HR. Begad sa3baneen 3aliah.

1)The winner of the "completely irrelevant answer" category:

Q: What kind of a situation brings you down (meaning work)?
A:Ehh..when I see an old woman crying.


2)The winner of the "I've been a victim of Egyptian social engineering and I truly believe women to be inferior to men" category:

Q: What does being professional mean to you?
A: Working like a man. You know how men come to work and they just leave all of their problems at home? Women don't do that. They bring their problems and their emotional messes at work. I know that cause I do that. So I hope that one day I will be able to work like a man.


3)The winner of the "I couldn't blow that question more if I tried to" category:

Q:What are your strengths and weaknesses?
A:My strengths.. ehh.. I can surf the internet very well. My weaknesses..I have problems..ehh..working with women. I feel uncomfortable!


4)The winner of the "I need better friends and possibly therapy" category:

Q: How would an old friend describe you?
A: Faithful… Loyal… and smart. Definitely smart. They sure all come to me whenever they have a problem…which really pisses me off, you know? Cause they go out, have fun, and then cause a problem and then come complaining to me, which is fine..it's totally fine..but, I am like, where was I when you were having fun? How come was I not invited to the fun part? How come I am always the one who has to take all the shit afterwards? I don't mind listening to you and helping you out when you are having trouble, but also don't forget me when you are having fun!
Q: So you feel like your friends use you when they come to you with their problems while not calling you to have fun with them?
A: Oh no. Nothing like that. I feel as if they love me when they call me to share their problems. You have to love someone to be able to share your problems with them and expect them to solve them for you. So, no, it makes me happy. It makes me feel loved by them! (happy sardonic smile)
Q:………….Okayyyy then, next question…!


5)The winner of the "Let me try to flirt my way into the job, also known as the ' mateegy a2q3od 3ala 7egrak a7san' " category:

Q: How should supervisors and subordinates, in your opinion, interact?
A: (Seductively) The subordinates should always obey their supervisors..in everything. I'll do anything for my supervisor. Anything he wants from me. Annnnnyythhhhhing at all! (Leans over to show slight cleavage) They just have to ask!
Q: Fantastic answer! (So not getting the job)


6)The winner of the "Ana Ba7eb Mama" category:

Q: So, what is the most important thing in a job for you: High Salary or Job recognition and achievement?
A: Wallahy, the most important thing in a job for me is for it to be close to home. Asl Mama worries a lot!


7)The winner of the "I have self confidence wallahy, but I can't find it at the moment" category:

Q: What do you do when everybody thinks you are wrong, but you know you are right?
A: Well, the first question is, do I know I am right?
Q: What do you mean?
A: I mean, I would naturally ask myself if I am right. I mean, all those people can't be wrong, and I am the one who is right. So maybe I am the one who is wrong!
Q: (Mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no confidence in her opinions!
A: No, no, don't write that. I didn't mean it like that. It's just, who am I to be right while everybody else is wrong? I am young and inexperienced, so of course I will think they know better.
Q: Ahh..ok..let me scratch what I wrote then. (mouthes what he writes loudly) Has no self esteem!
A: No no no. I didn't mean it like that either. Please don't write that. Let me try again!


And last, but not least:

8)The winner of the "And here I thought it was bad customer service, tele3 el industry standard" category:

Q: So, a customer calls you and he is very very angry. What do you do?
A: I know this. I have been trained for this. I worked in a customer service call center, so I know exactly what to do.
Q: Ok..go on!
A: The first thing you do is to put them on hold for 5 minutes!
Q: (look of utter incomprehension)
A: Because it helps calm them down.
Q: Right!


Somebody shoot me!

The end of lying

For those who don't know, I am a techno-phile. Facing new technology, I go all Ga-ga like a little child and point to my new newly wanted toy and go "Me WANNTSSSS", to like, no one in particular but me, since i have to buy my own toys now (damn you adulthood). So naturally I am very positive on new technology and gadgets, and am always finding excuses ways to buy new ones. All you need is find me a cool new feature, and I am sold. The Ultimate consumer in many ways. And one of the areas I am most affected about this is cell-phones. If I am to change cell-phones, I have to get me the newest, coolest, sexiest, most state of the art cell-phone. After all, it has to be worth adding all those numbers I have to the new one, otherwise my lazy ass won't do it. Anyway, this whole introduction was to drive in one major point to you: I LOVE TECHNOLOGY and almost never oppose it. However, there is this new feature in my new phone, that, well, is slightly freaking me out.

My new phone comes with the 2 G video conferencing technology, which means that the cell doesn't only come with one camera phone, but two: One for taking pictures of other things with, and the other to take a picture of your face when talking, in case you want to video-call someone. And it is that feature that concerns me the most. Remember how they used to say that camera Phones will end privacy as we know it? Well, those video-call phones are a harbinger of a different era: it will end lying on the phone as we know it.

This won't happen over-night of course, but the moment the technology starts coming out in newer models, more people will start the use it, which will create a demand for it, make it cheaper to make and easier to install in newer cheaper cell-phones aimed at the greater public's consumption (just like camera-phones. The cheapest phone now has one.). Eventually Video-calling will be the standard way to call people, and therin lies the problem: How will you lie to people over the phone anymore?

For example, when you want to skip work for the day, how are you to lie on the phone to your Boss or co-worker and claim to be sick, when one look at your face in the camera will reveal just how much you are faking it to them? Or, let's say that you are an egyptian girl and you have a curfew, and your parents call you to wonder where you are at and you are at some boy's house. Standard procedure is to go to the balcony, claim you are in a car getting home and there is traffic, while in fact you don't plan to leave for a few more minutes. Well, that procedure will end, cause they will be able to see that you are not in a car, and that you are in some apartment instead and its late at night, and , well, that your ass will be toast when you get home.

Hell, what if you are a guy who hides his political activism from his family, and they call you and you pick up un-noticengly in the middle of a demonstration, well, how ar u to claim that you are just passing next to one, when they will be able to see that you are actually standing and participating in one? Or the friend of yours that you want to ditch on tonight's outing, but can't do it unpolitely, so you claim to be home studieing while you are actually hanging out with the friends already; it used to be enough to tell ur friends to keep quiet till you end the phone call, now you have to leave the entire room out of fear that he might spot one of them in the camera. It goes on and on and on…and I am sure you can add your own examples from your own life and the lives of those around you, the same way I have used one from my life and 3 from my friends' in those past paragraphs. 

Just imagine the possibilities here: we are entering an era without lying-or at least, with reduced lying- over cell-phones. Those of you who don't lie will have no problems, but those of you who have jealous or suffocating spouses or significant others, controlling parents, annoying friends and  over-demanding bosses will be screwed. There will be no escape and no reprieve. No more excuses! Imagine that! and also imagine how many relationships this will strain or end. I am sure it won't be long until some people will refuse to use the technology ( women who just woke up come to mind strongly on that front) or continue using older models, which will be their only option to retain a semblence of privacy, and, ehh, their ability to lie over the phone. They probably won't have no other choice, because you know the cell phone people will keep making them better and cheaper, and a purer, more honest world will come out of it. A world with less lying! Just imagine what that will be like! 

Technology is a dangerous dangerous thing! 

Roach

Yesterday at 2 am I was awakned by a distant buzzing sound over my head. I hazely realise that this isn't the alarm or the phone or any of those things that make annoying noises that we employ in our lives. This was something different. So I look up…

….and I behold a giant flying cocroach that keeps thumping itself to my ceiling, as if trying to get out that way.

So I get up slowly, and I reach for my newest vanity purchase: The Rechargeable Mosquitto Hitting Pat!

 

This thing is basically an electric mosquitto swatter, in the shape of a tennis racket, and when turned on, you could use it to electrecute any thing that is bugging you, whether Insect or drunk obnoxious guests. And the best part is the way you charge it: you can plug it into an electrical outlet using its electric plug.

 

It's very economical and has reduced the time I spend Mosquito swatting by 80%. So, for someone as lazy as me, that's fantastic!  However, it was never tested on other insects before, and this was one giant roach. So I didn't know what to expect exactly. Regardless, I decided it was time to execute the nefarious bug. So dressed in only my boxers, and armed with my "Rechargeable Mosquitto Hitting Pat" (RMHP for short), I screamed "Spartaaaaaaaa" and went into an epic battle!

It was a pretty funny sight!

Anyway, once the battle started, I realized one thing: The dose it takes to kill a mosquito isn't enough to kill the flying roach. I hit it with it, and it zaps, falls down for a second, then picks itself up again. This thing is resilient. So, eventually I had to await my strategic moment, use the pat to stick the roach to the wall and then zap it repeatedly until it finally did its last buzzing sound andfell to the floor, dead. A moment of silence passed, as I acknowledged what just took place: The Little thing fought bravely, but in the end it was bested by me. I stood up in exhaltation, raised my RMHP high, and declared myself victorious. I RULE!

After deciding that, I realized two important things: 1) I need to find a way to close that stuck bathroom window, because it keeps bringing in mosquittos and now a flying Roach, which is pretty annoying, and 2) It was 2 am and I was wide awake. The Battle has wiped away my sleep. It took me 4 more houres to finally fall to sleep, which was stupid since I had to wake up in 2 more houres anyway. But victorious and tired, I went to sleep immedietly.

Later on that day, My friend M. passed by my house to chill and hang out. While we are talking, something came flying inside the living room. M. freaked out and jumped on the couch, and then off the couch and out of the living room, while I stood there looking at the thing, trying to figure out what it was. And lo and behold, it was another flying Roach, similar to the first one but smaller and bolder. I quickly relaized that it must be the wife of the dead Roach, and like the dear wife she is, she came to take revenge on those who killed her husbend. Just like Jaws 2. This time, it was personal!

Recognizing what I am up against, I ran to my bedroom and grabbed my "RMHP" and faced the flying menace in the dinning room, and this time, I knew what needed to be done. In a movement worthy of a Jedi Master, with one stroke I pushed the Roach into the wall, and then zapped it until it joined its hubby in Roach Heaven. And then, very cool-ly, I held the Roach on the RMHP and opened the apartment door, and with one swing threw the thing out. And I  turned around, and saw M. watching me in awe with her big eyes and she said one thing:

" I've got to get me one of these!" 

Not like 1984

The Hillary and Obama big brother ads. Call it a personal prejudice, but I think Hillary fits the Big Brother image better. Something very machine-like about her. That being said, this ad does pose a very prickly question: Can a black man be Big Brother? Why would you always expect Big Brother to be white? Are the american people ready for a Black- I am sorry, of african American decent – Big Brother? Would he be called Black Big Brother, or Big Black Brother, or Triple B for short?

Ahh, the important questions the 2008 campaign stirrs up!  

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