Archive of ‘WTF?’ category

Boys are flies, girls are lollipops

A few days ago, the arabist posted this piece of Hijabi propaganda:

The text reads: "You won't be able to stop them (i.e. guys), but you can protect yourself. He who created you knows what's best for you!"

Oh, where do I begin? Should I start with the "Men are flies" example, the MEN who made this employed, describing themselves? Or with the complete disregard to personal responsibility of men when it comes to sexually harassing females theme  of the ad? Or Is it with the paternal tone that god, who created you naked, really really wants you covered for your protection from his other perfect creation? Or should I not even bother, given that there is a joke there about lollipops and licking that I am simply not man enough to make on this blog?

Yeah. maybe I just won't bother. I am tired of fighting with Hijabis. If they don't find this offensive, then maybe they do deserve whatever comes their way. What's the point of yelling at men that women are not pieces of meat to be coverd, when the Hijabis hold that same exact view of themselves? I mean, sure I am offended by the idea that they are portraying men as uncontrollable animals, but if the women who wear the Hijab and are in the majority are ok with it, why should we even care if they get sexually harassed or assaulted by those same men?

There used to be a point in fighting over this. I am just not sure those women are worth fighting for anymore!

For the retarded amongst you

I have tolerated the existence of the Scene and Heard blog for a while now, mainly because I think that the crowd they target don't really read or are big Paulo Coelho fans (same thing), so for them to read anything, well, that's just a positive thing. They are the same people I hated hanging out with right after I came back, whose topic of conversations range from who got photographed in what magazine, who married/left/cheated on/sleeps with who and debating the color yellow. Riveting shit, I tell ya. I kept my distance but didn't really hate them, because that's like hating a retard for making stupid decisions.I mean, they are fans of Amy Mowafi for god's sake, so they can't really be blamed for their choices in life. They simply don't know any better.

However, they did join my shit list when they actually lead to the spawning of other egyptian gossip blogs, mainly two that got sent to me today and immediately made my blood boil. The first one targets AUC students, and it's called "Gossip Girl in AUC". Yes,after the CW show targeting 12 year old girls. Seriously. They even do the whole "XOXO" shit at the end. I keep trying to think of ways to insult them, but, why bother? I would be wasting brain cells. There is an actual post about how the writer heard someone say "that's huge? how did you manage that?" and the really funny punchline is, they were talking about a bubble gum. No, for real. Can you believe it? It's Crazzzyyyyyy!!!!!!

And then for those of you who go to the second rate GUC, well, they have one for you as well, and it's called GUC Insider. Now, I am actually quite impressed by that one, because it managed to suck more than the Gossip Girl one (oh gossip girl, I said suck, imagine? That's soo funny. Giggle and blush), which I think is quite the achievement. And the sad thing is, the writer of that one quit, not because he found out that he is a lame writer, but because the GUC people got mad at him. For real. They actually got offended and thought he should discontinue. Thank you GUCians. You are not as lame as everyone says you are.

So yes, S&H, I blame YOU for this. This shit didn't happen until you people came along with your fantastic posts about nothing and people only you know and care about. I get that you attacked those other gossip blogs yourself, but that's not enough. You people have to repent or something for the shit you unleashed on the unsuspecting population. Think of the innocent bystanders. Some people who actually have a brain might stumble upon your website one day without being warned about its nature beforehand -unlike me- and end up getting a brain aneurysm from the your self-congratulating masturbatory so called writing. So please, stop, before anyone gets hurt. Think of the Children who will read this shit and actually think that being a socialite is, like, important. Because it's not. No one cares. And if you truly live in Cairo and know the intrusive nature of its people, then you would know that most people would love to go anywhere without being seen or heard by 10 people that know them. But then again I am talking about people with no insecurities and who don't give a fuck about whatever spring-fling- fuck-me-I-am-famous shit party your faggy metrosexual friends throw and invite you to next. So you might not relate. Nevermind.  

Conjuring up the secterian demon

A coptic jewlery shop owner was gunned down, him and 3 others in his shop in Zeitoun, by 2 gunmen wearing sunglasses and wigs. The incident is problematic because the gunmen didn't attempt to steal anything, and the whole thing has the air of gangland assassination.

 Two men in wigs and
sunglasses shot dead four Coptic Christians jewellery shop workers in
the Egyptian capital on Wednesday in an apparent gangland-style
killing, a security official and witnesses said.

The shooting happened at
around 12:30 pm (0930 GMT) in the mixed Christian-Muslim district of
Zeitoun in northeast Cairo, the official said, adding that the
attackers escaped without stealing anything from the shop.

Eyewitnesses said that the
men arrived at the shop on a motorbike, walked in and shot dead the
shop's owner and three employees before driving away, in a rare act of
brazen bloodshed in the capital.

"Preliminary investigations
show that the motivation behind the attack could have been revenge,"
the official said, adding that the owner had frequent disputes with
local residents.

The official had initially said the killings were the result of a drive-by shooting.

Police, who swiftly cordoned off the area, found 15 revolver shell casings at the scene, the official said.

Now, I received over 5 calls from different coptic friends all frantic and all talk about how they believe this was done by muslims and that we are on the doorsteps of a fantastic case of sectarian strife. While their ranting has the air of conspiracies and panic to them ( no one knows the identity of the shooter and whether this is related to religion to begin with), this kind of talk is a harbinger in itself. A panicked coptic population that believes that muslims are out to kill them- with their general distrust of the egyptian authorities ability to protect them- could end up taking matters into their own hand, which could elad to catastrophic results. The other problem lies in the location: Zaitoun is a neighborhood with lots of christians, and it has 4 big churches there. But it also has the "AlAziz bellah" street, which is a hub for "Ansar Al Sunnah" a wahabi salafist islamist group in Egypt. That street houses tons of stores that sell nothing but inflammatory islamist speeches on tape (usually not very copt friendly) and it houses the "AlAziz Bellah" mosque, which, let's say, is an Ansar Al Sunnnah dominated mosque. There are usually tensions there to begin with between the christians and the muslims because of them, so if anyone commits any rash action, this whole area could explode in full muslims-chiristian conflict. It's still early for such talk, but one thing is true: whomever committed this crime, no matter what their reason might be, they are conjuring up the secterian demon, and that is never good.

Lesbianism is very very bad!

There is apparently en egyptian film in the works that “tackles” the issue of woman on woman love, and I say tackles in quotation marks because it’s..well..shit. Haven’t seen the movie yet, but the story so far….yeah, it’s shit. It’s starring Ola Ghanem and Dolly Chaheene- which means we will get eye-candy and semi-nudity but no real acting what-so-ever- and the story goes as follows: Ola is a rich girl who has ” deviant urges” towards women, and towards Dolly in particular, who is of course not gay at all and dirt-poor (Please note that the Poor girl is the one without deviant urges. See..the rich are bad and deviant, the poor are wholesome and straight vanilla, anyway). So Ola uses her money to entice dolly to have an illicit affair with her- despite Dolly’s straightness- a temptation to which Dolly succumbs too, which kinda makes her a gay prostitute, well, prostitute for someone who is gay. You get it. Moving on. However, there is a twist: both women have men in their lives who don’t know about their Spritzer-like arrangement initially, but when they do, the moral judgment of the movie hits you with its heavy-handedness. Because, well, the moment Dolly’s guy finds out, he like, rapes her, while Ola’s guy tries to cure her of her gayness by the use of therapy. So, girls, least we forget, if you are poor and some rich girl convinces you- using money and charm- to clean her carpet, well, don;t do it, because once your boy finds out, he will rape your ass, and it will seem like a fair consequence to your transgression to the average person. However, if you are the rich girl type- thus attracting men of the non-rapist variety- well, seek therapy. There is always hope for you. Your desire for women can be cured. Nothing a few hours of Electric Shock Therapy coupled with memorizing the Koran can’t fix. Right? And maybe you should also wear the veil, and not hang out with men anymore, and go to women-only beaches, where the usually veiled girls take the opprutunity to get as naked as can be humanely allowed without actually being naked. I am sure that would cure you. Quite positive actually. 

Marry an Israeli man, lose your egyptian nationality

Mofeed Shehab, the government's minister for legal and administrative affairs, has just clarified an important legal issue when it comes to Egyptian women: If they are married to an Israeli, and they have kids, the kids do not get the egyptian nationality, unlike their counterparts with Fathers from other countries. Why? Well, because, apparently, if they are married to an Israeli male, their egyptian nationality will be immediately dropped by the egyptian government. The same can not be said of egyptian males married to Israeli women, who continue to retain their nationality rights and their kids do get egyptian passports, even though their mothers are Jewish. Why? well, because we are retarded sexist pigs of course. Thought you knew.

However, egyptian women married to Israeli men shouldn't fret about being alone in the "Marry this man and your kids won't get a passport" category, because they are not. There is one other exception to this law, one other nationality that if our women get hitched to, their kids won't get an egyptian passport or nationality, and that's the Palestinians. In our own special way, we are making those two equals.

Nice, heh? 

No christians please part 2

The discussion over the Sabaya cafe's decision to ban christian girls from entering it has reminded me of something that I've long forgotten: the reason why they don't allow christians in, is because Islam views non-Christian women the same as strange men. Hell, according to this Fatwa, it's not just christian women who good muslim veiled girls shouldn't be exposed to: 

If she is in the presence of trustworthy
Muslim women, her nakedness is only between her navel and knees. As for
what is above that, such as her chest, it is permissible for her to
uncover it in front of them, as often happens with nursing women. As
for if she is in the presence of:

  1. a non-Muslim woman, or
  2. a Muslim woman who is wicked through extramarital sexual intercourse (Ar. zina), or
  3. a Muslim woman who is wicked through lesbianism,

then it is not permissible for her to expose any of her body except
that which shows during work, this being: her head, neck, arms up to
the upper arms, and legs up to the knees (Tuhfa, 7.194,200). However,
it is better for her to cover herself [m: more than what is strictly
required] because a non-Muslim or wicked woman might describe her to a
man who is not permitted to look at her.

Ahh, see, there is LOGIC to it after all. If the good muslim chickas allow christian girls to see them uncoverd, the evil ungodly christians can go and tell men how the muslims girls really look like under the veil, and that could lead to…ehh..them imaging how the girls may look like under the veil. And that's just wrong. Very very bad.

Joking aside, this does have some serious conequences to me on the personal level, and for the entire country as well. The personal consequences to me has to do with my plan to change the current Image of Islam as a violent terrorism religion to the old image of Islam of it being just a sexist misogynistic one. There used to be a time, not long ago, when people would react to my revelation to them that I am a muslim with "Islam? Isn't that the religion where a man can have 4 wives?" instead of the current "Islam, isn't that the religion where people just blow shit up?" response, and I believe we can bring those days back again. We just have to market it right, and I figured the best way to do it is to flaunt the islamic perk of having more than one wife at a time by putting a 21st century spin on it. Something along the lines of "Islam, the religion of threesomes, Foursomes and Moresomes", you know? Cause what's the point of having two wives if you can't have threesomes, right? But, unfortunately, according to this Fatwa, the muslim women can not be naked in front of non-msulim women or women with lesbian tendencies, so that plan is all shot to shit. Can you imagine if that wasn't the case? Men all over the world would be converting like that!

And as far the implication to us as a good ole isalmic society, one has to realize that this means that the majority of women are sinning without even knowing, and some of them who do know can't even help it. Just think about it: Female Bathrooms and Locker-rooms. It's used by both Muslim and christian women, which means that there are many muslim girls who were described by their evil christian counterparts to strange men, because, u know, they have nothing better to do with their time. This also means that in a true Islamic society, there would have to be separate changing rooms and bathrooms for Muslim and Non-Muslim females in every sporting club, Gym, restaurant and public Place. Just imagine: A nice lil sign next to the bathroom that says "Muslims only" next to it, or "No non-muslims allowed". Yes. That's the way to do it, and until we do this we are just freakin western-wannabe heathens who don't care about the honor and modesty of our women.

On another note, can you imagine what Human rights organizations, or CAIR, would do if in a western country there was a bathroom- we are not even talking cafe here, a bathroom- with a "No Muslims allowed" or "Non-Muslims only" sign next to it?

Hmm… 

No Mo Bears for you

The Sudanese authorities has foiled another  western conspiracy against Islam by arresting a British teacher who wanted to insult the Holy Prophet Mohamed. The devious lady- who must be secretly a jew-did so by taking a vote in class over the naming of a teddy bear, and asking the children to name him their most favorite name, knowing that they would all chose Mohamed. And the poor little Tykes, not knowing the grievous sin they are committing, did end up naming him that. Can you imagine a worst offense than naming a cuddly cute toy Mohamed? Our Prophet isn't cuddly. He is Fierce and strong, like Lion. Or, or, Stalin. YEAH!

Thankfully the very alert Sudanese authorities have sprung into action and arrested that evil quite-possibly-jewish zionist imperialist Islam-hating wench, who is now facing either 6 months in jail, 40 lashes or a fine. I say lash her 80 lashes and then cut off her head, for naming the teddy bear Mohamed AND for teaching the children to vote. Insulting the Prophet is bad enough, but teaching the kids the democratic process, that's just downright unforgivable!

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